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2009.
Sicheng is seventeen.
Sicheng is seventeen and has a painfully huge crush on the school’s number one heartthrob, all-rounder Jung Jaehyun, with his annoyingly cute dimples and flawlessly milky skin. Sicheng has a crush on Jaehyun who’s the star player of the basketball team and has the voice of an angel (as confirmed by Sicheng himself after Jaehyun sang Lauv’s I Like Me Better during homecoming and Sicheng found himself completely enamoured, eyes glued to the stage and mouth wide open, because Jaehyun did that. Jaehyun really did that.)
And if that weren’t enough to convince you of how perfect of a man he is, then let Sicheng continue, because: Jaehyun’s loved by adults, kids, animals, grumpy high school math teachers, and disgruntled goth girls alike. Somehow, he’s managed to acquire the ability to be so ridiculously likeable, with his annoyingly charming disposition and smoulder that sends Sicheng into a state of frenzy every time he catches it. Not that Sicheng is jealous of Jaehyun’s superhuman abilities. In fact, Sicheng has come to terms with the fact that Jaehyun simply isn’t human.
A long time ago, he sat at the first basketball match Jaehyun played in and scored the winning shot five seconds before the game ended, subsequently earning him a raucous cheer from the entire gymnasium and getting hoisted up by the rest of his sweaty teammates. It was also during that very match that Sicheng realised that he wasn’t Jaehyun’s only fan (and potential future husband) as he’d laid eyes on the prongs of girls and guys who sidled up to him, presenting him with flowers and gifts for congratulations, Jaehyun accepting them all with a cheerful smile that stirred things up inside of Sicheng’s gut. There are new rumours of who Jaehyun’s dating every week which Sicheng religiously keeps up with, attempting to sneakily investigate the truth behind every new accusation unearthed and heaving a sigh of relief that no, Jaehyun is in fact, still very single. It’s an assumption he’s made, apparently—that Jaehyun’ll remain single until Sicheng finally gets his act together and manages to somehow manage a proper confession of sorts to the former. Kun nags him about it and can’t stand the “Jaehyun talk” that Sicheng apparently is sent into a spiral of every single day. “Can’t we just have one decent conversation without you bringing in Jaehyun’s smile, or his voice, or his body, or his math score, or whatever it is next you’re going on about?” Sicheng just whines and sighs into his seat, utterly lovelorn like a teenage girl when he spots Jaehyun walking into the cafeteria from afar.
Sicheng thinks Jaehyun’s smile could cure cancer. Sicheng thinks Jaehyun’s voice is what caused the Big Bang to happen millions of years ago. Sicheng thinks Jaehyun is perfect, and Sicheng thinks he wants to date Jaehyun, to hold his hands and stare into his eyes, to write him poetry in his shitty Korean and serenade him off-key, to be his cheerleader from the stands as he plays against Seokmin from the opposition basketball team and—
Sicheng wants Jaehyun to like him back, so, so badly.
2020.
“Sicheng, did you send that article about that dancer—what’s his name, uh, Jisung—for proofreading yet?” Guanheng yells from across the side of the room, white walls and bright light filtering in from the clear glass windows of the room.
Jesus Christ, Sicheng thinks. It’s 9AM and the office is already this noisy—but when is it not? He chugs the first coffee (of many to come) of the day, and shouts a “Yes, yes, I’m on it!” back, before Dejun walks by his table, interjecting with a “Can you two just email or text and save us from all this ruckus, for God’s sake?” as he places a stack of new files on Sicheng’s desk.
“We literally have voices for a reason, Jun. Stop succumbing to the allure of technology and laziness. We do not promote that in this office,” Guanheng replies, to which Dejun simply retorts with “Shut the fuck up already and get to work.”
Sicheng is twenty-eight, and he’s an editor at Label V, a magazine covering celebrities, gossip, and just your standard run-of-the-mill entertainment media site, really. He has lukewarm feelings towards the job, and it’s not something he necessarily regards as his lifelong passion or calling or anything too deep, really, but it’s something he’s relatively good at, is comfortable with. Plus, it pays decent, and as much as a pain Guanheng, Dejun and Yangyang’s bickering in the office is, Sicheng does enjoy the company of his co-workers a lot more than those from his previous job. Whatever covers the bills, he supposes. He’d always been a stability over passion kind of guy – not that he had many things, career-wise, that he was passionate about anyway.
He’s checking his email for the photos for last week’s gala event model Wong Yukhei was at that he’s covering next, when he stumbles across it. Invitation to SM High Class of ‘10 Ten Year Reunion, it reads.
Sicheng has to admit, he’s a little excited. He’s always been a little nostalgic about the past, something that apparently comes as a surprise to his newer friends considering his much more subdued, apathetic demeanour nowadays. God forbid any of them know how he easily excitable he used to be back in high school, he thinks to himself. He briefly lets his mind wander back to his high school days – he’s glad he still keeps in contact with most of his friends, although fine – maybe Kun’s the only one he actively still talks to. It’s not his fault Facebook wasn’t the biggest thing back then and after everyone left for university, landlines got disconnected and addresses were changed. At the very least he knows some of his cohort mates are really successful now – Ten, a fellow member of the basketball team with Jaehyun (fuck, Sicheng didn’t mean to think of him so quick), was an art director of a museum in Seoul that Sicheng’d visited a while back. Johnny was a radio deejay whose night show Sicheng tuned into occasionally as well, so there was that. Where was Jaehyun then?
