Work Text:
jeff.
Maya stands in front of engine 19, sweat dripping from her brow from the double house fire she and the team just put out, and leans against the firetruck for support. Her friend’s scrutiny weighs almost as heavy on her as her gear.
“What?” Vic, Travis and Jack share skeptical looks. “You know I’m right, if I can take care of this little guy then, well … maybe I’ll know if I’m ready for a kid or not.”
The goldendoodle in question paws at her turnouts and buries it’s tiny head into Maya’s neck as if she too agrees with Maya’s decision. And look, they’re already in sync.
Travis bumps Vic’s shoulder encouraging her to say something - anything - to talk some sense into the blonde. She in turn nudges Jack, not as discreetly as they’d like as the lieutenant begrudgingly steps up to the plate; at a loss on how to proceed.
“Maya, listen-”
“Children are not animals!” Vic blurts.
From a distance Beckett calls for everyone to wrap it up. It’s time to head back to the station now that the scene has been properly cleared and statements taken. Maya turns to get in the truck, careful of the tiny life in her hands. The little ball of fur had luck on her side today being the only rescue in one of the two abandoned houses 19 pulled up to. Her light brown fur and big brown eyes make a perfect mixture of adorableness, a trait, apparently strong enough to crack Maya’s demeanor when Ben volunteers to drop her off at a shelter later on tonight when they’re off duty.
“Look, we’re not saying having a dog is bad,” Travis says from the driver seat, voice neutral through the headphones as he continues, “we just think using it as a deciding factor on whether you’ll make a good mother or not isn’t the brightest idea.”
“Kids need more than the bare minimum.” Vic tacks on. Jack keeps quiet on comms next to her even though Maya can tell he has an opinion. “And I know I’m not a parent, but I do help with Pru on a consistent basis and I’m telling you right now, it can be a lot. Way more than feeding, clothing, and sheltering. Kids need attention, love, patience-”
“Sounds similar to me.” Vic grumbles at Maya’s retort.
“You know what I mean.”
“Then what are you saying, that I’m not capable of those things?” Because it sure as hell sounds like it. Maya turns in her seat and stares down Vic’s reflection in the rearview mirror. To her credit the firefighter doesn’t back down.
“You know that’s not what we’re saying.”
“Maya.” Jack intervenes. “We just don’t want you to be disillusioned. Sure, things are going to pop up with the added responsibility but having a kid can’t and won’t compare to anything else. We just want to make sure you’re not trying so hard because it’s what Carina wants. Don’t try to force it if you’re not 100% sure you’re committed.”
Maya looks down at the curly ball of fur in her hands, dark eyes stare back at her innocently and snuggles closer to her chest. Using her as a test for motherhood may seem like a far stretch and may not be her brightest moment but at least she can say with confidence, this dog needs Maya, and most importantly Maya needs her. She runs her hand through fur and the tiny body that fits perfectly in her palm sags heavily against her, and Maya knows deep down she’s making the right decision. “I’m positive.”
“So, what’re you going to name her?”
Travis and Maya look on as the tiny canine sniffs her way around the beanery. Her legs are wobbly and from what Ben can tell (from his very limited experience), the pup is only a couple days old, two weeks max. By the looks of it she’s still trying to figure out her motor skills and trying to understand perception, evident by the constant bumping into table legs and chairs. For a minute Maya thinks she may have to rescue her from the never-ending maze she’s created for herself under the dining table when she figures her way out.
“I don’t really have a name for her yet, thought I’d leave it up to the wife.”
“Have you told her yet?”
“… no.”
Travis nods, holding his judgment in for later. “Does she even want a dog?”
“She never said she didn’t.”
“Mhm. Mhmmmm.” There it is. Maya sighs, scooping the puppy up along with her work bag. She refuses to be pessimistic about this. Pup DeLuca-Bishop is a good thing. They’ll see.
“What if she’s not a dog person?” Travis’s voice follows her as she heads towards the exit and Maya’s quick to reply.
“Well, we’re definitely not cat people.” That would be absurd.
The drive home is quick but once she pulls into her driveway, she realizes she has no supplies for pup Bishop-DeLuca. Not even a dry bone for her to gnaw on so after a quick Google search, she finds the nearest Pet’s Mart and makes the twenty-minute drive uptown. Whatever Vic said about pets not being the same as children is crazy talk. Not only has she dropped a cool $300 on the newest part of her family, she also set up regularly scheduled vet appointments for checkups and got her an appointment to take the required shots for this weekend. Plus, as it turns out Maya needs to get her insured, possibly chipped.
