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“I need a date to Liam’s wedding,” Karma says breathlessly, her cheeks pink from the running it looks like she did to get over here.
Amy looks up from a bag of potato chips. “What?”
“Liam’s getting married,” Karma spells it out for her, “And I need a date for his wedding.”
Amy’s not quite sure where to start.
“Is this a joke?” Amy asks, cocking her head to the side in confusion, “Because it’s not a very good one. It’s just kind of weird—“
“No,” Karma interrupts. “It’s not a joke. It’s real life.”
“We’re like nineteen,” Amy says. “We just finished our freshman year of college. Isn’t it a little soon?”
Amy doesn’t want to go for the obvious point, which is that last time Amy checked, Karma and Liam had been giving their relationship its fifteenth chance or something like that, and she hadn’t heard about a breakup yet.
This is just—okay, Amy doesn’t use the word very often, but she’s flabbergasted.
Amy came home for the summer, like pretty much everyone she knows did, and this is not what she was expecting her very first night back.
Fuckity fuck fuck.
And shit for good measure, she thinks.
Karma’s pacing now, and ignoring Amy’s question about whether it’s too soon.
For good reason, Amy’s guessing, because the answer can’t possibly be good.
“Are you okay?” Amy asks, trying to sound as sympathetic as she feels.
Karma looks at her sharply. “Am I okay?”
“I’m just—“ Amy starts to say, but then Karma’s tirade takes over.
“Liam and I were on a slight break for a few weeks, and then next thing I know, I get an invitation to his wedding, which, a) is super tacky b) why the hell is he marrying this girl? c) why are they getting married so soon? Is she pregnant?”
“Maybe they’re in love,” Amy says, and she barely gets the words out with a straight face.
Amy believes in love, but she’s not much of a romantic, especially these days.
Getting your heart stamped on three times in quick succession isn’t really her idea of fun.
“Love,” Karma snorts. “He loved me,” Karma stops pacing then and looks at Amy. “I thought he did, anyway.”
“And you love him,” Amy says. “It’s natural to be upset.”
Karma hesitates, and then steps forward to plop down on Amy’s bed. “I don’t know why I’m upset, exactly. Because I think it’s mostly just jealousy, but not because I want to be marrying him. Just because—I don’t know, we were happy, and then we weren’t—“ she trails off.
“And now he’s happy, and you’re not,” Amy finishes. “I know, I understand.”
Amy reaches out a hand and pats the top of Karma’s left hand awkwardly, trying to provide some sort of comfort.
Karma flops down across the bed sideways and groans. “Maybe I shouldn’t go.”
“You should definitely go,” Amy says. “Look super hot, and take a date that is way more attractive than he is. I met this guy in my lit class, and he lives nearby. Maybe I could get him to come be your date.”
Karma tilts her head toward Amy. “You’re my date,” Karma says. “Please,” she whines childishly in that way she does when she wants Amy to do something. “For me?” Karma smiles with those puppy dog eyes, and even though Amy holds out for a few seconds before responding, she already knows what her answer is.
“Fine,” Amy agrees finally. “But I don’t think Liam’s going to be very impressed by me as your date. It kind of defeats the purpose.”
“It’s perfect,” Karma says, shaking her head. “Liam’s always been super insecure about you, so if he has any doubts, then this will definitely make him ridiculously jealous,” Karma says. “Thank you!” she says, sitting up and then pouncing on Amy for a hug.
Amy’s not sure why Liam would be insecure about her, since he’s the one Karma wants to be with and all that, but whatever.
Now, she’s a little distracted by the fact that Karma is all tangled up in her.
It’s been a few years since Amy had declared her love for Karma and been rejected, but she still has to fight the sudden influx of feelings in situations like these.
Her stomach clenches and she swears she stops breathing for a second. She has to patiently, calmly force herself to breathe again.
~~
After Karma had decided to forgive her for sleeping with Liam, Amy had developed a careful way of dealing with Karma.
On the outside, she tried to keep things light and airy, except when Karma needed something heavier.
On the inside, she’d tried to keep herself from tangling up in knots.
Reagan had helped her pretend to move past her feelings for Karma, but then Reagan had broken the crap out of her heart a year later, and Amy had muddled through that, trying to put her heart back together.
For a while, she’d looked at Karma and thought she’d seen something in her eyes, like there was something different there.
Wishful thinking, she’d decided, and she’d thought it meant that Karma was still struggling to forgive her completely.
And then, there was Andie, the cute girl who lived on her floor fall semester before unceremoniously dropping out because she wanted to travel the world instead.
