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“I like you.”
Those three words had plagued the seer ever since the very moment of its declaration. Norton’s expression was rather expectant with a faint blush forming on his cheeks. Due to his nervousness, he couldn’t help but fiddle with his own fingers as his dark eyes darted basically everywhere.
Hearing those coming out of the prospector’s lips at the outdoor garden as the glistening light of the moon towered over them was the last thing he had expected to happen while inside the manor after being trapped for so long.
It was also the last thing he wanted.
“I, uhm,” Eli struggled for the right words to say. Even though his blindfold had obscured the other a view of his eyes, he still averted his gaze as his fingers unconsciously reached out to the engagement ring on his left hand he didn’t bother to remove.
He thought about finally removing it for closure, he thought about it many times. It never left his mind, in fact it even tormented his thoughts. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t remove it for he didn’t have enough courage nor bravery to do so. It made him feel frustrated at himself for being such a coward.
The prospector quickly noticed the action and begun babbling once more, “O-oh, I don’t mind if you don’t return it. I just wanted to let you know, since I know about your past relationship before coming to the manor.”
Eli thought that Norton was being too nice and too considerate for his own good. For being able to withstand rejection and heartbreak in almost an instant, it amazed the seer. It amazed him on how emotionally strong he was.
Unlike him.
His lips repressed into a thin line as he furrowed his eyebrows together. A nasty emotion was starting to brew inside of his chest, a feeling he did not fully understand why he was experiencing it. A feeling that brought dread and agony.
Eli felt pissed at Norton.
However, he had no reason to be. In fact, he had no right to feel such negative emotions towards someone who just admitted he had romantic feelings for him. So, why? Why was he agitated at the prospector in front of him with sparkling eyes instead of the usual empty one?
Eli seemed to be envious. Undeniably, he was envious of the man. He was envious of his…
Rich emotions.
“Norton.” Eli finally spoke after a long period of silence. The other’s body immediately tensed up upon the mention of his name, face perking up and it seemed like all of his attention was directed at the seer. “Would you believe me if I told you I feel the same?”
The prospector was left speechless. Eyes gradually widening as his jaw dropped, the heat rising up to his cheeks and butterflies in his stomach going batshit crazy. He attempted to speak but he stuttered a lot resulting for his words to come out as gibberish.
“W-why?” was the only word he could muster to say. He had so many questions that formed in his mind though. Questions like Do you really like me? and Is it romantic feelings or platonic ones? and even…
What about Gertrude?
“I don’t know.” Eli answered, bringing his gaze down once more unable to look at the honest eyes of the former miner. “You made me feel… good things over the past few months. So, I guess in a way, I do return your feelings. I think.”
It was true. Norton did made Eli feel things he never felt for a long time ever since his fiancée. Eli still loved Gertrude but at the same time he also liked Norton. Was he cheating on the woman he swore he would love with all his heart until the end of time? Perhaps he was. Did he feel bad about it?
No. No, he did not.
“But,” Eli spoke once more when Campbell didn’t utter a single word after the seer’s confession. He played with his golden engagement ring, twisting it to the point it slightly burned his skin due to the cramped friction. “Gertrude would be my last relationship due to many personal reasons. I hope you understand.”
“Oh.” Norton said. He did his best not to look that disappointed, covering it with a fake grin as he chuckled. “That’s fine. It’s not like being in a relationship with you is all I want. Just spending time with you and acknowledging my feelings is enough.”
Eli did notice that the older man was indeed masking that he was upset with the statement by suddenly being overjoyed and smiling too much. It pained his chest but he couldn’t do anything about it. Norton’s feelings and emotions wasn’t Eli’s responsibility since…
They don’t belong to each other. And they never will be together.
Once a man has been driven by greed and desire, he will always be driven by greed and desire.
Eli knew Norton was that type of man, and he didn’t shame him for it. However, as time went by, the seer did notice that Norton’s “love” was starting to turn into something selfish. It never did waver even once. In fact, it grew even more stronger that it started to suffocate Eli.
Eli extremely adored how Norton loved him, it made him honored and happy even that there was someone out there other than Gertrude who saw all the good and bad in him and still chose to stay. It made him feel good about himself for once. But the prospector’s love was different from his, so diverse from each other that it started to overwhelm the seer.