“Pets not being kids my ass.”
Maya waits outside when they arrive home a second time as the puppy takes initiative using the bathroom on the little strip of grass in front of the townhouse, and if that’s not a good sign of a happy healthy relationship going forward Maya doesn’t know what is. After a short tour around the house, Maya gets her setup placing the dog bed at the foot of her and Carina’s bed, a giant blue pillow in the living room and two pails in the kitchen at the end of the counter. See, even her stuff doesn’t take up much space. It’s nearly unnoticeable.
She’s going to prove Vic wrong if it’s the last-
“Ciao Bella, I’m ho- ooop !” Small crash, “Maya!”
Pup Bishop-DeLuca yips happily at the presence of a new person to greet and Maya stumbles into the foyer to find her wife plastered to the front door and the puppy eagerly climbing her leg.
“Maya..?”
The blonde scoops her up and kisses her wife hello as Carina waits for an explanation.
“How do you feel about adopting a dog?”
“Maya.” Picking up her work bag, the doctor bypasses her wife and the dog, heading for their bedroom. The blonde and her companion hot on her heels; the firefighter stumbling into her back when Carina stops abruptly at the sight of the doggie bed at the foot of theirs.
“Perché mi sembra che tu abbia già preso quella decisione da solo?”
Maya is still working on her Italian but she can tell by the tired, disapproving tone it’s not good.
“Uh .. I was gonna call but then I got caught up with making appointments and - and trying to figure out what her healthiest dietary op-”
“Non pensavi di chiamare prima di tutto questo?”
Call? Call. Oh! “… sorry.”
A tiny yip sounds from the cradle of her arms and Carina’s tired eyes fall to the tiny furball in Maya’s hands, she softens. Slightly. Hard brown eyes find worried blue ones, and puffs out a sigh.
“I’m going to take a shower, and then we’re going to talk about this.”
Maya gulps, nods.
Pup Bishop-DeLuca and Maya wait quietly as the Mrs. of the house scrubs a hard day of work away. And Maya’s not one hundred percent sure how animals work but if the puppy’s anything like her then her anxiety must be through the roof. After their one sided conversation (as Carina so actively pointed out) about having kids Maya’s been kinda tense.
Overly stressed. Worried.
Absolutely terrified Carina will decide their marriage (and she) isn't worth it. Realistically she knows it's not true. Carina loves all of her even the fucked up parts she tries to keep away from her wife yet, crippling doubt still lays there.
What her friends said is true, a pet will never replace Carina’s desire to be a mother but she's hoping it's a start. Maya hopes this is a step in the right direction to show Carina she at least wants to try.
The shower cuts off.
Maya straightens her spine and pup Bishop-DeLuca cuddles into her side more, almost as if she too can feel what’s coming and starts preparing for the worst. Maya rubs her underbelly, hoping it’ll sooth her as they wait.
They’ll be okay. Adopting a puppy is not that big a deal.
“Simmer down bambina.” The elegant sauve voice of her wife appears before the Italian emerges from the bathroom. Steam from the shower wafts in behind her as she does so in one of Maya’s Station 19 t-shirts and nothing else. “You always think too loud.”
“Sorry.”
The brunette tilts her head, sighing and corrects. “Do not apologize.” It's not like she can help it, they're sorta kinda fighting right now, and Maya’s tired of inadvertently upsetting her wife.
All because she's not wired right.
Carina takes the space beside her, eliminating any gaps and wraps one arm around Maya and runs her other hand through the dog's fur.
“Are you mad?” Maya can't help ponder aloud.
“Why would I be mad? Surprised, si. I wasn't expecting this piccolo walking through the door but I'm not mad, Maya.”
Maya shrugs, unsure which side is up lately. All she can think about is how unfit, and overbearing she'd be as a mother. The last thing she wants is to be the rotten apple that fell from the tree her dad planted. What if her kid hated her or god forbid didn't feel anything at all … it’d destroy her. At least hate is an emotion. She’s been hated both professionally and personally before - she can deal with hate. You can fix hate.
But nothing. You can’t repair what isn't there. She should know, she feels nothing for Lane.
Carina hand brushes along with hers, “what’s its name?” Maya lifts her shoulder in another shrug.
