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In the far off nether regions of the world, otherwise known as Alaska, there now lives a middle aged wizard. He is neither nice nor grumpy, he is well mannered and extremely private. His moving here was due to the war, what war? Well that is a different story for a different time.
The wizard lived alone, well not alone but no one lived in his house except him. Outside however, his yard was a plethora of igloos. Yes dear readers, igloos. And what lived in those Igloos? Well you are about to find out. But before we dive into one of their adventures let me explain a few minor details. First, the wizard , being as tasked centered and smart , created a potion that allowes him to speak with animals. How? well we dont know, hes all rather hush hush about it but we suspect it was due to losing a game of chess to a trout. Now dear readers we introduce more of his comrades. His apprentice, yes this sour man dragged the poor woman all the way from Britian to this wonderful place, Hermione Granger.
Then the most surprising of the .. comrades, to join him is Lucious Malfoy. Having both he and his wife there to bring a bit of class to this part of the world.
Now reader we do not harbor ill feelings toward this place, neither do our hosts, they love their home. The northern lights, the crisp clean air and of course the magic that flows so freely. We take you now to one of the tales.
~~~~
Four A.M he was restless and hot, considering it was snowing outside and all the windows were open, this disturbed him. Getting up he cast a tempature charm which indicated he was not at all sick. He frowned and wondered then why he had woken up so sweaty.
A growling came from the other side of the bed and Borus rolled off onto the floor.
"Bloody hell beast, do you find your loudging so uncomfortable you must sleep in mine?"
The bear replied with several growling noises and proceeded to try to climb back into the bed
"I do not care if your bed smells of skunk! you were the imbecile who decided to drink Amortentia and fall in love with it!"
~~~
By morning, or rather time wise morning as it was still very dark, he was up and moving about ready for his day. He took his pole and set out for his little spot by the river. Lazarus trailing behind him. The cat was a spot light in Severus' eyes. He had no idea how the bloody thing was still alive considering when he had found her she had been blown up in a mining camp. Her tail was very bald, ears both nearly gone and she had a twitch about her that he adored. She reminded him of himself. She favored no Tomcat nor idly sit by and let then sniff around her bowl. She attacked anything that came within the confinds of their home. She didnt like humans except for him and of course Hermione. Well she tolerated the girl, her own familiar having passed away not a year ago, Laz made it her business to see that the old Tom was laid to rest properly befitting a regal cat such as himself.
Severus watched as she slowly stepped aboard the boat and sat gracefully upon the front as he began the motor.
Several hours passed and with them came tons of fish. He found himself taking pride in his ability to muggle himself up and reel in so many. He docked, allowed Lazarus to unboard and began to make his way home.
~~~~~
Hermione had not been witness to his extreme behavior only due to her vacation time abroad. She had went to her parents in Austrailia and welcomed the warmth and sun it brought. Now returning with sun kissed skin she allowed herself to take in the new lodgings around his cabin. If igloos werent enough he now stood face to face with a penguin. Yes a penguin. It standing on top of the igloo as Severus waved his hands about
"Honk!"
"HONK HONK!" this was severus.
"HONK HO..HOOOOONK…" the penguin straightened as it spotted Hermione and if she saw what she thought she saw it ..wiggled its brow.
"What...the...fuck…"
~~~
Lucious came to visit once, after Severus had his *mental break down* so Hermione said.
As such he discovered Severus to have on a white shirt, black suit jacket and yellow scarf..
"Severus..what in the nine circles of hell are you wearing?"
"We match," he said without blinking.
"And you can speak to him?" the blonde raised a brow.
The penguin honked several times at Lucious and he slowly blinked "And he said?"
"He thinks you're ugly and he doesn't like you very much," Severus said stone-faced.
Lucious both insulted from pride and ego raised a glove hand to strike the animal , but Severus beat him by slapping him across the face with his own glove "No one touches Pedro!"
"....Pedro?" Lucious spat as he narrowed his eyes.
"Of course, he speaks spanish."
~~~
Hermione found him in the banks of the river early one morning, his back to her, she noticed he was on a log..
When she moved in and spotted what sat before him she froze "Severus.."
she said this in a low voice.
A large brown Grizzly bear sat staring downward as well.
"Severus!" she hissed again. His head on his fist as he looked down at something. He turned it slightly "Shh! He is trying to concentrate! it's his move !"
Hermione crept up and saw a ...chess board? on a low table that both the grizzly and Severus were able to reach..what the..
The grizzly moved a marker, "Roar..roar"
Severus raised his head then flipped the table as the bear rolled back ...laughing?
"I can not believe I lost ..AGAIN! Borus this does not mean you are sleeping with me again tonight!"
~~~~
Late one afternoon Hermione witnessed Severus running, chasing a blur of black and white around the snow.
"Sev..what the hell?"
"WHEN I CATCH THIS BEAST FROM HELL I WILL TURN IT INTO FILLETS, NEWT SCAMANDER NEVER WROTE ABOUT ANYTHING THIS EVIL!"
"It's..a penguin.." though not Pedro but a new more tropical looking one with a vast array of yellow feathers on its head.
"I do not care what it is! The demon stole my salmon!"
~~
"He has finally cracked.." Lucious said one night as they sat by a roaring fire.
"You don't think he is in his right mind?" Hermione ask.
"He is dancing with a polar bear," the male said flatly.
"Well she is a very lovely polar bear, Lucious," Hermione said, chuckling.
"And what are you two discussing?" Severus asked as he made his way back to them with the polar bear on his arm. He kissed her paw and she swatted at him playfully before sauntering off to her own kind.
"You..Severus are you alright? Really alright? Ive seen alot from you the last few months but this..this is ridiculous.." Lucious said
"She is their queen, I could not be rude Lucious," Severus said, placing his hands behind his back.
"You speak polar bear now? it's not just Grizzly?!" Hermione asked, trying not to laugh.
"How absurd! I have always spoken Polar Bear. It isn't hard.. you simply inhale deeply and " the roar he released drained both Hermione and Lucious' faces of blood. It wasn't a fake roar, not a human trying to roar, but a roar one would hear on a nature documentary when being told to stay the hell away from certain carnivores.
"Ah Excuse me, She requires another dance."
This my friends ends our tale. Though some will scoff and say it never happened or it was simply the drunken writings of an idiot who had too much time on her hands. I leave you with this thought, the mind is but a humble organ in which thoughts pass. Each day thousands upon thousands race through the human mind. Is it too much to think our beloved Severus Snape and his beautiful , perfection of a cat
"LAZARUS..?"
"meow?..."
"Get off the bloody laptop and come eat! I grilled tuna!"
Well dears, I must be off. Stay safe!
End of transmission