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The war had ended almost 5 years ago, so much of it becoming hazy in Levi’s memories. That final push a blur of searing pain broken up with the feeling of his fist on Hange’s heart and the tension of his sword going through Zeke’s neck. The kids had filled in a few missing details in the aftermath. It was the only thing he had ever asked them about it.
“Who finished it?” sat in their makeshift medical tent, all of them surrounding him.
“Mikasa.” Armin answered. He should have known, she was nowhere to be found. Levi could understand that.
She was here now across the table from Levi sipping on her tea. He would never forget seeing her walk away from the battlefield that day as they helped him into the tent, that brats head clutched in her arms.
He knows the rest of the kids still worry over her they don’t understand, can't understand. Maybe that's why Mikasa ends up here so often, Levi is the only one who could understand. They never talk much beyond asking after the others, but sometimes there's times like this. So close to the anniversary they ask themselves the same questions that’ll never be answered now.
“Why do you think he- that i-” Mikasa starts. She looks down at her hands, her eyes cloudy.
Whenever the rest were here they didn’t dare bring up the war unless Levi did first and he never would. He didn’t know if they talked about it with each other and frankly he didn’t care.
Levi stared out at the horizon. No walls to block the view. He didn’t live on Paradis anymore but he still marveled at the view when he stopped long enough to think about it. If only he-
“Jean told me he wants to marry me.” Mikasa pulls him out of his reverie, looking at her sharply.
“So? He’s been saying that since you were brats.” He brings his cup to his lips thinking about the way Jean had always stared at Mikasa, not nearly as subtle as he thought.
“He gave me a ring this time.” Mikasa moves her left hand across the table to show him. The simple silver band reflecting the sunlight.
“Congratulations.” The word felt hollow in Levi’s throat. He should be happy for Mikasa and on some level he is but all he can feel is that ache in his chest again.
Mikasa looked away back at the horizon, tipping back her cup and finishing it.
“It’s getting late, I'm going. Captain I-” Mikasa suddenly looked upset again. Meeting his gaze, her eyes wet. She brought the hand up to her scarf.
Levi was suddenly very irritated. “Go and be happy Mikasa, don't regret things you can’t change.”
He didn’t mean for the words to come out as harshly as they do, but Mikasa met his gaze, her eyes flashing. Apparently that was the wrong thing to say.
“You’re one to talk, Captain.”
“I don’t need to hear that from you of all people,”
It always ended up like this between them. Sharp words without ever saying outright what they mean. It always tugs at some memory or other of the way Kenny and him would argue back in the day. Maybe it’s an Ackerman thing. He wanted to laugh, at least Kenny would be upfront about telling him to get over his mother,
“Stop crying, brat those tears ain’t bringing her back,” or “Stop harping about it Levi, you can’t grieve her forever.”
Like Kenny was ever one to talk, Levi thought, probably muttered that king’s name in his sleep til the day he died. That just made Levi want to laugh again, or maybe cry he wasn’t sure, definitely an Ackerman thing.
Mikasa stood up, her chair scraping loudly on the deck. She spared one last glare for him before turning and going back through the house to say goodbye to Gabi and Falco.
Levi sighed, running a hand across his face. He understood why Mikasa was like this, if she had said the same to him he probably would have reacted the same, if not worse.
Unbidden that illusion of Erwin and all of their comrades came to his mind again. His blue eyes met his good one on that final day. Maybe it had just been the day dreaming of an old man bleeding out on the battlefield, maybe it was some final magic of the titan curse coming to its bloody end he was never sure, he never brought it up to anyone, either way the kids had found him with tear stains on his face and his fist pressed into his chest.
Erwin…
The look on his face the first time they met Underground
I don’t regret my choice
The look on his face after Isabel and Farlan died on that expedition his sword pressed into his hand.
But if I could go back
The look on his face in that office the night before Shiganshina
I would’ve broken your damn legs
The look on his face while sitting on that crate after getting his permission to die.
Erwin….
That rooftop haunts his dreams, not so often anymore, but every time he still wakes up in a cold sweat Erwin’s last words carved into ears for the rest of time. He thinks about it now, how old and tired Erwin had looked. He knows it would have been cruel to bring him back, if he had to see what the people outside the walls thought of them and what Eren had done to them. But still sometimes he couldn’t help but think about what would-
That suicidal idiot.
Levi pressed his lips into a thin line and grabbed his cane and walked back into the house.