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torment one: the rather inferior map
A mix of cotton floss and raw leather floated through the humid air of the dungeons, making Remus drastically sick. Couples with zero concept of the social boundaries of PDA multiplied incomprehensibly, the Day of Love having become an excuse to rub their luck in their classmates' faces. Although it was highly irritating, it wasn’t the only reason why Remus dreaded Valentine’s Day; it was the expectation of having found someone, a temporal soulmate, to spend it with. If such an expectation didn’t exist, maybe there wouldn’t be people crying in the bathrooms, self-disappointment becoming too much, and maybe Remus wouldn’t be being dragged into a bloody Valentine’s Party.
“Where are we even going?” he sighed, slowing the pace in a feeble attempt to arrive at the location when it was all already over.
“I told you, Remus, I have no fucking idea; I’m just following Mary’s map!” Sirius grunted.
“Well, that’s a bloody useless map if it doesn’t even tell you where we’re going.” He grabbed the scented piece of pink paper, trying to make a sense of it. Or to intentionally get lost. “Ours is much better.”
“Of course it is,” Sirius replied, stealing it back once again. “But, that's the point, Remus. We just have to follow the arrow, turn when it turns, to find the party. It’s a game.”
“It’s a nonsensical game.”
“You’re delightful to be around today, aren’t you?” Sirius grinned, that stupid movement that made Remus gulp, and focused on the arrow again.
Mary was the true mastermind behind this mess. Having been single this year and with her three best friends being coupled already, she had devoted the whole month of January, not to finding a partner herself, but to creating a cursed social gathering aimed at finding partners for other people. Truly a charitable soul, if it wasn’t because some people didn’t want partners. Or, at least, not some partner. Remus was one of those people.
The other villain was the excited boy with his eyes glued to the bloody, stupidly wasteful, magical map. The chanting of “Treason” had become rather ocurrent in the Marauders’ dorm, having James managed to score a date with the inconsistent Lily Evans. Remus was the one who had advised her to just get over her pride and go out with the bloke she fancied. Oh, did he regret that. With Lily and James down each other's throats and Peter having found a lovely girl to go out with - Margaret - it left Remus and Sirius being awkwardly alone.
It was weird, Remus had thought over and over these past days; Sirius could literally go out with any girl at Hogwarts. Why he had chosen to remain single and instead drag Remus into a party he obviously didn’t want to attend was one of the universe’s unresolvable secrets. Because, obviously, Remus had no interest in finding a random partner, as previously stated. And, obviously, Sirius hadn’t cared, he just didn’t want to go alone. “Free food, Remus! Free food!” As if. No amount of free food would compensate for the trauma of being on the front row as your best friend found the love of his life. Because, and not that Remus had much knowledge on the subject, that’s what you are supposed to do in single’s parties on Valentine's Day: find true love. And that is what Sirius would find if they crossed that door frame: the person who was just right, who would love him, and who would be heavenly loved in return. The person who would slowly kiss him, who would do whatever she wanted to his body. (With consent, of course!). The person who would make him entirely forget about Remus.
Maybe Remus was overreacting. He tried to sink in that thought as Sirius let out an excited shriek. Too excited for Remus’ taste. They had found the corridor.
“We’re here, Moony!” Again, a smile too bright. Remus bit his lip to avoid the desperate grim that was fighting to take over.
“Yeah, I’ve gathered. Hard to miss.”
Sirius laughed, wholeheartedly, and grabbed Remus’ arm as they entered love’s nest. Arches made of white and pink roses invaded the tight corridor, drastically reducing its width. There was a faint violin coming from the ceramic angels floating over them. Remus tried not to let Sirius’ side touch his own, but his best friend was indifferent to their warm contact. The accentuated leather scent wasn’t helping, tinted with a faded fragrance of fags and rainy days. It was the only reassuring thing about the despicable place.
“Do you think the party is going to be just like this?” Remus asked, mockingly disgusted.
“Too girly for you, dear Moony? Talk about fragile masculinity.”
“Oh, my apologies, Padfoot. Forgot you’re a modern man now that you wear eyeliner.”
“And nail polish!”
“I wear nail polish too, dumbass.”
“Anyway, I like it. I think it’s romantic. Could do without the creepy angels, though.” Remus was unable to contain the bubbling laughter. Gosh, love did make you dumber. Sirius smirked, satisfied.
“So, this is where you would take your valentine? Out of all places?”
“If I had one?”
“Well, yes, if you had one.”
Sirius pretended to think deeply about it. Or maybe he was. You could never tell how much consideration Sirius Black gave to his love affairs. He was said to be a player, a prankster, but, in reality, he was just a dorkish flirt by nature. Remus had found him more than once, while drunk, sighing about true love.
“Maybe,” he answered, “for the first date it would be nice. Not too intimate, don’t want to scare them away. And I have a feeling that they would secretly enjoy it. But of course I would woo them later. You know, romantic runs through the forest, wind in our faces. Cuddling on the carpet next to the fire. Playing on the grass while the stars are out.”
“Is your ideal girlfriend a dog, Padfoot?” Remus snorted. Sirius’ cheeks turned a deep red, glancing quickly at Remus, but looking away even faster. The laugh that came out of his lips was unnatural; strained.
Then, a door.
“ They are waiting for you ”, Sirius read out loud from the pink sign, written in purple calligraphy. His blush still hadn’t faded. “Woah, way creepier than what Mary intended, probably.”
“Who are they anyway?” Remus snorted. He was fully on board the “mocking Mary’s stupid party” boat.
“Your soulmate, Moony, who else?” He was too close, the wrinkles in his eyes being almost an invitation. “Even you have someone out there desperately in love with you, don’t you reckon?”
“No, not really,” Remus replied. It wasn’t a lie. Sirius scoffed, offended.
“That’s just plainly ridiculous,” he smirked, “I bet half of Hogwarts is dying to get in your pants.”
“Considering the other half of it is under fifteen, I sure hope so, or it would be highly inappropriate.”
“That’s the Moony I know and love! Making extremely dry comments without the slightest trace he’s joking on weirdly inopportune subjects!” He squished Remus arm before letting go, taking all the warmth with him, gesturing to open the pink door. “You ready?”
“No.”
Sirius just chuckled, going through. Leaving Remus behind. The metaphors were being written by themselves.
“Hurry up, Moony! There is a whole table just for chocolate goods! God, I could smell them from the beginning of the corridor.”
torment two: mary and her stupid party
Somehow, it was worse. A classy piano had been added to the violin, and, although it was highly more sophisticated than expected, that just made it even more catastrophical. Remus could try to mock a cheap, trashy party, but Mary had created an actually nice gathering deep into Hogwarts’ mossy dungeons. The room was considerably big, even if the ceiling was pretty low, and it gave off amateur Victorian ballroom. And the attendants had actually dressed up, the room being full of cool suave people that Remus was pretty sure he had never seen before at Hogwarts. Maybe they were extremely realistic ghosts. Sure, Alice and Frank were there, and a bunch of other seventh years, and… maybe these were real people. And, oh no, even further, these were real eligible people. Sirius must be euphoric.