Sicheng briefly let his mind wander, scanning through the different career possibilities the man that had been the subject of his entire high school love life could have taken. Actor? He certainly had the looks for it, though Sicheng rules it out pretty quick – he would’ve heard of him by now, especially with the job that he’s in and all. Doctor? Jaehyun had decent grades, Sicheng presumes, though he doesn’t think Jaehyun would’ve really gone down that path. Maybe a meteorologist, or a teacher, or a chef, then. Or one of those sexy CEOs from a high-flying company who’s always on the go in a private jet of his own—
“Sicheng! Sicheng!” Yangyang waves his hand in front of Sicheng’s face, startling him out of his daydream. “Are you listening? I said, meeting starts in five! Everyone’s already heading to the meeting room, what’re you doing?” Sicheng blinks owlishly and gets up, half in a daze.
Right. He didn’t mean to let himself get carried away with his thoughts again.
Sicheng’s at Kun’s apartment, legs swung over his sofa and mindlessly flicking through the different channels on his television, before eventually turning on Netflix and letting the episode of Black Mirror which he’s watched umpteenth of times already run again.
“Kun, can you order some jjajjangmyeon, I’m hungry.”
“Do it yourself, jackass, you’re the one mooching off me here. I expect you to pay for dinner this time, okay.”
“Ughhhh, please? You know I already spent ¾ of my salary on that new game last week…” Sicheng whines, eyeing his wallet across the table where (he thinks) there’s a solid 2000 won left inside.
“Is it my fault you have bad spending habits, Sicheng? And why do you come over half of the days of the week? I’m sick of coming home to seeing you sprawled over my couch like you own the place, please. We’re nearing our thirties… we’re not in our youth anymore, in case you haven’t realised. We’re growing old.”
“But I’m your best friend! Are you getting sick of me? This wouldn’t have happened if you just let me move in with you instead of forcing me to get a place of my own! You know what my apartment’s like… It’s dingy and small and I’m pretty sure the guy that lives next to my unit hates me.”
“Can you blame him, really? Do you not remember that time you turned up drunk and kept trying to use your keys to enter his apartment instead of yours? And then when he opened the door you called him a trespasser? And then a ghost? And then proceeded to vomit all over his carpet? I’m surprised he didn’t file a restraining order or something against you, honestly.” Kun replies dryly, as he hands Sicheng’s phone over to him for him to call the Chinese place they always order food from. “And besides, I remember everything Ten used to say about you when you roomed together in university.”
“That little piece of shit— How dare he talk smack about me behind my back! Do you have to rub in such traumatic experiences into my face? You know I didn’t mean to do any of that. Why are you on his side and not mine? I want new friends.”
Kun simply sighs and settles on the floor in front of Sicheng, finally shutting down his laptop after saving the Word document he was working on beforehand. “Oh, believe me, I want you to have new friends too, Sicheng.”
Sicheng throws a pillow at him from behind to shut him up and Kun says nothing, only wrapping his hands around the pillow as the two of them start paying attention to the show at last.
“Speaking of which, did you get that email about the high school reunion? Are you planning to go?” Kun asks. Don’t say his name, don’t say his name, Sicheng thinks.
“Maybe you’ll get to see Jaehyun after ten years, at last!” Clearly telepathy doesn’t work or Kun and Sicheng aren’t the platonic soulmates Sicheng’s always claimed them to be, because Kun doesn’t seem to get the memo at all.
“I thought we agreed never to mention his name again, Kun… You know his name brings up bad memories for me. And I’m so over him!”
“What bad memories? You mean you obsessing over him and following him around like a little lost puppy? And I would hope for you to be over him… I mean, it’s been ten years? No one mentioned anything about still being hung up on a high school crush, Sicheng.”
2009.
Sicheng’s the lost new transfer student from Zhejiang, dazed and looking around the hallways of his new high school, totally disoriented from his surroundings. Everyone’s bumping into him, walking in the opposite direction, walking with such quick footsteps to five hundred different destinations, none of which Sicheng knows where exists. He’d already visited the administrative office and all they’d done was pass him his new timetable and shooed him out. To say he was lost would be a massive understatement, honestly.
“Hi. I’m Jaehyun. Are you new?” A smooth velvety voice rings out in front of Sicheng, a coarsely rough hand presented for a handshake.
Sicheng looks up. Blinks twice. Opens his mouth, then closes it again, before finally stuttering out a “Yes” that comes out sounding more like a squeak.
The student – no, the god-like creature in front of him is single-handedly, the most handsome man Sicheng has ever seen in the entire seventeen years of his puny life. And Sicheng’d like to say that with his extensive watching of Chinese and Korean dramas alike, he’s seen a lot of curated, pretty celebrities on the screen of his MacBook. So, this was it? 7.7 billion people on Earth and the most attractive one was living right here all along, in Seoul? Suddenly he didn’t hate the move from Zhejiang so much anymore.
