Work Text:
Sanemi Shinazugawa had been happy for a few years in his life.
He remembered the early years of his childhood, marked by the violence and screams of his father. He remembered his mother's tears and love, the sound of bottles being thrown against those thin walls.
He remembered the strangled screams, and the high cry of a newborn, taking his first breath, eager to live. Sanemi was tempted to take it, and unceremoniously put it back in his mother's belly, not wanting his little brother to live as he did.
He was five when he first had to medicate himself. Kyogo had hit him on the back with the wooden toe of his shoe, several times, and left him on the ground, lying on the shards of glass. He had stopped his mother from doing anything to help him, and had carried her to their room. He could hear the woman's screams from where he lay. Sanemi got up, feeling the blood dripping on the already dirty floor, trying to put one foot in front of the other, just to reach the room and stop that monster from hurting her, but he knew he had to close those wounds if he didn't want to bleed to death.
Those poorly treated wounds would leave him scars, but few would ask questions.
At six, he was in danger of dying seriously. His father had caught him skipping half an afternoon of work, and he was pissed off, to say the least. He had hit him with so much violence, that her mother had feared losing him to the point of kneeling in front of her husband, and carrying him to the bedroom, just to divert attention from their child. From that afternoon of pretense and pain, Genya would be born.
Genya became the rock of Sanemi. In every little gesture he made, from gurgling happily to squeezing his finger, Genya gave him a reason to live, to come home dead tired.
The father thought otherwise of course. Kyogo hated Genya, even more than he had ever hated Sanemi.
Today Genya was four, and Sanemi was nine. In a year or so, his little brother would also have to go to work to help the family. His father worked little and nothing, squandering what Sanemi earned on blood and sweat.
And that day was the first day Genya tasted the true violence of his father: when he was younger, there was no lack of screams, slaps, thrusts, but never beyond. Maybe Kyogo wanted Genya to have at least one bone structure formed before slaughtering him.
Genya had dropped his mug of sake, soiling the floor and sending splinters at her mother, pregnant again with a man she hadn't loved for years. But having children kept her safe, as Kyogo wanted so many children (so that he could replace them once one was "excluded").
It didn't take him long to get up and grab Genya by the hair, lifting him up, as the baby let out a cry of pain.
The mother had stepped forward, not wanting her son to get hurt.
"You stay away, woman, or to have this baby we would have to try again"
Genya remembered the sense of betrayal, but also of happiness that her mother would not be affected by that being. Kyogo had knocked out Sanemi hitting him with all the force he had in his hand on the temple, sending him to the floor next to where his mother had let herself go to a desperate cry. And from there, hell for Genya would begin. A continuous cycle of work, fear, violence, marked by the birth of heirs of the Shinazugawa family, and again, and again.
Sanemi and Genya had to protect their family members.
Then their father had died, and the face of their barely thirty-year-old mother, who until then looked more years old than she actually was, had spread into a smile. There had been no remorse, or sadness.
Now Sanemi was twelve, and Genya eight.
They were still small, especially Genya.
why was Genya clutching his mother's corpse to her chest while Sanemi still held a butcher's knife in his hand?
Why was their home, so hated and marked by horrible memories, now covered in the blood of innocent children, who had not even had the material time to sin and make themselves deserving of death?
Why did he have to go away?
Sanemi Shinazugawa's life was marked by unanswered questions.
In fact, there was one he knew how to answer.
"What is your job?"
Kill them all, from first to last, those hideous and cruel demons.
Why was his life marked by suffering?
Why was Masachika dead, and he was rewarded, after not being able to save him?
Why was Oyakata-sama the only fixed point in his existence?
Why despite his commitment, his being one of the best, did he see his comrades die?
Why was Kanae dead, and he never got a chance to talk to her decently?
Why did that asshole Tomioka think he was better than him?
Sanemi had found help in Iguro Obanai.
It all started with a couple mission, where in facing three waning moons the bandages around Iguro's mouth were torn.
