Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"I'm just saying, my place isn't the best hangout spot."

"Then we can go back to hanging out on rooftops, DP. Just because I've been to your house a few times-"

"12."

"What?"

"You've been to my house 12 times. 16 if you count first-aid stops, but we're talking hangouts right now so I-" Spider-man put his hand over the lower half of Deadpool's mask to cut him off.

"Okay, just because I've been to your house 12-16 times still doesn't mean I need to show you where I live"

"But whyy?" Deadpool pouted

"Because it would put my secret identity at risk. Also, you would definitely end up going through my roommate's things"

"Gasp! You have a roommate?!"

"I don't hear a denial, Deadpool."

"Well, it entirely depends on if this is a version of me that respects peoples' privacy."

"My point exactly," Spidey said, rolling his eyes. Deadpool had been trying to convince him that it would be a good idea for them to hang out at his place for a while now, and he didn't seem to be letting it go any time soon.

"Fine," Spidey sighed, "you know what? I have a proposition."

"You can proposition me anytime you want ;)"

"Yeah, whatever. If you can find out where I live on your own, without following me home, you can come over to hang out at 8:00 pm this Thursday," at this Deadpool squealed like a little girl, bouncing and wrapping his arms around Spidey,

"Oh, I knew you'd agree!"

"But! I have 2 conditions." Spidey said, not bothering to resist Deadpool's hug.

"Whatever you want, sweet cheeks!" DP said as he backed up, rocking on his heels.

"1, if you don't figure out my address by 8 o'clock on Thursday this week, you drop the subject of my home completely," Spider-man said, showing the numbers with his hands, "and two, don't bug my roommate."

Chapter Text

Peter fiddles with the gloves of his suit as he paces across his living room.

This was a bad idea.

It wasn’t that he thought that Wade would purposefully leak his personal information, but Deadpool wasn’t what one would exactly call “discrete.”

The knock at Peter’s door nearly had him falling off the ceiling. He landed softly on the entry mat and glanced at the clock, 8 o’clock on the dot. Spidey let out a small huff before opening the door to Wade, who was holding about 9 different takeout bags.

“Hey baby boy, be a doll and hold this, will ya?” Wade asked as he handed over some of the bags. He waltzed past Spidey and looked around the small apartment,

“Nice place, real geeky vibes,” he chuckled, looking at the star wars posters adorning the walls.

“Well, you gotta cover up footprints somehow,” Spidey quipped. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad afterall.

“So, what do you want to watch?”

“Well, if it’s my choice-”

“Besides my little pony.”

“It’s a work of art and you know it.”

“Dp, no.”

Chapter Text

It was a beautiful day, the sun was shining, birds were singing, and wade had 13 boxes of pancake mix for his best friend spidey. Why, you ask? Because he didn't trust Spidey's fridge to not give out and spoil any pancake ingredients, and his cupboards were too small to fit any more than 13.127 boxes in them. Wade ponders where he could buy .127 of a package of pancake mix as he opens the door to spidey's apartment (with a key which was definitely given to him and not stolen) to reveal... someone sitting on the kitchen counter eating a bowl of captain crunch?

"Um... hi? Are you here for my roommate?" the person asked, clearly uncomfortable

"Oh, so you're the infamous roomie! Yeah, spidey and I are like this" DP said, crossing his fingers. Or, crossing them as much as he could with the totally not excessive number of grocery bags in his hands,

"Okay, cool," the roommate said, blowing hair out of his eyes and returning to his cereal.

$h1+, he's cute.

Yo, what's up with the a$$ censorship?

(shut up, you're slowing down the story )

okay msc. purity culture.

Deadpool placed the grocery bags on the counter, keeping an eye on Spidey's roommate,

"So what's your name kid?" the roommate hesitated, or maybe he was just swallowing.

"Peter, and I'm not a kid, I'm 27."

"Whatever you say Petey pie. Come help me with this, will you"

"why?.. nevermind, yeah one sec."

Chapter Text

“And then his tears made the spring locks malfunction and his head got crushed.”

“So that was the bite of ‘87?”

“Actually, that was in 1983.”