Amy had been expecting to see her again all through winter break, and then Andie had been completely gone, and a new brunette had been in her place.
The point is, Amy thinks, that her heart’s a mess, and it’s been carefully duct taped back together.
Being Karma’s date to Liam Booker’s wedding is not good for her heart, by any means.
It’s pulling at the duct tape, threatening to rip it off altogether.
And that, Amy thinks, is going to fucking hurt.
~~
Karma looks beautiful, and it makes something twist painfully in Amy’s chest.
She should have known better, she should have said no.
Her feelings for Karma recur like a character on one of her favorite TV shows, coming and going as they please without any input from her.
Karma grabs her arm, linking it with her own, and Amy raises an eyebrow, but Karma is too busy smiling brightly and dragging Amy off to go find a good seat so that Liam can’t help but see her.
Amy sometimes forgets how much money Liam’s family has, but this is a great reminder. Everything looks amazing for a wedding that must have been pulled together quick as a coin toss.
Maybe that’s how Liam decided to marry whoever this woman is, Amy thinks, but that’s mean, so she pushes the thought out of her mind and sits down next to Karma.
Karma had completely ignored the ushers and had just chosen aisle seats where she could look directly forward and meet Liam’s eyes once he comes out.
Amy’s beginning to feel a little bad about this whole thing, if she’s honest.
Liam comes out then, and stands in his place, looking out at the pews.
It’s a church wedding. Very traditional, and more than a little boring. Amy’s more of the get married in Vegas type at this point.
Karma untangles her arm from Amy’s and grabs her hand instead, and her hand is low enough that Amy knows it’s for support, not show.
Karma’s looking directly at Liam, smiling brightly. He looks like he feels guilty.
He doesn’t look happy to be here, Amy realizes. He looks miserable.
The wedding planner urges the last few stragglers to sit down, and then cues up the wedding march, and then makes them all stand again for the bride’s walk down the aisle.
Someone’s a little freaked out.
The bride is pretty, but Amy doesn’t know her. She doesn’t even look faintly familiar, and Amy’s beginning to wonder in earnest about how the hell this whole wedding came together.
Karma’s nails are digging into her hand now, almost painfully.
Most of the ceremony goes nicely, though Amy has the sneaking suspicion that neither the bride nor groom actually wants to be getting married right now.
And so, when the reverend asks if anyone has a reason why the two of them shouldn’t get married, she waits for one of them to say something.
They both look like they’re in pain, or maybe they’re just about to throw up. Probably both.
Amy turns to Karma, who just sits there, biting her lip, and doing absolutely nothing.
Amy looks back at Liam, whose eyes are full of panic. He’s begging for someone to stop this, Amy thinks, and so without even really deciding to do it she stands up.
“I object,” Amy says, but the reverend has already starting talking again, and she’s not sure if he hears her.
She clears her throat awkwardly. “I object.” She says it louder this time.
And now, everyone’s staring at her.
Liam looks grateful, though still worried, like he’s pretty sure he’s still going to have to go through with this wedding after she’s done making a scene.
“Me too,” the bride cries out then. “Daddy, I don’t want to do this,” she says, facing someone in the pews who Amy assumes is her father.
Everything erupts into chaos, and now Liam looks grateful. Happy, even.
Karma’s still got Amy’s hand, even though Amy has stood up and ruined a wedding while holding it.
Amy wonders if this is why Karma brought her.
She tries to pull on the desire to resent that, but she can’t.
At the very least, she’s saved Liam, who she’s kind of sometimes friends with.
He and his (now) former bride both deserve better than whatever kind of weird arranged marriage she’s assuming this was.
~~
They go to the reception anyway, because Amy refuses to turn down free food, and Karma owes her.
Liam’s there, but his non-bride isn’t.
“My dad’s latest attempt to control me,” Liam explains. He hugs Amy tightly, which surprises her. “Thank you,” he whispers in her ear before pulling away. “I owe you one.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Amy says, waving it off once he pulls away. “It’s a good story. I live for good stories these days.”
Karma just looks at her strangely, and then laughs.
“I can feel you mocking me, but I’ve chosen to ignore you and believe that you’re just jealous because I got to ruin a wedding, and you didn’t,” Amy says.
She feels awkward then, and looks between Liam and Karma. “You two look like you have stuff to talk about, so I’m going to—“ she points toward the cake. “Go over there, okay?”
She doesn’t wait for an answer, just escapes while she still can.
~~
Karma comes back over to her about fifteen minutes later, and she’s got a sad smile on her face.
