Chapter Text
Exasperated sighs come out from Kang Seulgi’s mouth as she reads the teddy bear table clock on her nightstand.
Not one to consciously curse unless extremely frustrated (which is saying a lot given Seulgi has the patience of a literal saint), she mouths, “Shit.” as 2:21AM is flashed on her clock. She wouldn't mind the insomnia if she has no schedule the succeeding day, or rather in the next couple of hours.
Known as the fast and heavy sleeper among the members who can literally sleep just about anytime and anywhere, she’s appalled that she’s tried just about everything in order to fall asleep - from watching ASMR videos, visualizing then counting sheep on the ceiling, and when desperate times calls for desperate measures - searching on Google, “How to fall asleep in the next minute.” to no success at all.
However, she knows the reason for her inability to sleep. They’re performing in a music show as five after a year and a half of hiatus. She recalls the moment during their first day of dance practice for this comeback and how she almost died out of laughter that day, which caused her to be left breathless, a tummy ache at almost every second, tears streaming down from her face.
Sooyoung and Yerim being the chaotic, troublemaker duo who didn’t pull any punches when it comes to pranking their unnies.
Joohyun unnie, being the responsible leader that she is, tried to hold the fort against the demonic duo. However, sooner or later, gave into the temptation of the maknaes’ pranks and thus, joined in the pranking itself, leaving the poor 94-liners to fend for themselves.
Well, Joohyun unnie isn’t famously known as the ‘fake maknae’ by the fans for nothing.
And then there’s Seungwan, who is literally a walking bakery as she brought an abundance of pastries and snacks during breaks to ensure everyone was energized enough to practice the choreography the whole day.
Since she doesn’t see the members so often anymore, especially now that they have their own individual places, she realizes those ‘just an ordinary day in the life of an idol’ days, the seemingly mundane moments of being together as five is what makes her happy. Because as Joohyun unnie says, “she’s with the people she loves and trusts the most.”
Seungwan has stated before when she publicly announced her debut as soloist earlier this year, trying to fill the empty seats of members is a big responsibility when doing individual activities. And while she is still waiting for her turn to debut as a soloist (much to the fans’ anticipation as she regularly checks Twitter trends of #SeuloWhen, which by the way, is almost always written in all caps), she knows that feeling all too well when she ventured into more solo opportunities during the hiatus. She knows there will always be that pressure and huge shoes to fulfill whether it’s an individual or a group activity. However, as she’s been spending more time the past few months with the members in preparation for their comeback just like the good old days, she recognizes this pressure is much more bearable when they face it together and that’s when she realizes how much she misses her bandmates turned sisters.
Along with such yearning comes the nervousness as well. She jokes to the fans about discharging from the military and finally going back to her main job as an idol. But after a year and a half of not performing, she can’t deny that the jitters are there. In a few hours, they’ll be pre-recording their latest single, Queendom in MusicBank. She knows the lyrics and dance steps at the back of her hand since she’s been practicing non-stop for the past few weeks. However, she knows she can still mess up, especially when she’s absolutely certain she’s going to be severely sleep deprived later. Unfortunately, It also doesn’t help that there is still no stage audience due to the pandemic as the enthusiastic fans and their infectious energetic fanchants give her strength and hype her up. Nevertheless in spite of these factors, she still can’t contain her excitement.
She knows she should at least try to sleep but she gives up. She only hopes her muscle memory will be her knight in shining armor tomorrow.
For Kang Seulgi, giving up on sleep means getting up from her bed then going to the hallway that leads toward Seungwan’s room. It’s no secret among the members, the two best friends frequently visit each other’s rooms often (much to Sooyoung’s ‘jealousy’, calling Seungwan out for always visiting her Seulgi unnie). This habit of theirs continues even when they have their own places.
Since they can’t hang outside often due to the current situation, Seulgi visits Seungwan’s house every once in a while to chat, bake, or sing together. During said home visits, she’s grateful she got to meet Seungwan’s parents who are currently staying in Korea to look after their daughter. She’s also thankful that the main vocalist has been spending more time with her parents when she doesn’t have a schedule since she barely or never even got to spend with them ever since her debut. 7 years is a ridiculously long time and to this day, Seulgi can’t fathom how Seungwan managed to survive being away that long from her parents.
