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The Great British Bake Off has Nothing on These Assholes

Summary:

Alex is bored of their winning streak in court and looking for a challenge.
Morgan just wants Chad, his professional chef brother, to stop pretending he’s the only successful one. Might as well show that he’s got skills in multiple areas.
Neither was expecting to do more than bake on this show.

Notes:

I've watched every available season of the Great British Bake Off. I also cannot cook or bake in spite of this. Will I bring any technical know-how to this fic? No. Will I bring Alex being gobsmacked by how cute Morgan is instead? Absolutely. I've wanted to write this since the moment it was revealed that Alex could legitimately cook, so here we are.

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Morgan arrived to Tiered Baking almost buzzing with excitement. The show was stationed in an adorable bed and breakfast while it was in town, with the tent set up in the sprawling fields behind. All of the contestants had been given rooms for their three week stay, and Morgan’s had a glass door out onto a tiny balcony looking over the fields. The bed was soft and springy, the dinner that first night was delicious, and he didn’t have to listen to anyone talk about Chad’s new, amazing, better-than-anything-Morgan-can-do job. Even if he ended up failing out, he had three whole weeks of vacation to do with what he could.


He plopped back onto the bed and let himself relax. No one else had quite arrived yet, since he’s elected to come a little early and get away from everything. Technically, contestants were supposed to arrive for the meet and greet in the morning and settle in after.


For now, he would unpack his supplies and figure out his outfit for the morning. He had to dazzle while he was here. Really show what he was made of. Then, maybe, he could go home and not want to throw himself out a window anytime anyone talked about his brother.


He slept well that night, considering.

—-------

Alex scanned over the crowded room at the meet and greet, trying to find anyone who looked like a legitimate threat. The other contestants were mingling happily for the most part. They weren’t being filmed yet, but they could see the staff of the production wandering, eying their new meat. No doubt plans were already being made as to how they would spin the production this season.


Only one other contestant wasn’t happily chatting away with their fellows. A young man, for some reason dressed in jeans and a bomber jacket with fluffy lining, was instead deep in conversation with some of the staff. No producers or anything, just some of the crew here to take advantage of the free food. As Alex watched, he threw back his head and laughed at something one of the crew had said. A weird, tingling sensation ran down his spine. He looked away.


One of the other contestants, a tall, shapely woman in a bright green dress, had approached while they were distracted.


“Hello there, handsome. I’m Bri. You’re… Alex, right?”


Alex inclined their head the smallest amount. “Yes.”


“I’m looking forward to competing with you. Perhaps we’ll both make it to the finals? Have a head to head?” She leaned forward as she spoke, smile sharp. Alex pointedly did not look down at her chest fully on display.


“I’m sure I will. You can try your best.”


She pouted, eyes fluttering. “That’s what we’re all here for, right? I’ve talked with some talented people so far, seems like a tough competition.”


“If I said I agreed, I would be lying.” Alex finally grinned and leaned in. “You’re welcome to try and change my mind, but. I can tell you it will be quite difficult.”


She smiled back, seemed to take it as a real challenge, and wandered off happy. Alex just settled back against the wall. So many of these seasons ended with the cast all being happy friends, but they weren’t particularly interested in participating in whatever ‘bonding’ activities led to that. They’d come because they enjoyed baking and winning. That’s all.


“Yo, grumpy, you always look like you’re bored of existence or is this crowd just boring?” The voice was nearly beside them, and Alex carefully did not jump before turning to see the speaker. It was the man in the bomber jacket. He was grinning, almost bouncing on his feet, and had his hands stuffed in his pockets. Up close, Alex could see that his jeans were ripped and he had a black shirt on under the bomber jacket with the words “I may be wrong, but it’s highly unlikely” printed across the front. Despite themself, they felt their mouth try to twitch into a smile.


The last thing they noticed was that he was cute. Legitimately, big eyed and fluffy hair cute.


“Do you always insult people on first meeting or am I just special?” Was out of Alex’s mouth before they quite caught up with themself.


The man let out another of those thrown back full laughs, and suddenly Alex was caught. Up close, mirth danced in his eyes as the laughter petered out, making their deep amber color almost glow.


“I don’t know, I guess you’ll have to figure it out yourself.” He shrugged. “I got here last night, so I already made friends with some of the crew. But you came with all of them, so it’s just a surprise you’re not really socializing.”


Alex tilted his head, eyeing the crowd again. They seemed like perfectly normal, friendly people, but. “I’m not the type to make small talk.”


“Fair. It’s exhausting. How many ‘weeks’ you think you’ll win? You seem like…” at this his eyes scanned them up and down. Alex repressed a shiver. “The confident type. Going for gold?”


“Are you not?”


“Nah. Just here to have some fun. I’m Morgan, by the by.”


“Alex.” Something rang false in that answer, but Alex didn’t question it. Anyway, that moment was when the director rang for attention at the front of the room, pulling their attention away from conversations. She gave a quick speech and directed them through to get their tour of the set and to see their spaces. Morgan seemed interested, bright eyes darting around to look over everything with a careful eye.


Alex stuck close to him. Not for any reason. He was simply the only somewhat interesting competitor so far. Alex certainly wasn’t going to stand near the woman who was still looking him over occasionally, and she was the only other one they’d talked to.


An hour later, they’d been left to check over their stations and make sure all of the supplies they’d brought or requested were there and ready to go. Somehow, Alex and Morgan were in stations side by side in the tent, and Alex could hear Morgan mumbling to himself over the pots and pans in his various drawers.


They were carefully marking off all of their personally supplies off their own list. The only thing not from home in his station would be the oven and the microwave. They’d had everything at home, picked out in familiar and well used formats, so they felt no need to depend on the show runners to provide what they would need. Morgan however, seemed to be ramping up in energy as he discovered more supplies, at one point exclaiming excitedly over a mixer pretty similar to the one Alex had brought. Clearly he didn’t feel a need for familiar tools.


Checklist done, they sat back on the stool provided and looked over the space. It looked large from the outside, but with the amount of people wandering around and making sure everything was set, the space shrunk quickly. They quickly noted that the woman was at the front of the room, a good three rows ahead of Alex and Morgan. To their front was an older woman, also done going over her things, who was chatting with one of the handlers. Glancing back, they saw that the competitor on their other side was a short person with a shock of bright pink hair who was deeply immersed in counting spoons, for some reason.


And to their right, Morgan. Hair gleaming copper in the slanted sunlight, coat ridiculously fluffy, now looking right back at Alex with a lazy grin.


For a moment they thought they might actually blush. But then it passed, as another handler approached Morgan and introduced herself, wrenching his gaze away.


Oh, they were fucked.