Chapter Text
Toph didn’t think she would ever know what made her do it. When she broke down that door and Kanto was tied to that chair, every thought emptied out except for him. She couldn’t reach him fast enough It was like she had been waiting a lifetime to feel his lips on hers, but she couldn’t remember ever thinking it before.
Everything after had been equally unexpected but oddly familiar, like her subconscious had known all along. From the wildest first date ever to the quiet ones that came after.
He was certainly the strangest man she’d ever dated when it came to sex. He seemed to be waiting for something, which confused Toph. She had finally gotten up the nerve to ask Katara about it, since she was pretty good with interpreting people, and she had explained that he was probably waiting for her. Toph had never thought of that. That very night, she had made it clear to him that he needn’t wait any longer. He was so gentle that first time. She had never felt so connected to someone, so in sync. It only served to solidify her growing feelings of certainty that she wanted to be with him, and only him.
She remembered the first time she had met him. Well, not exactly met, but noticed. She had made a trip to the Academy to check on the recruits. It seemed to keep things running better if she showed up unannounced to check on things, and it was fun to make them all squirm for a couple of days.
After observing some training classes and meeting with the squad leaders, she had gone out to the sparring grounds to see them for herself. One of them caught her attention right away. He was almost teasing his opponent. She could tell that he could easily end the match, but he was holding back. What made her focus on him was his seeming anticipation of his opponent’s moves. It was the one thing she hammered into the instructors and squad leaders over and over again, to wait and listen before attacking. This one was doing it like he had been his whole life.
“Who is that over there?” she’d asked the instructor she was dragging around with her.
“That’s Kanto. I could have graduated him six months ago, but he’s handy to have around to challenge the other recruits.”
“How does he do that?” She was still keeping an eye on him, so to speak.
“Do what?”
“He’s anticipating his opponent’s moves. I’ve never met anyone who could do it quite like that. Except me, of course.” She laughed once at her own joke.
“Oh, that. He says he can sense their movements through the ground, but not like waves like other people describe. Something about particles and I get lost after that. It doesn’t make sense to me, but it does to him, and it serves him well, as you can see.”
“What kind of a recruit is he?”
“Bit of a lady’s man and a rule breaker.”
“Arrogant?”
“It’s more like he’s so good at it, he’s bored. He respects the others and when they come to him for advice, he gives it. Everyone loves him. He’s also a little bit older, so they tend to look up to him. He’s a super nice guy.”
Toph stopped and observed him for a minute longer. “I want him on my roster next month.”
She could hear the disappointment in the instructor’s voice when they responded, “Of course, Chief.”
Toph turned to them and said, “Next time, don’t hold talented people hostage because you need a punching bag. I need good officers more.”
The instructor actually sounded quite humble when they replied, “Yes, Chief. Sorry, Chief.”
Toph smiled to show she wasn’t angry. “It’s okay. I probably would have done the same thing.” She could sense the instructor smile. As she walked away, she couldn’t help but appreciate Kanto’s heartbeat. It was slow and steady, even in the ring. He was in control. She just hoped he could stay that way when he was in actual danger.
Over the years, he proved himself equal to the task, and for more reasons than one, she had mentally placed him on what the officers jokingly referred to as her personal squad. She wasn’t supposed to know they called it that, but she kind of liked it, and it wasn’t untrue, so she just ran with it. Basically, if something needed to be done, they were the first out the door.
Because they worked so closely together, they had become friends and then suddenly going over reports and plans had much less to do with the actual reports and plans and more to do with just talking and laughing.
Then almost overnight, it seemed, he was living with her and she had never felt so at home in her life. She couldn’t quite understand why he loved her, but he did. It wasn’t lost on her how she could be. Unyielding, irritable, distant, sarcastic. He didn’t see those things, though. He only saw how they helped her do her job better, which she had never thought about. He saw her differently than anyone else ever had. She could just be herself around him, both in the field and at home. After a year and a half, she couldn’t see her life any other way.
Kanto was on a stakeout, but he was late coming home. She wasn’t worried, and she had been abnormally tired lately, so she went to bed.
She jerked awake several hours later, propping herself up on one elbow. One of the disadvantages of being blind was that sounds were sometimes out of proportion. It didn’t happen a lot, but living in the city didn’t help. The noise must have been short-lived because it was now quiet outside the open window.
Kanto now lay beside her. The steady beat of his heart soothed her. She lay back down and tried to relax. As she reached up and rubbed her eyes, something made her stop mid-rub. She had heard something. Or felt something. She couldn’t exactly tell. Her concentration shifted as she put her arm down. It was still quiet outside. Kanto wasn’t making any noise. It was probably her imagination. She began to drift back to sleep.
Just as she was about to slip back into sweet oblivion, she realized what the noise was. She sat bolt upright in bed, breathless with the shock. Her hand moved to her stomach. A heartbeat. For a moment, she had hoped that it wasn’t what she thought, but there it was, like a tiny drum, beating out a rhythm on top of her own. She sat frozen, her hand still on her stomach, until Kanto spoke.