It’s too bad Sicheng’s Korean still has a lot of room for improvement, though, and his senses don’t work fast enough before Jaehyun’s attention has moved on to another subject of interest, waving hi to the prongs of people who pass them in the hallway. Clearly, he’s someone who has a lot more friends than Sicheng (who, as of that moment, has a solid friend count of 0.5. That 0.5 comprising of the grumpy woman from the administrative office who’d passed him his class schedule and map.) Jaehyun offers to walk Sicheng to his first class, and as Sicheng walks alongside him, haphazardly attempting to keep up with his wide footsteps and the ease at which Jaehyun navigated the confusing hallways of their high school, he feels like he’s entrapped in a trance. Was this really happening?
Jaehyun points out the different rooms they walk past, chatters on about what he claims to be the ‘must knows’ about surviving in SM High and asks Sicheng questions about where he’s from and why he moved here, all of which are questions Sicheng struggles to reply to, his brain completely overwhelmed. Their high school though, as skewed as Sicheng’s perspective was as a new student, wasn’t really all that big, so the walk to Sicheng’s new homeroom didn’t take any longer than five minutes.
“Well, we’re here! A239. Ms Hwang is pretty nice, I got her for Chemistry last year. Just try not to irritate her too much by asking her the same question too many times and you’ll be fine!” Jaehyun smiles at Sicheng, and honestly, half the words that he’s saying doesn’t really register properly, half because of Sicheng’s relative unfamiliarity to the language and the other half because Sicheng’s mind is too busy focusing on the colour of Jaehyun’s beautiful brown eyes.
Jaehyun waves goodbye and leaves, and Sicheng stands there, outside his homeroom, like a dumbstruck fool. He doesn’t realise that that’ll be the last time they get to spend so long (if you can count five minutes in the hallway as long) alone together in a long, long time.
2020.
The huge round table that Doyoung, then president of the student council had reserved is already mostly filled when Sicheng comes in, a bottle of wine in his hand, slightly late and wiping the sheen of sweat of his forehead after rushing to the restaurant from the press conference he’d been at that had run for way longer than Sicheng had expected. He waves his phone, screen open to the email invitation he had received regarding the reunion as he scans the room, matching the names he hadn’t heard for years to the vaguely familiar, and much more mature faces around the room.
“Oh my god, is that Dong Sicheng? It’s been so long, dude!” Sicheng laughs awkwardly as he nods, accepting Johnny’s very overly enthusiastic hug and simultaneously calculating his seating options before eventually settling on a place between Jungwoo, his former biology lab partner and Yuta, the soccer player that had once asked Sicheng out and gotten rejected (because Sicheng only had eyes for Jaehyun and was being picky, but Sicheng had never cited that as the reason, of course). He curses under his breath – of course Kun is later than him at this event where Sicheng feels like he needs him more than ever, when Kun’s usually the one – for the lack of better word to describe it – anal, about every strict following of every single minute of his schedule.
“Now that most people are here, let’s kick off the festivities, shall we!” Doyoung raises a glass up in the air, an action which is followed by the rest of them, as Sicheng clinks glasses with Yuta next to him and Jungwoo who gives him a warm smile.
One hour into their talking, Sicheng’s got a rosy flush around his cheeks after gulping down a few more glasses of wine than he’d intended to, the bottle of rosé in the middle of the table already three quarters empty. It’s at that moment, when the door opens, and like in a fairytale, or those annoyingly cliché romance movies (which Sicheng admittedly loves), that he walks in.
Jung Jaehyun, in all his glory.
Sicheng’s heart leaps right fucking out of his chest and into Jaehyun’s arms again, even after all these fucking years. God damn nostalgia and the fact that Jaehyun hasn’t changed at all – if only, gotten even more handsome with age and maturity. He looks more confident than ever, hair swept up and a blazer fitted perfectly on his shoulders.
“Sorry for being late!” Jaehyun says, with his crinkly smile and a wave, making eye contact with everyone in the room before he zeroes into Sicheng and his heart stops. Doyoung gestures to one of the three empty seats left in the room – that of which just happens to be directly facing opposite Sicheng. Sicheng’s head feels heavy from the alcohol and his heart can’t stop palpitating. Especially when the alcohol in his system’s brought his barrier down, meaning there’s nothing stopping him from openly staring at Jaehyun, admiring the way he laughs and the way he looks when he raises his glass into the air to make a toast. Suddenly everything’s spinning and Sicheng can only see Jaehyun, Jaehyun, Jaehyun, and the way Jaehyun still has the same beautiful smile from when he first saw it ten years ago – before everything fades to black.
2009.
It’s the first basketball game of the season, and Sicheng – along with the rest of the school’s population, is obviously super pumped. Their basketball team is the de facto niche club of the school, sweeping trophies off the rack and having notoriously pretty much never lost a game since the new coach Minho, an ex-professional player had taken over.
Kun’s sitting next to him with a disinterested expression while Sicheng eagerly leans forward, the two of them having taken the second row all the way at the front – where Sicheng says it’s ‘not too obvious’ that he’s there to ogle at Jaehyun and Kun retorts otherwise, what with the sparkly lovestruck gaze he strikes the basketball player throughout the match and scarily intense cheering from him that reverberates through the gym.
“Shh! Shut up Kun, the game’s starting,” Sicheng says, only to be given a bewildered reaction by Kun who goes, “Shut up? Me shut up? I haven’t said anything, you’re the one who’s been screaming about Jaehyun before anything’s even begun, my god.”
2020.
Sicheng wakes up with a pounding headache.
