Work Text:
You knew it was coming, but what you didn’t know was how fast it would come.
Connor had told you time and time again that he was just a prototype. And that he couldn’t ever give you the exact date he could live up to. If he ever got hurt, you would have to scavenge to find spare parts that would be compatible with his own that got damaged.
But what was to happen if it was something vital?
Kamski never dropped the full blueprints for the RK800 line, so what would happen?
Connor realized he should’ve started paying more attention then. To all those questions you’d ask, he’d always give you the same answer.
“Darling, I promise nothing like that will ever happen.” Connor would always reassure you as you sobbed into his arms during the late nights. You’d always ask the “what if” questions, and it would always hurt you in the end.
Now Connor is the one hurting, as he realizes fragments of things in his system were starting to go.
The first day it happened, it was Connor going to the store. Then coming back home, spending time with you only to say he needed to go to the store to grab something that he just came home from getting.
“Con, isn’t that what you left for?” You asked suspiciously.
“What?” He paused in his motions of getting up.
“You just got home like an hour ago. From grabbing what you said we needed.” You looked into his brown eyes as confusion etched onto his features.
“Oh, right I’m… sorry it slipped my mind. Got a lot of things going on, you know?” He said, settling back down next to you as you laughed and shrugged it off.
He was right. He was always busy. There’s a lot of things he thinks about, and deviancy plays a part. It was totally possible for a state of the art android to forget what he just did.
An hour ago.
It was definitely normal for Connor to be making this mistake, all the time.
Him showing up at home way earlier than expected and realizing why did he come home in the first place ? You were talking to him, and he was sure he was listening, but he couldn't reply to your questions as he’s suddenly asking you to repeat what you’d just said.
Day by day, these things were starting to get progressively worse.
At work he couldn’t even perform correctly. Trying to put case clues together, and forgetting any lead that he had thought of leaving him completely in the dark at all times. It had gotten to the point where he had to write everything down, with a frustrated sigh, just to get a grip.
Now he stood in your bedroom, trying to remember exactly why he was in here.
Why was he here? Why was he even at home? Doesn’t he have work to get to? What time was it?
Now looking around in the bedroom for another reason. He had to go to work. He hoped he wouldn’t be late. God only knows what Hank would do if Connor showed up late. Dashing back out of the room he hurriedly grabbed things he could.
“Connor? What are you doing?” You asked, watching him maneuver around the house. “I have- I have to go to work. I’m probably already late.” He paced around trying to search for…. what?
“Oh, did you get called in?” You knew it could happen sometimes but rarely did it ever happen this late at night.
“What? No, I’ve got that… case I have to do. I can’t waste all day, I really have to get going and I can’t find-“ He paused in his speech still looking in random places.
Waste all day…? It was nine at night .
“Are you alright?” You spoke into the silence that slowly settled into the house.
“I’m fine, dear. Really, I just have to get going.” Connor looked at you with his signature smile. It made your heart break. “You know how Hank is with me. I’m late one time and I’m teased for the rest of the week.”
You almost stopped breathing.
Hank.
Was this a sick joke?
“Connor…” You walked up to him, while he still ransacked through the drawers. “Con, honey-“ You started but he wouldn’t stop. “Connor!” He slowly stopped but didn’t dare turn to you.
Your eyes started watering. “Connor, Hanks… you know Hank isn’t here anymore.” Your voice wavered as he stood ramrod straight. Hands gripping the countertop.
“You’re lying.” He said softly as you shook your head. “Why would I lie about that? I know how much…” Then it hit you.
Why was he trying to go into work, still thinking it was morning when he just worked a twelve hour day? Why was it so hard for him to go to the grocery store and fail to pick up what you always needed? Why couldn’t he go into the bedroom just a few minutes ago to grab what you’d asked him to grab. Why was he always writing things down to remember when he was the smartest android you knew.
Why didn't he remember Hank?
Why. Why? Why?
You reached your hand out to grab his shoulder but he harshly turned around. “Why are you lying about that? Why would you…. How could you even dare to say that to me?” He said with venom. “You…”
He stopped and then he really looked at you. Your eyes are full of tears, your shaking form.
You weren’t lying.
Realization hit him that you weren’t lying and he had forgotten Hank died .
“Connor… Connor what’s going on with you?” You gently said, reaching for his trembling hands.
He knows. He just can’t say it.
“I know you… I know you said that- that you wouldn’t have a lot of time. Because you’re not a finished android, right? Do you remember that?” You were speaking to him so soft it was almost like he couldn’t hear you at all. Almost like he was a child, who was going to break down any second if you said the wrong thing.
He nodded, vaguely recalling the time he’d told you. But it seemed gray and almost melted in with his other memories.
Like a photo that had gotten water on it, and smeared all the ink.
“Did they ever say to you that you might,” You swallowed as if you couldn’t even finish the sentence. “You might get memory loss when you start to go?”
“No.” Connor said, not even knowing what exactly he was saying no for.
“No it’s, it’s too soon there’s… That’s impossible.” He didn’t move his gaze up from where your hands were conjoined. “I know it could happen any time. I know that but I- I can’t just… It's not time! There’s so much I have left to do with you and… and for me!” He was rambling and couldn’t even stop himself, he knew he wasn’t making sense. But you’d managed to understand him.
Understand him for how he’s feeling. And understand that he doesn’t have much longer.
“I know. I know-“ He cut you off tearing his hands out of yours and started pacing. “No! You don’t! You don’t understand!” His voice cracked and you swallowed harshly.
Connor went to speak but he couldn’t. He didn’t have anything left to say. He couldn’t say anything.
“Is there any way to help you?” You said and he shook his head staring into the ground. It was a dumb question to even ask. You knew there was nothing to help him internally. The only way would have been to have Kamski release those finished RK800 prints.
And Kamski was dead. Everything that he once had, had been scrapped.
Everything that could have saved Connor from reaching this point, was gone.
You went to grab a piece of paper. Scribbling things on it as Connor watched in confusion. You handed him the piece with your name, a date, and what you did for work. Who you were to him.
“Please… please don’t forget me.” You said as he held tightly onto the paper. He nodded, slipping the paper into his pocket.
What he couldn’t bear to tell you was that he didn’t even recognize the date you’d scratched on the paper.
You knew the date. You should know it. Connor knew it very well.
It was your birthday.
Forgetting you already had set in. And there was nothing he could do to stop it.
Everyday, he started getting worse. His systems are acting more sluggish than ever. Some days he wouldn’t even want to move. And other times he wouldn’t even accept your help, because he couldn’t recognize who you were.
But there were good moments. The moments where he still seemed fine. Where you’d spend time together like the first few years you were together.
When you’d told him to look at a strange little piece of paper and he saw your name, and saw the words “lover” underneath it. He knew you were his lover.
But that was only because you reminded him.
It hurt you the day he forgot. The day you showed him the paper and he asked “who is this?”. He knew you lived with him, but he couldn’t remember your name. Always just engaging in a conversation that he had twenty minutes ago with you and never addressing you personally. Just… started talking. The thing you missed most, was when he’d called you darling.
And you always listened. Because soon, you wouldn’t have these conversations.
Soon came faster than you’d expected. You used to wake up in the morning, and loved seeing Connor in the living room reading a book he told you he loved. He read it 8 times that week. He wouldn’t come lay down with you anymore. And you didn’t press. He didn’t know any better, and that was okay.
Your heart bloomed with dull pain. Your eyes burned as you looked at the picture frame that had you and Connor in it on his now empty nightstand.
It was okay.