Speaking of, what Sirius wasn’t was near. He had gone over the food table, as he had admittedly announced, and that gave Remus a moment to breathe. The air was still filled with leather, and comfort and warmth. With fags and rainy afternoons reading on the library. It was okay. He just needed to…
There was fucking mistletoe everywhere. Forget peace, this was a whole panic disaster that needed to be dealt with immediately. How so? Bloody running away. Goodbye Sirius, goodbye Mary, goodbye to whoever thought this was a good idea, because it certainly wasn’t the rational, self-preservative part of him. Seeing Sirius actively kiss other people on more than one occasion throughout the afternoon would be the death of him. Hell, accidentally kissing Sirius himself on more than one occasion throughout the afternoon would be the death of him. A hand was placed on his shoulder, but far from calming him it just worsened it all, the emergency alarm sounding way too loudly for it to be appropriate for the neighbours. Damn, Remus, get a grip.
“Damn, Remus, get a grip,” a mocking voice said, Mary suddenly appearing in his line of vision. She had a champagne glass in her hand and was looking as beautiful as ever. Her brows frowned lightly. “Are you alright, darling?”
“Yeah, yes,” he answered, as if he wasn’t a mess due to some random plants, “lovely party, Mary. Gotta say, way better than I expected. Sadly, I’ve got an emergency, so it would be better if I just-”
“You aren’t going anywhere, Casanova. You’re the star of my show.” She smiled, a feline thing, and took a sip of her champagne. Sensing his gaze, she whispered, “it’s actually enchanted bubbling water. They wouldn’t let me bring real alcohol. Pity, they’ve got the knights controlling the party.” She gestured at said enchanted armours, standing next to a shiny fountain.
“Damn, devastating. As I was saying-”
“Cut the crap, Lupin.” The mocking smile remained. “No one is leaving my party without their soulmate.”
That’s going to be hard, since my soulmate is destined to someone else, he thought. However, he just shrugged, giving Mary a sceptic look.
“Don’t believe me? The magic has just begun!” She laughed, but Remus wasn’t really following. “Remus, do you like the perfume I’ve picked?”
Remus chose to humour her, and tried to pick up what she was talking about. Sadly, he couldn’t smell anything besides wet dog and leather warmth.
“Hm, sure,” he answered, wishing that was what Mary wanted to hear.
“Liar,” she laughed. “What do you really smell? Or, more like who ?”
“What do you mean?” Remus asked, but he was beginning to comprehend. And, for the Love of God, he really hoped Mary wouldn’t answer his question. Nevertheless, she did.
“Amortentia,” she purred, delighted at Remus’ horrified expression. “Oh! Cut that terror, you dunce! I haven’t magically injected you any, I just sprayed it all over the flowers. All you’ll smell this evening is the person you truly love. Care to tell me who they are?”
The floor banished from Remus’ feet. This was going to be a nightmare.
“No! What the hell, Mary? You can’t make me confess out of the blue!”
“Aha! So there is someone! Don’t worry, Remus. It won’t be me who’ll unite you both.” She hid behind her champagne, taking another sip. The satisfaction in her dark eyes was almost criminal. “The Final Surprise will take care of that.”
“What do you mean Final- Mary? Mary! Wait! You can’t just leave like that!”
She did. She did just leave like that. Remus was left standing next to the pink door, surrounded by laughter and tasty classical music, the small ballroom in front of him full of moving bodies - rather uncoordinated, if someone is to judge - and with the certainty that this would end very badly. For him, that is.
He tried to grab the knob, but it swiftly moved away. He didn’t have to try again, since he knew he would never really catch it. A message appeared on the wood, just like the one Sirius had read outside: “ You must only leave after the Ceremony is completed. I’m looking at you, Lupin.”
“Fuck you!”
“ Very classy, Remus.”
“I’m not fighting with a bloody door,” Remus decided, leaving to find something to keep his mind on until the dreaded Final Surprise. He couldn’t go near Sirius - too risky -, or wander around - he would end up under a mistletoe -. The dance floor looked rather unpleasant to be in, with all the people. Enchanted armours it was.
The fountain was looking as sparkly as ever as he sat on it, way too close to the water for his own comfort. It was one of those round garden fountains from old period movies, the water soaring up in the middle. He had tried to salute the knights, but they had just threatened him with their swords.
Being in love with the only person he would never dare to have was bad. Like, really bad. It was the reason why Remus found himself at the edge of vomiting every time Sirius smiled at him, or took his shirt off, or played Quidditch with James. Sirius didn’t really date around anymore - thank God. He had peaked in Third Year and, after dating all the girls in their year, up, and below, he decided that it wasn’t for him. Now, instead, he spent his afternoons next to Remus in the library, humouring him with his attention. Some nights, though, Remus woke up to find Sirius gone, coming back the next morning with his hair rather unravelled.
Feeling sorry, pitying his best friend for feeling things he shouldn’t feel. But, no . That was not true, because Sirius didn’t know - wouldn't, ever, know - the ruining thoughts in Remus’ hopeless mind. If someone was to point them out, Remus would deny them until his final breath.
He tried to locate Sirius next to the food table. Maybe, when he left, Remus could go over and eat, to forget about the misery. Sirius wasn't, in fact, next to the food table.
“Remus! You traitor, you’re supposed to be my partner!”
Sirius was, in fact, next to him. On the fountain. The misery went on, the bloody bitch.
“It breaks my heart to inform you this is a single’s party, Sirius,” he said, looking over at his best friends, “if I stick with you it kind of ruins the point. You know, to un-single yourself.”
“I don’t care about un-singleing myself, Moony!” Sirius had his hands full of chocolates and heart-shaped cookies, offering Remus some. (Which he was obviously about to accept until he remembered Mary’s inclination to Amortentia). “I came here to eat and to spend Valentine's Day hanging out with you. Better to do so surrounded with free cupcakes than in our dorm room. Bet Jamie Boy wants to be alone when he deflowers himself all over our precious virginal sanctuary.”
“Wouldn’t call your sinful bed a virginal sanctuary, Padfoot.”
“Jealousy looks bad on you, I prefer complete and utter devotion. Also, let’s reduce the slut-shaming, please.”
“Oh, no, you misunderstood. I wasn’t talking about actual action, Padfoot, I was talking about how much you wank.”
“As if you can talk!” Sirius replied, throwing a crumb of a cookie directed at Remus’ face, “you haven’t even had your first kiss.”