“You okay?” he asked groggily.
“I’m fine, I just heard a noise. Go back to sleep.”
He turned back over and his breathing slowed again. There was no way she was getting back to sleep now, so she made her way to the kitchen to make some tea. With her feet on the ground, she felt more steady. She always did.
She bent the spark stones over the burner and filled the teapot, then leaned against the counter as she waited. Her thoughts were swirling around in her mind so much she hadn’t heard Kanto approaching. She jumped when he gently touched her arm.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.” he said. “You sure you’re okay? You only make tea when you need an extra bit of comfort.”
She frowned. “I’m fine, I just couldn’t get back to sleep after that noise startled me. I thought some tea would help me calm down.” She reached up and ran a hand through her hair without realizing it.
“Okay. I’ll finish the tea. You go sit down and relax.”
She folded her arms and scowled at him, instantly defensive. “I’m perfectly capable of making the tea,” she huffed.
“I have no doubt.” he said as he rubbed her arm. “You said you wanted something to help calm you down. I thought maybe if you went and sat down at the table and relaxed then you might start to feel better.”
He had her, and she knew it, but she wasn’t going to let him win that easily. She reached behind her and grabbed the pot of tea leaves, handing it to him not quite as gently as she probably should have.
“Stop smirking,” she told him.
“I only smirk out of love.” He took her face in his free hand and kissed her.
She suddenly needed to be close to him. He hadn’t kept a shirt on when he climbed into bed, so she wrapped her arms around his broad chest and laid her ear right above his heart, listening. He put down the pot of leaves and wrapped his arms around her. In the silence, the now three heartbeats almost seemed to beat in unison. Her anxiety only grew.
Eventually, Kanto said, “The water is boiling.” The words rumbled in his chest. She gave him one last squeeze before releasing him and sitting down at the table.
In truth, Kanto made the worst tea Toph had ever tasted, and that was saying something, because she had tasted Zuko’s tea. She had practiced drinking it with a straight face, so he had no idea. Tonight, she wasn’t really in the mood for it, but she appreciated his efforts. He could see something wasn’t right, and he knew she wouldn’t want to talk about it just now. It was his way of helping when he couldn’t do much else in the moment.
He brought the tea over and poured his own cup, then hesitated, waiting to see if she would want to pour her own. She couldn’t help but smile, then held her cup out. He filled it and then sat down, taking her hand in his. They sat in companionable silence. She didn’t realize she was holding so tight to his hand until she had drained her cup and thought about going back to bed.
“You feeling better?” he asked.
“Yeah, I am,” she replied, and she meant it. She stood and led him back to bed, then snuggled up to him, laying her head on his chest. The three heartbeats eventually grew quiet enough for her to drift off to sleep.
She awoke a few hours later when Kanto stirred.
“Good morning, Beautiful,” he said, then kissed her forehead. He always had something equally sappy to greet her with in the morning, which she found both annoying and endearing at the same time.
“Mh,” was all she could muster in return. She still lay with her head on his chest, so he tried nudging her, but she wasn’t having any of it. She simply responded with, “Hm-mm.”
He responded by sliding out from underneath her so that she fell right onto the sheets where he had lain seconds before. The sheets were warm, and she breathed in his scent. He leaned down and kissed her on the temple, since that’s all he could reach, then chuckled when she sighed contentedly.
“You want some breakfast?” he asked.
“Yeah,” she responded, though it was muffled with her face half buried in the sheets.
“I’m going to assume that was a ‘yes’,” he replied, laughing.
She heard him make his way into the kitchen and start making breakfast.
“You want some tea?” he called.
“No,” she called back. One cup of his tea per day was quite enough.
As the fog of sleepiness dissipated, she remembered the middle of the night, and what had caused their impromptu tea party. There it was, beating away inside of her. Her apprehension returned.
She considered for a moment what was causing the apprehension. Mostly the fact that she had never seen herself as a mother. It wasn’t something she had ever thought about at all, let alone whether she wanted it or not. The time had come, apparently.
The more she thought about it, the less apprehensive she became, because it wasn’t just her becoming a mother, it was Kanto being the father. She could imagine him laughing and playing with their baby, making sappy baby sounds as they giggled. A smile crept across her face without her realizing it as she allowed herself a moment to imagine herself in that role, with Kanto standing by. She realized that although becoming a mother was freaking her out more than anything else ever had, there was room for happiness even amid the anxiety and uncertainty. Perhaps it wasn’t just her becoming a mother to consider, but starting a family with Kanto. That sounded like something she could get on board with.
She allowed herself another sigh before climbing out of bed and getting dressed. As she listened to Kanto in the kitchen, she suddenly wondered if there were things she shouldn’t be eating now. That was definitely a question for Katara, among other things. By the time she made her way out into the kitchen, there was already a plate on the table for her. She paused to hug him from behind, just to feel her face against his, then sat down.
