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Walburga and Orion Black were harsh when it came to punishments, their sons could tell you that much. Sirius was most often at the wrong end of it, being that he was somewhat of a rebellious child and took blame for any wrong doing he could, especially if it was to shield his younger brother. Regulus was rarely punished or blamed for anything. His parents believed he was a perfectly well behaved child for the most part. The worst punishment he’d ever had to face was light lashings to the wrist. Regulus had sobbed the whole night because of it too.
That wasn’t to say Regulus hadn’t made his fair share of mistakes, he was 10 after all. But it was Sirius who’d take the fall whenever Regulus was caught doing something as horrendous as being a little too nice to their house elf, Kreacher, or accidentally dropping a breakfast plate.
Regulus felt guilty whenever Sirius would take the blame for him. Their mother would send Regulus out of the room. Short yelps and sudden screams would sometimes be heard from the room, but Regulus knew Sirius always tried to be as quiet as possible.
Sirius refused to tell Regulus what really happened, he’d always fake a nonchalant expression and say, ‘it’s just a few scratches, nothing to worry about.’
But Regulus worried. He worried about what happens to Sirius, what would happen if things went too far. He worried about when Sirius would be gone.
Sirius would be going to Hogwarts come September, which was a little over a month away. In a little over a month, Regulus would be alone. Alone in a house that was too big, too quiet, every movement tracked and analyzed for any imperfections. There wouldn’t be anyone to protect him, no more hiding.
Regulus was scared. He couldn’t admit it, but he was. Fear made you weak, vulnerable, and Regulus wouldn’t dare let that show. Unless it was his older brother.
Late at night, Regulus ventured out into the hall that held both Regulus’ and Sirius’ bedrooms. He moved slowly and cautiously, listening for any noise indicating someone was awake.
Regulus watched his feet, calculating which floorboards would creak and which ones wouldn’t. After countless nights of nightmares and terrors, he had memorized exactly where to step in order to be soundless.
Soon he was faced with his older brother’s bedroom door. Regulus delicately twisted the knob and pushed the door open. The room was dark, as to be expected, but even in the darkness he knew where everything was.
Sirius’ bed was centred against the right wall, dark green drapes left open to expose the boy sleeping soundly beneath his matching green sheets. The room was similar to Regulus’ in terms of being decorated in a Slytherin colour scheme. The curtains were green with a silver floral pattern, along with green wallpaper, green drawers, and a green lamp with a silver shade. That’s what everything had to be. Green. Silver.
Regulus didn’t love green, he found it boring—repetitive. But he hadn’t had much experience with other colours enough to decide which one he preferred. One day he hoped to have a room he could decorate for himself. But that was a childish dream.
“Reg?” Sirius leaned over to turn on his bedside lamp, then rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “What are you doing here? Are you alright?”
“I just . . .” Regulus didn’t know what to say, he hadn’t come to Sirius’ room like this since he was little. Or, littler. “Can I sleep here tonight?”
Sirius nodded, shifting over to leave space for Regulus. The bed was rather large, so he didn’t have to move much. “Are you alright?” He asked again.
Regulus shrugged, climbing onto the bed and sliding under the covers. “Just can’t sleep.” He mumbled, turning on his side to face Sirius.
Sirius hesitated, wanting to ask more questions but battling to stay awake. He huffed tiredly, “Light on or off?”
“On.” Regulus mumbled again, exhaustion suddenly hitting him, feeling the comfort of his brother to him.
Sirius laid back down, turning his back to Regulus, eyes quickly falling shut. “Night, Reg.” He murmured before his breathing steadied and fell back into a deep sleep.
“Night, Siri.” Regulus replied shortly after. He shifted slightly closer to his brother, sleep consuming almost just as quickly.
Regulus was first to wake the next morning. Sun light bathed the room as the sun peaked over the horizon. Sirius was still fast asleep, seeing as he didn’t naturally wake ‘til noon, this was to be expected.