“What?!” Wade flops back into the couch, “so who did the bite of ‘87”

“I… hm,” Peter looks thoughtful,” I don't know if that was figured out yet. I can check,” he turns on his phone before abruptly sitting up,

“Shoes and crackers, I gotta go!” he scrambles around the room, grabbing a bag and shoving on his shoes,

“Where you off to?” wade asked, peeking over the armrest of the couch,

“Work, I'm a photographer.”

“Nice, I should go too. Spidey always nags me when I’m late to our meet-ups. He’s such a mother hen,” Peter bites back a retort. The pair walk a few blocks together before Deadpool splits off and scales to the roof of a nearby building.

A few minutes later, Spider-man lands on the roof behind where Deadpool is sitting on the edge and swinging his legs, a large newspaper in his hands,

“Careful, we don’t want you to fall,” he says, sitting next to him,

“Did you know Peter works at the Daily Bugle?” Dp asks, lifting the paper for him to see and pointing at some small text under an action shot of Spider-man swinging after a villain. The suited arachnid huffs out a laugh

“At least they got my good side,” Deadpool tilts his head in confusion,

“Yeah, of course I know he works there. But he just takes the pictures, and it pays well enough to keep us afloat,” Dp perks up,

“So you guys have a conspiracy!”

“I wouldn’t use that word for it.”

"You are literally using hate to fuel you, omgee this is great," Dp breaks out laughing, placing a hand on Spidey's shoulder to not fall,

"Yeah, well-" Spidey suddenly stops talking, head snapping up and looking into the distance,

"Let's go." He grabs Deadpool around the waist and swings off into an alley where a man is being held at knifepoint. As they land in the valley the criminal turns to them and they see that they are wearing a… cat mask?

"I think you took the title 'cat burglar' a bit too seriously," spider-man says, leaning to the left to dodge a knife as it flew by. Only to have his Spidey sense go off again. Deadpool pushes his head down, effectively getting a knife lodged in his arm,

"Careful baby boy," he said, pulling the blade out, "don't you know that cats have 9 knives?"

Spidey rolled his eyes before lunging at the masked thief. He quickly learned that while they were deadly accurate with projectiles, hand-to-hand combat wasn't their specialty. Soon enough, the pair had the perp webbed down to the alley floor,

"Can you contact the police?" Spider-man asked the shaken civilian as Deadpool checks him for injuries,

"Ye- s," the man said, fumbling with his phone," thank you two."

" No problem," spidey says, picking up Deadpool with one arm and shooting a web with the other," Just doing our job."

Chapter Text

Peter paced across his bedroom, running his hands through his hair and occasionally pausing to glare at his phone. The man that he and wade saved in the alley yesterday had filmed the fight, posting it with the clickbaity title of “Spiderman and his partner beat up an alley cat”. The existence of the video wasn’t the problem, of course (though they did forget the hyphen), as a superhero being filmed is just part of the job. But the comments… Peter picks up his phone to look once more at the comment section of the video.

WebHead98- seeing those two together always makes my day. Their chemistry is always a treat to watch -u-

Jamesmith432- wait who’s the guy with the swords tho

       WebHead98- spidey's boyfriend ;b

Buglenews- You, young sir, are a disgrace to journalists around the world. I will be reporting your channel for your misleading titles.

       cookieclixr- this man really be out here upset that spider-man doesn’t beat cats

       WebHead98- he’s just salty because he only gets sales when spider-man is on the front cover lol

NotAFox- I didn’t know sm had a partner :0 good for him honestly

Spiderfan42- they’re so cute together!

Did they look like a couple? Peter watches the video again, this was just some casual back and forth, nothing romantic. And besides, he doesn't like Deadpool that way. Sure, he puts up with the way he clings to him sometimes, but he doesn’t enjoy it… so he does like it a little bit, but that’s just because he’s touch starved! You don’t get much affection when you are your own roommate after all. So yeah, he doesn't mind it when wade swings an arm around his shoulder, or leans on him when he’s being dramatic, or the way he holds onto peter when laughing, or how he holds him whenever he gets hurt, even if it’s not really a big deal, or how he holds his face when he gets food on it, tutting like an exasperated mother.

Those were perfectly normal friend things to do! It wasn’t like peter dreamed about laying with wade on the couch, wrapped comfortably in his arms as they watched stupid movies together, or sitting in a park together with a picnic and cloud watching. Because that would be dumb. People have no idea what they're talking about when they say they're a couple.