Iguro hadn't seemed bad at all, he was reserved and serious, and shared his blind hatred of demons. And after seeing his partner's scarred face, he hadn't commented.
Back from the mission, they would get drunk and talk about their trauma, which would make both of them feel better.
With that evening one of the few friendships in Sanemi's life would be born.
He had discovered that his brother had become a demon slayer.
It was a calm afternoon, there was no noise around, but it was enough to approach the estate of the Wind Pillar to hear hell.
Shattered glass, torn curtains, shattered partitions. Up close you could see a hole in the wall. And destroyed on the floor was Sanemi Shinazugawa's nichirin sword.
The furniture was smashed, the floor smeared with debris and what looked like blood.
The sliding wall that led to her bedroom was shattered.
Sanemi was lying on the ground, a bottle of sake next to him, empty and broken into shards.
He laughed as the flashbacks flooded his mind.
If he had a wife, would he have raped and beat her?
If he had children, would he have reduced them to bloody rags on the ground?
He was ridiculous. He put a hand on one of his many scars.
Would Genya also end up like him, already tired at twenty?
Sanemi was twenty years old, and his only fuel was anger, the desire for revenge and hatred.
He was a pathetic being, ending up in his twenties mulling over how he was identical to Kyogo Shinazugawa.
Well, he had broken his sword by force of blows. His hands were full of overlapping wounds and cuts. He felt the blood smear his forehead, his lips, and a ferrous taste in his mouth.
He laughed and laughed, until he heard noises from outside. Only the other Pillars knew where his estate was, besides Oyakata-sama. He hoped it wasn't Tomioka, or Rengoku. One hated him, the other made it impossible for him to feel angry at him, and that bothered him a lot.
The anger always worked, pushed people away, and left him alone without disturbances.
He recognized the hissing of a snake, and put his bleeding hand over his eyes, rubbing them.
Fuck, he just wanted to lock himself in a cocoon and sleep forever.
"What happened? And it must be something serious, for making you so pathetic."
He laughed, but there was no trace of happiness. Obanai stood before him, and Kaburamaru hissed in agitation. He looked down on him, but he didn't look disgusted, or at least not of Sanemi.
He felt a strong shiver shake him, which increased the shaking of his hands.
"He's gonna die. He could fucking die. He enlisted, passed his exam, but he can't use breathe. They didn't tell me how he kills them, those pieces of shit. He's gonna die, and I'll stay here and watch him do it"
Obanai was informed of this by Ubuyashiki-sama, who personally asked him to go and check on Sanemi. He was back from a mission, and he had made his way calmly to the Wind Pillar estate.
Obanai saw Sanemi Shinazugawa cry that day, and he did not believe that he could ever forget that broken gaze, without reference points.
"I know. Now get up, Sanemi, and fix yourself. Make yourself presentable, and go find him. Under your guidance he could grow, even if he doesn't use breaths."
Sanemi seemed to light up at the idea, but it was a brief happiness.
"No"
He got up and put his hand on the wall to hold back, only to hold a breath from a glass that had slipped even further into the tough skin of the demon slayer.
He managed to get up, and realized what he had done.
He looked Obanai into his eyes for long moments. The two-tone eyes were fixed on him, magnetic like few other things, and seemed to read him inside.
Sanemi could not say more, that he found himself on the ground, the darkness to welcome him.
The next pillar meeting, about a week later, there was a new component. After Kanae's little sister had joined them months ago, Mitsuri Kanroji had arrived, and Sanemi had seen her come red in the face accompanied by a more than red Obanai.
It wasn't normal to see him like that, and the idea that this woman had impressed him about her almost made him smile. She wore the female demon slayer uniform, which had always disgusted him, and she looked more embarrassed than ever. Her hair was weird. The way her green eyes went from person to person, agitated and nervous, was also odd.
That woman was weird. But they needed strong people, and she was just fine if she was. And maybe making fun of her Obanai would distract him from the idea of her brother.
