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Wearied and nearly heart-sick from the emotional toll of the trials, Moiraine just stood for a moment, staring at the new room that had been given to her. Physically, she wasn’t so far from the novices’ quarters where she’d spent the last three years, but it could have been across the Sea of Storms.
She was Accepted.
The ring on her left hand felt solid and reassuring. It was already warming to her body, the weight and the feel of it between her fingers one physical reminder that she’d passed the test.
The other was the ribbon that edged the new robes she’d been given after she staggered naked from the ter’angreal’s third gate. Moiraine touched the edge of her sleeve, trying to convince herself this was real now, that no more of her fears would be torn from her mind and thrown into existence around her. The seven colours ran underneath her fingers, a reminder of the Ajahs she was moving towards.
In some ways, she wished she’d had more time as a novice. Despite the prestige of being raised to Accepted after only three years, it felt like an empty win. Gone were the days of drudgery, but also gone were pillow friends, of nights whispering to Siuan. Childish things like that were to be put behind her sooner rather than later.
Siuan…. Moiraine felt her throat lock as her thoughts circled to her friend. Siuan had been raised to Accepted the week before, and Moiraine had only been able to catch glimpses of her at mealtimes. The divide between novices and the accepted had never seemed so large as it had loomed the past week.
So much of what had been good about being a novice had been linked to Siuan’s company. Siuan would have different classes now, other tutors, wouldn’t have to sit with Moiraine long into the night with the books that had become more of an excuse for company than studying…
Her gaze lingered on the doorway, and she wondered how close Siuan was to her now, but the doorframe was suddenly too similar to the ter’angreal she’d walked through in the trial. A brief flash of fear echoed through her mind, a glimpse into a future that she couldn’t let occur. She pushed the thoughts of the trial from her mind, setting her lips in a thin line.
She turned back around, and sat on the bed. If she’d felt this empty as a novice, she’d have gone to Siuan’s room. But since Siuan had been accepted, there was a distance between them, and Moiraine was unsure of it was on purpose.
She didn’t have long to wonder.
The door opened and shut. Moiraine glanced over and scrambled up to her feet.
Like a vision, Siuan was suddenly there, pressing the door closed. She was dressed for sleep, and the smile on her face made Moiraine wonder how she could have ever have wondered if Siuan would set her aside.
“Do you think anything could keep me from you?” Siuan asked.
Relief flooded through Moiraine. “Not the strongest tides nor the wheel itself,” Moiraine said, struggling against the tears that rose to her eyes. Her reaction startled her, and she
“Then try not to look so surprised,” Siuan teased as she walked towards Moiraine. She reached out lightly, pushing Moiraine to sit down again. Siuan lifted the side of her dress, setting one knee to each side of Moiraine, making herself at home in Moiraine’s lap.
Moiraine’s heart hammered. It took her a moment to move. Her arms felt heavy, with exhaustion and her own wavering beliefs. Reaching up and embracing Siuan just felt right.
All she wanted to do was hold on and never let go. Facing all her fears at her trial… losing this felt like it could so easily be another one. She forced herself to voice it.
“You shouldn’t be here,” she said, unable to put any force into the words. It came out a simple statement of fact, one that they both knew, and both had chosen to disregard. Moiraine held Siuan more closely, turning her head against Siuan’s shoulder.
“We’re not full Aes Sedai yet,” Siuan pointed out.
Becoming a full Aes Sedai was closer than it had been before, though.
“If they catch you…” Moiraine looked at her doorway, at the window of the unfamiliar room, unsure of how private it really was.
“What’s one more raised eyebrow?” Siuan whispered, her lips tickling at Moiraine’s ear as she wrapped herself around Moiraine. But she freed her hands, and Moiraine felt a weave settle around the room, granting them a measure of privacy.
“Elaida will do more than raise an eyebrow…” Moiraine’s defenses were failing though, and the words held no conviction. She’d endure a multitude of punishments before she gave up this. She just didn’t want any of the punishments to fall on Siuan. Moiraine leaned her forehead against Siuan’s.
“Mmm, Siuan agreed lightly, not taking the warning too seriously. “Don’t think it’ll be easy, even if she doesn’t hear of this. They’re trying to thrash out anyone that shouldn’t have passed the trial. It hasn’t been a relief to leave my days of being a novice behind.”
Moiraine didn’t doubt it. This training was the hardest thing she’d ever been put through. “No wonder there are so few Aes Sedai anymore.”
Moiraine leaned back slightly, running her hands down Siuan’s arms, taking the time to really look at Siuan in the glow of the oil lamps. Siuan looked tired herself, but she attempted a smile when she noticed Moiraine studying her.
Siuan used the space to pull at the edges of Moiraine’s gown, lifting it over her head, interrupting Moiraine’s line of sight and derailing her scattered thoughts.
Moiraine let her, feeling the tiredness pull at her. It was nice to have someone else carefully hang the gown up, she wasn’t sure she had the energy to do anything but what Siuan guided her to do.
Siuan seemed to sense that. Moiraine let herself be wrapped in the sheets, the softness of this new mattress beneath her a welcome change from the novices’ quarters.
Siuan followed Moiraine under the covers.
Moiraine glanced back at the door. Siuan’s hand was gentle on her cheek, but insistent that Moiraine turn to face her and not the door.
“Did you want to talk about it?” Siuan offered.
Moiraine flashed back to the trial, to the fears of her past, present, and future.
She shook her head, feeling the pillow shift under her cheek. The mental turmoil was raw, but something she’d overcome already. There was nothing in that burden that she could share the weight. She reached out and wove her fingers through Siuan’s, her movements slow with sleep.
“Did you want to talk about yours?” Moiraine offered.
Siuan sighed, and squeezed Moiraine’s hand, before she pulled Moiraine tight against her. Moiraine turned so that they fit better together, too tired to offer anything beyond the physical closeness.
This bed was a little wider than the ones they’d crammed into together as novices. Perhaps they didn’t need to, but the familiar comfort of Siuan’s knees behind her own, the weight of Siuan’s arm across her chest was exactly what she needed.
Siuan nuzzled against Moiraine’s neck, her breath warm. “I was relieved when the trial was over, but I worry about what I saw… the only thing I wanted after it was finished was to go back to you.”
Her arm tightened around Moiraine, and it made Moiraine’s heart ache a little to think of Siuan being so alone after her trial. The relief that Siuan still wanted this relationship was finally sinking in, and it let her melt a bit more into Siuan’s embrace.
“I missed you,” Moiraine admitted. The trials had shaken her enough that she didn’t mind saying it. “I worried that you’d decided that this was something to be pushed aside.” Moiraine pulled Siuan’s hand to her lips, pressing a kiss into it.
The relief was almost palpable. She could feel Siuan smile against her neck, and it sent a shiver down her body. If she hadn’t been so tired…
Siuan hugged her close though, offering comfort rather than seeking anything else. She kissed Moiraine’s neck lightly.
“Some things are too precious to leave behind.”