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“Another drink?” Seamus asked.
Parvati picked at the scabs on her hands, thinking of her mother chastising her for it.
“Sure,” She said, knowing she had already had a few drinks, and was already a little tipsy, knowing this was just another staple in the long list of things her mother wouldn’t approve of her doing.
Not that she would ever know, Parvati thought to herself with a certain sort of rebelliousness.
Seamus handed her a beer bottle and she took a long sip of it without thinking. The bitter taste washed over her tongue quickly. As the alcohol trickled down her throat she felt a buzz in the back of her mind.
The room seemed to float around her, her head feeling light and her lips feeling loose. Seamus looked at her while he took a slow sip of his beer.
He sat down across from her, ruffling his sandy hair. Parvati scanned the room and, through the alcohol-driven haze in her mind, she realized that the common room was abandoned. Everyone else was off doing something. Lavender was off snogging Ron.
Lavender had been snogging Ron a lot recently. Every waking minute of every day Lavender was either with him or talking about him. It was like Parvati barely even mattered to her anymore. Parvati’s face formed a scowl, her dark eyebrows furrowing.
“You seem to have a lot on your mind,” Seamus said offhandedly. He set his bottle on the carpet in front of him, waiting for Parvati's response.
“Hmm,” Parvati stared at her hand, tightening the grip on the green beer bottle she was holding.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Seamus pressed.
“Lavender’s with Ron,” Parvati said, though she wasn’t sure why. Maybe she was just drunk, or maybe she was tired. Tired of pretending she didn’t have feelings, tired of watching her best friend run off and fall in love with someone else, someone who didn’t see her for who she was, tired of being left alone and forgotten. Just tired.
“She's with him constantly,” Parvati continued, the bitter words flowing out of her mouth, almost of their own volition. “It's like I don’t even exist to her anymore and it sucks.”
“Seems like she’s a bit of a shit friend, mate,” Seamus said. He frowned thoughtfully, his head staring up at the ceiling of the common room.
“She’s not a shit friend,” Parvati said, “She's just… complicated,” Parvati's voice softened, “I don’t know. Maybe I’m just selfish. Lav’s happy. I should be happy for her.” Parvati was talking way too much. She was starting to ramble but she couldn’t stop. Her thoughts swirled in her mind, most of them about Lavender.
Seamus took another sip of his beer, “Maybe she’s not a shit friend but she’s not a good friend.” Parvati’s head swayed back. She let out a heavy sigh while massaging her forehead.
“My head hurts,” she murmured, grumbling as she took another sip of her beer. The alcohol passed through her lips and into her system, making the room seem farther away.
Parvati adjusted her posture, leaning against the couch behind her. They were both quiet for a long while.
“Do you want to go on the roof?” Seamus blurted out. Parvati looked up at him.
“Sure,” Parvati responded with a shrug, “Why not?” The two teenagers got up from where they sat, both helping the other stand when necessary. They both grabbed a couple of beers. Parvati ran her hands through her short dark brown hair, her thoughts drifting towards Lavender.
Seamus led Parvati up to the roof, the night air biting at her dark brown skin. For whatever reason, Parvati thought of what Ron and Lavender were doing. She seethed with a strange mixture of jealousy and resentment as she imagined Ron playing with Lavender’s hair, leaving soft kisses along her neck, tightening his grip around her wrist.
Parvati took a seat on the coarse tiles layered on top of each other. Her feet teetered dangerously to the edge, one misstep and she’d fall towards her death. However, at that moment she couldn’t really bring herself to care.
Seamus sat farther away from the edge, causing Parvati to move up closer to him. She let herself lean on him for support, planting her head on his shoulder as he wrapped his arm around her.
Parvati took a slow sip of her beer, letting the bitter liquid fester in her mouth before swallowing hard. She brought her knees up to her chest, letting out a heavy sigh that weighed down on her.
“Are you okay?” Seamus asked.
“Fine,” Parvati replied before taking a long sip of her beer. She took it in quickly, not bothering to let the alcohol hit her tongue. “Just jealous, I suppose.”
“Jealous of what?”
“Ron,” Parvati admitted. The words tasted bitter in her mouth. “Lavender gives him so much attention, constantly. And he doesn’t even notice.”
Seamus hummed to show he was paying attention. When Parvati didn’t continue, he cleared his throat.