“That’s what you think.” Remus mumbled, barely audible. Sirius’ face fell, a confused frown taking over.
“What do you mean?” A tense pause. “Who is she? He ?”
Remus didn’t even try to retain his blush. That increased Sirius’ worry.
“First kiss - Gretha Rogers, Ravenclaw Tower, Fourth Year.” He said it quickly, like ripping off a plaster. “And, erm - you know - last summer, boy in my town.”
“Oh.” A smile, although Sirius’ brows were twitching in an ugly way. “That’s - wow. You really have been, er, busying yourself.”
“Jealous much?” A mocking smile. Remus desperately wanted to relieve the tension.
“Of Gretha Rogers? Oh, she wishes.”
“No, I - I meant of me. Because, you know, I’ve found sexual pleasure and all that-” Remus, please, just shut up.
“Oh! Right, yeah. No. No, I mean, sure, I’d like to, you know. Find the right person.”
“You’ve been saving yourself?” Remus asked, staring intently at the floor.
“Yeah, I guess so. Although they probably don’t really want- I mean, it’s complicated.”
“You already have someone in mind.”
A pause. “No! Just- Just, hypothetically speaking.” Remus glared. “Alright, maybe, I-”
“Oh. Right. That’s cool, yeah. Very - extremely - cool. Good for you, Pads.” Remus wanted to cry. He was a mess, and not exactly subtle about it. He missed the way Sirius’ lips curled up, in faint hope. “Lucky girl. Who would have said that Sirius Padfoot Orion Black-Potter could be such a hopeless romantic. Valentine parties, awaited sexual fantasies about finding true love, obsession with diaries-”
“You’re a bastard,” Sirius barked. Remus finally looked up. When their eyes met, he found that it wasn’t as awkward as he had feared. Sirius was smiling, and he slowly mirrored it. Everything was fine. They would be fine.
“Alright, enough!” Sirius jumped up, devouring his last couple chocolates. With a smile filled with the pink glitter that came inside, he slowly bowed, offering his chocolate-dirty hand. It was absurdly endearing, the grey eyes shining with joyful self-awareness. How was Remus expected not to fall for such a creature?
“Do you honour me with the next dance, Mr Lupin?” Covered under layers of mockery, there was a fragile thing about the way Sirius’ eyes shined with the smallest amount of doubt. Remus laughed, but shook his head.
“No way, Pads. I’m a mere observer.”
“Oh, so you’re the I’m in a dance, but I don’t actually dance cliché.”
“You literally dragged me here.” Sirius gasped.
“Not literally ! Remus, for God’s sake, you’re an embarrassment to writers all over Britain. All over the world, if I dare say!” Remus snorted. “And you could’ve said no.”
“We both know I never - I can’t - say no to you, Pads.” It was meant to come out as a joke, but Remus’ tone was a betraying bitch. Instead, it had sounded like he was whispering to a lover. Remus refused to meet Sirius's eyes, unable to survive what he would find there. “And, correct me if I’m mistaken, but neither of us wants to find ourselves trapped under the mistletoe with each other.”
Remus looked up, only to somehow find out that Sirius's eyes looked almost hurt. He quickly blinked, smiling brightly, but there was still a sad veil over his ethereal features that couldn’t be shaken. One of those unsettling Greek statues, heroes that died due to an unspeakable tragedy.
“Yes,” Sirius laughed, a strained thing, “who even put up those?”
“It’s not even Christmas! Someone needs to check their calendar.”
“Right?”
“Yeah.”
Somehow, Remus had managed to make it all awkward. Again. Talking with the boy he fancied was all over his intellectual - and physical - capacities, apparently. All that came out was a babbling mess, the sure recipe to mess up their six-year-long friendship. But Remus needed that friendship, way more than he needed a mandatory kiss due to some mistletoe incident. He just hoped he wasn’t left with neither.
Sirius was, sadly, an expert on getting out of embarrassing situations after being best friends with James Potter for six years. So, suave as ever, he retreated his hand, putting on a corturious smile.
“How you please, dear Lupin,” he mumbled - not so suavely -, “if you can excuse me, I must go find the creator of such a splendorous event.”
Remus just nodded, not trusting his own voice - she was a bitch and all that, yeah, you surely remember. Sirius walked - or, rather, sprinted - where Mary was talking with a Slytherin’s prefect, grabbing her hand and dragging her along brusquely. He, then, proceeded to have a mental breakdown. Remus couldn’t fathom what was being said, but Mary seemed rather unaffected by Sirius’ cause of agitation. Instead, she smiled sweaty at him and pulled Sirius into a warm hug.
Well, wasn’t Remus a jealous being. Sirius having come to the party just to get Mary back wouldn’t even surprise him, since they had been so in love in third year. Great, now he was third-wheeling.
“Can it be considered third-wheeling if you’re at a party surrounded by people, at least seven feet away?” he asked the enchanted armour, standing a few metres from him.
“I guess,” they replied. “Past lovers?”
“Yep,” Remus wasn’t even surprised now they were talking to him. “Third Year.”
“At thirteen? Man, they are just friends now, I’m telling you.”
“But you never forget your first love, do you?”
“Oh, of course. But I wouldn’t say she’s his first love.”
“How would you know? You’re just an enchanted armour! You know nothing about Sirius.”
“But, you do?”
“Well, of course! He’s my best friend! I know him more than anyone.”
The armour laughed. “There you go.”
Remus felt mocked. Knobs, armours… What would be next, a magical fountain? The thought made him shiver, and Remus slowly stood up. He was considering going to find some - luckily, unenchanted - chocolate, but a strong voice echoed through the room. Remus turned, just to find Mary on top of a stage, using her wand as a microphone.
“Gather around, loveless folks!” She had what could only be described as a natural talent for performance. “And, before you ask: no, Lupin, this isn’t the Final Surprise yet.”
“For God’s sake,” Remus spat.
“Now, please, come by.” Mary let go of her wand, and it followed her as she jumped off the stage. It stayed next to her mouth as she instructed them to create a circle. “As you probably already know, this is a single’s party.” Noticing Sirius was looking over, Remus forgot awkwardness and gave him a smug smile. Told you. Sirius scowled, and finally returned the smirk. “Well, I figured that if you were going to find your other half today,” Mary continued, “you should know a bit about them prior. So I’ve prepared a get to know me game!”
If there was something in this world that Remus despised even more than out-of-season mistletoe, it was ice-breaker games .
“Everyone ready?” Mary asked.