It came to the point that when Eli thinks of Norton, all he felt was this suffocating pain inside of his chest. He didn’t know why it hurt terribly, it never should hurt in the first place even. So why? Why did it sting so much that he couldn’t look at the prospector properly in the eye?
“Say, Eli.” Norton stopped on his tracks as the two were walking down the corridor of the third floor where their rooms were located at the manor. The ravenette held an unreadable expression as he kept his gaze down, hands shoved into the pockets of his slightly tattered gray pants.
“I want you to answer really honestly.”
“Y-yes, of course.”
Eli gulped, his heart picking up its rate as he started to became nervous. Did he do something? Was Norton angry at him? He wasn’t sure but he hoped that things would go well.
“Do you have feelings for me?” Norton finally asked, now making eye contact with the other. Campbell’s demeanor had changed, it had changed into something quite terrifying and even intimidating. Eli was starting to think he may have done something to anger the prospector.
“I do.” Clark made his tone as firm as possible but his voice cracked for a second that it made him tense up, feeling more anxious than before. “Are you sure about that?”
“Yes…” Eli was taken aback from that. Was Norton… “Norton, is something the matter?”
Campbell first heaved a heavy sigh, so heavy that Eli could feel the weight from it. “It just might be me but, I can’t seem to feel… those feelings you have.”
The seer blinked a few times to process what he just said. Norton doesn’t feel that he was loved by him...? It made his heart drop and sink deep into his stomach. Was Eli… not showing it? Despite the fact that he made so much effort for the man? Despite the fact that he had technically submitted a part of himself to him? Was all of that not enough for Norton?
How greedy can he be?
How selfish can he be?
What more did he want?
Something dark and nasty had taken over the seer, his pupils dilating as he closed his fist so tight his nails dug onto his flesh painfully enough to draw blood. When he looked at Norton, he couldn’t see his face properly for black and red squiggly but aggressively drawn lines obscured his face as the ringing inside his ears became louder and louder by the passing second.
“I feel like I can’t connect with you-”
Snip.
Something snapped inside of Eli Clark.
“Are you doubting my feelings?”
The harsh question finally made Norton look directly at his face. Due to the blindfold he wore, the prospector could only see the scowl that formed on his lips. “What?”
“You heard me… Campbell.”
“Eli, what are you-”
“Just answer it, Norton!” that was the first time the kind-hearted and humble seer shout at somebody. That was also the first time he had lost both of his cool and patience, the heat of his emotions was clearly messing with his head and how he thinks. “You are doubting my feelings. Saying all pointless stuff like you don’t feel that I love you, you don’t feel connected to me, you don’t see my efforts that I did for you-!”
“It’s because you’re not trying hard enough!” Norton cut him off, shouting louder than the seer that it made Eli flinch and take a step back as a precaution as his instincts told him that this man was stronger than him. “I don’t feel like you’re trying. You know why? It’s because you only declare things. You don’t act on them.”
“You only express things using your fucked up flowery scented words to hide the fact that you’re actually scared of commitment. You just say spineless promises, Clark.”
“I’m right, aren’t I?”
“You think… I’m not trying hard enough?” Eli spat out, looking at Norton with such dangerous venom that his tone was starting to fill with anger and maybe even hatred. “How can you say that? How dare you say I’m not trying hard enough when I’ve been doing my best for you…?”
“Don’t you fucking act like you’re the victim here.” Norton gave the deadliest stare towards the seer as he towered his muscular build over the other, trying his best to assert dominance in the argument. “Doing your best to what exactly? Doing your best to make it seem like you actually like me? Doing your best to ‘return’ my feelings? Doing your best to pretend that you’re in love with me?”
“Don’t fuck with me, Clark! This is happening because you couldn’t properly settle your fucking feelings! You think I don’t know? You think I don’t know that you’re still in love with Gertrude even though you said you like me!?”
“Don’t you dare forget the fact that we are not dating, Norton.” Eli said, expression blank but his tone held so much power and venom it made Norton freeze for a moment before scoffing. “Me still loving Gertrude is definitely none of your business.”