Regulus slowly got out of bed, knowing his mother would be furious to find him out of his own room. He was just about to step out when he heard something at the window.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
With each tap, he stepped closer and closer to the source of the sound, curious as to what could be there. He pulled one of the curtains aside to revel a brown owl perched on the sill. Tied to it’s leg was a letter. It must’ve been specifically addressed to Sirius, seeing as the usual mail was delivered to the family’s mailbox for Kreacher to pick up.
Regulus knew he probably should’ve woken Sirius up, but he didn’t want to disturb his sleep again. So, out of the kindness of his heart, he decided to grab it before mother or Kreacher had the chance.
He opened the window as quietly as he could manage, which was quite difficult, but Sirius went undisturbed. After untying the letter from the owl’s leg, Regulus scrambled around Sirius’ neatly kept room (courtesy of Kreacher) to find some change. Once he found a Knut, Regulus held it out to the bird who quickly snatched it before flying off.
Regulus glanced down at the letter in his hand. The back read Mr. S. Black. 12 Grimmauld Place. Borough of Islington. London. He flipped the letter over, stilling at the sight of the famously esteemed Hogwarts seal.
This was it, the moment Sirius had been waiting for for 11 years. Regulus was happy for him. Regulus should’ve been happy for him. But he couldn’t help the anxious feeling washing over him as he thought of the year to come. The year that kept him up at night. The year that would bring him devastating loneliness and fear.
No, Sirius couldn’t go. It wasn’t fair. Regulus wouldn’t let him.
Looking back at the bed, Sirius was still sleeping peacefully, clueless to the letter that had just arrived. Regulus hesitantly moved closer to the door, letter clutched tightly to his chest. It didn’t take him long to make it out of the room, rushing to get to his own and shutting himself in.
Regulus’ heart was pounding, adrenaline flowing through his veins as he dashed over to his bed. Frantically searching for a place to hide the letter, he decided to stick it between his headboard and the wall, strategically hidden yet easy to reach for small fingers.
He wasn’t going to keep the letter hidden forever, just until it was time for Regulus to go too. Then both boys could go together, and no one would have to be lonely or scared.
A sudden crack echoed through the room as Kreacher appeared beside him. Regulus sat in his bed and tried to act as inconspicuous as possible.
“Good morning, Master Regulus,” Kreacher greeted politely. Regulus was positive he was the only person Kreacher was this friendly with.
“Good Morning, Kreacher,” Regulus greeted with a forced smile, subtly wiping his sweaty palms on his sheets.
“Master Orion and Mistress Walburga is be inviting you down for breakfast.” With another crack, the house elf was gone just as fast as he came.
The hidden letter went unnoticed for the next few days. Orion and Walburga hadn’t mentioned anything related to Hogwarts and neither had Sirius. Although, it was clear Sirius had something on his mind, but he hadn’t made it fully apparent.
One morning at breakfast, about a week into early August, the letter was finally mentioned.
Kreacher had just laid down the morning mail. Orion sat at the head of the table, Walburga to his left, and the boys to his right. They ate in silence, as they usually did. Regulus and Sirius paying close attention to their own posture to ensure they wouldn’t be yelled at for the slightest sign of relaxation.
“No sign of a Hogwarts letter,” Orion muttered disapprovingly as he flipped through the copious amount of letters and papers.
Walburga scowled, “It should’ve been delivered a week ago.” Her eyes turning to Sirius, who stared at his plate, fist tightening around his fork.
Regulus felt his heartbeat speed up, his fists clenching as well. He repeatedly glanced at Sirius, searching for a reaction of any kind. But Sirius was good at hiding his emotions, he held a straight face better than Regulus could ever dream, especially in front of their parents.
Walburga’s eyes finally tore away from Sirius to look back at her husband. They both held disdain in their eyes as they seemed to have a telepathic conversation. They maintained eye contact until Orion broke away, flipping through the mail once more before returning to his meal.
The room was plunged back into silence. Regulus could feel his heart thrumming in his throat, which made it extremely difficult to eat. Not that he would’ve anyway. Family meals were always too stressful for eating. He was too busy worrying if his back was straight, chin was high, and if his chewing was audible. He’d much rather call Kreacher for a snack later on in the day than risk being improper in front of his mother and father.