But Seungwan is Seungwan and if there’s anything Seulgi knows and admires about her best friend is that she’s a fighter who can overcome any adversity and hardships thrown at her.
Likewise, Seungwan visits Seulgi’s house so often that she’s practically living there. When her best friend’s week is packed with schedules, she visits once every week but if she’s free, she’s probably there three times a week. And whenever Seungwan visits, she never fails to bring food, particularly the ones Seulgi likes, which is no surprise since Seungwan’s main love language has always been giving delicious foods and ensuring her loved ones are well fed. Seungwan especially loves giving Seulgi a basket of her favorite fruits as if these are gifts for a house blessing. Sometimes Seulgi opens the door to the smell of freshly baked pastries - products of her best friend’s experimentations in the kitchen. There are other days wherein Seulgi randomly texts her best friend to come over because she wants to watch a movie together. She’s lost count how many times they’ve watched her favorite movie, Before Sunrise together and even though Seungwan initially whines about having to watching the film ‘a million times’ again, she eventually heeds to Seulgi’s request because she says she can never say no when ‘Seulgi’s being her usual cute self’ particularly whenever Seulgi begs. Other times, she asks Seungwan to come over because she can’t finish the food that she made for herself even though in reality, it’s just an excuse to see her best friend but she doesn’t want to admit that she misses her or else , she’ll never hear the end of it from Seungwan. Sometimes she spontaneously invites Seungwan over for a chat, which eventually turns into a heart-to-heart talks that lasts until dawn. During all those times and as long as she doesn’t have an important schedule, her same-aged best friend would immediately be at her doorstep minutes after Seulgi sends her a text to come over.
As she happily and quietly walks on the way to Seungwan’s room, she muses at the thought that first, no distance can tear them apart and second, how despite their own busy schedules, they will always make time for each other. It’s one of many things Seulgi appreciates about their friendship.
As she nears Seungwan’s door, she wonders if her best friend is still awake but her question is immediately answered when she hears a faint sound coming from the room. Seulgi places an ear on the door. She hears the same word sung over and over again, getting more powerful and louder in each succession.
“RAINBOW!”
“RAINBOOOW!!”
“RAINBOOOOOW?!?!?!”
“Seungwan is practicing her high notes. I shouldn’t disturb her,” Seulgi utters to herself as she begins to remove herself from her best friend’s door yet a part of her wills to stay. She always loves listening to Seungwan sing during her singing practice sessions because Seulgi can see the progression of how the main vocalist diligently and wonderfully transforms a certain lyric to its intended emotion. Seulgi thinks Seungwan always has the gift of a storyteller whenever she sings. Just by listening to Seungwan sing so passionately, particularly songs that are personal to her, the audience will be moved - hearts touched and overflowed with powerful emotions.
Too engrossed in Seungwan’s singing, her trance is snapped as she suddenly finds herself falling to the floor inside of Seungwan’s room. Before Seulgi’s head can be hit with a potentially sickening thud, she surprises herself through a quick reflex of her hands, protecting her head as her whole body finally crashes on the floor. She huffs a relief of being able to catch herself. The last thing she needs before a much-awaited performance is getting a sudden concussion.
“Seulgi? What are you doing? It’s late!” Seungwan’s eyes and mouth grow big and wide at the sight of her best friend who’s now looking embarrassed on the floor as if she was caught committing a scandalous act (if sneaking into your best friend’s room in an ungodly hour counts.) Nevertheless, Seungwan hurriedly reaches out a hand to help Seulgi stand up, eyes filled with concern.
Seulgi accepts Seungwan’s hand and the main vocalist hoists her up. Seulgi ruffles her shirt then clears her throat, “Seungwan-ah, why are you still awake?” She briefly looks away from Seungwan to look at her best friend’s messy desk then speaks again, tilting her head, “Practicing?”
