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Anyone who looks at Keiji could tell he often had rough days. It’s not as if his eye bags and almost-constant frown did him any favors to disprove their suspicions. He’s always had a hard time keeping his anxiety and exhaustion away from his appearance.
Osamu, however, did not. He always presented himself as optimistic and strong and driven- something that was most likely a bi-factor of his upbringing with a competitive brother. Keiji and Osamu had gotten together- officially- about 4 months ago, and Keiji still has never seen him have a “rough day.”
At least, not until now.
The door to Keiji’s apartment opens a bit quieter than normal- a sign that Osamu is back after having been at the shop for the last many hours. It’s Sunday, and Osamu is staying the weekend at his place- although the weekend doesn’t usually mean either of them stop working.
“Welcome back,” Keiji drones, eyes still locked on his laptop- right where he’s been ever since he woke up.
The first thing that catches Keiji off guard is the silence. Osamu is always enthusiastic to greet him, no matter how tired he may be.
Keiji looks at the time- 8pm. Osamu has been at the shop for 14 hours.
He stumbles into the living area from Keiji’s genkkan, face shadowed and downturned. His black shirt is messy with ingredients, and he looks much more burnt out than usual. He grumbles something under his breath that’s far too low and quiet for Keiji to hear and trudges into the kitchen.
Keiji looks down at his report- which is finished, but only on it’s second revision. He debates for a second, but ultimately succumbs to his intrigue and curiosity and stands up to head towards his boyfriend.
Keiji pushes his glasses up off his forehead and into his hair. He turns the corner and raises a brow.
Osamu is hunched over his counter, drinking a glass of water with a glare that could melt steel. He’s focused on Keiji’s out-dated backsplash with such ferocity that it almost seems as if he’s offended by the granite.
Keiji bites his cheek, crosses his arms, and leans against the wall. Interesting.
He waits until Osamu is done drinking. It’s not as if he isn’t aware of Keiji’s presence- and he clearly has no interest in engaging until he’s finished. Keiji watches him glare at his kitchen wall and waits patiently.
“You can quit yer glarin’ at me, Keiji.”
His voice is rocky and bitter. Keiji’s chest tightens but he refuses to let it hurt him. He swallows and raises his eyebrow again.
“If you could, you’d be burning a whole through my kitchen at the moment. I also can’t think of a time when you didn’t greet me in my own home, so here I am,” Keiji says calmly.
Round grey eyes slide over to him- narrowed like they want to hold heat but fail to do so.
“Ya didn’t stop workin’ today, did ya.”
Keiji narrows his own eyes. “Don’t change the subject.”
“What if I don’t wanna talk about it.”
“Then you wouldn’t be pouting in my kitchen.”
“How do ya know that? You act like ya know everythin’ about me.”
Keiji takes a step forward, eyeing his boyfriend with as much of an unimpressed glare as he can muster.
“Do you not want to talk about it?”
Osamu immediately looks at the ground and puts its glass down. Keiji’s gut swoops- some disgusting pride he always feels when he’s instinct is correct. “Ya don’t wanna hear about it. Trust me.”
Keiji resists smiling and forces his body forward again until he’s a step away. His hands are shaking and he hates comforting people but he wants to comfort this man right now. He has to swallow his unease and support him like Osamu has supported him countless times before.
No matter how stubborn Keiji is- no matter how long it takes him to crack and break down- Osamu is there .
Keiji is going to repay him for that if it kills him.
“What is it,” Keiji tries to use a soft voice. “I want to hear about it.”
Osamu scoffs, twisting his face away but keeping his body in line with Keiji. “Yeah, sure. Yer probably just intrigued ‘cause I’m never pissed off like this.”
Keiji bites his lip and resolutely says nothing.
Osamu glances at him and rolls his eyes, his expression immediately souring once again. He pouts and pushes his forearm out so it collides with Keiji’s chest, forcing him out of the way as Osamu steps forward and starts to stomp out of the kitchen. Like a child, Keiji thinks.
“Just keep workin’ yerself to death then, ” a harsh spit that almost urges Keiji to flinch. “I’ll just shower and rinse it off. I'll be fine in an hour.”