Peter runs a hand through his hair once more, trying to flatten it out and ignoring his cheeks which just happen to be warm. Why was he letting this bug him so much? He must be sleep-deprived, yeah that’s it. Peter flops down in his bed, wrapping himself in his comforter. Surely when he wakes up this won't bug him so much.

Chapter Text

It was a week and 5 days until peter saw Deadpool again. Not like he was counting, it was just weird not having backup on patrols. Sure, it was normal for dp to disappear for a few days here or there, he did have to take jobs to pay his rent (though he had promised not to take any more that require killing), but the last time he was gone for so long Spidey had found him with a 6 inch chunk out of his head in an alleyway.

Peter winced as he reached for a plate in his cupboard. That was another problem, he had gotten sliced across the ribs a few nights ago. It wasn’t very bad, but the bad side to having a partner that keeps you from getting hurt is that you get used to not being in pain.

As Peter took his plate to the living room to eat, a knock sounded at the door. Not knowing who it is, but not feeling his spidey sense go off, he went to the door and opened it. There, standing in the middle of the hallway for all to see, was a sheepish-looking Deadpool… covered in blood.

“Is that your blood?” Peter asked, having no idea what else to say in the moment,

“Um, mostly? Can I come in?” Peter blinked at Deadpool dumbly for a moment before stepping aside

“You don’t normally ask, did you do something bad?”

“Please don’t tell spidey, I mean, I didn’t kill anyone, but you know how he gets about maiming ‘don’t permanently disfigure them Deadpool’, ‘don’t rip out their fingernails Deadpool’, yeah I know shut up, do you have a bathroom in here?” peter gestures to the door in the corner of the room,

“Down the hall to the left.”

“Thanks peteypie!”

Peter watched Deadpool skip through the door and turn out of sight, miraculously not getting blood everywhere, before flopping down on the couch, turning on the tv to a random station, and finally starting to eat his cold pancakes. Normally a blood-covered house guest would be concerning, but if wade said he didn’t kill anyone, then peter trusts that he didn’t. A few minutes later, a now blood-free and damp-suited Wade flops down next to Peter, wrapping his arms around his waist. At any other time, peter would just roll his eyes and let wade cling to him, but at the moment he was still split open. He was pretty proud he didn’t flinch, but his sharp inhale seemed to tip wade off as he swiftly pushed himself off of Peter,

“ What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?” Wade asks, his arms hovering over Peter as if he was afraid to touch him,

“I’m fine, really” Peter reassured, sitting up. Or tried to reassure, the wince as he tried to straighten his back probably wasn’t very nerve easing. Figuring out that he wasn’t the one who hurt him, Wade calmed down. But the fact that he was still in pain brought a different unpleasant feeling,

“Hey!” Peter tried to swat Wade’s hand away as he pulled up his shirt. Yet, being unable to use any of his actual strength lest he exposes his identity, he was unsuccessful. Wade froze as he saw the bloodied bandage wrapping from just above peter’s waist to about 4 inches from his armpit,

“What the $h1+ Pete?”

“It’s fine” Peter reassured, squirming a little to get out of Wade’s grasp “Some dude just tried to mug me and I got nicked running away,”

“You want me to kill him?”

“I didn’t see what he looked like, and you shouldn’t be killing anyone” Wade huffed good-naturedly,

“I can see why spidey likes you now. C’mon, let’s get those bandages changed,” he grabbed peter’s wrists, dragging him to the bathroom and plopping him down on the toilet before rustling through the under sink cupboard and pulling out a first aid kit,

“It’d be easier if you took your shirt off” he suggested, chuckling as Peter blushed, “want me to turn around?”

“No, it’s fine,” Peter said, shrugging off his shirt and blushing harder as wade whistled,

“d@yum Petey, I didn’t realize you were so ripped. You could almost give Spidey a run for his money,” Peter chuckled nervously and waded knelt at his side,

“This might hurt a little,” he warned before peeling off the bandages. Peter tensed but did his best not to move in a way that would impair wade’s view. This involved fighting the urge to lean away as he wiped his injury with a wipe to clean it,

“Sorry,”

“It’s fine,” Peter said through his clenched teeth, “maybe hurry though?” Wade hurriedly rewrapped the gash and Peter slipped his shirt back on. The pair then went back to the living room where some random b movie was playing on the tv,

“Oh! I love this one!”