“What’s wrong?” Amy asks. “Did you guys not get back together?” Amy’s already eaten way too much cake. She’s probably going to be sick soon, but all she can think about is how much more of it she wants to eat.
“No,” Karma says, shaking her head. “This entire thing has really just shown us what we really want, and that’s just . . . not each other.”
“Oh,” Amy breathes out, unable to figure out how she feels. Surprised, maybe. Yes, that’s a good, relatively neutral emotion. “I’m sorry to hear that.”
“I’m not,” Karma says, shrugging lightly.
“Then good,” Amy replies. “I’m happy for you.”
They stand there awkwardly then. “I’m going to get like five pieces of cake, and then we can go,” Amy says.
Karma laughs. “I already got Liam to agree to send you a full sheet,” she says. “The waiter is putting it away for you right now,” she points toward the cake.
“A full sheet?” Amy’s already feeling a little overwhelmed by that. She may, may have to share with her mom and stepdad, and maybe Lauren if she’s in a good mood. “Excellent,” she says, rubbing her hands together evilly like a cartoon villain.
Karma just smiles at her.
“What?” Amy asks. “Is there something on my face?” Cake, most likely.
Karma hesitates. “No,” she answers. “Nothing at all.”
~~
A week later, there’s still cake in her freezer, but Amy’s found that it makes an excellent breakfast food.
Karma’s over after a shift working for her parents, and Amy’s summer job is only three times a week, not including today, so they’re just hanging out, eating cake.
“Life is good,” Amy says casually, sighing happily. “This is pretty much ideal.”
“Pretty much,” Karma agrees, and then she closes the distance between them and kisses Amy on the lips, stunning away pretty much every other thought that Amy has ever had in her life.
Amy doesn’t even kiss back, just waits a second and then pulls back.
“Um,” Amy says. “Have I missed something?”
Karma winces. “I’m sorry, I just—“ she hesitates. “I had a really strong urge to kiss you. I have for a while.”
“We did this before,” Amy says. “You said you couldn’t ever feel this way about me, you made me painstakingly get over a broken heart because you were absolutely sure.”
Karma winces. “I wasn’t before, actually.”
Amy’s not sure what to do with this information. “What?”
Karma explains. “Back in high school, after the whole you and Liam having sex thing—I started having . . . dreams. And feelings, maybe.”
“I see,” Amy says, feeling more than a little hurt now. “And what did you do about these feelings?”
“I ignored them,” Karma says. “I was so upset, I thought I was just confused, and the more I ignored them, the less real they felt. Except sometimes—“ Karma hesitates. “I think that’s why it wouldn’t work with Liam, because he knew, and I knew, that there was someone between us.”
“That’s not my fault,” Amy says now. “I didn’t break you two up. You did that all on your own.”
Amy’s not sure if she’s angry, or she’s hopeful, and she thinks she might be both.
“I don’t want to pretend anymore,” Karma says softly, emotionally like she might start crying at any moment. She wipes at the corner of her eyes, trying to head off tears.
“Why did you pretend at all?” Amy asks.
Karma doesn’t say anything then, just stares right into her eyes.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Amy asks now, pleading for some kind of answer.
“I got scared,” Karma says softly. “You and I have always been different. You’ve always been my best friend, my soulmate, and—you loving me almost destroyed us. I couldn’t imagine a world where me loving you was what finally did it.”
Everything’s swirling around inside of Amy’s head, and she doesn’t know how to respond to that.
“I loved you,” Amy says, and that’s not entirely true. She still does, if she’s honest, and while now is probably a good time to be, her heart is still not ready for such vulnerability.
“I love you now,” Karma tells her, crying in earnest now. Her eyes are bright from the tears. “And I understand if you don’t love me back, because it’s been too long, or I missed my chance, but I—I saw you stand up at Liam’s wedding, and you were holding my hand, and I just felt—pride. And rightness. And I—“ Karma reaches out her hand and takes one of Amy’s. “When I hold your hand,” Karma says. “I never want to let go.”
Amy kisses her then, all pent-up emotion and regret and years of waiting and hoping against hope, even though she shouldn’t.
“is that a yes?” Karma asks when she pulls away.
“To what question?” Amy asks. “Because I don’t remember you actually asking one.”
“Can you give me a chance?’ Karma asks now, and Amy just looks at her, drinking her in.
She leans her head against Karma’s forehead now, and squeezes Karma’s hand. “Yes,’ she says softly. “You and me.”
“Me and you,” Karma says back, and it feels utterly surreal.
The best things in life often do, Amy’s discovered.