Keiji just watches his boyfriend stomp away from him and around the corner into Keiji’s bedroom. His head feels like it spins for a minute- struggling with his inner debate more intensely than he has since they started dating. Keiji isn’t used to being a partner- he isn’t sure what to do in order to make Osamu feel cared for.
He places his hands on the counter top and lets the cool granite sink into his skin. He closes his eyes and decides to try and think about this rationally. He hears Osamu turn on the shower and bites at the scarred skin inside his cheek. When Keiji has a bad day, Osamu will force him into relaxing in some way and then do things to help him unwind. He usually cooks, or buys a movie Keiji would like, or lets him read in a room with no distractions. Keiji can’t cook… and Osamu isn't particularly fond of reading. From how that conversation just unfolded, Keiji doubts just putting on a distraction would help at all.
Keiji runs his hand down his face and sighs, leaning against the counter. Keiji likes those things. Osamu is different from him, and he feels a bit out of touch and foolish trying to figure this out based on what he likes.
Sometimes he feels so trapped in his own head that he thinks it starts to destroy things around him.
Osamu… think, think think.
Ah. He knows.
He shakes his head a few times to refocus, and then he heads toward the shower with such solid determination it makes his heart race a bit. He needs to be confident with this. Osamu is openly needing his help for the first time in their relationship and Keiji needs to meet him in the middle.
He knows what to do.
——-
The bathroom is steamy when Keiji opens the door, despite the water only being on for a few minutes at most. He waves away the fog at first but gives up and bee lines toward his shower curtain, his throat bundled up in nervous knots that feel as if they’re choking him along with the humidity.
He peaks around the curtain, and Osamu tenses at first- his wide back facing the shower head and not Keiji. He sighs, deep and heavy, and hangs his head.
“Please, love. Not now.”
His voice is thick. Choked up- wet- heavy. Keiji feels the knots grow in size at the sound- at the realization that his boyfriend has been crying.
Keiji steps into the shower without a second thought.
The water is hot- his socks are soaked and stuck to him immediately. He scoots right up into Osamu’s space before wrapping his arms around his hot, soaked skin. Osamu bristles, twisting around and trying- and failing to look at him. Keiji hides his face between wide shoulder blades, clinging onto his boyfriend as the water soaks through his clothes and regret soaks into his heart.
“H-hey!” Osamu’s voice is still thick with tears. Keiji holds him tighter and gulps.
“...I’m sorry,” he mutters. Osamu stills in his squirming and lets go of Keiji’s wrists- abandoning his attempt to pry them away. “I’m sorry, Osamu.”
His boyfriend takes a deep, stuttering, choppy breath and slowly deflates. Keiji furrows his brow and hugs him tighter, his heart pounding so hard he’s certain Osamu can feel it against the skin of his back.
“Ya didn’t do anythin’ wrong,” Osamu says, but it’s weak. “ And I love ya. I know yer not the… the best at takin’ care of other people.”
Keiji’s heart throbs unpleasantly. The hot water is running down his face. “I used to be. I used to be wonderful at it.”
Bokuto.
“R-right..”
“Fuck, sorry,” Keiji squeezes, furrowing his brows in frustration. He feels utterly helpless- he prays that if he holds Osamu tight enough it’ll keep them both from falling into pieces. “This isn’t about him. Or me.”
Osamu huffs a sad, single laugh- void of any hunor. “Ya didn’t come in here fully clothed to talk about your ex boyfriend?”
Keiji winces internally. “No. I’m… sorry. Again.”
“Keiji,” Osamu whispers. “Stop apologizin’.”
Keiji swallows, physically biting down on his tongue to stop the next apology that immediately tries to bubble up. He nuzzles into Osamu’s back and feels him unwind a bit more. Silence sits over them for a little bit, but it’s not vicious or upset anymore. Keiji really needs some practice at this… or maybe some advice. Perhaps he could ask someone who knows Osamu well. Kita-san is a bit of a stretch, but Sakusa is dating his twin. He honestly might be Keiji’s only option. He makes a mental note to bring it up next time they meet.
