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Late at night, all the scouts were sleeping after the hard work they did constructing the railroad during the day, but Jean heard sounds, doors closing and footsteps in the middle of that pleasant silence. He tried to ignore them, covering his face with the blanket and trying to get back to sleep, but the curiosity to know who was awake that late made him get up. Leaving the comfort of his bed while rubbing his eyes, he asked himself if he was really going to get up just for that. Maybe it was Connie or Sasha messing around in the kitchen; maybe captain Levi couldn’t sleep like always and he was making some tea or maybe Hange was awake finishing with her papers. He shrugs his shoulders, 'it could be anyone', he thought before standing up.
He tiptoed his way through the house, trying not to wake up the others, and he slowly closed the door, wincing at the little creaking that it made. Taking a deep breath, he turned around just to see a silhouette some meters away from the house, a blanket around their figure, but he couldn’t say who belonged to. He started walking slowly, trying not to scare them; as he was getting closer, he recognized those curly brown locks which belonged to his friend and comrade, Paloma.
Her body was wrapped in a blanket that wasn’t thick enough for that cold night, and her gaze was locked in the sky, empty and lost. He admired her in silence; she changed a lot these years, leaving behind that 16 y/o girl who was being controlled by her emotions, transforming into a strong and beautiful woman who is willing to protect those she loves. He knew she was strong, but he also knew that the ghosts of her past were still haunting her.
If you ask her, she’ll always say she’s fine, but Jean knows that something changed inside her that day, when they retook Wall Maria, when he saw her after months of being away from them. He remembers the fear in her eyes when Zeke tried to take her with them, when Reiner forced her to leave her friends behind, and after all those events, her charisma and smile slowly started fading away. Paloma never talked about what happened when Reiner took her back to Marley and they didn’t asked either, but everyone knows that Viktor's departure was one of the causes of her behavior, she felt like her own cousin betrayed her. Another reason was her first transformation into a titan, the method she used to help them to defeat the Armoured Titan and he also remembers Sasha trying to reassure the girl, denying her words 'I’m a monster', something that she was used to say.
When he and Hange saved her from the Cart and the Beast titan he knew it, he wanted to protect her from everything that may harm her, she was just a victim of her parents and her past, but Jean tries to understand the other reason why he wants to be near her. Since that day, he started feeling something for his comrade, but he wasn’t sure if it’s love or just a feeling of protection that keeps his mind busy.
When he reached her figure, he kneeled besides her, but she didn’t even looked at him. She heard him, but she was in her own world.
“Hey, Paloma?” She didn’t say anything, he sat down besides her, tilting his head to the side.
“Firefly, are you alright?” He put a hand on her shoulder. The girl slowly turned her face and their eyes met, his were shining with the moonlight but hers weren’t, they were dull.
“Hi Jean,” He barely heard her voice. “I’m fine, don’t worry. Sorry if I woke you up, I just wanted to come here to think for some time...” She was playing with her hands, both placed on her lap, trying to create some heat.
“And you wanted to do it in the middle of this cold night? You’ll catch something.” He tried to joke, but she didn’t laughed. He stopped his little laugh, looking to the clouds.
Silence fell between them, but not an awkward one, it was one that allows you to hear your own thoughts.
“So... this thoughts woke you up?”
“Heh, I couldn’t even fall asleep,” she smiled a bit. “This thing has been eating my mind the whole day, I can’t even do anything without thinking about it.”
“If you wanna talk, I’m here.” He genuinely said. People take Jean as the type of person who wouldn’t care about the others, but if his friends needs him, he’d listen without second thoughts.
“It’s something stupid, you’re going to make fun of me.” She looked at him in the eyes, trying to find it he was joking, but he was dead serious.
“I promise I won’t, I really want to help you.” He took her hand embracing it between his, hers were cold like ice, who knows how long she has been there.
She doubted for a moment, Jean has been her friend for some years, and even tho he used to annoy her, she always found his company pleasant. “Fine,” she sighed. “Did you have a dream before joining the scouts? Like, you know, Eren wanted to avenge his mother, Armin wanted to see the ocean, and Connie wanted to impress his hometown. Well, just like them, I used to have one, but it was crushed today...” he didn’t say a word, waiting for her to continue.
“When I was little, I used to sneak with a boy named Marcel to read, specially fairytales and fantasy books. You know, the classic “Happy Ever After”, but transformed into reality. We both had the dream of marrying someone and having a beautiful family, but his dreams disappeared the day he died, and mines stayed afloat, but supported by a lie that I would live until I was old enough to see my grandchildren running in my backyard.”
He nodded his head, making her continue.