“You mean to say… I blacked out the moment Jaehyun came in?” Kun’s at the table in front, back facing him as he types on his laptop.
“That’s exactly what happened, yes.” Sicheng blinks a few times, rubbing his head and drinking the water and swallowing the Tylenol Kun’s left on the bedside table.
“Weren’t you not there when he came in? Fuck, I don’t remember anything… Just that he came in and he looked so good and I couldn’t stop staring. I feel like I’m thirteen again.”
“Thirteen? Sicheng, I hate to break it to you, but you’ve been like this pretty much the whole of your life. I don’t think you’ve matured much since then, and I’m saying this in the kindest way possible.” Sicheng throws a pillow at Kun, only for a soft thud to be heard before it slides down to the floor.
“Anyways, I reached just a while after and you were giggling like no one’s business, leaning over the table and talking extremely loudly to Jaehyun specifically.
2020.
“So, what’s good here?” Jaehyun asks, turning to the waiter with that smile that automatically of course, puts the server into a better mood (at least, from what Sicheng can ascertain from the more friendly stature that he eases into).
The waiter, whose nametag reads Jaemin, chirps, “Well, the filet mignon? Is the specialty item here, so I guess that? But personally, if you ask me, my favourite would be the pesto pasta. Get it, pair it with white wine and end the whole dinner off with vanilla gelato before you leave. That is what I would recommend.”
Jaehyun closes the menu with a satisfied thunk, and smiles, again to the waiter. “We’ll get that, then! Anything else you want, Sicheng?”
Finally, the waiter turns away from Jaehyun and looks at Sicheng, for the first time since he’s arrived at their table, expression a whole lot more dispassionate and tone a whole lot more disinterested. Sicheng scans through the menu another time, pondering for a moment – and then just shakes his head feebly.
“So, what’ve you been up to these days? It’s been so long… You said you were working for a magazine now, right? That was you? I didn’t remember wrong, right?” Sicheng cringes a little at the thought of Jaehyun confusing him with someone, but just nods embarrassedly.
“Yeah, it’s just a stupid tabloid kinda thing. Label V? You might’ve heard of us before. What do you do?”
2021.
The thing about being with Jaehyun is that Sicheng feels a lot more alive, a lot bigger a person than he usually is, but simultaneously smaller than ever, presence equally elevated and yet at the same time, so, so minute next to the radiating, entrancing one of Jaehyun.
There are so many ‘maybe this’ and ‘maybe that’s that run through Sicheng’s head whenever he’s with Jaehyun, and although he (thinks) he’s (maybe) completely sure he’s in love with Jaehyun, he can’t really for sure say the same about Jaehyun to him. And that makes a mess out of Sicheng’s mind. It was so much easier when Jaehyun was just an idealised figure away from him, definitely unattainable and not like this – not so close to being his? But just maybe?
Sicheng just flops onto the bed, thoughts in disarray and forcing a shutdown before his mind can continue overworking itself with its constant questioning of his love life.
2010.
It’s graduation night, or better known as prom for most. Sicheng hasn’t had the courage to ask Jaehyun out – much less for a dance, at all, but has simply relegated himself to standing next to the table with punch and snacks for half the night, sighing whenever he sees Jaehyun dragged to the dance floor with another girl in a sparkly dress and heels, and ignoring Kun’s attempts to join the rest of them for a stupid conga line or whatever. Sicheng has a reputation to upkeep, okay. Even if that reputation just so happens to be ‘cowardly fool who refuses to dance with anyone but Jaehyun yet can’t bring himself to make the first move’.
2010.
Studying is tough, and Sicheng’s got an impending headache thinking about university applications and how he’s afraid he won’t get into the course he wants here in Korea yet he can’t go back to China either because the competition there is even more intense and he’s already completed his education here in Korea and God his mind is in so many different places at once and he doesn’t want to leave his friends and he doesn’t want to leave Jaehyun and—
Wow. He doesn’t want to leave Jaehyun. That’s funny. Maybe he should do something about it. Or maybe not. He whispers a meek “Hi” as Jaehyun walks past him on the corridor on the way to the guidance counsellor, and Jaehyun flashes him a blindingly bright smile that gives Sicheng heart palpitations.
2011.
No one hears about where Jaehyun’s gone to, as if he’s somehow simply disappeared off the face of the earth after prom. Sicheng keeps his ears out and does all he can to find out what he can – messaging Jaehyun’s basketball teammates on Messenger, and even resorting to sending emails to their school’s guidance counsellor to ask about what Jaehyun said about his future plans, to no avail. “I can’t just give out information like that, sorry” is what she had said, even after Sicheng had pleaded to her over the second desperate phone call.
It’s fine. Sicheng can survive. He’ll move onto university and find someone new to obsess over. Surely there’ll be someone else for him out there. Jaehyun’s just a chapter of his life that’s now over, and it’s time for Sicheng to close it without further second thought.
“I don’t know if you ever knew, but I used to have the most embarrassingly huge crush on you when we were in high school,” Sicheng blabbers, tracing a finger around Jaehyun’s amused face as he proceeds to poke his dimples. “You were so handsome. Actually, you still are, but that’s,” Sicheng giggles, “A secret! No one will ever know.” Sicheng places a finger on Jaehyun’s lips, before going “Shh”, and Jaehyun simply looks on at Sicheng, the ghost of a smile shadowing.