“Of course you do,” Peter chuckled, shaking his head. They sat on the sofa watching whatever was on for pretty much the rest of the day before Peter stifled a yawn. Somehow he had ended up leaning against Wade's side, the other man’s arm around his shoulder,

“You falling asleep?” Wade asked,

“It’s,” Peter looked at the clock, “almost 10. Of course I’m tired,” normally peter would be wide awake right now, and out on patrol, but he hadn’t been sleeping well recently (which was not because of wade’s absence thankyouverymuch) so he blamed that for the tiredness,

“Huh, I’ve been here for a while. I should probably go meet up with Spidey soon. Where is he anyway?”

“He hasn’t been home much,” technically not a lie since peter hadn’t been at home in the suit, “why’ve you been gone so long?” not the best transition, but he hadn’t had the chance to ask yet and he was curious,

“Well, I don’t know if you saw it, but someone posted a video of us, me and spidey us not you and me us, being cool and the people in the comments were shipping us. Didn’t bother me of course, but spidey gets weird about romance things. So I took a job I thought would keep me away for a bit to give him some space.” that was… kind of nice? Peter hadn’t considered that wade would have seen the video too. Still, it was annoying to have him disappear without saying anything,

“I think,” Peter said, yawning, ”he would’ve liked you to stay.”

Chapter Text

Peter woke up to the sound of someone dropping a pot and swearing. He rubbed his face and stretched as he sat up, immediately regretting it as his spine crackled like a glowstick. Serves him right for sleeping on the couch… wait a minute.

Peter flailed, nearly falling onto the floor in his rush to stand, and skidded to the kitchen. There stood Wade in all his pink apron-wearing glory ( where did he get that from? ) kneeling over a frying pan and a half-cooked pancake splattered over the fake tile,

“No! Flynn, my child!”

“You name your pancakes?” Peter asks, leaning against the counter as Wade slumps over on the ground,

“Only the best ones,” he whispers, petting the batter mush on the floor,

“Yeah, you’re cleaning that,”

“Can’t you see I’m in mourning Petey?!” Peter chuckles as he leans backward, grimacing at his soar back,

“Remind me not to sleep on the couch, or at least not on my stomach,” he said, turning to the excessive stacks of pancakes that Wade already made and grabbing one off the top, rolling it, and taking a bite,

“That is NOT how you eat those,”

“Oh shut up, you maple syrup simp,” Wade stood up, grabbing a hand towel to wipe up the batter blob, much to Peter’s displeasure,

“I can’t help it bee barf, it’s in my blood,”

“Syrup?”

“Maybe,” Peter swears he sees wade wiggle his eyebrows under his mask, “wanna check?”

“I’m gonna have to pass,” he swallowed the last of his hot cake and was reaching for another when he realized wade was being very quiet, and staring at him,

“You feeling okay?”

“Huh?” Wade seemed to focus back on reality “oh, yeah I’m good. How’s your side feel?”

“All better,” Peter said, stretching his arm up. One of the perks of getting bitten by a radioactive spider is that he heals a little faster. Of course, it’s nothing compared to Wade, but it’s enough for Peter to never have to take more than a couple of days off of spider-maning. Wade lets out a hum,

“Well If you get hurt again, just call me or Spidey, K?”

“I don’t have your number,” technically he did, but not on his personal phone,

“Aw, Peteypie, are you asking for my number? I knew you liked me,” Wade cooed, putting a hand over his mouth area,

“You're the one who brought it up,” Peter mentioned with not-warm cheeks,

“Here,” he said, taking out his phone and opening the contacts before handing it to wade,

“You better not leave that app,”

“Ye of little faith,” Wade shakes his head, pushing a few buttons and handing it back, showing Peter that he did in fact stay in the app,

“Www?”

“Wade Winston Wilson.”

“Well, uh, thanks”

Why am I just now learning his full name? Well, I guess it’s fair since he doesn't know any of Spider-man’s name.

“Oh, $h1+.”

“What?” Peter asked, looking down at what Wade was looking at, and being met with a large crack across the kitchen floor

“WADE WILSON YOU @$$H0!3!”

Chapter Text

Deadpool scrambled up the side of the building that Spidey and he have claimed as their meet-up spot. Peter had kicked him out after a long phone call with his landlord and getting Wade to promise to pay him back for the damages. Something about being "too broke to pay for any more pancake-related floor massacres."