Sirius seemed to have the same problem, as he pushed the food around on his plate with his fork. Regulus also noticed he was quite pale. He would’ve recommended that Sirius at least drink something or ask if he was possibly ill, but he didn’t dare speak without being told to.
So breakfast went on in silence, the tension thickening more than usual.
A few days passed and the tension only got worse.
With every passing day without the letter, Walburga and Orion grew more suspicious, Sirius grew more stressed, and Regulus became more anxious. It was only a matter of time before a fight began to brew.
Late one evening, Regulus could hear raised voices from a few rooms over. Experience could tell him that his parents had gotten into another argument. Usually he would ignore the loud tones that would soon turn to shouts, but his anxiousness and curiosity got the best of him.
Tiptoeing across the empty pristine halls, Regulus stopped in front of his father’s office. The door was closed—most likely locked—and his parents were arguing inside. Regulus delicately pressed his ear against the door, listening in while making sure he went unnoticed.
“What are we supposed to do, Orion?” Regulus heard his mother hiss. “The boy was supposed to get his letter weeks ago!”
“I am aware.” His father replied irritated, each word emphasized sharply. “I’ve already contacted the ministry, they said it should be here.”
Regulus swallowed back the heavy lump in his throat, wiping his palms against his trousers while keeping his ear against the door. He prayed his thumping heart couldn’t be heard.
“Well it clearly isn’t!” Walburga scoffed, “To believe they’d let an oaf like Dumbledore handle these letters—not to mention the school itself! We’d have better luck sending him to Durmstrang or Beauxbatons!”
Regulus heart thundered in his chest, his breathing getting heavier as the conversation went on. What if his plan really hadn’t worked? What if they shipped Sirius off to France instead?! He was starting to debate giving up the letter after all and accepting whatever punishment was thrown at him. But would he really give up after this long?
“Hogwarts might not be the problem.” Orion uttered reluctantly, as if he was disgusted to even suggest the thought.
The room went silent. Regulus could barely keep his breath steady, his racing heart making it almost impossible to breathe. Footsteps strode across the office, getting closer and closer to the door. Not wanting to be caught, Regulus hastily made his way back down the halls.
As he beelined toward his room, he was stopped in his tracks by a hiccup coming from the next room. Regulus waited for a moment, listening for another sound to break the silence that fell over the house after the abruptly ended argument. Another hiccup and sniffle soon followed the previous.
Regulus reached out to enter his brother’s bedroom. He peeked inside to see Sirius laying on his bed curled up in a tight ball. His shoulders shook with the sobs he was trying to stifle.
“Siri?” Regulus stepped further into the room, closing the door behind himself. It was rare that he ever saw his brother like this, it was honestly a bit frightening. Sirius was, after all, a spirit that seemed to never be broken. Even when he was faced with punishment after punishment, he always managed to put on a bright smile. He was just so perfect. The kind of perfect Regulus strived for every day. But this? Regulus didn’t know what to think . . .
Sirius tensed and quickly looked over his shoulder, relaxing the slightest bit upon seeing it was only Regulus. He sat up properly and wiped away his tears with the back of his fist.
“Reggie,” he said, unable to muster his usual smile.
The sight of his brother’s tear-stained face was enough to make Regulus want to cry too. “W-what’s wrong?” He assumed it might’ve had something to do with their mother and father’s fighting, but Sirius had never reacted like this to something as common as a fight.
“I-” Sirius was trying to choose his words carefully, but the dam had broken too quickly for him to stop. Fresh tears poured down his cheeks as he sucked in rattled breaths. “I think I’m a squib.” He choked out in sobs as quiet as he could muster.