Seungwan exaggeratedly raises her eyebrows back, prompting Seulgi’s attention. Seungwan is in her usual night attire - an oversized hoodie, plain black pajamas, and reading specs. Despite having no makeup on and her disheveled hair hidden under a cap, Seulgi always finds this Seungwan look to be the most beautiful. She also never fails to remind Seungwan how beautiful she is and reprimands Seungwan if the latter says her fans won’t love her anymore because she’s ugly without makeup.
And if her heart racing isn’t any indication–
“Seul, I think I asked first.” She pauses briefly in order to emphasize what she’s about to say next, “Why are you still awake?”
Seulgi lets out a sigh, “I couldn’t sleep so I wanted to go to your room. I was having some jitters–” She then sees Seungwan raise her eyebrows again but this time with a more evident worried expression on her face after Seulgi’s last utterance so she sheepishly grins and waves her hand to relieve of her best friend’s frets and that everything’s fine.
She then changes the subject because she thinks it’s not really that big of a deal and doesn't want her best friend to worry because she knows she will. “Like what we used to always do when we still permanently lived in the dorm. But then I heard you were practicing so I thought I shouldn’t disturb you. But then you opened the door while I was listening so now here I am.” She gives her best friend a thumbs up. “Just got up from the floor.”
In response, Wendy begins to laugh out loud but immediately covers her mouth upon realizing that they are both still awake at such an ungodly hour. Her best friend pouts as she wraps her arms around Seulgi. “Why are you so cute, Seulgi-yah? I was singing but I could hear your voice coming out from the door.” She pulls away to lightly punch her best friend’s shoulders. “You don’t realize how loud you can be sometimes.”
The main vocalist then holds Seulgi’s hand and as their hands both intertwine, the warmth coming from Seungwan’s hands gives a surge of comfort in her cold, clammy hands. Her best friend then says, “You can stay in my room but I’m going to practice a bit more, is that okay with you?”
Seulgi squeezes her bestfriend’s hand then nods. “Of course, Wannie. I can practice with you if you like.”
Her best friend’s face lights up with sparkles on her eyes, which Seulgi knows is an expression of elation and gratitude on Seungwan’s end. “Yes I’d love that,” Wendy pauses for a bit then speaks again, “And oh, Seul?”
Seulgi tilts her head, her eyes staring at her best friend with curiosity. “What is it?”
Seungwan gently smiles at Seulgi as if to reassure her. “You never disturb me.”
Her heart racing earlier now soars upon the main vocalist’s words. She knows she shouldn’t be this surprised since Seungwan has always been the greasy, affectionate one - the type to never hold back when it comes to expressing her love towards Seulgi and the members. However whenever Seungwan and only Seungwan says these things, there are always butterflies forming on her stomach. And for the 10 years of their friendship, Seulgi can’t fathom as to why it only happens with Seungwan.
They both walk towards Seungwan’s work desk hand in hand until her best friend settles on the chair beside her desk while Seulgi grabs a chair to sit beside Seungwan.
While her best friend types something on her laptop, Seulgi takes a quick look on Seungwan’s desk. Music sheets of their comeback single, Queendom, are splayed all over the desk. The sheets are completely covered in Seungwan’s handwriting - her best friend’s notes on how to sing a particular word with the intonation and chord.
She chuckles at the written note placed beside the word, ‘Rainbow’, which says, “Sing this word as if your life depends on it.”
Seulgi tells her best friend as she takes the music sheet, “You continue to amaze me, you know.”
Her best friend doesn’t directly look at Seulgi, attempting to hide the faint blush forming on her cheeks as she asks in a tone filled with surprise and curiosity, “Huh? Why?”
Seulgi presents Seungwan the music sheet completely covered in the latter’s writing. “With this. Even though I’ve known you for more than 10 years, you still continue to blow me away with your singing and how much you dedicate yourself to the craft.” Like an instinct, Seulgi places a hand on her best friend’s shoulder, her smile growing bigger to express how proud she is of the main vocalist. “When I was listening to you earlier sing the same line over and over again, it made me realize every time I hear you sing, it always feels like love at first sound– like hearing you sing for the first time and falling in love with it.”