"Mitsuri, it's nice to see you again" apparently she knew Rengoku. Obanai didn't seem unhappy, rather hopeless.
"Rengoku-san!" Her voice was decidedly high and sounded relieved, but sweet in a way that made him realize what had attracted Iguro.
"Do you already know him?"
"I'm Rengoku-san's tsugoku, he trained me. He's like a super cool big brother to me!"
Ok, Sanemi wished he had a clean sheet of paper to redraw the surprise and relief painted on Iguro's face. He was pathetic.
There had been the meeting, they had discussed the sudden increase in demon appearances, which seemed to have multiplied. Oyakata-sama said he was concerned about the increasing number of children dying shortly after passing the exam.
However, he left them the afternoon off, to allow them to rest and get to know the two new recruits better.
Before leaving Tomioka had called him to ask him what he had done to his hands and arms. They were still bandaged, and Sanemi was due to go the next day to collect his new nichirin sword. They knew that Sanemi would not operate for a while, for the first time since he was actually a Pillar.
"None of your business, asshole"
Tomioka had continued to look at him, and had heard everyone throw him a few questioning looks.
"Iguro-san, can I touch your snake? What's its name?"
All the Pillars observed how Obanai was increasingly in trouble, not knowing how to tell her. Kaburamaru had bitten Tengen when he had tried to touch him some time ago.
The way the snake had been caressed by an excited Mitsuri surprised them, but it almost made Iguro faint.
In the evening, he and Sanemi had met.
"You seem to get along"
"Don't try"
"Come on, you could court her. Life is short, especially for us, don't waste your time brooding over it"
Obanai knew he meant Kanae, but Sanemi had been lucky, and had fallen for the woman shortly before she died. He was getting up, sure, but the remorse of not having done anything still chased him.
"I'll woo her when you talk to your brother"
This had made Sanemi growl, and they were staring back at the starry sky, each absorbed in their own thoughts.
It had been months. Months spent hunting demons, spending evenings alone or occasionally with Obanai (sometimes even that Mitsuri had joined, who found herself having to take care of them while they were rotten drunk), and returned to hunt demons. Then again.
Then came the news. Days before their meeting.
A little boy who killed demons, and took his sister transformed into a demon with him. Sanemi had had the instinct to hit something, and he was on a mission, so he had slaughtered the demon in front of him, in the grip of anger. He had subsequently apologized to the elderly lady he had rescued, and she had looked at him sympathetically, and thanked him.
If there was anyone Sanemi respected more than others, it was children and the elderly.
He had pierced that demon girl. She had looked into her eyes, the eyes of a demon, which had calmed down to become those of a little girl.
So there were non-evil demons. So up to that point he had been following hideous ideals?
Did this mean that if he didn't kill his mother right away, then maybe she would be saved? Maybe it would have been him instead of that Tanjiro, judged by everyone for something pure and simple like brotherly love?
But Obanai's case debunked all those paranoia.
That demon was different, or her mother would not have killed her own children. He shouldn't be fooled by his feelings. And Tanjiro Kamado had been wrong to trust a demon like this, and secretly Sanemi had hoped that the demon had bitten him, that it had stolen his flesh and created new scars, rather than having doubt.
When he had told Oyakata-sama what he was thinking that late night, he had reconfirmed himself as the only person capable of making him think.
"Don't feel like a more horrible person than you already think you are, Sanemi, just because you wanted Nezuko to hurt someone. You are human like everyone, and even if you are unscratchable here" and he had pointed a finger on his chest marked by deep scars and disconnected "you don't have to be disconnected here too"
The light nudge he gave him on his forehead made him smile slightly. How did that man make him feel better every single time?
Oyakata-sama knew he was like a father to Sanemi, even though they were almost the same age. And he carried out his role perfectly, with all of his children.
Now, more than a month had passed.
Whenever his brother visited the butterflies estate, he was there, and observed him without being seen.