Absolutely not. A cheer from the crowd echoed through the room.
torment three: ice-breaker games
The rules weren’t exactly easy, but not complicated enough for people to get lost. You’d take a name out of a basket and would have to describe that person with as much detail as you could. Since almost no one knew shit about the others, it’d be all based purely on suppositions. Terror didn’t suffice to describe the feeling Remus felt at the possibility of completely fucking up, but the warm presence of Sirius, finally next to him, did wonders to calm him. Sirius wouldn’t let him embarrass himself.
A few names had been called when the inevitable happened:
“Sirius Black? Phew, got an easy one,” a Fifth Year Hufflepuff said, smiling up at Sirius. Sirius smiled back. Her dark eyes sparkled as she moved her blonde ponytail. “So, Black. How to describe you.”
“Truly a mysterious soul,” Sirius agreed, leaning closer to Remus.
“Alright, so you’re an extrovert. Not afraid to talk to a crowd.” A flirty break. “Not afraid to talk to girls.”
“That I am not,” Sirius replied. “Can’t say girls are extremely scary creatures, though.”
“You’re also a laid-back, not much of a top student.” That was plainly untrue, Sirius was one of the smartest people he had ever met, Remus thought.
“And very athletic.” A quiet laugh from the circle. “Nice body.” There, Remus agreed.
“And you’re also a pureblood. If someone is to guess, extremely rich.”
Sirius paled imperceptibly. “Not any more, since my mother considers me a filthy blood traitor," he probably would've joked if they had been alone. Instead, he shrugged.
“Kind of sounding like a gold-digger, there, Martha.” Of course Sirius knew her bloody name.
“Me?” the girl gasped. “Never!”
“Not much digging you would do, since he’s probably disinherited,” a Slytherin from the other end said. A light laugh. Sirius took a small step back, his back touching Remus' arm lightly.
“Certainly less digging than if she wanted to find something in your pants,” Remus didn’t manage to cut himself in time. Small dick joke; very mature, Remus. Mary barked, but tried to keep the hostess act together. The small smile on Sirius’ lips made the deadly stare from the Slytherin worth it.
“Shut it, Lupin.” The Slytherin growled. “Bet you’re also familiar with your boyfriends’ dick, aren’t you?”
Remus wasn’t even faking the incredulous scoff.
“That was truly a deplorable comeback.” Remus scoffed, searching Sirius’ eyes. “Where is the punchline?”
Deep amusement tinted Sirius’ voice as he replied: “No, I think he meant that he considers you extremely sexually active.”
Remus frowned, and looked at the guy intently.
“Are you interested in gay sex, erm, excuse me, I don’t recall your name?”
“Title of his sex tape,” Martha barked.
“Good one, Martha!” Sirius howled.
“You’re not as funny as you think,” the Slytherin replied, “and I meant that you like sucking Sirius’-”
“No, no, we got it. It was not that deep,” Mary interrupted. “But we should really continue, since there are still plenty of people to introduce. You included, Harpton, although we already figured a lot about your personality.”
“Extremely unfunny,” Sirius whispered to Remus.
“Nice one, Sirius. It’s clear that you’re the comedic genius.”
“Thanks, Moony. I try.”
The game continued, and after that little exchange Remus felt more confident. He was a liked bloke, probably not much bad about him would be said. A smart man, quiet. Next one. So, with that happy prospect in mind, he just remained calm as he took his own paper out of the basket.
“Valentina Barns.” He looked up, to find a pretty Ravenclaw girl smiling lightly. She had been in his tutoring group three years in a row, and was one of Remus’ closest study pals. They had similar taste in books and could discuss the pros and cons of the Gregorian Technique for hours.
“Alright, so Val. She’s the sweetest person I know, it’d be delightful to tell you about her,” Val laughed, curling her soft brunette hair around her finger. “So, let’s see. Valentina here is one of the smartest students Hogwarts has had the honour to educate. An amazing taste in literature, too.”
“You recommend all my books.”
Remus smirked at her, and he heard Sirius scoff by his side.
“Also an incredibly talented dancer and an amazing debate partner.”
“You have to guess things about her, Remus,” Sirius grumbled, “not compliment every breath she takes.”
“Oh, erm, alright, Pads. I do know most things about her, though.”
“You can guess things about my family. Or my hobbies. Or my dream wedding.” She winked. Remus wasn’t sure how to respond.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Sirius murmured. He looked pretty even when irritated.
“Do you have… a sister?”
“Four, actually.”
“Four? Damn, that’s a lot!”
“You can come home to meet them any time.” Remus laughed awkwardly.
“Sure. You also want to marry in Columbia, don’t you? Where your parents live.”
“Yes! How do you remember? I told you that like… a week ago?”
“We get it, Valentina, Remus has an amazing memory when it comes to your marriage details!” Grumpily, Sirius grabbed Remus’ arm. “The person that takes him down the aisle will be really lucky. Now, let’s move on, we don’t have all day!”
Remus laughed, confused at Sirius’ reaction, and shot Valentina an apology smile. However, she was looking at Sirius with a calculating frown. Then, something must have clicked, since she laughed, shaking her head, and sent Remus a knowing grin.
Sirius, still linked to his best friend, went to grab his piece of paper. Remus could see the name written there over his shoulder: Daddy Lupin.
“Who the fuck is D-” he started.
“No one!” Sirius let go, crumbling the paper, and sent Mary a glare that very much said You are doomed. “The creator of these must have been in a goofy mood. It means you, Moony. I’m going to describe you.” Sirius, even if he had seemed nervous at first, walked up to the middle of the circle. He breathed in, as if he was going to start singing.
“Remus Lupin!” he spinned around, smiling brightly at everyone. “The man, the myth, the moment. Remus Lupin is all of this and more.”
“Why?” Remus mouthed to Mary. The Amortentia, the doorknob, the armour, maybe the fountain, and, now: bloody Sirius motherfucking Black.
“Mary, may I present this bit as if I was trying to sell Remus?” he asked, with a mischievous grin that cleared that he was going to do that either way, whether he got permission or not.
“You may,” she nodded solemnly. For God’s sake.
“You might be familiar with the esteemed Mr Lupin. Gryffindor Prefect, beloved tutor, talented chess player and ardent lover. Not very good at Quidditch, but a brilliant commenter nonetheless. Will make you weak on the knees with his hot, rough voice. Especially in bed.” Sirius winked at the Slytherin. Remus tried to keep a straight face. He was going to murder him, “Sirius wouldn’t let me embarrass myself” his ass.
“Remus Lupin is now in a fragile position: he’s single. Despite the popular attempts to set straight the Casanova of Gryffindor Tower, Remus resists the ties of a relationship. What a dirty boy he is.” Sirius dared to look at Remus. He wished he never had. “Anyway! I’m going to tell you some extremely personal details of Mr Lupin. But, remember! Lupin’s highest priority is his friends. You are not to try to keep him all by yourself, since I - and Prongs and Wormtail, I guess - are his true soulmates. Before a beast on the sheets, he’s a Marauder.”