Katara had talked about feeling sick while she was pregnant, so Toph was really glad that wasn’t the case as she started on Kanto’s offering. She could feel him watching her. A part of her wanted to just blurt it out, but she decided to wait. It wasn’t the right time. The shock was still wearing off for her, and she wanted to be able to share in the excitement without being distracted by her own reservations. No, she would tell him soon, but now, she just wanted to sit quietly with him and enjoy being together.
All day, she did her best to avoid being distracted, but it was near impossible. Kanto disappeared halfway through the day, which was very unusual. The officer that sat next to him said that a family member had come to get him. He said it sounded like bad news, but he hadn’t heard enough to know exactly. That made her worried, but she knew Kanto would tell her when he was ready. She decided not to get too worried until she knew exactly what was going on, but she also couldn’t shake the feeling that whatever it was, things were about to change more than even she anticipated.
Toph decided to go home early, to wait for Kanto. As she sat there, waiting for him, she decided that she wanted to tell him about the heartbeat. Her fear was turning into excitement, the more she thought about it.
The evening turned into night, and Kanto still had not come home. Even though she was dead tired, she stayed up, waiting. After she climbed into bed, she still couldn’t get to sleep, she just lay there with the heartbeat as company, her ears waiting to hear his footsteps on the stairs. When they finally came, she threw the blankets off and rushed out to meet him.
The second he stepped through the door, though, she stopped. He wasn’t even walking like he normally did. His shoulders were hunched, and his head was turned toward the floor. His heartbeat was erratic. The smile faded from her lips.
“Kanto?” she said. “What’s wrong?”
He removed his armor and said, “It’s my dad. There was an accident at the ranch. He didn’t make it.” He took one ragged breath before breaking out in a sob.
She hurried forward, standing on her tiptoes so that she could hold him tighter. He held her tightly in return and she could feel his body shake against hers. Eventually, the tears stopped and his heartbeat evened out. He released her.
“I have to go home,” was all he said.
She took his hand. “Oh. Right. I’ll go with you. You shouldn’t have to go through this alone.”
“No, Toph. I mean I have to go home and take over the ranch.”
She furrowed her brow, comprehension dawning. “Oh.” Her mind was racing, but really there was only one thing she wanted right then.
“Toph, I can’t stay here. I have to go take over the ranch. There’s no one else. I can’t let my father’s work die.”
Of course he would feel such an obligation to his family. He always had. A trip to his hometown had been discussed, even, so that she could meet them. She couldn’t quite put herself in his shoes, but she could understand it. That understanding gave her the strength to say what came next. “Well, what if I-”
But he cut her off. “I know it’s no use asking you to come with me.”
Those abrupt words cut her like a knife. She took a step back. “Excuse me?”
“You would never leave Republic City. It’s your legacy. I won’t ask you to give that up.”
She had to make him understand. “What if you don’t ask? What if-”
Once again, he didn’t let her finish. His voice was actually louder and more harsh when he said, “No. Your place is here. I don’t want you to resent me when you find out what it’s really like there.”
The heartbeat was drowning out almost all other sounds. “Kanto, I-”
His voice had returned to normal, at least, when he cut her off again. “I just need to grab some things and then I’ll be on my way.”
Her breaths were coming in sharp gasps. She swallowed hard to force the lump that had formed back down her throat, but tears filled her eyes anyways. Almost unbidden, the part of her that had always kept herself safe from moments like this took over, and she felt her own face harden. “Well, don’t let me stop you.” She stepped to the side and folded her arms. He moved past her into the bedroom, where she heard him gathering his things.
She couldn’t move. She couldn’t breathe. She was barely even aware of her surroundings for a moment. The heartbeat was thundering in her ears, as if to say, don’t let him leave without knowing about me. As she replayed the conversation, though, she realized that he had made not only his decision, but hers, too. Did he not trust her to love him more than being Chief? That thought stung more than his words.
He said he didn’t want her to resent him for taking her away from Republic City. The realization hit that if she told him about the heartbeat, he would stay, and then he might resent her for keeping him from his family. Would the prospect of a new family with her be enough? It didn’t seem like it. She hung her head as she made the decision to keep her secret.
He came out of the bedroom and stopped when he was facing her again. “Toph, I’m-”
“Don’t you dare finish that sentence.” She wouldn’t let him say those words. “Just don’t. If you’re leaving, then leave.”
He moved toward her, reaching out, but she simply stepped away from him, then turned and went into the bedroom. There was silence for a moment, then his footsteps went to the door. He opened it but paused.
“I love you, Toph Beifong.”
Then the door shut and he was gone.
The pain and confusion and anger and frustration, and even the excitement that had been growing since the previous night, all seemed to bubble to the surface at once, and the tears just wouldn’t stop coming. Eventually she didn’t even have the energy to sit up, so she laid down and cried herself to sleep, where her dreams were unrecognizable, until it all disappeared except for his heartbeat.