Work Text:
Nobody wants you
You're worthless
Why the fuck would anyone care
The world would be better off without you
Tommy took a deep breath. He had been lying on the floor for so long it no longer gave off the grounding chill of the tiles. He was lost in his head, and although he could barely make sense of the words swimming and wrapping and coating his brain, they were all he could focus on. He knew there was something he should be doing, but the mess of black in his head blocked out everything else with an angry ink. The colors surrounding the avian had long faded, and his wings were wrapped so tightly around him they almost tore.
Not that he could feel it.
Tommy was crying, maybe. His face was wet, and his eyes burned, but if you told him it was blood it would have made no difference.
He didn't know what caused this one. At this point he has so many triggers, it doesn't really matter. It could have been the music in town. The abandoned harbor. The empty houses on the street he grew up in. Hell, it could have just been pent-up stress.
It doesn't matter how he got here, but now he was crying on the floor of an empty house that, just a day ago, felt peaceful. Tommy didn't know if he wanted anyone to find him, but he knew he needed someone here. He took another deep breath and opened his eyes. Five things . He thought, trying to calm down.
Five things he can feel: Ground, tears, feathers, clothes, heartbeat.
Four things he can see: Wings, walls, tiles, hands.
Three things he can hear: His breathing, his heartbeat, and distant music.
Two things he can smell: His plants outside, the wood of his house.
One thing you can do: Move his wings.
Tommy laid on the floor for another solid minute, collecting his thoughts. They were still so toxic. He slowly got off the floor, careful not to move too fast and give himself a headache. He got water first, and opened his medical cabinet. He paused. His foul mind raced.
It wouldn't be hard to take just one too many
He shook his head. No meds, leave the cabinet. He drank four glasses of water before going into the entrance room to grab his communicator. Again, he paused. Who would he call? Not Wilbur. Techno wouldn't care, or even know what to do. Phil? He would mother-hen, Tommy would be overwhelmed.
That left Tubbo or Ranboo. Both of which are new parents to a small mob and barely even trusted Tommy to be alone in a room with Micheal. But Tommy had nobody else.
-Tubbo
-Can you come to my house?
-I need help
As soon as he shut off the comm, his head started pounding. He sat down, wrapping his wings around his body yet again. He didn't hear his comm buzz as he felt himself slip into the toxic headspace yet again.
He didn't hear the door open, or the ram walk through the house to find Tommy.
He didn't hear Tubbo kneel next to him and call his name.
He did hear Tubbo singing, just barely. No words reached his ears, but the melody was soft and calming. It was foreign, not a style of song Tommy recognized.
It felt like a rope, pulling him out of the ocean he was drowning in. Tommy feared it wouldn't be strong enough.
Tubbo kept singing in the same soft and sweet voice. The words were still strange, they weren't in a language Tommy knew.
Tubbo wasn't touching him. He was just sitting beside him, singing. Tommy's eyes focused. Silently, he reached forward.
Tubbo saw and met him halfway in a light hug, tight enough to ground him but light enough to not scare him. The ram gently rubbed his friend’s back, never ceasing his song. Tommy cried, knowing Tubbo wouldn't judge him.
Tommy didn't know how long they sat like that, but Tubbo never let go, and just kept singing quietly.
When Tommy came around, he felt much better. He slowly pulled back and Tubbo let him, dropping his hands to hold Tommy's.
"Sorry for making you come over," He said quietly, and Tubbo's hand reached up to hold his face.
"Don't, Tommy. I know I've been busy lately, with Micheal and Ranboo and such, but if you need me, I can make time." He assured. "Besides, you texted at the perfect time, both Ranboo and Micheal are asleep."
Tommy smiled sadly. " Thanks, Tubs." He leaned forward and rested his head on his friend's shoulder. Tubbo started singing softly again, almost absentmindedly.
"What is that song?" Tommy asked, lifting his head to look the hybrid in the eyes. Tubbo turned red, embarrassed.
"It's a song Ranboo taught me, some Enderian lullaby maybe? He uh- he used to sing it to me when I would wake up in a panic, before we got married." He looked away. "It doesn't really translate into English, but it is really sweet, about love and stuff." Tommy stared at Tubbo, expressionless. Tubbo has nightmares too? For some reason, despite knowing Tubbo had gone through just about as much shit as himself, it never occurred to him that Tubbo would have similar PTSD to Tommy.
Tommy slowly wrapped his arms back around his friend and pulled back into a hug. The two sat like that in silence for a while longer before Tubbo slowly gestured to Tommy to stand. Tommy complied, Tubbo helping to pull him up.
Just then, Tubbo's com pinged. After taking a glance at Tommy, judging that he was good, he turned the device on.
"It's nearly five, Ranboo's wondering if I'm going to be home for supper." He recited, looking back over at Tommy.
"You can leave if you need to. I'll be fine." Tommy tried to reassure, but could hear the pain in his own voice. Tubbo looked concerned, when suddenly his face changed, as if a lightbulb lit up above his head.
" How about you come over for supper. Stay the night even, if you want to." The ram said, and Tommy looked at him in surprise.
"Really? I wouldn't be intruding?" He asked, wings ruffling anxiously.
Tubbo's ear flicked, and he laughed. "Of course not! You can come over anytime, without invitation even. Plus, Micheal hasn't met you yet. I want him to meet you." Tubbo smiled. "Tommy, if I'm inviting you over, you don't need to ask if it's okay."
Tommy stared at his best friend before looking down at the ground. He smiled. "Thanks, Tubbs." He spoke softly.
Tubbo took the avian’s hand gently. "Let's get going then." He said, leading Tommy to the door.
Thankfully, they made it home in time for dinner.