Sicheng is seventeen and has a painfully huge crush on the school’s number one heartthrob, all-rounder Jung Jaehyun, with his annoyingly cute dimples and flawlessly milky skin. Sicheng has a crush on Jaehyun who’s the star player of the basketball team and has the voice of an angel (as confirmed by Sicheng himself after Jaehyun sang Lauv’s I Like Me Better during homecoming and Sicheng found himself completely enamoured, eyes glued to the stage and mouth wide open, because Jaehyun did that. Jaehyun really did that.)
And if that weren’t enough to convince you of how perfect of a man he is, then let Sicheng continue, because: Jaehyun’s loved by adults, kids, animals, grumpy high school math teachers, and disgruntled goth girls alike. Somehow, he’s managed to acquire the ability to be so ridiculously likeable, with his annoyingly charming disposition and smoulder that sends Sicheng into a state of frenzy every time he catches it. Not that Sicheng is jealous of Jaehyun’s superhuman abilities. In fact, HeSicheng has come to terms with the fact that Jaehyun simply isn’t human.
A long time ago, he sat at the first basketball match Jaehyun played in and scored the winning shot five seconds before the game ended, subsequently earning him a raucous cheer from the entire gymnasium and getting hoisted up by the rest of his sweaty teammates. It was also during that very match that Sicheng realised that he wasn’t Jaehyun’s only fan (and potential future husband) as he’d laid eyes on the prongs of girls and guys who sidled up to him, presenting him with flowers and gifts for congratulations, Jaehyun accepting them all with a cheerful smile that stirred things up inside of Sicheng’s gut. There are new rumours of who Jaehyun’s dating every week which Sicheng religiously keeps up with, attempting to sneakily investigate the truth behind every new accusation unearthed and heaving a sigh of relief that no, Jaehyun is in fact, still very single. It’s an assumption he’s made, apparently—that Jaehyun’ll remain single until Sicheng finally gets his act together and manages to somehow manage a proper confession of sorts to the former. Kun nags him about it and can’t stand the “Jaehyun talk” that Sicheng apparently is sent into a spiral of every single day. “Can’t we just have one decent conversation without you bringing in Jaehyun’s smile, or his voice, or his body, or his math score, or whatever it is next you’re going on about?” Sicheng just whines and sighs into his seat, utterly lovelorn like a teenage girl when he spots Jaehyun walking into the cafeteria from afar.
Sicheng thinks Jaehyun’s smile could cure cancer. Sicheng thinks Jaehyun’s voice is what caused the Big Bang to happen millions of years ago. Sicheng thinks Jaehyun is perfect, and Sicheng thinks he wants to date Jaehyun, to hold his hands and stare into his eyes, to write him poetry in his shitty Korean and serenade him off-key, to be his cheerleader from the stands as he plays against Seokmin from the opposition basketball team and—
Sicheng wants Jaehyun to like him back, so, so badly.
2020.
“Sicheng, did you send that article about that dancer—what’s his name, uh, Jisung—for proofreading yet?” Guanheng yells from across the side of the room, white walls and bright light filtering in from the clear glass windows of the room.
Jesus Christ, Sicheng thinks. It’s 9AM and the office is already this noisy—but when is it not? He chugs the first coffee (of many to come) of the day, and shouts a “Yes, yes, I’m on it!” back, before Dejun walks by his table, interjecting with a “Can you two just email or text and save us from all this ruckus, for God’s sake?” as he places a stack of new files on Sicheng’s desk.
“We literally have voices for a reason, Jun. Stop succumbing to the allure of technology and laziness. We do not promote that in this office,” Guanheng replies, to which Dejun simply retorts with “Shut the fuck up already and get to work.”
Sicheng is twenty-eight, and he’s an editor at Label V, a magazine covering celebrities, gossip, and just your standard run-of-the-mill entertainment media site, really. He has lukewarm feelings towards the job, and it’s not something he necessarily regards as his lifelong passion or calling or anything too deep, really, but it’s something he’s relatively good at, is comfortable with. Plus, it pays decent, and as much as a pain Guanheng, Dejun and Yangyang’s bickering in the office is, Sicheng does enjoy the company of his co-workers a lot more than those from his previous job. Whatever covers the bills, he supposes. He’d always been a stability over passion kind of guy – not that he had many things, career-wise, that he was passionate about anyway.
He’s checking his email for the photos for last week’s gala event model Wong Yukhei was at that he’s covering next, when he stumbles across it. Invitation to SM High Class of ‘10 Ten Year Reunion, it reads.
Sicheng has to admit, he’s a little excited. He’s always been a little nostalgic about the past, something that apparently comes as a surprise to his newer friends considering his much more subdued, apathetic demeanour nowadays. God forbid any of them know how he easily excitable he used to be back in high school, he thinks to himself. He briefly lets his mind wander back to his high school days – he’s glad he still keeps in contact with most of his friends, although fine – maybe Kun’s the only one he actively still talks to. It’s not his fault Facebook wasn’t the biggest thing back then and after everyone left for university, landlines got disconnected and addresses were changed. At the very least he knows some of his cohort mates are really successful now – Ten, a fellow member of the basketball team with Jaehyun (fuck, Sicheng didn’t mean to think of him so quick), was an art director of a museum in Seoul that Sicheng’d visited a while back. Johnny was a radio deejay whose night show Sicheng tuned into occasionally as well, so there was that. Where was Jaehyun then?