“No one is calling you that, Black. You should let it go.” Mary commented.
“It will stick in, Mary. Soon, you’ll all be calling us The Marauders.”
“It’s been six years.”
“No one wants your incorrect opinion, MacDonald.” Sirius rolled his eyes, rather dramatically, and continued. “As I was saying, before I got rudely interrupted, here are some details about Mr Lupin you must know before you start a romantic journey with him. Number one: the boy is addicted to chocolate, truly a tragic case. If you must have him, it’s mandatory to keep him on his track of no less than two bars a day. Two: from six to nine, the boy is truly a terror to be around. Around half past nine, you are to give him a cup of tea - alone - to resuscitate him. He absolutely hates to have cold feet, even though his body is prone to freeze his extremities. That’s why it is advised to cherish him with cosy warm socks at least every three weeks. He always loses them. Number four: when he reads at night, he likes to have the warm source of light at his right and the cup of cocoa at his left. Don’t ask me why, truly a mystery." Sirius continued spinning. Remus wanted to drown in the warmth of his voice. "Number five: when he gets a headache, he tends to bite his lip and lightly crunch his face, as if that will take it away. To avoid premature wrinkles, you are to soothe his forehead and kiss him around the face. That will surely light him up." He stopped, trying to catch a breath. The circle was dead silent. "Of course I've never done any of these, but it is encouraged to try them out. Erm, well. Any questions?"
"How long have you been pining, Black?" Fabian Prewett said, in a joking manner.
"As I said, the Marauders are a utopian polyplatonical unit."
"How much tongue does Lupin like?" Martha asked.
"It's not about the quantity, it's about the quality" Remus supplied.
"Wise words, Lupin," Sirius agreed. He was a bit breathless too.
"There is a lot to unpack there, but let's move on," Mary interrupted, the basket in her hands, "it's Alice's turn!"
Sirius went back to Remus' side, standing extremely close, but not enough to touch. Neither of them acknowledged the others' presence, or what had just happened.
Then, a glance. Sirius looked up to find that Remus, unlike what he had been expecting, wasn't fuming with rage. Instead, he had a smug smirk on. Sirius didn't try to contain the bubbly smile that took control of his lips.
torment four: intimacy
Mary had some more games planned, but Sirius and Remus - loyal to their single pride - retreated to the loneliness behind the sparkly fountain. The leather and rain had become almost drizzling, accentuated by their extreme closeness. Remus wondered what Sirius smelled, but would rather not ask.
They had made a trip to the food servings and Remus now had a matching pink glittery smile on. With their backs against the wall, the light and the sound from the party being lightly stopped by the big fountain, Remus was much at peace. He had missed it, the quiet alone time with Sirius. Lately, they had been barely able to talk by themselves. With the shadow of the water upon them, it was the perfect place to just relax and cherish being Sirius Black’s best friend.
“This is the perfect place to make out,” Sirius said, that mischievous smirk on, “we’re taking the privilege from some horny couple.”
Sirius always said the first thing in his mind, no filter whatsoever. Remus sometimes wished he had one.
“They’ll find somewhere else,” Remus replied, fighting to not look sideways at Sirius’ lips. “We’ve earned the right to be left alone.”
“Yeah, well, that was some performance you put out there.” Sirius laughed, resting his head on Remus’ shoulder.
“Me? Pads, honey,” Sirius jumped lightly at the nickname, “you basically put on a whole circus.”
“But that was expected, everyone knew I would. But, you? Those lines, you basically destroyed the poor Slytherin sod.”
Remus chuckled, pride rising on his cheeks shaped as a blush.
“Figured you needed some comedic relief.” Sirius sat straight, and, with a tenderness that Remus couldn’t place, he lightly stroked Remus’ hair. It was long enough to pull, he would need to cut it soon.
“Yeah, and I appreciate it a lot, truly. You’re too good to me, Moony.”
“Don’t say that, Sirius. Apart from extremely idiotic, it is plainly untrue.” Then, he whispered, locking eyes with so much affection it made Sirius’ lungs fail embarrassingly. “You deserve the world, Sirius. I know it sounds dumb and meaningless, but you are a wonderful person and an amazing friend. Don’t let their hate affect you, they’re just jealous of the way you love.”
“The way I love?” Sirius asked, breathless. Remus wasn’t just talking about the bullies.
“Yeah, how you love freely and so, so much, despite how she tried to stop it.” Then, Remus blinked, waking up, and looked away. “Sometimes I envy you.”
“Me? Why?”
“Despite everything, you manage to love the way you want. I find it hard, sometimes.” Sirius resumed the stroking, leaning closer. “Sometimes, I feel angry. So angry Sirius, it’s blind rage. And my parents taught me love, but, despite that, sometimes I hate.”
“You’re allowed to be angry, Moony.”
“Not when I don’t have much of a reason.”
“Sorry, I think I totally hallucinated there for a moment. Not much of a reason? Tell me, why do you really think you feel mad?”
Remus played with the hem of his jumper, the deep green one Sirius always complimented. And, maybe it was the closeness, or Sirius’ affection in return, that made Remus Lupin, just for once, be completely honest about his feelings. Because that was what Sirius and him did; they talked, they comforted each other. They were something else entirely.
“I am angry because I'm in pain almost half the time. And because it doesn’t matter how much I try. I get angry when I think about how I won’t be able to help my parents with their expenses, that I won’t bring financial support whatsoever. When the room gets too small and no one seems to notice.” He talked fast, barely stopping to breathe. “I’m mad when someone makes a… a gay joke about us. And when I wake up in the middle of the night thinking it’s the full moon and I haven’t got to the Shack in time.”
But I burst with rage when I look over at your bed and I realise that you’ve spent the night with someone else. That I can’t curl up with you under the sheets because you aren’t there.
Before Remus could find the guts to look at Sirius, he felt a hard body pressed against him, octopus arms grabbing his chest like they were never going to leave again.
“I hate that you feel that way, Remus, with all my body and soul. If you ever are in a small room, just tell me. And don’t worry about the money, you’ll be fine. No one will be able to reject such a brilliant wizard.” Remus hugged Sirius back, leaving no air between their bodies. He felt his heart race at the touch of Sirius’ slender frame.“And I can’t help you much with the werewolf issue, but if everyone ever makes a gay joke that makes you uncomfortable or offends you, I promise to break their nose.”
He ached to run his hands through Sirius’ chest, through his hips, through his side. Instead, he let out a small whimper at Sirius’ broken voice.
“I’m not offended by the gay joke, it just makes me feel-”
“Feel what? It makes you feel what?” Sirius sounded too casual.
“Nothing. I just don’t like them.”