He had grown, and a lot. The child who ran towards him, small and thin from the little food he could eat, smiling like his mother, had disappeared. He now surpassed him in height. The shoulders wider than ever, the muscles swollen, the appearance of a person who could eat regularly.
He had asked Shinobu to count his scars. There were 17 of them in all. Only those on the face, side and left calf were truly extended. There were bite marks, where you could tell that the teeth had gone deep, and had cut through flesh, sinew and bone.
And at first he was worried, seriously, when he saw him walking around the silent building, his face constantly twitching in an expression of anger. But then he had seen him play with one of Shinobu's girls, and help her carry piles of clothes, and he had calmed down. He was still Genya.
But this made it clear that he was not angry with Sanemi, and that he would look for him.
He would have preferred to know he was angry with him, but with a safe family.
One day, returning from training in the woods, he was warned of Rengoku's death, against the third Upper Moon. He had saved more than 200 passengers from the Mugen train, that Tanjiro Kamado and his two companions. He had wanted them to know of his changed mind about Nezuko Kamado, entrusting everything to his raven of him.
Sanemi had decided to go to the celebrations, along with Obanai, who had a strange connection with Rengoku, and who had decided to support a broken Mitsuri.
He was her master in the end. But that woman would have cry even when at Sanemi's dead, so it wasn't that strange.
Two copies of Rengoku were present at the funeral. One no more than fourteen, the other over forty. The brother and the father?
He had been silent the whole time. He did not despise Rengoku at all, he could say that there was a minimum of friendship between them, but he did not have the right to feel bad in front of his father and his brother.
Once Oyakata-sama concluded the ceremony, everyone was missing.
He had gone for a walk, also to leave his friend some privacy, and found himself punching Rengoku's father.
He had found that he was gripping the mini Rengoku in tears by the collar of his robe, while he was addressing him with disgusting words.
"Your brother was weak and died, do not cry for him, useless son"
Apparently the mini Rengoku didn't know how to use breathing.
"Oi oi, what the fuck did you just say, old man?"
The two had turned towards him, one annoyed the other scared more than before. He could understand it. Sanemi looked at them, his eyes wide open in an expression of almost maniacal anger.
"Don't interfere, swordsman"
"You have insulted the valor of a dead Pillar companion of mine, and you use violence on a child. Do you know how much I hate people like you?"
Who use violence in anger and alcohol.
"It's none of your business, if you respect Kyojirou you are probably as weak as he was" the increasingly angry tone.
His pupils had dilated as his hand gripped the hilt of the sword, lips parted to show a silent growl.
"Father, I beg you-"
He had hit him, and the little boy had landed on the ground with a moan of pain.
In blind anger Sanemi had hit the man on the cheek, and again on the nose, and had stopped his hand to throw another one at him. He resisted, and it was evident that he was strong and healthy like few other men, but the stench of alcohol confirmed his patheticity.
"Please don't hurt him!"
He had dropped him on the ground, and grabbed little Rengoku by the shoulder, lifting him off the ground. He had looked down on him.
"Your brother was a worthy swordsman, and pillar. One of the strongest I've ever met. I'm sorry for your loss."
And he was gone. That night he had destroyed half of the forest around his residence, to let off steam and get rid of his memories.
After weeks, news came that Tengen was retiring.
He was reported to have lost sight in one eye and his right hand, and although Sanemi would have continued to be a demon killer in his place, he had met Tengen's three wives a year earlier on a mission, and knew of love he felt for them.
They had fought the sixth crescent moon, he and the same group of kids who had assisted Rengoku in his last mission. Those three could have died, and
Tengen had been fighting for a long time, he would not have judged him for wanting to rest and spend time with the women he loved. And let's face it, all of them had been fighting for a long time, but few had anyone to be with once they retired. Many of them only had their jobs, nothing else.
That idiot of a shinobi. If there was one thing he kept from his legacy it was complete disregard for his own health. Well, he'd been a good companion, but they had to keep going.
And there were seven left.
And Sanemi was scared.