Praising her best friend’s vocals, Seulgi couldn’t help but be proud of her best friend’s debut as a soloist months ago. She recalls how Wendy was so nervous during that time, which was evident in her doomscrolling in Naver, Pann, Instagram, and even that-must-be-avoided blue bird app to see fans’ responses and reactions. During that time, she constantly reminded her best friend that while it’s normal to feel nervous, there’s nothing she should be apprehensive about since she’s singing songs that’s deeply personal to her and for that very reason, reassures her that people will love it. Not only has Seungwan’s album had done well commercially (Seulgi even jokes it’s enough to ‘feed them for the whole year’), it has also won the hearts of many fans, fellow idols, and even the highly renowned critics in the music industry. She’s pretty convinced everyone has “When This Rain Stops” on their healing playlist. Who wouldn’t be comforted by her best friend’s angelic voice?
And the fact that Seungwan wanted her to be a part of debut album is a huge honor in itself with the track, Best Friend. Since the main vocalist explained that Like Water is an autobiographical album that is of personal significance, a collaboration track that celebrates their friendship as a part of it means that Seulgi is important in Seungwan’s life just as much as Seungwan is important in hers.
During the recording they may have joked about being ‘business friends’ as well as how cheesy the lyrics are that they don’t dare say this out loud. However, while singing this song, they both realize this song perfectly describes their friendship - how they’ll always be thankful for each other’s presence and how they’ll always protect each other because they’re best friends. Her heart grows warm whenever she watches interviews about the main vocalist being asked about the track. Seungwan always explains that when she first heard the song, she immediately thought of Seulgi because Seulgi is her best friend and wanted to sing this song of friendship with her. During these kinds of interviews, her best friend never hesitates to express her gratitude and love for Seulgi despite teasing, “You’ll never ever hear this from me again, Kang Seulgi, so make the most out of it!”
Even though in reality, Seungwan continuously declares her love for Seulgi. The serenade proposal her best friend executed at their MMTG episode is a definitive proof of such. It was embarrassing at best on Seungwan's end yet Seulgi knew that her joke about her heart fluttering didn’t quite feel like a joke at all. Under the amusement and cringe was also her heartbeat skipping fast as Seungwan courageously did what she had to do on live television. It’s a shame it didn’t make the final cut even if Seulgi chose Seungwan as the winner - perhaps South Korea still has a long way to go when it comes to being inclusive.
If it were the other way around, Seulgi would have immediately thought of Seungwan too. It’s just how things have always been between the two of them ever since they met - they will always be each other’s firsts. Seulgi believes in the existence of soulmates and the moment Seungwan entered her life, she’s pretty convinced she’s found the soulmate in Seungwan.
She didn’t think much about the weight of the label back then but now that she really thinks about it, she’s confused as to what that word truly means for her. She knows you can find soulmates in friends but you can also find soulmates in lovers. And sometimes soulmates can also mean both your friend and lover.
All she knows is she doesn’t want to think about it now because her soulmate, the soulmate she’s confused about, is right beside her.
Back to reality, Seulgi smirks when Seungwan’s faint blush on her cheek now turns bright red. Her best friend shakes her head vigorously. “Seulgi-yah, are you usually this affectionate during early mornings? There’s still a lot to learn–”
“My best friend deserves all the praise in the world so accept my compliments, Wannie.” Seulgi raises her hands and beams proudly at Seungwan as if she is introducing the main vocalist to an audience. “My vocal coach since I was a trainee.”
Seungwan’s cheeks now turn into tomato red then bashfully laughs, “Stop it, my dance teacher since I was a trainee.”
Seulgi frowns then places both hands on her hips. “Hey, you can’t use that as a clapback!”
Her best friend rolls her eyes and sticks her tongue out in a playful manner. “I can and I will , Kang Seulgi! The best dancer in the world!”