“You’re being stupid, did you know that?” it was Eli’s turn to say all the harsh and hurtful things he could say to the other. “Saying all this shit, what difference does it make? Nothing. What you feel has never been my responsibility, and so does what I feel. It never has been.”
“Always, at the end of the day, we are not lovers. Keep that in your mind.”
“If I’m stupid, you’re an asshole.” Norton retorted, nodding his head as he firmly pressed his lips together as he tried his best not to break down in front of the seer. “You’re a fucking asshole, Clark. You know why? Because you gave me hope.”
“You gave me hope. You told me you liked me too, and how exactly did you think I’ll act and think after you said that? Did you expect there was going to be closure? Did you expect that I was going to stop bugging you? Of course not! I would be attached to you. I would fall harder. Did you not think of these?”
That statement made Eli frown and only furrow his eyebrows together. He couldn’t get a single word out. Even though his mind had been racing with thoughts and comebacks to say back at the other, he said nothing. His mind was left blank.
“You lied to me, Eli. You betrayed me, Eli. You hurt me, Eli. Did you say that you like me too just because you feel a little too bad rejecting someone like me?”
Norton didn’t give Eli a chance to answer all of his raining question at him, he just kept on shouting and screaming to the point his heart ached so much and his throat burned.
“And even if you say those feelings were actually genuine and true, where do you think this so-called love of yours go? Huh?” Norton snapped for the second time at the seer. Everyone in the manor knew that the prospector was short-tempered and cold but it never got this bad to the point he would start raging at someone. “Answer me, Clark!”
“I…” Eli finally opened his mouth to answer that unsettling question but no words came out, instead his body shook as his hands trembled. Anxiety and guilt filled his system as he closed his mouth and formed his lips into a thin line, eyebrows knitting together.
Campbell scoffed, “That’s what I thought. Your feelings don’t really go anywhere, does it? It doesn’t go anywhere because it’s baseless.” His expression was vicious and sour. He was mad, and it showed on both his face and body language. “So don’t you say that bullshit that I’m doubting your feelings because you never had them in the first place. Hell, I won’t even think about it if you did honestly give it. Do you think I’ll come up with ridiculous things like those on a whim?”
The next words he said was spoken antagonizing slow in attempt to hit any sore spots the seer had. “Those feelings will die, just like your precious little…
…Gertrude.”
Eli clicked his tongue in annoyance as for the first time in his life he resorted to violence, grabbing the prospector’s scarf as he clenched his teeth together. “Don’t you dare speak her name!”
“Or what?” The prospector taunted, unfazed that Eli held him by the neck as his expression darken even more and his unwavering death stare made the prophet felt a shiver down his spine. “Or what Clark? What will you do? You damn well know how much time we spent in this fucking manor and I can’t believe you still convince yourself she’s still somewhere out there.”
“I said… don’t speak her name…” Eli warned, head hanging low as his fist that held Norton trembled terribly.
“You don’t even know if she’s alive! And even if she is, I’m pretty sure she had married someone else already and completely forgotten about you-!”
“I said stop talking about her!”
Eli screamed that finally made Norton stop rambling. His expression held agony as the tears he tried holding in finally rolled down his cheeks, the sounds of his sobbing were the only things that could be heard around the two.
“I know that already… I know that already so don’t rub it on my face.” the seer continued to cry, his gaze still low as he tried to wipe his tears using his arm. “And you’re right. I’m a coward. I’m a coward for not sorting out the feelings I have for two people.”
Norton inhaled sharply as he put his hands on his waist, looking everywhere but the seer. He furrowed his eyebrows together as he said, “This whole shit parade that you made is all your goddamn fault. You should have just rejected me there and then, I could take it. Because if I knew I couldn’t, I wouldn’t have confessed. And it absolutely pisses me off seeing you breakdown over the mess that you made.”
“I shouldn’t have messed with someone else’s property.”
And with that he walked away, not uttering another word as the seer sobbed. He left him, all on his own. Eli wailed and wailed, falling on his knees as the overwhelming pain ate him alive. Norton who already took couple of steps away suddenly stopped on his tracks just to look back and saw those three painful words at him.
“I hate you.”