Sicheng briefly let his mind wander, scanning through the different career possibilities the man that had been the subject of his entire high school love life could have taken. Actor? He certainly had the looks for it, though Sicheng rules it out pretty quick – he would’ve heard of him by now, especially with the job that he’s in and all. Doctor? Jaehyun had decent grades, Sicheng presumes, though he doesn’t think Jaehyun would’ve really gone down that path. Maybe a meteorologist, or a teacher, or a chef, then. Or one of those sexy CEOs from a high-flying company who’s always on the go in a private jet of his own—
“Sicheng! Sicheng!” Yangyang waves his hand in front of Sicheng’s face, startling him out of his daydream. “Are you listening? I said, meeting starts in five! Everyone’s already heading to the meeting room, what’re you doing?” Sicheng blinks owlishly and gets up, half in a daze.
Right. He didn’t mean to let himself get carried away with his thoughts again.
Sicheng’s at Kun’s apartment, legs swung over his sofa and mindlessly flicking through the different channels on his television, before eventually turning on Netflix and letting the episode of Black Mirror which he’s watched umpteenth of times already run again.
“Kun, can you order some jjajjangmyeon, I’m hungry.”
“Do it yourself, jackass, you’re the one mooching off me here. I expect you to pay for dinner this time, okay.”
“Ughhhh, please? You know I already spent ¾ of my salary on that new game last week…” Sicheng whines, eyeing his wallet across the table where (he thinks) there’s a solid 2000 won left inside.
“Is it my fault you have bad spending habits, Sicheng? And why do you come over half of the days of the week? I’m sick of coming home to seeing you sprawled over my couch like you own the place, please. We’re nearing our thirties… we’re not in our youth anymore, in case you haven’t realised. We’re growing old.”
“But I’m your best friend! Are you getting sick of me? This wouldn’t have happened if you just let me move in with you instead of forcing me to get a place of my own! You know what my apartment’s like… It’s dingy and small and I’m pretty sure the guy that lives next to my unit hates me.”
“Can you blame him, really? Do you not remember that time you turned up drunk and kept trying to use your keys to enter his apartment instead of yours? And then when he opened the door you called him a trespasser? And then a ghost? And then proceeded to vomit all over his carpet? I’m surprised he didn’t file a restraining order or something against you, honestly.” Kun replies dryly, as he hands Sicheng’s phone over to him for him to call the Chinese place they always order food from. “And besides, I remember everything Ten used to say about you when you roomed together in university.”
“That little piece of shit— How dare he talk smack about me behind my back! Do you have to rub in such traumatic experiences into my face? You know I didn’t mean to do any of that. Why are you on his side and not mine? I want new friends.”
Kun simply sighs and settles on the floor in front of Sicheng, finally shutting down his laptop after saving the Word document he was working on beforehand. “Oh, believe me, I want you to have new friends too, Sicheng.”
Sicheng throws a pillow at him from behind to shut him up and Kun says nothing, only wrapping his hands around the pillow as the two of them start paying attention to the show at last.
“Speaking of which, did you get that email about the high school reunion? Are you planning to go?” Kun asks. Don’t say his name, don’t say his name, Sicheng thinks.
“Maybe you’ll get to see Jaehyun after ten years, at last!” Clearly telepathy doesn’t work or Kun and Sicheng aren’t the platonic soulmates Sicheng’s always claimed them to be, because Kun doesn’t seem to get the memo at all.
“I thought we agreed never to mention his name again, Kun… You know his name brings up bad memories for me. And I’m so over him!”
“What bad memories? You mean you obsessing over him and following him around like a little lost puppy? And I would hope for you to be over him… I mean, it’s been ten years? No one mentioned anything about still being hung up on a high school crush, Sicheng.”
2009.
Sicheng’s the lost new transfer student from Zhejiang, dazed and looking around the hallways of his new high school, totally disoriented from his surroundings. Everyone’s bumping into him, walking in the opposite direction, walking with such quick footsteps to five hundred different destinations, none of which Sicheng knows where exists. He’d already visited the administrative office and all they’d done was pass him his new timetable and shooed him out. To say he was lost would be a massive understatement, honestly.
“Hi. I’m Jaehyun. Are you new?” A smooth velvety voice rings out in front of Sicheng, a coarsely rough hand presented for a handshake.
Sicheng looks up. Blinks twice. Opens his mouth, then closes it again, before finally stuttering out a “Yes” that comes out sounding more like a squeak.
The student – no, the god-like creature in front of him is single-handedly, the most handsome man Sicheng has ever seen in the entire seventeen years of his puny life. And Sicheng’d like to say that with his extensive watching of Chinese and Korean dramas alike, he’s seen a lot of curated, pretty celebrities on the screen of his MacBook. So, this was it? 7.7 billion people on Earth and the most attractive one was living right here all along, in Seoul? Suddenly he didn’t hate the move from Zhejiang so much anymore.