After minutes of non-stop showering each other with compliments, they start to practice their own lines, even taking turns to sing the other members’ lines to practice the whole song - their voices naturally blending in perfect harmony.
As they both sing, Seulgi couldn’t help but stare lovingly at her best friend - her eyes and lips particularly. The way Seungwan’s eyes close as her lips curve into a smile as she sings the song brightly since Queendom is an upbeat song. Again, the main vocalist’s gift to shape her vocal tone to the emotion of the song is what Seulgi always finds captivating about her best friend’s singing. Another is how Seungwan delivers with a lot of heart and passion to the point it inspires you to do the same. Seungwan’s always told her that Seulgi’s passion to grow in her craft makes her want to work hard too but little did her best friend know she had the same effect on her too.
And she realizes she’s been staring way too long when Seungwan catches her gaze, calling her back to reality but not before she notices how Seungwan was not looking at her directly - the main vocalist's cheeks turning red.
After a couple more rounds, only forced to stop when Seungwan’s laptop battery hangs by a thread, they settle on the main vocalist’s tiny, cramped up bed. Upon sitting, her best friend instinctively rests on Seulgi’s left shoulder. Like an instant reflex as well, Seulgi responds by resting her head on top of Seungwan’s.
Seungwan stretches her arms then wraps it around Seulgi’s waist, adjusting herself to a comfortable position. “We have to get up in 2 hours–” She then looks up to meet Seulgi’s eyes. “Aren’t you sleepy yet?”
Before she can respond, Seulgi yawns to which her best friend chuckles in response.
“Guess I found my answer, sleepy bear.”
Seulgi removes herself from Seungwan’s embrace and lets herself fall into her best friend’s pillows. “Can I sleep with you tonight, Seungwan-ah?”
Seungwan responds by playfully shoving Seulgi’s legs that rest on her lap. “Seul, phrasing.”
Seulgi pouts, her eyebrows scrunched together. “You know what I mean, Wannie and it’s definitely not that!”
Before her best friend can tease her any further, Seulgi suddenly pulls Seungwan down to her on the bed. Seungwan attempts to retaliate by tickling Seulgi’s arms wrapped around her as she falls on Seulgi’s chest but Seulgi doesn’t relent as her arms hold on Seungwan further tightens, trying to keep her best friend physically close to her as much as possible.
Seungwan eventually surrenders in her futile efforts to escape from Seulgi’s lanky but strong arms. They then laugh at their playfulness and at each other until it suddenly becomes really intimate and quiet.
Seulgi couldn’t help but stare at Seungwan’s eyes and lips again for too long and she doesn’t know why there’s that tiny part of her that desires Seungwan is doing the same.
Is it because she’s missed being roommates with Seungwan that’s why the butterflies on her stomach refuse to disappear or is it something else, that particular thing about Seungwan as her ‘soulmate’ she’s been refusing to answer this entire time?
Maybe Seungwan also realizes the position they are in and thus awkwardly looks away from Seulgi’s gaze by closing her eyes as she presses herself against Seulgi’s chest. Seungwan’s close presence makes her heart flutter even more and she just prays to the heavens Seungwan doesn’t hear how fast her heart is beating right now.
Seulgi never really likes skinship and even becomes stiff when there is sudden physical contact. It had taken a while to get used to, especially since she is surrounded by members who were quite touchy-feely, especially her Joohyun unnie, who always loves to link arms (and also touch butts much to the members’ chagrin). On the other hand, she can’t fathom why there is immediate comfort instead of stiffness in skinship when it comes to Seungwan and only with Seungwan. The way it just became natural from the moment they met whenever Seungwan does it - resting on her shoulders (the left particularly, because the main vocalist says it reassures her especially when she’s feeling timid and shy), holding hands, and hugging. In all of those physical touches, Seulgi never felt squeamish for one bit, even welcoming Seungwan’s physical displays of affection openly and wholeheartedly.