“I was hoping you’d do the honors.” Pup Bishop-DeLuca is out like a light as her new owners graze her, Maya can't say she blames her. Carina tends to have a soothing affect on people … and now animals it would seem.
The doctor hums, tucking her chin into the space where Maya’s neck curves into her shoulder. “Continui a sorprendermi.”
“How so?”
“You did this for me, yes?”
“For us.”
“Tell me why bambina.”
“Because I love you. I want to make you happy. This is the only way I know how.” Two years ago she'd never admit to the quiver in her voice. A quiver wouldn't exist in the first place. “I - I,” she breathes. Say it . It’s okay to admit her fears and be open with Carina, she wants her to. “I don't want to lose you.”
Arms tighten around her waist, Carina hugging her from behind now. “Oh bella. I'm not with you for babies. We’re together because we love each other, yes?” Off Maya’s confirming nod she kisses the firefighters shoulder and says, “then that’s all I need. Please bella, do not force yourself like the peg into the hole for me, all I need is you.”
“But what about what you want? I feel like I'm always taking from you. I almost ruined our relationship twice."
“And I’ve forgiven you for both.”
Frustration bubbles inside the blonde, “that's just it!” Maya lays the puppy down as she stands and paces.
“I basically forced your hand at marriage-”
“That’s a stretch, bambina. I proposed to you.”
“After I threatened to break up with you because the government couldn't renew your visa. I mean the world’s in fucking chaos and I’m too selfish to understand it’s not about my needs.” She’s spiraling now. The floodgates have opened and she can't stop. “And I’m doing it all over again, with this,” she points to the puppy slightly stirring awake, “and by keeping you away from something as wonderful as being a mother.”
Carina is going to be a beautiful mother. Maya can tell, she’s so loving and giving and such a fucking badass - there’s nothing Carina DeLuca can’t do. Any kid should be so lucky to have Carina as their mother.
“I couldn't even stop to ask if you wanted a dog!”
Taking her hands, Carina pulls Maya in; away from the metaphorical ledge she’s inches away from tossing herself off of. “Listen, bambina.” She tugs until watery blue eyes find hers. “If I didn't want to be here, right now as your moglie, I wouldn't be. I choose this life with you, everyday, because you're all I want. You're all I need. Would a piccolo with your fierce personality be the cream on the cake, si. But it is only because I love you so much, mi amore. What could be better than loving two Maya Bishop-DeLuca’s?”
Maya puffs, throat tight and dangerously close to becoming a sobbing mess. Being in love is turning her into a sap. She hates (loves) it.
“I know children are on the table for discussion, I know you're not ready-”
“I want to be.” Maya sniffs.
“Yeah?” Carina smiles, tugging her wife closer by the hips and the blonde nods, wiping rogue tears away.
“Yeah, that's why I brought the puppy home.” Sheepishly she admits, “I thought it'd make good practice.” When her wife’s beautiful smile appears at its max, Maya's heart speeds up.
“I figured.”
“I should've called and given you a heads up.” Carina nods. “But I got excited.” The Italian squeezes her hips, prodding her to continue. “And I know a dog isnt the same as having a kid but - Carina. I want what you want. I want us to have the family you dreamed of.”
“For me or for you?”
“Can it be both?”
Carina nods. “Si, bella. And just so you know, you will make the best mother.” Carina must see the doubt creeping on her face, “bambina, there is no one as loving and protective as you. Our future little one, and,” Carina happily scratches at the tiny dog that’s wandered into her lap, “our cucciola here will prove what I already see in you. Fidati di me.” Maya retakes her seat and leans into her wife.
“I hope you're right.” Carina chuckles.
“When am I ever wrong?”
Calm for the first time since she worked herself up, Maya tiredly smirks, exhaustion starting to settle in after a long day and high emotions but watching her wife coo over the newest member of their family is worth blinking the lethargy away. “What should we name her?”
After a second to contemplate, Carina cocks her head from one side to the other, studying the goldendoodle intently.
“How about … Jeff.”
“Jeff? It’s a girl,” at least that's what Ben told her. Carina cradles the dog, holding it up and away for further inspection by the married couple.
“Yeah, I know but she looks like a Jeff, no?”
The firefighter studies the dog again, the happy expression plastered across it’s face; tongue wagging lazily out of her mouth. And yeah, she can see it. “Welcome to the family, Jeff.”