“Right.” Sirius leaned back, looking Remus in the eye, silver pools shining in the shadow. He was so close. If Remus moved a couple inches, their lips would inevitably touch. Not thinking, he began to lean, before being interrupted. “I feel it too,” Sirius continued, “it’s weird, isn’t it.” A laugh, small. Remus remained petrified. “They think we’re a couple. But we wouldn’t, right? Like ever. It would be weird, wouldn’t it? Wouldn't it, Remus? Remus? Do you think it would?”
Remus refused to answer, too stunned by the way Sirius’ mouth moved as he talked. His lips seemed to have life on their own. He had never been so close to them, right above his eyes. Sirius was kneeling next to him, and a hint of hope shaped the way he slowly smiled. Remus noticed the change, since he looked up, but the sound of an amplified wand mic caught his attention before he saw the deep want in his best friend’s eyes.
“Attention, love-seekers. The time has arrived!” Mary spoke, excitement shining through her voice, “gather around and let the ceremony begin!”
torment five: the bloody cerimony
Sirius was ecstatic. Remus was concerned.
The students had gathered around once more to hear Mary explain the rules. They were in the centre of the dancefloor, but the music had stopped, and the lights were dimmer. It had an ethereal atmosphere that clashed with the mossy dungeons, but, as always, Mary made it work.
“True love, what a wonderful concept,” Mary began, with a dramatic tone extremely similar to Sirius’ from the previous activity, “sadly, it is quite hard to quantify. I cannot offer you your soulmate, but I can show you a dignified equivalent: a person with the potential to become the right match for you. Chemistry, your dream type, however you wish to call it. I’ve managed to gather around almost every single - age appropriate - person in the school grounds. This is your chance to find out which of them will make a wonderful partner out of your sad ass.” A light gasp, excited giggles. Remus avoided Sirius’ side glance. “It’s an elaborated concept, crafted with the help of our beloved Potions Professor.”
The pink door opened - about time - and Professor Slughorn entered the ballroom. He was carrying a glowy cauldron and, with overdramatized reverence, moved it to the centre of the room. Remus felt an intense wave of repulsion towards both the teacher and the container, wishing it all didn’t end up being as foreign as it seemed. Slughorn cleared his throat, and smiled smugly.
“Dear students, I’ve done it: I’ve solved all your problems.” He paused, waiting for an applause. No one clapped. With a forced smile, Slughorn continued: “It’s an extremely complicated concept, an intertwined web of reduced love potions and a similar technique from the one used for the Sorting Hat, but, however untested, we are certain it is efficient.”
A hint of trust faded from the students’ faces, so Mary took it from there.
“Don’t worry, Hogwarts’ finest and most talented experts in the subtle art of potion brewing have worked on it. If tonight is a success, we might even try to sell it, and we wouldn’t sell an unstable product, now, would we?” With a confident smile, Mary took the cup that Slughorn handed over. “Each one of you will drink from one of these, no more, no less. Simultaneously, if possible. You’ll enter, then, a one-minute trance, while the potion and its charms do their thing. As you wake up, don’t be scared of the darkness, since we will close the lights, so you don’t mess up the result. You’ll feel something pulling then, and a faint smell. If you follow both, you’ll eventually collide with another body, belonging to the person who was following yours. I may warn you, it is not foolproof. You might end up with someone who might not want to be in a relationship with you, and it is a must that you respect that decision. But, if it works out well, you might end up in front of the most similar thing from a soulmate you’ll ever find.”
The room remained in a stunned silence, almost reverent. Remus eyed the potion, still glowy and still threatening, and tried to figure out why it all fell like a trap. There was no win there, since he only wanted to be paired with someone in specific. But even if he were to, the unlikely possibility of making a perfect match with Sirius, Remus knew for certain what Sirius’ expression would be once the lights turned on.
The other possibility: to be paired with someone else entirely. Someone who would be equally disappointed, who will be far from Remus’ confort crowd. Who would be thoroughly let down, because a relationship was something Remus’ wasn’t selfish enough to fall into. It wouldn’t be fair, neither for his supposed soulmate nor his traitorous heart, beating for the boy standing next to him.
“You reckon this is for real?” Sirius whispered, eyeing amazed at the cauldron.
“No, it can’t be. There is no such thing as soulmates.”
“Well, yes, Remus,” Sirius seemed confused now, “that’s what Mary said. This is better, though. Aren’t you excited?”
“No, not at all,” Remus laughed, strained, incredulous. “You know how I feel about a forced relationship, Sirius. I can live without seeing my supposed soulmate’s embarrassment when they find out it is me. Or, even worse, imagine if I don’t have one and I remain walking around, alone, looking like a weird daft.”
“Embarrassment? Remus, dear, I think literally everyone in this room would be beyond happy to have the opportunity to snog you.” But, behind the casual humour, there was something else in Sirius’ eyes. Remus caught it before it banished: guilt.
“You knew about this.” An accusation, which Sirius didn’t even try to dodge.
“Well, yes, but-”
“I can’t believe this. Why would you- Have you lost your damn mind?” It came out louder than expected, and Sirius shushed him, grabbing his forearm, honesty in his gaze.
“Trust me on this one, Remus. I- I think this can work out very well, for both of us.” A pause, he looked away. “Look, you know I wouldn’t put you in an uncomfortable situation. Once the lights are out, the door will automatically open; you will be free.” Grey eyes pierced him once more, and Remus felt himself nod lightly. The power Sirius had on him was almost criminal. “But, I beg you. Give it a try. You deserve happiness, Moony.” A smile, almost hopeful. “We both do.”
And, Remus, because he was a goner, because he really didn’t have another choice but to lose himself in Sirius every desire, just nodded, eyes still unsure.
“Alright. But next time I’ll need a warning first.”
“You will get one, I promise,” Sirius caressed Remus’ fingers lightly, before letting go. “I’m sorry, Moony, but I just know you will end up with someone who loves you, whatever the outcome.”
And that was it. Remus, without thinking any further, accepted the glass Mary was handing over. Everyone had gathered around the cauldron, a sea of bodies scared to miss out on true love or whatever, and Remus soon lost sight of Sirius's pretty hair. Better late than never, Remus concluded, and went to wait by the pink door. He would give Sirius’ nutts idea an opportunity, wait to see who he would be paired with, but as soon as it got awkward, he would run. He definitely wouldn’t stay to watch as Sirius got his own match, his other half, his almost soulmate if you will. Remus hadn’t really figured out his opinion on masochism, couldn’t say he’d tried it, but, when it came to self-inflicted emotional misery, he reckoned he’d experienced it sufficient. The sexual type, he would like to try out at some point.
So, Remus waited, ready to flee, as everyone got their glasses. Sirius was who knows where, and it was better that way if you asked a certain werewolf. Mary spoke again.