Components like Muichiro most of all frightened him. That boy was a prodigy, but he was only fourteen and could risk dying.
And Mitsuri? She was strong, and physically she surpassed everyone (maybe only Gyomei beat her), but what if she met an Upper Moon, like Rengoku?
He could only hope.
Until the news reached him.
The fifth and fourth crescent moons had been defeated, one by Muichiro himself, and one by Mitsuri, Tanjiro Kamado, and Genya.
He was happy he was alive and well, but if he didn't use breaths, how could he nearly defeat an Upper Moon? He was lucky that Mitsuri had probably been there, and that Gyomei himself had been training him for years.
Genya had to leave everything, and go. He had to live a quiet life, in which Sanemi would protect and control him from behind the scenes, without recognition, but content with being a distant and unpleasant memory.
He had to convince him. And he would have succeeded.
"They found me with them. They drew wrong conclusions."
They had marked him, whit fire, held captive. How stupid was the human being in the face of ignorance?
"Did you find yourself there? You are more stupid than I thought"
No, it wasn't his fault. He was eight, he couldn't ...
"'Nemi, I couldn't-"
No. He had to ... He had to make him go away. Distant. Away- from that mortal life, and from Sanemi
"Shut the fuck up. Thank you that you were useful for once in your miserable life, and get out of my sight, you disgust me."
-Ah, is it really Genya that disgusts you, or is that bitter taste in your mouth the same disappointment you have felt for yourself for as long as you can remember? You should ask yourself-
Sanemi hated what she was doing.
But Genya would be safe, safe and secure.
Safe and alive.
Happy even without him.
He just left, filled with anger and desire for destruction.
He was hungry for violence, Sanemi, the desire to destroy everything and everyone in front of him. He could feel his hands shaking as he left a hole several inches in the wall that he had just hit with his outstretched fist.
He was a destroyer, protecting a being in that world, the only one that really interested him.
He had always been like that, and he would have stayed like that.
Peace had followed before the storm. After the deaths of three (four) Upper Moons, there was a period of calm, in which missions were scarce.
Shinobu was called to collaborate with Tamayo, a demon who had fought against Muzan for years, free from his control, and she carried on the profession of doctor.
A cure for demons.
Apparently Nezuko Kamado could stay in the sun without burning. She was a demon, sure, but she had been able to see the sun again, hug her brother back in the light of day.
Sanemi had to train, and train useless beings who would never develop the mark.
He had discovered that if he could get it, he would die in 4/3 years.
Not bad, he would have ended his day by fighting those creatures.
Though he didn't like the idea of dying young.
Sanemi knew that he had spent those who are the years of youth, of carefree, crying and killing demons.
He had nothing else in the end.
His brother had tried to talk to him.
Why was he addressing him, after the harsh words that Sanemi had addressed to him?
Why didn't he leave him alone?
Why had he been reduced to eating demons, knowing it could kill him?
Why did he insist on his 'Nemi, when he knew that' Nemi was now gone?
Oyakata-sama was dead. He had experienced as in slow motion the fire that blazed from the forest, the infernal din, the screams of those who did not understand what was happening.
They had run. Sanemi felt his heart skip a beat, a cold sweat running down his skin. Obanai had joined him, looking as agitated as he was.
Ubuyashiki had welcomed them, exhorted, advised, comforted in those nights when there was no way out.
He was an authoritative figure to rely on, to cling to when there was no hope.
Everyone knew he would be dead shortly after the last meeting he failed to attend.
But someone had blown up the building.
They had found Muzan, pierced by long sharp spikes that pierced him from side to side, a desperate Tamayo fighting to inject him with the medicine that should have weakened him.
They had fallen.
Ubuyashiki-sama's house had exploded, he, his wife, the twins with them.
They had killed Oyakata-sama. And they would have paid for such an affront.
Slowly as he approached where he sensed danger, he heard the crows.
The demon that killed Rengoku, Akaza, had been defeated by Tomioka and Tanjiro.
