Chapter Text
Fade from black to an all-around all-American. He strides confidently across the parking lot of a dilapidated shopping center. From the way the view bobs and shakes, following him, it's clear the footage is being recorded on a handheld carried by someone following him.
"Mysteries!" exclaims Troy, over his shoulder. "What secrets do they conceal? What enchantments come to life behind the walls of a place like this?" If the viewer wasn't in a position to recognize Troy Barnes , due to prosopagnosia or simple lack of familiarity, the informative chyron at the bottom of the screen would identify him. Every video in the channel includes this sort of basic identifying information, present in hopes of reducing confusion. It's possible that this is the first Troy and Abed Making Content video a particular viewer sees. Every video is somebody's first video. "What marvels?"
"What wonders?" interjects someone offscreen. It's Abed Nadir , Troy's longtime companion and artistic partner, claims another helpful chyron. Even without the chyron, the name of the channel is Troy and Abed Making Content so his identity would be simple to guess.
Troy nods his head like Abed has made a good point worthy of rumination. "So this is the Shops of Goldfarb," he says, gesturing around. Another chyron appears, this one reading IT'S ACTUALLY YE OLDE SHOPPES AT GOLDFARB WE GOT IT WRONG! "I'm seeing an RV, that's unusual," Troy continues blithely, "and over there is a Chinese takeout place, and of course Annie's office. Which is also Jeff's office!"
"It's a cavalcade!" cries Abed, still offscreen.
"That it is, buddy, that it is." Troy has reached the RV now, and is circling around it, gesturing for Abed and his camera, and by extension the viewer, to follow. "Whoa! Check all this noise!" he cries, dramatically taken aback.
'All this noise' is a set of patio furniture, a bunch of strings of outdoor holiday lights, and a large rack with a dozen potted plants and a sign saying ELROY'S TOMATOES DO NOT TOUCH. Also a guy incongruously wearing a bathrobe (over sweat pants and a t-shirt) sipping tea and reading a newspaper.
"What's this?" the guy asks, and a helpful chyron identifies him as ELROY PATASHNIK, LOCAL CRANK.
"Hi there, sir or madam!" Troy says brightly. "You're on Troy and Abed Making Content!"
There's a beat. Elroy stares at him, then directly into the camera.
"Please don't look into the camera," Abed says from offscreen.
Elroy turns back to Troy. "Jason!" he yells, not taking his eyes of Troy. "Your friends are here!"
The camera whips around to catch the door of one of the businesses at the shopping center open, and an extraordinarily telegenic young man step out. "Hi there!" he says, and the screen abruptly freezes.
"Did you catch that?" Suddenly Troy, wearing a blue button-down, is standing in front of the frozen (but still remarkably good-looking) young man. He's clearly matted in; this is a Troy of the future, commenting on the recording. "Let's take a closer look!"
Behind Troy, the last few seconds of footage play backwards and at lower speed, freezing again in the middle of the whip-around between Elroy and the telegenic young man whose name has not yet been supplied explicitly but which context clues suggest is Jason. Concerns about his identity will have to wait, however, as this new milieu reveals something that had been nearly impossible to notice the first time around: a Latina woman with thick dark hair and a black leather jacket, peering around the back of the RV behind Abed. She displays a pained grimace that no doubt reflects her discomfort with having been caught (however briefly) on camera.
MYSTERY WOMAN, says the helpful chyron.
"Put a pin in that one," the Troy of the future instructs the viewer, and grins insouciantly. "This is the story of our visit to our friends Jeff and Annie. And like all good stories, it's told in six chapters." He looks solemn for a moment. "This is, like, the intro. Chapter zero." Then he's gone, as the footage resumes playing normally.
JASON MENDOZA (for the chyron resolves all ambiguity at last) smiles cheerfully. "Hi there!"
"Hey Jason," Abed's voice says.
"Hey, man," Troy says. "How's your game store doing? Selling a lot of dice?"
Elroy snorts. "Old news."
"We got bored with that," Jason says apologetically. "If you want some Magic cards, though, I know a guy…"
Troy waves away this possibility. "We're here in our official capacity as social media influencers and content creators," he declares.
"A Day at the Shops of Goldfarb!" Abed exclaims. Another chyron flashes for a single frame: YEAH YEAH WHATEVER WE KNOW.
"Oh!" Jason nods sagely. "I understand." He clearly doesn't.
Elroy clears his throat, and the camera turns back to him (less motion-sickness-inducingly fast, this time). "Would you like to see my pig farm? We'd have to—it's just inside." He gestures towards the RV.
"Well now, that depends. Is it a real pig farm," Troy asks, "or a Minecraft pig farm?"