Regulus was shaking his head, shocked to hear the impossible words. “No,” he mustered through the bubbling emotions in his chest, “no you can’t be a squib—don’t say that—”
“You heard mother and father!” Sirius’ cries were gradually becoming louder, which was starting to scare Regulus. “I haven’t got my letter! I don’t know if I ever will! If I haven’t got a letter it can only mean one thing I’m—”
“No! You’re not!” Regulus cut him off in turn. He didn’t even want to think of what it would mean if his brother was a squib. Every day since they’d been born, the brothers have been told the importance of blood purity—of magical purity. Anything below pureblood status was filthy and a disease to the world. Squibs being a plague just as bad and worthless as muggles.
Sirius stared at Regulus in shock of his sudden outburst. The 10 year old not being one to raise his voice above anything louder than an acceptable speaking tone.
Regulus felt the guilt festering inside himself. All of this was his fault. Mother and father were arguing over sending Sirius farther away because of him. Sirius was breaking down because of him. He couldn’t go through with it any longer.
Regulus ran out of the room, entering his own that neighboured Sirius’. He dashed towards his bed, using the little strength he had to pull the bed away from the wall. It barely moved, but it was still just enough for the parchment to fall to the floor. Grabbing the letter from under his bed, Regulus dashed back into his brother’s bedroom.
Sirius gaped at his little brother as he stared at the letter in his hand, recognizing the seal immediately. “That’s my . . .”
The boys’ attention was torn from the parchment upon hearing thundering bang of Sirius’ door being slammed against the wall. In the doorway, towering over both the boys was Walburga, fury burning behind her eyes. She snarled, just about to say something when she stopped herself. Her gaze glued to Regulus’ hand, more specifically to what was in it.
Her crinkled expression smoothed out. Despite appearing newly calm, both boys knew it was much, much worse.
“Regulus,” she said quietly, though it felt as if it had been screamed, “how long have you had that letter?”
It was a trick question. Regulus knew he couldn’t answer it truthfully, but he didn’t know what to say in its stead. He’d never been good at lying, especially when he’d been caught off guard. So, he just held his mouth open like a gaping fish, staring up at his mother in horror.
“Well,” she continued, the answer obvious from his silence, “it’s apparent we haven’t been clear enough with you.” She stepped menacingly closer to Regulus. “It’s time we show you what a real punishment looks like.”
“I hid it!” Sirius was suddenly standing next to Regulus, perfectly postured with a cold, emotionless expression despite the tear stains on his cheeks and redness in his eyes.
Walburga glared at Sirius, stopped in her tracks as she looked between the two.
Sirius continued, “I hid the letter in Regulus’s room.” His ability to lie was phenomenal. “I didn’t want to leave, so I hid it.” He grabbed the letter from his brother’s grasp. “He must’ve found it.”
Walburga continued to glare. Regulus stared at Sirius in awe, unable to fully process what had just been said. His trance was soon broken by Walburga clearing her throat.
“I see.” She sneered, focusing solely on Sirius, “Of course it would be you to cause the problems.” Without tearing her eyes away from the older boy, she spoke lowly to Regulus, “It’s time you headed off to your room. I’ll send Kreacher to look for other hidden items.”
Regulus didn’t move. He couldn’t. Sirius was about to be punished for yet another one of Regulus’ faults. He couldn’t just leave him, no, he had to say something—anything. Why couldn’t he say anything?
Sirius looked down at Regulus, that’s when he saw the urgency in his older brother’s eyes. “Go.” He whispered harshly.
Regulus started to shake his head, “No.” He croaked, looking at Walburga then back to Sirius, “No, I-, it wasn’t-”
“Leave!” Sirius demanded sharply, taking Regulus aback. Never had Sirius looked so much—sounded so much like their mother. It scared him. He took a step back, hesitating before scurrying out of the room.
Tears prickled the corners of his eyes as he fell onto his bed. Regret and guilt coursed through his veins, hot tears pouring down his face and splashing onto his pillow.
It didn’t take long for the screams to start. Ear piercing shrieks of pain echoing through the barren, pristine halls of the house.
Regulus didn’t know how long it went on, he’d lost count after the first few hours. The screams eventually turning to mindless white noise as he sobbed himself to sleep.