Her voice cracked a little. “When we were on the wagon and Eren talked about the curse of the 13 years that a shifter has, I wanted to believe that it was a joke,” a single tear rolled down her face, but went unnoticed by Jean. “Later, I asked him if I was inmune to that curse because my powers came from an experiment, they weren’t tied up to the founder's powers. But he told me that I was chained just like him and Armin.”
Paloma started sobbing, and Jean put his calloused but gentle hands on both sides of her face, trying to wipe away the tears. She placed her hand on top of his.
“You know,” she tried to smile, making an ironic eye roll. “It's funny how I tried to hold onto a dream that I always knew would be impossible to fulfill. Stupid, isn’t it?”
“Is not, why would you think that?” His voice was full of concern, he’d never seen her like this, so vulnerable.
“Jean, it’s obvious. If Reiner and Bertholdt were captured, the most possible scenario was an execution for all those lives we took away that day and during the Battle of Trost...” She closed her eyes, memories of that fateful day appeared in flashes; the blood, the screams, the innocent lives that were wiped out of the world that day. “It's written in my story, one way or another, I would never been able to see my dreams come true.”
Jean didn’t knew what to say, but knowing that actions are better than words, he took her head and put it against his chest, soothing her hair while she cries her heart out. Paloma didn’t wanted to talk about this with anyone, but having Jean’s arms around her, holding her body for dear life was everything she needed in that moment.
“We should... try not to think about that and live the present right?” He stop hugging her, looking straight into her eyes. She tilted her head to the side when she saw a little blush in the guy's face. Jean was trembling a little, but Paloma thought that it was only the cold.
“And I want to live it with you.”
Without hesitation, he pressed his lips on hers, surprising the girl. Jean's brows were furrowed and his face was red now, his gentle hand caressing her face; her eyes were wide open until she assimilated what was happening, slowly closing them while a little tear rolled down her face.
It was the purest kiss she ever received, full of love and concern, the way his soft lips fit with hers made them believe that they were meant to be together. She forgot about everything around them; the things that were worrying her faded away in an instant, leaving her to enjoy that little piece of affection she was receiving from Jean.
They slowly started to separate, only leaving their foreheads together, closing their eyes and enjoining each other’s company.
“I like you...” those were his first words after the kiss. “I’ve been liking you since the day you left us. I’ve been thinking about you since that day, and there wasn’t one where I didn’t, or if I could do something to make you stay with us, with me. I spent those months with Armin by my side trying to reassure me, saying that it wasn’t my fault, but I didn’t wanted to believe him. And when we finally reached the wall and saw you there-“
His voice cracked. “At first I thought they did something to you, so I ran to your side. Your face had bruises and little marks, and your perfect eyes were closed, I was scared. And then, when you followed Bertholdt and got caught in the explosion I-“
“Jean,” he stopped immediately, looking at her. “You have no idea how long I waited for this to happen,” she smiled a little, crying again. “I’ve been liking you since we were cadets. Since you saved me during that training, you saved me when I wanted to disappear of this world. You were my light during those dark days; when Reiner threatened me to harm you or the guys, I didn’t had any other choice but to follow his commands. I couldn’t put you in danger, not after everything you did for me. And when you guys found me in the wall, I thought you’d hate me, but...” she stopped, looking straight at his eyes. “But you hugged me, telling me how much you missed me.”
Jean places a little piece of hair behind her ear, admiring her. She was now smiling, with some tear stains on her cheeks, ones that were tinted with a beautiful red. The look on his face was one of pure affection, and he noticed that the shine in her eyes was back.
“I was so worried, what if I never saw you again? I don’t know if my heart could take it. But let’s leave those thoughts aside for now...” He stood up, offering his hand for her to take, and with his help, she did too. They were now facing each other, the height difference was a sign that they were no longer kids, but two young adults who were trying to understand what to do next. “It may sound rushed but...” he took her hands. “Would you like to be with me...?” His face was redder now, and Paloma though her heart was about to stop.
“You mean... You want me to be your girlfriend?” A little laugh escaped from her mouth. Jean looked away from her, embarrassed, but she found that cute.
“Yeah- But I didn’t want to throw that all of the sudden...” He scratched the back of his head.
“I'd love to, but...” Tiptoeing a little, she gently placed her soft hands on his face, eyes shining full of love and affection. “Are you sure? With all of this things happening, I don’t think it’ll be easy...”
“If all is fair in love and war, I’ll try everything for you.” He kisses the back of her hands, and she felt like her legs were about to betray her.
Without anything else to say, they hugged again, not only to comfort each other, but to make the other understand that, from now on, they’ll be together and face the hard life that they chose those years ago.