"Hey DP, long time no see," Deadpool grabbed Spidey's offered hand, using it to pull himself up and pull the webbed hero into a quick hug,

"Spidey! My most favoritest special boy! How are you doing?"

"... What did you do?"

"Okay so, don't be mad, cuz it's totally already dealt with and Peter gave me an earful, but I may have left the teeniest tiniest 16-ish inch crack on your kitchen floor." Dp rushed out, bracing himself for Spider-man's righteous fury-

Hehe furry

Fury not furry

Ur no fun :/

– yet he just let out an exasperated sigh, resting his head in his hands,

"And you're paying for the damages?"

"Of course! But anyway, that's not important! What're you been up to? I hope you haven't been too lonely without my bright presence to light up your life,"

Projecting much?

"Shut up,"

"What?"

"Not you baby boy, actually, you wanna go grab something to eat? It's been a hot second since I've had street food and I have a hankering. Of course, if you're not feeling it-"

"WADE." Wade froze, staring at Spidey. He only used his real name when he was serious.

"I'd love to get food, but where have you been?" He really should have known there was no avoiding this,

"Oh, you know, here and there,"

"And the radio silence was because?"

"Well, uh, there was this video,"

"The one of us 'beating an alley cat?'" Spidey chuckled good-naturedly

"Yeah, well some people were being weird in the comments and I figured you'd want some space until they died down," Spidey shifted uncomfortably, rubbing the fabric of his gloves between his fingers. He did this whenever he was trying to find a way to word something, probably thinking it was discreet. But Deadpool notices,

He's totally gonna ask you to leave again

Definitely. 

"Who cares what they think?"

"What?"

"Yeah," Spidey reached out, reclaiming Dp's hand, "I like hanging out with you, and that's all that matters. Because you're my best friend, don't tell peter." Deadpool was suddenly breathless as if a firework had gone off in his lung. He knew they were friends, but Spidey rarely verbally acknowledges it. He remembered when the radioactive arachnid could hardly stand him, and it was really his fault. To think he now considered him his best friend…

I'm going to mess this up.

"I won't," Deadpool replied. A bit too late, but Spidey didn't seem to mind, he lets go of Dp's hand,

"K, now after we get food I gotta catch you up on this gang I've been looking into."

Chapter Text

The two vigilantes end up sitting on a random park bench with a pile of cheap tacos,

“You really didn’t have to pay DP,”

“Eh, consider it payback for ghosting you,” Deadpool says through a mouthful of greasy meat and cheese, “besides, you have a one-income household in the big city, so money must be tight,”

“I’m not gonna go broke from a few tacos, jeez,” Spidey huffed, “we’re not that bad off,”

“The state of Pete’s shoes says otherwise,” he had a point there, Peter was thinking about how to fit a good pair of shoes into his budget,

“Well, it’s hard to get a job flexible enough to work with my ‘nighttime activities’” Spider-man said,

“I thought about donating blood or something for a little extra cash, but, being radioactive and all, I figured it’s best not to,”

“Yeah, I feel that, I thought with my whole ‘no dying’ thing I could donate some organs, do a lil good, you know? And I found a doctor who was willing to do it too! But turns out my super-cancer gets in the way,” Spidey chokes on a piece of lettuce, coughing to dislodge it from his esophagus before whipping around to face Deadpool,

“I’m sorry, your super WHAT?!” Deadpool gives him a concerned look

“You good there baby boy?”

“Do not go off-topic,”

“Did I never tell you about how I got my powers? Yeah so I had cancer, right? So I was looking for a cure and a shady dude named Francis was all like ‘yo I can get rid of that for ya’ and I was all like ‘hey sounds sick sign me up’ and the surprise surprise turns out I just got involved in this whole mutant production thingy where they basically torture you until you die or get superpowers and hurray I got super fast multiplying cells or whatever but turns out they also multiply the cancer,” Spider-man stared at Deadpool with a mixture of shock and horror,

“Jeez, now my transformation seems like a cakewalk,” Deadpool chuckles, shoving the rest of his taco into his mouth and swinging an arm around his companion,

“Aw, don’t worry sweetums, your spider bite sounds pretty nasty too, now here, have another taco,” Spidey grabs another taco, forgetting about his previous complaints,

"These are pretty bad."

"Yup."