“Alright, dear lab rats! When I get to zero, you drink. Don’t worry about the dizziness, it’s normal. The door will open once the lights are closed, and they will switch on five minutes after. I assume you’ll have enough time to find each other. So: ten!”
Remus eyed the room. Still no sign of Sirius.
“Nine!”
Maybe he should've said goodbye before he left.
“Eight!”
No, it was better this way. Sirius wouldn’t want to be interrupted.
“Seven!”
Which was a bit selfish, considering he had dragged Remus here in the first place.
“Six!”
Speaking off, maybe Remus should just leave now. Bugger, the doorknob still was a rightful prick.
“Five!”
It was a disaster, Remus wanted to leave. This was the worst idea ever.
“Four!”
It would be dark, he would be vulnerable, no control whatsoever.
“Three!”
Why had Mary started at ten? This was only a way to delay the inevitable. So cruel.
“Two!”
Wait, Sirius was there, at the other side. He was looking directly at Remus.
“One!”
He was mouthing something, Remus couldn’t figure out what. He was scared, he wanted to leave. He sounded like a cry baby.
“Drink!”
Remus' body obeyed before he could register what had been done. The beverage tasted terrible, good luck to Mary and Slughorn if they planned to make a monopoly out of these. And, then, darkness.
Remus couldn’t exactly explain what his thought process was during the next minute or so. He felt dizzy, almost hungover. Then, sweating. Nervousness, that buggering feeling he got when he knew he didn’t have enough time to study for a test. The certainess he would fail. He felt his mind spin, being opened like a sturdy book. An evil intruder, a familiar sensation, the rush searching for something he couldn’t quite pinpoint. I can tell you whatever you want , he thought, just, please, get out of my brain.
And, then, finally, air. He could breathe, he could think. He could- see? Oh, right. Werewolf superpowers. Gosh, he had completely forgotten about those. The room was in complete darkness, but he could see as people slowly opened their eyes, recovered, and started making sense of the weird sensation that they were left with.
Remus felt it too. A - metaphorical - string, attached to his lungs, demanding him to go further. If he followed it, he would possibly find that love he craved. For a second, just a split of time, Remus allowed himself to consider that possibility. Spend his years with someone, and not the lonely eternity he had always imagined when thinking about his future. To feel proud when the Marauders did barbecues or holiday trips, because he had a partner, a family, to show off. And when alone, the happiness of discovering each other, the feeling of finally fully belonging. Remus, however foolish or delusional, had always wanted to have a family. Live by the woods, kids running around. It wasn’t what a teenager was supposed to be dreaming of, but the foggy hopping remained nonetheless.
But, as previously stated, it was nothing more than a delusion caused by Sirius’ false words of comfort, driven by guilt. Because - obviously, as it couldn’t be anything else, really - what he happened to be smelling was nothing more than wet cigarettes and the warmth of Sirius’ leather jacket. Because, - and this was just hilarious - even Mary’s potion agreed that Sirius and him had it. The chemistry, that magical unique thing you find once in your life, the perfect connection. A potential which would be completely wasted, Remus had known that since day one. This whole “ceremony” was just rubbing on his face the impossible, and he could do just that perfectly curled up alone in his bed.
Still, since he had been lying to himself about the whole emotional masochism earlier, he stayed. He stayed, because a tiny part of his heart truly managed to smuggle in some hope. Because maybe, and only maybe, Sirius was smelling him too. He couldn’t decide if that was marvellous or catastrophic.
As soon as he saw Sirius Black, eyes closed, eagerly smiling, walking towards him, he settled on the latter. Fuck hopeful, what Remus surely wasn’t was selfish. And it would be nothing but selfish to take the possibility of love away from his best friend. Sirius didn’t want to see Remus when he opened his eyes; he yearned to wake up to his soulmate, the person he sighed about while drunk on firewhiskey and three a.m. fantasies, with a shine on his stormy eyes that said “ I deserve it, fully. ” And, as much as Sirius claimed Remus deserved it too, the edge was implied: not with me. Not with me.
And, gosh, he was just beautiful. Remus fingers yearned to run through those silky locks, that sharp face. Even in his reduced nighttime vision, he could appreciate Sirius’ arched eyebrows, that carefully drawn line on his eyelids. And, apart from ethereal and delicate and all of that, Sirius was pretty damn hot. Which made it all even harder to not reach out when Sirius stood in front of him, that tingly string finally disappearing, having them both reached their chosen perfection. The lights were still off, but Remus didn’t - couldn’t - miss when Sirius opened his eyes and stared. He was certain Sirius didn’t see more than darkness, but from how he managed to find his direct line of vision, it seemed as if he knew perfectly where Remus’ eyes were supposed to be. That anticipating smile was still one, what could only be described as anxious hope.
“Hi,” Sirius whispered. Remus felt like throwing up. “So, are you my soulmate?” A tentative pause, tragic glacial eyes. “May I ask you your name?”
No sound came from Remus’ mouth. Instead, he ran.
torment six: sirius black
The corridor was still filled with angels and flowers, but now the leather smell was simply suffocating. He didn’t even know where he was going, but his legs kept screaming “away, far, far away.” Maybe it wasn’t just his legs, though, because something deep in his chest was hurting, replaying Sirius’ expectation over and over. Far away, where no one can find the truth.
Foolish of Remus to think he could have it. Have him. Utterly foolish.
The sound of padded galloping echoed the corridor as Remus left the romance paradise, hurrying to the secret passage, just up the stairs, that led to the safety of the Fourth Corridor. Before reaching the tapestry, however, a black body aimed at his back. With a huff, he tried to keep balance, but the dog ambushed him nonetheless. Furious barking. Remus didn’t know when he had started crying, but tried to suffocate his deep sobs.
“Leave me alone,” he managed to grunt, kicking Padfoot’s body out of the way. The dog whimpered, and it only increased Remus’ anger. It wasn’t fair, all of it. It wasn’t fair at all. “You heard me! Go away!”
He didn’t know why he was screaming. He managed to never lose his temper, especially in front of others. But, for some reason, Sirius’ refusal to understand why Remus needed to get away - the black dog eyeing quizzically at him - was the final blow. Padfoot stood in front of the tapestry, teeth shining and grunting softly.
“Are you daft? I don’t have time for this, Black! Go! Go find your soulmate!”
Padfoot barked, and Remus knew his secrets were out. Maybe Sirius also had Animagi vision superpowers, had seen him run away as soon as Sirius spoke.
“Fuck off!” Remus turned, hurrying to another - likely slower - exit, but Padfoot ran in front of him once again, blocking his way. “At least have the decency to reject me properly, you coward. Hiding behind your animal form, very Gryffindor indeed.” He didn’t know what he was saying at this point, since the last thing Remus wanted was to face human Sirius. But he was tired, and hurt, and frustrated, and, more than anything; he wanted for all this to stop.