Next thing she knew, she was the one initiating the physical contact and it was always with Seungwan. She realizes her way of hugging her best friend depended on her mood and emotions. If she’s happy or excited, she wraps her arms around her best friend’s neck, twisting the two of them from side to side. If she’s nervous, sad, and scared, she hides behind Seungwan (despite being the taller one out of the two) then hugs her, burying her face on her best friend’s shoulders. Whenever she’s proud of Seungwan, she also hides in the main vocalist’s back but the difference is, she reaches for her best friend’s hands then raises them. During those moments, even though Seungwan becomes shy and wants to hide, she completely allows Seulgi to control her hands as she bashfully smiles. If Seulgi’s grumpy, hungry, and bored, she hugs Seungwan from the side, wrapping her arm around her best friend’s waist, placing her head on her shoulders, then reaching out to Seungwan’s hands. Seungwan reacts to Seulgi’s hugging (and whining.) by fiddling with their interlocked hands using her fingers, tapping it softly and gently, which gives Seulgi a lot of consolation.
Aside from the hugging, there is also the hand holding as if their hands were like magnets that naturally attract each other. Whenever their hands intertwine, Seungwan’s fingertips gently brush against hers, which gives her warmth. And how such warmth can never be compared to anyone else’s.
Seungwan brings Seulgi back to consciousness as she starts to speak.
“You can sleep here. I want you to sleep here.” and Seulgi feels Seungwan’s puffy cheeks against her chest as she uttered that. Her best friend raises her head to look at Seulgi then furrows her brows. “But I’m not sure how we’ll fit. I mean we used to push our beds together to make us both fit, you know?”
Seulgi merely shrugs. “I don’t mind. I missed this.” She peacefully smiles as she stares at the ceiling, the waves of nervous jitters hour ago dissipates. “You know, being roommates, being roommates and sleeping with–”
She quickly stops herself from continuing the sentence as its implications may result in her best friend teasing her, knowing fully well Seungwan will grab every opportunity to tease her.
Seulgi then hurriedly says, “I mean, beside each other!”
Seungwan doesn’t tease Seulgi as she expected, only snorting and rolling her eyes, “Yeah. I kinda miss sleeping through your incredibly loud snores and drools, Seul.” The main vocalist lifts her head again then teasingly glares. “You better not drool on my head, Seul or I won’t allow you to sleep in my room again! I swear to god if I find your saliva on my hair again!”
Seulgi then frowns, “Ya! Excuse you, it only happened ONCE and I apologized NUMEROUS times! I even treated you to Gong Cha for a week as a way of saying sorry!” She then tickles Seungwan causing the latter to laugh boisterously, admitting defeat through begging Seulgi to stop.
It truly isn’t them if there’s no bicker and banter in between no matter how intimate their conversations can get.
Suddenly the intimate moment is back sans the awkwardness from a while ago. Seulgi continues to stare at the ceiling, not looking at her best friend. Her eyes start to become hazy yet her heart continues to race fast.
Maybe sleeping beside Seungwan is the sole solution to her insomnia after all (as well as the very culprit of the butterflies that keep on growing on her stomach.)
But before she drifts into a deep slumber, she calls out to her best friend. Maybe it’s the atmosphere they are currently in that’s causing her to feel emotional, that’s prompting her to say things that’s been on the tip of her tongue but always lacked the courage to say.
Things she’s always wanted to say to Seungwan over and over again.
“Seungwan-ah?”
Her best friend hums. “Hmm. What is it, Seul?”
Seulgi wills herself to not let a tear fall from her face as she kisses Seungwan’s head, surprised at her gesture. Her best friend slightly flinches at Seulgi’s sudden physical display of affection yet doesn’t say a word.
Seulgi’s voice cracks but manages to speak anyway, “I’m glad you’re healthy now, Wannie. I’m thankful you’re okay. Thank you for coming back.”
They never talk about what happened unless Seungwan herself brings it up, which her best friend does from time to time because she doesn’t want to make it into a taboo. However, being this physically close as well as the comeback already being here after a long hiatus, Seulgi can no longer hold back her thoughts and feelings. She knows she’s said this to Seungwan numerous times whenever Seungwan talked about it but the way she says it now, she can’t quite describe it but she knows the feeling and the meaning is different - more emotionally charged.