Shinobu had been killed by the second Upper Moon.
Then, he died shortly after under the hands of Inosuke Hashibira and Shinobu's tsugoku, Kanao.
And now, he was fighting the first Upper Mmoon.
Gyomei and Sanemi had their mark.
Tokito had been badly wounded, but he was still fighting, animated by the pain and anger of the death of the head of the family.
Genya had helped them, but he had done enough.
He had ingested a portion of Kokushibo. He had been cut in half, and had regenerated as if nothing had happened. His gun was covered in red eyes with yellow horns, like the sword of the Upper Moon.
He had hit him, and Kokushibo hadn't regenerated. Muichiro had pierced him in the side of him, and despite his wounds he was gritting his teeth almost desperately.
Gyomei was not in good shape, but together with Sanemi he took advantage of what was a sacrifice, of the two young men.
Muichiro would not have made it out alive. Awareness had hit the two adults like a rock.
They should have been the ones to die first, to sacrifice themselves for the defeat of such a great enemy, not a fourteen year old and a sixteen year old.
Because Genya took risks.
And the scream that left Sanemi tore through the air as she saw the blood split the frowning face of her brother.
But he was still a demon, wasn't he? He could regenerate, he would do it. He could do it. He wouldn't die there, and Sanemi wouldn't let it happen.
A shock wave, the demon was dead, and darkness. Someone moved him, the streaked wooden floor under his head.
For a moment Sanemi saw the playful grin of a little Genya, who carried Suma in his arms, making her fly while a little Sanemi lay with his cheek on the ground, seeking shelter from the summer heat.
When he opened his eyes, it was his brother's tearful bloody smiling face that greeted him.
Sanemi had opened his eyes wide, feeling everything stop around him. He heard himself scream, but his mind was blank.
Genya's body was disappearing, but why?
Why did he smile, to tell him that everything was fine?
"WHAT'S HAPPENING TO HIM? HIS BODY'S CRUMBLING LIKE HE'S A DEMON! SHIT! SHIT!"
"Big...bro"
How could he still consider him a brother after everything he had told him?
"You're alright, I'll figure something out! 'Nemi's gonna find something out!"
He tried to touch him, but his hands were shaking violently, and he didn't know what to do. But there had to be a way to save him, right? He could have looked for a demon and made him eat a piece of his flesh, he could have tried to get bitten, maybe Genya's organism was similar to that of a demon?
"I'm... sorry"
Genya hadn't done anything wrong, it was Sanemi the one who always got everything wrong in life.
"Back then...I'm sorry I blamed... you...I was just... a pain"
He knew it, Sanemi, and he didn't really care about that story. Genya's voice haunted him on the worst nights, but he didn't blame him.
"YOU WERE NEVER A PAIN! NEVER! DON'T DIE! YOU CAN'T DIE BEFORE ME!"
Because this means that Sanemi has failed as a brother, and has lost Genya, now the only reason he remained standing.
How can Genya think that Sanemi treated him well, if he had done nothing but scream at him poisoned and false words?
But Genya was smart, and he understood that.
"'Nemi...i wanted to... take care of...you...like you always...tried to take care... of me"
Tried. Never succeeded,
"You've had... a really hard time... I want you to... be happy... I don't... want you to... die"
How could he be happy, whit the ghost of his brother always here to remind him how he was a fucking failure?
"Because my 'Nemi... is the nicest person... in the world
Tears of lava running down his cheeks, his eyes burning and a pain devouring his chest, Sanemi was crying now. What had he done to deserve such a person?
He held Genya's face in his hands, crying, as he felt the flesh disappear under his fingers.
He could only pray.
"I'm begging you, God, don't take my little brother!"
But it was useless.
The gods never satisfied him.
He found himself clutching his brother's uniform in his hands, the only thing he had of Genya, with the feeling of still seeing his smile as he squeezed what little remained.
He let confused screams come out of his mouth as the tears continued to flow out of control.
He felt Gyomei approach.
They had to kill Muzan.