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He could still feel the pain inside his heart, the pain that he never wanted to feel again. It wasn’t from a weapon or anything physical, but his heart surely ached. The pain that a person feels when they feel they will or are suffering loss, the pain that Kaneki Ken had tried to avoid ever since the first time he put his best friend in danger back when Nishiki was a ghoul that did his fare share of hunts in the ward.
Back then the pain was unbearable due to his fear that Hide was going to die and he did everything in his power at the time to try and avoid it, but now…now it was a grim reality that his best friend wasn’t going to wake up or survive. He truly had died all for Kanekis own sake. If Kaneki had never left and joined Aogiri would this have happened? Would Hide had become part of the CCG in order to learn what he could about Kaneki and help from the sideline? If he had only reached out for help and not taken everything on himself, had he not tried to get stronger by cannibalizing, had he not done everything he felt he needed to do for the sake of the people he cared for, would this tragedy had happened?
The more Kaneki had thought about it as he carried Hides dead and limp body under that sheet (that had now been blown away), the more he grew to hate himself so much more than he already had. But, at that point he didn’t think twice about it anymore, as much as the self-loathing had sunk in and he recalled what he had done to Anteiku, he started to feel the opposite of anger, the sadness started to take hold and slowly but surely…his emotions just vanished. All he could think about was a resolve a way that he could give Hide what he truly wanted. Hideyoshi wanted them to go home, he wanted them to go back to the lives they had where they hungout and did whatever. Back to the times they were blissful college students working on passing classes and getting a bite to eat at their favorite burger joint. All before that incident. That terrible horrible life changing event. That was all Kaneki believed Hide wanted, Hide just wanted Kaneki to go back to how things were because Hide accepted him, he didn’t reject the ghoul he had become, but at the same time…Kaneki wondered if things would have turned out this way had they never met at all…ha, what was that? Of course they wouldn’t have, in some way Kaneki felt like he had been the one to murder his own best friend and therefor the emotions were all closed off and all he could do, was retain back that innocence…the human side of him and give a smile towards his departed friend…Hide saved Kaneki, time and time again, but Kaneki? He only really saved Hide once. That was all.
Though, what Kaneki hadn’t realized entirely was that Hide was happy as long as Kaneki was happy, even if it meant that Hide wasn’t part of it, he didn’t mean that wanted Kaneki to feel bad for the fact he felt left out, no, he found his own way to be part of Kanekis life in many ways and get involved helping from the sidelines, that was really what he wanted as long as Kaneki was happy that was all Hide could care about and want. That was the message that Hide wanted Kaneki to understand. Mostly because Hide knew that Kaneki wasn’t happy and that he was taking so much burden on himself that he needed to learn to rely on others that cared about him rather than push things on himself and cause himself more pain and suffering, because Hide knew that Kaneki had had enough of that his whole life, that he deserved a break— becoming a ghoul had only added to all that pain and strife.
As Kaneki continued walking all he could think about was what the end, the end of this, the end of this horrible journey, the end of everything. He was going to go back home with Hide one way or another, he was going to grant the last wish his best friend wanted, the one thing that could really put them together.
Upon his arrival he laid Hide down in front of the other members of the CCG, in front of Arima, in front of everyone. Had Kaneki not been just focused on Hide and this situation they were in, he might have noticed that some of the members quite possibly believed that he had killed his best friend (which Kaneki still believed he had) or wondered why a ghoul wasn't trying to eat someone right in front of them, still none of that processed in the humans mind, yes, he was human, hide had found that part of him and called it back, back from all the pain and strife it had dealt with. Back for the final chapter of their lives. Before everyone was seen a ghoul, but before Hide and Kaneki there was a human. A human that never truly left.
For a moment there was a stare down between Kaneki and Arima, they said nothing, they did nothing, they just looked at one another it was as if Kaneki was starring death in the face, for he knew what was going to become of this. Kaneki knew that Arima was going to be the one to end his life and if that was to be then so be it. He could finally go home with Hide. Home in the moments of death, he would willingly die to give Hide that wish, to be with him and not be in a world without Hide, he would put up a fight but in the end he knew he would be joining his best friend.
The look in Kanekis eyes did not change, he seemed happy, relived, but in a very sad and emotionless way as if he was trying so hard but was dead inside. It however never phased Arima, it wasn't expected too and that was when they prepared for the battle that would be the end of everything and the start of nothing.
Facing death head on wasn't a problem, it was welcomed, it was needed and it was surely the answer and within a short amount of time it became the reality and there Kaneki was, dying and with Hide, getting to say the one thing he did before, but this time— it was reality and it meant so much more, “Lets go home, Hide.” And then everything went black.
If anything Kaneki learned from all of this it was that even the brightest sunshine can be taken out on a dreary day.