Her mind instinctively drifts to that horrible day.
When she found out minutes after it happened, her mind immediately went blank, as she scrambled to find out where her best friend was. She ran everywhere, eventually finding Seungwan and the moment she saw the main vocalist and her state, she wailed on top of her lungs. When Seulgi saw and followed Seungwan being pulled from the stretcher, the mic clutched onto the main vocalist’s hands despite the excruciating pain she must have felt, her heart lurched seeing her best friend in that fragile state. She remembered Seungwan tearfully looking back at Seulgi from her stretcher, clearly in pain beneath the struggling smiles, mouthing to Seulgi and the members she wanted to still keep singing over and over again. Seulgi only tearfully nodded as she held her best friend’s hands for as long as she could until she was taken inside the ambulance.
Known to be the calmest among the members, the type to maintain composure in moments of adversity, she couldn’t help but burst into tears during that difficult time, which continued during visits to Seungwan in the hospital. She was the one who was supposed to console Seungwan who couldn’t even chew her food around that time yet it was her best friend’s soft smiles at Seulgi, weakly reaching out to her hands as means to reassure her, she’s alright and it’s going to be okay even though Seulgi very well knew she was struggling in all aspects. And it frustrated Seulgi knowing that she couldn’t do anything to alleviate her best friend’s pain - that helpless feeling she couldn’t do much other than to stay by her best friend’s side.
After a year and a half, she’s grateful that her best friend came back stronger than ever - not only physically but also mentally and emotionally. She remembers the heart-to-heart talk they had about it once in Seulgi’s apartment. Instead of ruminating on the bad that’s happened, Seungwan reassured Seulgi that she chooses to focus on the ‘silver linings’ - reuniting with her parents after being separated from them ever since debut as well as simply the fact she’s able to perform together as five again.
“A miracle.” the doctors said.
Her best friend’s words that day still ring clearly on her head.
“Seul, the hiatus was physical and mental for me. I admit I was restless during the first few months because I wasn’t working at all and I felt I needed to recover quickly so I could work again. But–” Seungwan looks directly at Seulgi with a calm face, full of resolve. “It made me think– made me reevaluate how I was living my life and I realized a lot of time is needed for my rest, recovery, and healing. Those things mattered too, things I ignored for too long especially when things got hectic.”
Seulgi slowly nodded as she listened to her best friend’s reflections - then she felt tears falling from her face. It was Seungwan who needed the consoling after everything she’s been through and yet her best friend was the one comforting her instead. Seungwan immediately wiped the tears away using her thumb as she cupped Seulgi’s cheeks, prompting the latter to look at her. When Seulgi’s eyes became less misty, she saw the reassuring smile Seungwan had in her face. And that was enough to reassure her.
She said nothing as she buried her face on Seungwan’s chest.
Seungwan intertwined their hands that were both resting on their laps.
“I’m okay now, Seul. It’s alright.”
As she uttered those words, she felt her best friend squeeze her hand.
“We’re going to be okay.”
Her trip to past memories ends when she feels Wendy’s fingers slowly making circles on her abdomen. The warmth on her chest expands and at this rate, Seulgi is afraid the warm fuzzy feeling is going to combust.
“No, thank you, Seul. You were there through it all - both the ups and downs during that time. I couldn’t have done it without you and the members. So thank you Seulgi-yah for being my pillar.”
Maybe the drowsiness is taking over but they both speak no more, perhaps understanding what they both wanted to say without having to actually say it. Seulgi only pulls Seungwan closer to her as the latter comfortably rests her head on Seulgi’s left shoulder. In the silence, they bask in each other’s presence, taking in all the warmth that comes with it.
Seulgi feels Wendy gently nudging her armpit that makes her tickle. “Now let’s go to sleep. We only have a few hours to sleep,” Wendy murmurs, “Or else, we’ll never hear the end from Joohyun unnie.”
