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The white isolation thingy that was “supposed“- to keep his pipes from freezing, melted under the extreme heat of Jake's hairdryer like a marshmallow at summer camp.
No, not good! Thinking about the delicious, soft, gooey snack would just make him hungry, as well as cold!
Winter had taken hold of Brooklyn fast. Almost with as much vigor as Amy had launched herself into this new 'paper- filling-super-important-system- conference - on the other side of the country, thank god!
The cheerful ringtone of his smartphone halted Jake's thoughts, now circling around s'mores.
Damn it!
One hand holding the hairdryer high above his head, the other reaching for his pocket, Jake supposed he made quite a good Statue of Liberty impression.
"Hey, Charles... not the best time, Bud." The ladder under him swayed threateningly, as to drive Amy’s point about the safety hazard of not using ladders appropriately further home.
"Hey, Jake. Just wanted to make sure if you’re okay!? I mean I would love to have you inside, with me,-" "-Charles! I wish you wouldn't say it that way!"
But as always, his complaints about “the misuse of language“ fell on deaf ears. "-but with my whole family over, there simplify isn't any more room. Although, if we squeezed reeeeally tight, we could-"
"You know what Charles, that's totally fine!" Jake interjected hastily "I'll manage. I mean, I am a grown adult, I can take care of a few pipes? That is what grown men do! Fixing pipes, and stuff...right?"
"You know, as your BFF, I have the utmost faith in your abilities, but perhaps you should call Terry, or Rosa?"
"Whaaaaat, noooo! Terry would crumble in an interrogation with Amy superfast and Rosa would snitch on me as soon as I offend her the next time. No, Amy cannot know! I mean even if I hadn't forgotten to raise the temperature- which, I didn't- it seems quite wasteful! Heating the space, when nobody is home, right!?"
So, being the responsible adult and enviromentalist that he was, Jake snuck into the precinct. No one would be the wiser, all his coworkers were part of the day shift at the 99. And the night shift wouldn't care about another soul in their warm office anyway. Although, watching Gary make his way through the room, moving sluggishly like a Zombie stalking for brains, ‘souls‘ was probably a too good a word to use here.
Said creature of the night regarded him with eyes dulled by years of exposure to darkness and fluorescent computer screens in equal measures. He sniffed once, and continued to shuffle farther. Having lost all ability to recognize a mere mortal snack, even when standing right before him.
Jake sniffed his Jacket. It wasn't that ba - never mind!
Like John McClane he weaved through the office of fiends and made his way to the Captain's office. As long as he didn't disturb one of the bazillion accurately arranged things, he could catch a warm nap there, without Captain Da- Holt being the wiser.
'Smort!' His brain proudly announced.
Though, that thought froze as quickly as his pipes when the door to the office swung open and out stepped Holt, followed by an immaculate dressed Kevin.
"Peralta?"
"Kevin!"
"Jake?"
"Captn' "
...
Ah, the soothing sound of silence, grating like sand in an engine.
Gary stumbled past them grunting something that was probably the Ghul equivalent of a 'Hey".
"So, Jake. What are you doing here?" Holt's right eyebrow climbed about a millimeter higher up his brow. God-damn, that was Holt for: I am extremely startled and suspicious! Come now Jake, think of something... something normal, fitting for you…
"Ah, you know. Just starting to work early, I’d hate to be late!"
Yeah, that's just great. As expected of the current amazing genius / detective.
A deep sigh escaped Kevin. "Come now Peralta, out with the truth! The sooner you admit what you did, the sooner we can leave!"
"Whaaaaat, I didn't do anything, that's prepostous" "-preposterous" Holt corrected "that's what I said! I can talk like a grown person and am in no way searching for a warm room to spend the night because I messed up and let my pipes freeze!"
„So, you did not turn the heat up enough?!“ Both husbands helpfully supplied. „Well, no! But I wanted to get more resistant to cold temperatures, anyway! So that’s just like, part of my super, awesome, ninja training program!“
Without another word the two adults looked at each other and resumed their way to the elevator. Jake, counted that as a win. Coming out of the argument without a stern talking to, or a lecture seemed a win on all fronts! As he turned to Holt’s office Kevin voice stopped him, mid-step. „Peralta. We do not have all night! Come, please.“ Jake turned and felt his heart clench, in a probably unhealthy manner. If the tugging on his heartstrings was a result of the cholesterol of his nacho gummy bear diet, currently blocking his blood vessels, or the scenery before him, he didn't know.
Holt and Kevin both standing at the elevator entrance…, but turned towards him. Waiting! As if, it was the most natural thing, to expect Jake to come with them, without a second thought!
„Please, do hurry. I would hate to miss the Midnight news!“ Holt added.
At the end of the day, Jake thought, suffering through the boring news broadcast, was a small price to pay for sitting on a warm couch, beside Kevin and Holt, feeling his eyes drop with each added, extremely boring word.