It’s too bad Sicheng’s Korean still has a lot of room for improvement, though, and his senses don’t work fast enough before Jaehyun’s attention has moved on to another subject of interest, waving hi to the prongs of people who pass them in the hallway. Clearly, he’s someone who has a lot more friends than Sicheng (who, as of that moment, has a solid friend count of 0.5. That 0.5 comprising of the grumpy woman from the administrative office who’d passed him his class schedule and map.) Jaehyun offers to walk Sicheng to his first class, and as Sicheng walks alongside him, haphazardly attempting to keep up with his wide footsteps and the ease at which Jaehyun navigated the confusing hallways of their high school, he feels like he’s entrapped in a trance. Was this really happening?
Jaehyun points out the different rooms they walk past, chatters on about what he claims to be the ‘must knows’ about surviving in SM High and asks Sicheng questions about where he’s from and why he moved here, all of which are questions Sicheng struggles to reply to, his brain completely overwhelmed. Their high school though, as skewed as Sicheng’s perspective was as a new student, wasn’t really all that big, so the walk to Sicheng’s new homeroom didn’t take any longer than five minutes.
“Well, we’re here! A239. Ms Hwang is pretty nice, I got her for Chemistry last year. Just try not to irritate her too much by asking her the same question too many times and you’ll be fine!” Jaehyun smiles at Sicheng, and honestly, half the words that he’s saying doesn’t really register properly, half because of Sicheng’s relative unfamiliarity to the language and the other half because Sicheng’s mind is too busy focusing on the colour of Jaehyun’s beautiful brown eyes.
Jaehyun waves goodbye and leaves, and Sicheng stands there, outside his homeroom, like a dumbstruck fool. He doesn’t realise that that’ll be the last time they get to spend so long (if you can count five minutes in the hallway as long) alone together in a long, long time.
2020.
The huge round table that Doyoung, then president of the student council had reserved is already mostly filled when Sicheng comes in, a bottle of wine in his hand, slightly late and wiping the sheen of sweat of his forehead after rushing to the restaurant from the press conference he’d been at that had run for way longer than Sicheng had expected. He waves his phone, screen open to the email invitation he had received regarding the reunion as he scans the room, matching the names he hadn’t heard for years to the vaguely familiar, and much more mature faces around the room.
“Oh my god, is that Dong Sicheng? It’s been so long, dude!” Sicheng laughs awkwardly as he nods, accepting Johnny’s very overly enthusiastic hug and simultaneously calculating his seating options before eventually settling on a place between Jungwoo, his former biology lab partner and Yuta, the soccer player that had once asked Sicheng out and gotten rejected (because Sicheng only had eyes for Jaehyun and was being picky, but Sicheng had never cited that as the reason, of course). He curses under his breath – of course Kun is later than him at this event where Sicheng feels like he needs him more than ever, when Kun’s usually the one – for the lack of better word to describe it – anal, about every strict following of every single minute of his schedule.
“Now that most people are here, let’s kick off the festivities, shall we!” Doyoung raises a glass up in the air, an action which is followed by the rest of them, as Sicheng clinks glasses with Yuta next to him and Jungwoo who gives him a warm smile.
One hour into their talking, Sicheng’s got a rosy flush around his cheeks after gulping down a few more glasses of wine than he’d intended to, the bottle of rosé in the middle of the table already three quarters empty. It’s at that moment, when the door opens, and like in a fairytale, or those annoyingly cliché romance movies (which Sicheng admittedly loves), that he walks in.
Jung Jaehyun, in all his glory.
Sicheng’s heart leaps right fucking out of his chest and into Jaehyun’s arms again, even after all these fucking years. God damn nostalgia and the fact that Jaehyun hasn’t changed at all – if only, gotten even more handsome with age and maturity. He looks more confident than ever, hair swept up and a blazer fitted perfectly on his shoulders.
“Sorry for being late!” Jaehyun says, with his crinkly smile and a wave, making eye contact with everyone in the room before he zeroes into Sicheng and his heart stops. Doyoung gestures to one of the three empty seats left in the room – that of which just happens to be directly facing opposite Sicheng. Sicheng’s head feels heavy from the alcohol and his heart can’t stop palpitating. Especially when the alcohol in his system’s brought his barrier down, meaning there’s nothing stopping him from openly staring at Jaehyun, admiring the way he laughs and the way he looks when he raises his glass into the air to make a toast. Suddenly everything’s spinning and Sicheng can only see Jaehyun, Jaehyun, Jaehyun, and the way Jaehyun still has the same beautiful smile from when he first saw it ten years ago – before everything fades to black.
2009.
It’s the first basketball game of the season, and Sicheng – along with the rest of the school’s population, is obviously super pumped. Their basketball team is the de facto niche club of the school, sweeping trophies off the rack and having notoriously pretty much never lost a game since the new coach Minho, an ex-professional player had taken over.
Kun’s sitting next to him with a disinterested expression while Sicheng eagerly leans forward, the two of them having taken the second row all the way at the front – where Sicheng says it’s ‘not too obvious’ that he’s there to ogle at Jaehyun and Kun retorts otherwise, what with the sparkly lovestruck gaze he strikes the basketball player throughout the match and scarily intense cheering from him that reverberates through the gym.
“Shh! Shut up Kun, the game’s starting,” Sicheng says, only to be given a bewildered reaction by Kun who goes, “Shut up? Me shut up? I haven’t said anything, you’re the one who’s been screaming about Jaehyun before anything’s even begun, my god.”
2020.
Sicheng wakes up with a pounding headache.