Keiji swallows and takes a deep, stuttering breath. “…Would you like to tell me about it?” Worth a try.
Osamu sighs. “I dunno.”
Another minute passes, and Osamu gently covers his hands on Keiji’s, resting on his soft stomach.
“We had two employees walk out today,” he says softly. “I wasn’t there at the time, but when I got back from delivery, the place was swamped and everyone was pissed. I ain’t seen it that crazy since opening week.”
Keiji hums. Osamu’s fingers lock between his and squeeze shakily.
“When the rush was over, I talked to the lead and she was actin’ all weird,” his voice lowers and his grip tightens. “She said they walked out ‘cause they just wanted to work at the shop ‘cause I’m a ‘famous Miya twin.’ Said that the food was shit and I should’a stuck to volleyball like ‘Tsumu and-”
His voice cuts off in a crack and Keiji feels him shaking a little. His heart aches in his chest. What insensitive children.
“I usually don’t get bothered by comments like that, ya know?” Keiji nods. It’s hot now. He’s starting to sweat. “I dunno what’s wrong with me.”
Keiji lets go of him and gently guides him around so they’re face to face. The water obstructs his view so his boyfriend’s downtrodden face is nothing but a steamy blur. Large hands land on Keiji’s waist over his soaked t-shirt and their foreheads press together gently. Osamu sniffs, and Keiji closes his eyes, gently trailing his hands up his chest in a way that he hopes is calming.
“Keiji,” Osamu’s voice is nothing but a weak whisper. “Ya always tell me the truth, right?”
“Yes.” It’s a flaw more than anything else.
“Do ya think I made a mistake?” Keiji’s heart sinks into his chest as the words leave, Osamu’s breath close enough to hit his lips. “Do you think everyone is right?”
“Osamu-”
“‘Tsumu won the last V-league tournament,” his voice cracks again and Keiji’s fingers start to shake, now clutching his shoulders. The patter of the water on his skin is fast enough to match his heart. “He was real happy. I haven’t stopped thinkin’ about it since. I want ‘im to be happy, ya know, I just-”
“Osamu-” Keiji tries again to calm him down for both of their sakes.
“What if I should’a never quit,” his forehead presses harder against him and Keiji cups his face, his own fingers shaking now. Osamu is holding him tighter, arms around his torso instead of his hips like he doesn’t want Keiji to go anywhere.
“What if I messed up startin’ this business, Keiji? What ‘m I gonna do if it fails? I aint good at anything else and this is all I’ve ever wanted ta do-”
Keiji tilts Osamu’s head down and seals their lips together in a kiss.
It takes a second or two for Osamu to lean into him. Keiji is grateful the water is streaming down their faces- grateful he can’t decipher the stream from tears. Osamu does break though- taking a shaky breath and then pulling Keiji up against him so swiftly that he almost completely loses his footing.
He holds him tight to his body, arms wrapped around his waist like he wants their bodies to merge together completely. Keiji sighs against his mouth and moves his own arms around Osamu’s neck, trying to hold him just as tight. The kiss is hard and firm and warm- both of their faces are wet from being under the stream but Osamu doesn’t seem to care so neither does he. Keiji- although he’s reluctant to admit it- is pretty sure he would be willing to kiss this man anywhere in the world.
“Samu,” he breathes, low and gentle against soft lips.
“Mm-” Osamu tries to kiss him again and Keiji leans away just enough to dodge.
“Perhaps it’s a bit hypocritical for me to lecture you about work,” Keiji whispers. “But you are very successful. I’ve never seen someone more dedicated to their business than you.”
“Ya don’t have to-”
“And no one has turned a profit as quickly as you have with their first venture. You know that.”
Osamu closes his mouth and hugs Keiji tighter. “..I guess.”
Keiji takes a deep breath. He has a feeling that this is actually helping. “You’re allowed to feel like you’re lost when you’re doing things on your own.”
His boyfriend’s lip wobbles. “Maybe me doin’ it on my own ’s the problem.”