Seulgi simply nods, understanding that if their Joohyun unnie sees them obviously sleep deprived, they’re in for a long lecture. But before she completely loses consciousness, she calls out softly to her best friend.
“Wannie?”
The main vocalist hums, “Yes, Seul?”
“Can you sing me a lullaby?” Seulgi mutters as she nuzzles the top of Seungwan’s head.
“What song?”
Seulgi finally closes her eyes. “Your choice. I like listening to whatever you sing.”
She feels her best friend inhale and exhale deeply then begins to sing softly.
Come by the fire
Lay down your head
My love, I see you're growing tired
So set the bad day by the bed
And rest a while
Your eyes can close
You don't have to do a thing
But listen to me sing I know
You miss the world
The one you knew
The one where everything made sense
Because you didn't know the truth
That's how it works
Till the bottom drops out
And you learn
We're all just hunters seeking solid ground
Supporting the idea that Seungwan’s warm, comforting presence and angelic singing are indeed the only effective solutions to her insomnia. The more she hears Seungwan’s angelic voice, the more it’s making her succumb to sleep. While singing this song, the tone of her best friend’s voice is drastically different from their practice earlier. From the upbeat and cheerful tone she sang Queendom from a while ago now transforms into a more mellow and somewhat melancholic lullaby.
She realizes this song is a song Seungwan recently introduced to her during their impromptu hang outs.
“This Sara Bareilles song is my favorite lately. It’s called Orpheus. I listen to this song whenever I have a hard time sleeping.” Seungwan hummed along to the song while she played with Seulgi’s bangs. Seulgi, whose head was resting on her best friend’s lap, placed her phone on her stomach then looked up to see her bestfriend peacefully singing along to the song, eyes closed.
Seungwan was too lost in her own world while she sang the song that she didn’t notice how Seulgi was lovingly gazing at her. How the word ‘beautiful’ escaped from her mouth as she continued to stare at her best friend, mesmerized by her face and voice.
Don't stop
Trying to find me here amidst the chaos
Though I know it's blinding
There's a way out
Say out loud
We will not give up on love now
No fear
Don't you turn like Orpheus
Just stay here
Hold me in the dark and when the day appears
We'll say
We did not give up on love today
And once she is reminded of that moment as well as the moments from tonight where the realization hits her like a truck - that her confusion about Seungwan has become clear, always has been.
That her feelings towards her best friend had grown deeper over the years. But there’s that part of her that refuses to acknowledge it. Not because she’s ashamed of her feelings. She always believed that love could transcend, even into different forms and boundaries she never knew she might cross one day. Love does indeed choose you.
But because she doesn’t know if Seungwan feels the same way.
However, it feels like as each day passes by and it’s been 10 years, she’s getting a little braver in fully admitting it to herself.
And maybe someday, finally gathering the courage she has to admit this to her best friend.
But this is a story for another day as she finally succumbs to sleep.
A few hours later, she wakes to the sound of a knock on the door, absolutely certain it’s Joohyun unnie.
Her eyes are briefly blinded by the sunlight that managed to sneak in from the window blinds. She tries not to move because Seungwan is still asleep - her arms tightly wrapped around Seulgi’s waist.
Given it’s their comeback after the hiatus, she knows out of all the members, Seungwan has been the most anxious about it especially after everything she’s gone through the past year. Because of that, Seulgi doesn’t want to take away from Seungwan the peaceful state she’s in during her slumber - to feel her best friend’s relaxed breathing against her shoulder, chest gently rising and falling.
And perhaps the hopeless romantic in her prompts her to mouth, “I love you” to the sleeping Seungwan without the risk of being caught. She knows she’s said those three words casually to her best friend a million times before.
But the one she’s saying now holds a different meaning that she doesn’t dare say out loud just yet.
She knows they should get up and be ready but she knows Joohyun unnie or their managers wouldn’t mind just being a few minutes late.
“Just a little bit longer,” Seulgi utters to herself as she closes her eyes to fully cherish this peaceful, intimate moment with her soulmate.