“You mean to say… I blacked out the moment Jaehyun came in?” Kun’s at the table in front, back facing him as he types on his laptop.
“That’s exactly what happened, yes.” Sicheng blinks a few times, rubbing his head and drinking the water and swallowing the Tylenol Kun’s left on the bedside table.
“Weren’t you not there when he came in? Fuck, I don’t remember anything… Just that he came in and he looked so good and I couldn’t stop staring. I feel like I’m thirteen again.”
“Thirteen? Sicheng, I hate to break it to you, but you’ve been like this pretty much the whole of your life. I don’t think you’ve matured much since then, and I’m saying this in the kindest way possible.” Sicheng throws a pillow at Kun, only for a soft thud to be heard before it slides down to the floor.
“Anyways, I reached just a while after and you were giggling like no one’s business, leaning over the table and talking extremely loudly to Jaehyun specifically.
2020.
“So, what’s good here?” Jaehyun asks, turning to the waiter with that smile that automatically of course, puts the server into a better mood (at least, from what Sicheng can ascertain from the more friendly stature that he eases into).
The waiter, whose nametag reads Jaemin, chirps, “Well, the filet mignon? Is the specialty item here, so I guess that? But personally, if you ask me, my favourite would be the pesto pasta. Get it, pair it with white wine and end the whole dinner off with vanilla gelato before you leave. That is what I would recommend.”
Jaehyun closes the menu with a satisfied thunk, and smiles, again to the waiter. “We’ll get that, then! Anything else you want, Sicheng?”
Finally, the waiter turns away from Jaehyun and looks at Sicheng, for the first time since he’s arrived at their table, expression a whole lot more dispassionate and tone a whole lot more disinterested. Sicheng scans through the menu another time, pondering for a moment – and then just shakes his head feebly.
“So, what’ve you been up to these days? It’s been so long… You said you were working for a magazine now, right? That was you? I didn’t remember wrong, right?” Sicheng cringes a little at the thought of Jaehyun confusing him with someone, but just nods embarrassedly.
“Yeah, it’s just a stupid tabloid kinda thing. Label V? You might’ve heard of us before. What do you do?”
2021.
The thing about being with Jaehyun is that Sicheng feels a lot more alive, a lot bigger a person than he usually is, but simultaneously smaller than ever, presence equally elevated and yet at the same time, so, so minute next to the radiating, entrancing one of Jaehyun.
There are so many ‘maybe this’ and ‘maybe that’s that run through Sicheng’s head whenever he’s with Jaehyun, and although he (thinks) he’s (maybe) completely sure he’s in love with Jaehyun, he can’t really for sure say the same about Jaehyun to him. And that makes a mess out of Sicheng’s mind. It was so much easier when Jaehyun was just an idealised figure away from him, definitely unattainable and not like this – not so close to being his? But just maybe?
Sicheng just flops onto the bed, thoughts in disarray and forcing a shutdown before his mind can continue overworking itself with its constant questioning of his love life.
2010.
It’s graduation night, or better known as prom for most. Sicheng hasn’t had the courage to ask Jaehyun out – much less for a dance, at all, but has simply relegated himself to standing next to the table with punch and snacks for half the night, sighing whenever he sees Jaehyun dragged to the dance floor with another girl in a sparkly dress and heels, and ignoring Kun’s attempts to join the rest of them for a stupid conga line or whatever. Sicheng has a reputation to upkeep, okay. Even if that reputation just so happens to be ‘cowardly fool who refuses to dance with anyone but Jaehyun yet can’t bring himself to make the first move’.
2010.
Studying is tough, and Sicheng’s got an impending headache thinking about university applications and how he’s afraid he won’t get into the course he wants here in Korea yet he can’t go back to China either because the competition there is even more intense and he’s already completed his education here in Korea and God his mind is in so many different places at once and he doesn’t want to leave his friends and he doesn’t want to leave Jaehyun and—
Wow. He doesn’t want to leave Jaehyun. That’s funny. Maybe he should do something about it. Or maybe not. He whispers a meek “Hi” as Jaehyun walks past him on the corridor on the way to the guidance counsellor, and Jaehyun flashes him a blindingly bright smile that gives Sicheng heart palpitations.
2011.
No one hears about where Jaehyun’s gone to, as if he’s somehow simply disappeared off the face of the earth after prom. Sicheng keeps his ears out and does all he can to find out what he can – messaging Jaehyun’s basketball teammates on Messenger, and even resorting to sending emails to their school’s guidance counsellor to ask about what Jaehyun said about his future plans, to no avail. “I can’t just give out information like that, sorry” is what she had said, even after Sicheng had pleaded to her over the second desperate phone call.
It’s fine. Sicheng can survive. He’ll move onto university and find someone new to obsess over. Surely there’ll be someone else for him out there. Jaehyun’s just a chapter of his life that’s now over, and it’s time for Sicheng to close it without further second thought.
“I don’t know if you ever knew, but I used to have the most embarrassingly huge crush on you when we were in high school,” Sicheng blabbers, tracing a finger around Jaehyun’s amused face as he proceeds to poke his dimples. “You were so handsome. Actually, you still are, but that’s,” Sicheng giggles, “A secret! No one will ever know.” Sicheng places a finger on Jaehyun’s lips, before going “Shh”, and Jaehyun simply looks on at Sicheng, the ghost of a smile shadowing.