Padfoot nodded, and in the matter of seconds Sirius was standing in front of him, brows knitted. Remus preferred the dog’s blank expression. Neither of them dared to speak. If Sirius knew why Remus was reacting like a complete mad man, he was hiding it pretty decently. Finally, a whisper.
“Moony. Are you - are you alright?”
Remus’ blind fury hadn’t faded, but those big sad eyes pulled it to stop, if only for a moment. Then, it changed. It wasn’t fury: it was just utter defeat. Remus felt his eyes tear up again.
“No,” he laughed softly, “but it isn’t your fault. It’s just- well, I’m sorry.”
“Sorry for what?”
“For letting you down. I’m assuming you figured it out. Sorry for not being what you had been expecting.”
“I-” Sirius started, carefully, focused, “what do you mean, “ you figured it out” ? Figure out what?” Tentative, always treating Remus like precious glass.
“It’s fine, Sirius, let’s just leave it.” There was begging in his tone, didn’t even try to cover it up. Sirius’ wide eyes were just cruel at this point. “Again, I’m sorry. I hope you can just forget it all. Pretend it never happened. Maybe if you go back Mary will even let you retake the potion.” He tried to stop the crying, with decent success, but as soon as he managed to reach the loneliness of his dorm his eyes would become a decent reflection of the sparkly fountain.
“I- I don’t want to do that.” Sirius glanced at Remus carefully, tugging his hair behind his pierced ear. Maybe he was waiting for a response, but Remus couldn’t be bothered. “I like my result.” Remus didn’t answer. Then, almost panicking, he added, “you’re my best friend, after all.”
Platonic soulmates are not what I was running from, Sirius, Remus wanted to scream. Instead, he rubbed his eyes, desperate to dry the tears.
“Yeah, well. I’m sorry. If you excuse me-”
“No! Wait!” Sirius grabbed Remus’ arm, keeping him from walking another step. Away, far away. “I meant that I- Remus, I like my result. Like, like like.”
“What?”
“I like it. I like you.” A nervous pause, Sirius dared to make eye contact, piercing Remus on the spot. “Remus- Moony. Listen to me. It wasn’t a mistake. I like you, fancy you, want to kiss your sodding mouth stupid- whatever you want to call it. The thing is, this only proves my theory. This only proves it all.”
“What are you babbling about?” Remus maintained his expression blank, and ordered his heart to do the same. Sirius was one for untasteful pranks, after all.
“ Like doesn’t even cover it! Moony, it’s more than that; much more. And, maybe, just maybe, given your reaction, and your fleeing, and, and the result! Maybe, you do, too. Not a mistake, Moony, but a revelation.”
“I don’t really understand-”
“How dense are you?” Sirius moved, grabbing Remus' face strongly between his shaking hands, their faces so, so close “Your brain is one of the sexiest things ever, Remus. Remember the wanking? Well, that’s mostly the source. And, if I’m making an unwanted move, Moony; if I’m overstepping, do tell. But, if you want me as much as you seem to, then, please-”
For once, Remus didn’t think; he just did. They would later on recall this moment as “ That time Remus John Lupin finally got out of his own head and realised Sirius Black-Potter was basically proposing inside the mossy dungeons”. Right now, however, all he could think of was how warm and wet Sirius' mouth was and how he really, really wanted for his tongue to participate in this whole endeavour. So, he did. Sirius’ surprised gasp, followed by a gleeful smile, was probably the most magical thing he had ever encouraged. And when Padfoot bit his lip, licking it softly afterwards, Remus officially declared himself on a respectable imitation of blissful heaven. As making out between teenagers often did; it escalated. With Sirius’ body cornered against the cold wall of the side corridor, their chest touching and his hands under Sirius’ shirt; Remus came to a realisation.
Hardly ignoring the way Sirius was rubbing against him, Remus pulled off. Sirius whine almost made him forget what he was going to say, but he persisted.
“You knew all about this.”
“Hm?” Sirius responded, moving to suck the skin on Remus’ neck.
“The potion, the party, Mary’s intentions.”
“Well, yes, Moony. We already covered that.”
“No, but, I mean. It was a test. Your theory.” Sirius wasn’t making this whole forming words business very easy, with all his grabbing Remus’ ass. The man was savage; his hormones must have hit hard. Remus’ did as well, but for God’s sake. “You wanted to find out if I fancied you too, that’s why you freaked out.”
“And, do you?”
Remus pulled Sirius' hair lightly, earning a contained moan. “Well, yes. Very much so. But that’s not the point. That’s why you got so worked up about me having intercourse with Dylan.”
“Please, just limit yourself to saying my name while I’m kissing you.” Sirius rocked forwards, taking Remus’ breath away for a moment.
“Are you going to give me three bars of chocolate a day, now? Cherish me with socks every three weeks? Avoid my premature wrinkles by kissing me around the face when I have a headache? Call me Daddy Lupin? ”
Sirius removed his hands from Remus' back, who deeply mourned the loss. With a fake smile, he grabbed Remus’ jaw and kissed his nose softly. “Moon Pie; do shut up.”
Remus laughed, a sound of pure glee, and the realisation that he was truly fully happy hit him like a truck. Before thinking - he was making a habit out of this - he kissed Sirius’ lips softly and muttered:
“I love you, Padfoot. Sirius. I love you so much, Sirius.”
Sirius laughed, too, and hugged him tightly. “I love you too, Moons. Even when you’re an annoying prat who runs away when being magically linked to the boy he supposedly loves. And, you’re not too bad even then, although I’ve been smelling hot chocolate and ancient books the whole damn day.”
“That’s at least pleasant! All I could sense was wet leather and those bloody fags you smoke.”
“You introduced me to said bloody cigarettes.”
“And after much consideration, and a couple rows with Lily, I’ve figured out that they’re slowly killing my lungs, or something like that.”
“Very mature. But it doesn’t change the fact that you’ve been drooling over me every time I smoke them while I’ve got my leather jacket on.”
Remus snorted, caressing Sirius' right cheekbone. “You drooled over me first.”
Sirius blushed, but drew a shameless grin and retorted, “Probably.”
“Really? Since when?”
“No, no, no. That’s a secret between me and my secret diary.” As ridiculous as it all was, Remus couldn’t help but grin and kiss Sirius once more.
“Very punk rock indeed. Maybe this whole soulmate thing isn’t that bad, after all.”
“Finally warming up to the creepy angels, oi, Moony?”
“They bloody wish. Not going to a single’s party ever again, though. The whole place is evil.”
With a sweet kiss - that involved a bit of tongue, to Remus’ delight - Sirius shut him up, after snorting. “Well, yes. I sure hope not.”