Keiji bites his bottom lip, his heart throbbing anxiously in his chest as Osamu starts to tremble in repressed sobs again. He’s still holding Keiji tight but Keiji feels unnaturally far away from him- like he can’t grab on to save his life. “That’s not what-”
“Well I.. dunno Keiji,” his voice is soft and deep and raw. Keiji moves to cup his face in his palms. “I always had my brother with me before this. I can’t fer the life of me think ’a something from high school that happened without him right next to me. That’s pathetic, huh.”
Keiji has no siblings- he doesn’t know what that sort of a bond is like- but he sees how the Miya’s interact and he likes to think he understands it a little bit simply by watching. He swallows heavily, and closes his eyes- pressing his forehead to Osamu’s and brushing his thumb along his cheek. He isn’t sure if this is good- if it feels natural to Osamu; if Keiji’s tension and disorientation in the situation comes across as loudly as he thinks it does.
“Darling,” Keiji himself rarely pulls out the pet name Osamu seems to love so much- but it does what it needs to; making Osamu still and reorient in his hands. “You are more than just a twin. You broke away from that attachment even though I’m certain it was difficult for you both.”
Osamu gulps. He sniffles and pulls Keiji closer.
“You carved this path yourself . Correct?”
A soft nod.
“Then revel in the fact that you did it on your own- that you branched out and conquered. You’re right where you should be.” Keiji honestly doesn’t know where all these solid words are originating from, but they flow easily. His own words flutter around in his head and suddenly he feels mind numbingly embarrassed.
His face starts to warm, but he takes another deep breath and tries to relax in Osamu’s warm touch. Their fingers are getting pruned. Keiji is uncomfortable and hot and his clothes are likely ruined for good.
“There will always be critics. Humans are self-righteous and insensitive. Don’t drown in those thoughts when you can help it.”
Osamu laughs.
It’s a very soft, tired sound. Genuine . Keiji squeezes his eyes shut as the warmth in his face increases and his mortification bubbles up into his throat. What the hell is he doing.
“Well look at you,” his boyfriend coos softly. “Awfully good advice coming from someone who-”
Keiji kisses him again- this time to shut him up out of anger instead of worry. It’s a bit harsher than necessary, but he tries to keep it light. He lets Osamu’s humor bubble away against his lips and lets the laughter replace sobs.
Despite himself, Keiji is unconventionally proud .
Osamu breathes out a gentle sigh against him, and hugs him- pulling him up until Keiji grumbles in uncomfort. It’s warm in the shower. The fog from the hot stream of water is clouding their vision but it matches the bittersweet atmosphere that’s begun to settle over them.
For once in his life, Keiji feels no need to rush with the kiss. It’s a strange feeling- he’s accustomed to feeling this need to move on from it at a certain point; whether thats escalating it or stopping it entirely.
Here, in this humid shower, with all his clothes on his body, Keiji isn’t quite worried about rushing things anymore.
He’s sure he will be in the morning. Osamu hums against his lips and smiles, and Keiji squishes his cheeks together just because he feels like it.
It took a while for this comfort to settle in his mind- feeling comfortable with a partner took time; and required someone like Osamu. Someone patient and gentle and understanding.
Someone who loves him hard enough to make Keiji love them back.
“Thanks,” Osamu pulls away and whispers against him. “I love you.”
“Mm.”
I love you too.
Hands gently travel from his waist up his back over his t-shirt and Keiji scowls. Wet clothing has to be one of the least pleasant feelings on the planet- and now that he’s done worrying about Osamu he’s very aware how awful it feels accompanied with how tired he is.
“Are you cold? You shouldn’t have gotten in with all your clothes-“
“I know,” Keiji cuts him off and ducks down to avoid his gaze. “Let’s go to bed.”
“Yeah,” Osamu sighs like the idea sounds like a triple layered cake. He reaches around and turns off the shower. “We need to warm you up too.”
Almost immediately after the water stops hitting his skin, Keiji is wracked with a chill. Osamu laughs and pulls him close again, big arms wrapped around him in a hug. Keiji frowns. How does he come off chipper right after crying the way he did?
“…are you feeling better?”
Osamu hugs him tighter, and kisses his temple. “A little.”
Well, that’s better than nothing. At least Keiji helped.
Maybe that’s all he needs to do on rough days.