“Well, for one, Ron and Lavender are destined for failure,” Seamus said. Parvati looked at him, offended on behalf of her friend. “Lavender is way more interested in Ron than he is in her,” Seamus explained, “And, once the puppy love wears off, Lavender’s going to realize their relationship isn’t working. They’re going to break up,” Seamus stated matter-of-factly.
“And two, if Lavender isn’t making time for you she’s not a good friend,” Seamus paused. “You should have friends that won’t ditch you for the first person to shove a tongue down their throat.” Parvati scoffed. Part of her knew Seamus was right, but another part wanted to defend Lavender, to tell Seamus that he didn’t know what he was talking about.
“Oh,” Parvati asked, “like Dean?” She regretted the words as soon as she said them.
Seamus opened his mouth to reply before promptly shutting it, shell-shocked.
“Dean is God-knows-where doing God-knows-what with Ginny,” Parvati said, in spite of the voice in the back of her head telling her to stop. She spat the words out at him angrily.
Parvati broke from Seamus' grasp, inching away from him with her arms crossed.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Parvati said before Seamus had the time to formulate a response. “Lavender loves Ron and even if she didn’t that doesn’t mean she’d ever want me.” The words escaped her lips before she could realize what she was saying. Tears welled up in Parvati’s eyes, threatening to spill over her dark brown cheeks.
Lavender loved Ron and there was nothing that Parvati or Seamus or anyone else could say or do to change that. Parvati erupted into sobs, burying her face in her wool jumper. Her entire body was wracked with emotion, her chest aching as she longed to be loved by her best friend.
If given the choice, Parvati thought miserably, Lavender would probably choose Ron over me. Snot and tears bleed into her jumper, leaving damp marks on her sleeves. Parvati pulled her knees closer to her chest as she sobbed uncontrollably, wanting nothing more than to be with Lavender.
She missed Lavender. She missed Lavender braiding her hair while they did Divination homework. She missed how they’d pass notes in class. She knew it was childish but she just wanted Lavender to be there and to hug her and tell her she’d be okay.
“It's okay,” Seamus said, his voice low and uncertain, “I'm here.” His words only made Parvati cry harder. Still, he stayed with her as she let out months of pining and sorrow and unrequited love, months of feeling left out and abandoned. Seamus watched as Parvati let herself feel something other than the painful sort of dulling nothingness that had trailed her relentlessly for the past few weeks, clung to her as if there was nothing else to cling on to.
After a few minutes, Parvati calmed down. “I’m sorry,” she hiccuped as snot ran down her nose. “I’m not usually like this.” she wiped her nose with the sleeve of her jumper, sniffling as Seamus shifted closer to her, unsure of what to say.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Seamus asked.
“It's just,” Parvati sighed. “Lavender is always with Ron, and if she isn’t she’s with me talking about how much she loves Ron. I want to be happy for her, but like fuck Ron.” Parvati’s voice cracked, “Ron doesn’t fucking matter. I get that they’re dating but her life doesn’t have to revolve around him.” Parvati dug her nails into her wrist. “A really selfish part of me wants them to break up, so I can have Lavender to myself, so I can have my best friend back. And I hate that part of me so much,” she took a sip of her beer, “Because I should be happy for her. We should be gushing over boys together, but we can’t because I don't even like boys that way.
“And I can’t tell her any of this because I’m the one that was stupid enough to fall in love with her. I want to be mad at her for this so bad but I can’t be because it’s my fault.” Parvati paused.
“I just-,” She cut herself off, struggling to find the right words. “She’s the sun,” There was a hint of bitterness as she spoke, her voice watery. Parvati paused to collect herself, “and I'm just a fool who stared at her for far too long and is now complaining that I got burned.” Parvati took a sip of her beer as tears streamed down her face.
“And I should be grateful that we’re even friends. And I am, it’s just hard knowing you love someone who will never love you back the way you want them to.” Her voice cracked with emotion Tears fell freely from Parvati's brown eyes, her chin quivering as she tried to keep herself from sobbing.
“I’m sorry,” Seamus offered.
“’S not your fault,” Parvati sniffled.
They sat silently for a bit. Seamus inched himself closer to Parvati as she breathed in and out deeply.
Eventually, they migrated back to the common room, collapsing on the couches with beer bottles in hand.
“Thanks,” Parvati said as she was about to fall asleep.
“For what?” Seamus asked.
“I dunno,” Parvati yawned, “Just being here, I guess.”