Archive of Our Own

Illumina’s roommate is an idiot.

Now, don’t get him wrong- he loves Dream. Dream is kind and funny and has the best laugh and is just about the best friend he could ask for. He loves his roommate with all his heart. But why, oh why, does the blonde have to be so dumb?

Not academically dumb- they study at a very elite college, after all, and Illumina has seen Dream do calculations in less than a second and write poetry that had the English professor in tears. Not situationally dumb, either- Dream is well known throughout campus for being street smart and outwitting his friends in his infamous manhunt games. No, Dream is emotionally dumb, and Illumina swears he will throw himself out of his dorm window if he has to witness his best friend’s pining one more time.

See, he has another friend, a guy named Techno Blade. While he’s not as close to Techno as he is to Dream, they still chat pretty often. And the thing is, Techno is great personality-wise, what with his dry humor and sarcasm, but the pinkette is also very physically attractive. Techno isn’t Illumina’s type, but he can see the appeal- sharp jaw, handsome face, broad shoulders and tall frame. And, well, Dream definitely sees the appeal.

To be fair, the blonde has been pretty subtle about it. A few glances here, a blush there, just a tiny bit too much staring at a certain violinist during orchestra concerts. But Illumina has been friends with Dream since they were little kids, and he knows his best friend well enough to notice the signs. Dream has a crush on Techno Blade, and because the blonde is the biggest idiot ever, he can’t even notice that his feelings aren’t one-sided.

That’s the most infuriating part, the part that makes Illumina want to rip his own hair out- Techno likes Dream back . Illumina can see it, see the longing glances Techno shoots at Dream from across the courtyard, see the way the pinkette blushes when Dream lets out his characteristic wheezing laughter, see the way Techno comes to every single college track practice just to stare at Dream. And it’s frustrating how both of them are too dense to realize that their feelings are mutual, and it’s even more frustrating when Dream insists that Techno doesn’t like him back, and Illumina is extremely close to losing it.

“Lumi,” Dream mumbles from the bed, his voice snapping Illumina out of his daze. The blonde rolls over to face him, his eyes blinking tiredly. “‘M gonna shift, is that okay?”

“‘Course,” Illumina agrees, putting a marker in his textbook and reaching to pull off his hoodie. “D’you want this?” His friend has always been fond of curling up in his hoodies while in blob form- he’s not sure why, but it’s stupidly endearing, so he doesn’t mind.

“No, ‘s okay.” Dream yawns, stretching his limbs out in preparation to shift. There’s a soft popping sound, and then Dream is gone- well, human Dream, at least. In the blonde’s place is a small white blob with small, round black eyes, a cute smile, and a faint green blush. Illumina smiles, resisting the urge to coo to himself. Even after 10 years, he still finds his friend’s blob form just as adorable as the first time Dream showed him.

With a tiny chirp, blob Dream hops over to the book sprawled out on the bed and begins to read. Chuckling softly, Illumina returns to his own textbook and continues to skim over the text. He has an exam in his major coming up, and he needs to keep studying so he can do well. Oh, and there’s also Fruit’s birthday coming up, and he needs to attend that orchestra concert next weekend so he can watch his brother and Techno…

Illumina groans silently to himself. God, just thinking Techno’s name makes him remember all of Dream’s longing glances and blushing, and he finds himself marveling once more at how much of a dumbass his blonde friend is. Like, he can understand a bit of denial, but this amount of obliviousness should be illegal. Techno is always blushing in front of Dream, for god’s sake, and the blonde hasn’t even noticed !

Something Fruit once said pops into Illumina’s head. If people are being dumb, don’t wait for them to do stuff for you. Do it yourself.

A small, slow grin spreads across Illumina’s face. Well, he thinks as he shoves his textbook aside to make room for his journal. If those two idiots aren’t going to get themselves together, I’ll do it for them .

---

By midnight, Illumina has managed to come up with a long list of potential ideas for getting Dream and Techno together. He’d named the project Mission Cupid because he never said he wasn’t a Greek mythology nerd, and after a couple of hours of brainstorming, he’s filled two whole pages with ideas, most scratched out. Maybe that’s overkill, but with his best friend’s love life and happiness on the line, he needs to take this seriously.  

He glances over to his bed to check on his friend. Dream has been asleep for a while now, his tiny blob body curled up on Illumina’s pillow, and Illumina knows already that he’ll have to sleep on Dream’s bed tonight, but whatever. His friend’s bed is just as comfortable as his own, and he’s slept in worse places (aka that one time he fell asleep in Fruit’s cello case when he was 11).

With a small snort of laughter, he turns back to his journal and scans the two pages he’s managed to fill, reading the list of ideas he’d written down.

Mission Cupid (aka my friends are dumbasses)

• Set them up on blind date Techno would never agree to a blind date

• Pull the classic “are you two available? Great, ‘cause I’m not” Knowing them, they’d probably just not go

• Sneak blob Dream into Techno’s dorm while he’s sleeping, lock the door, and let them sort themselves out I don’t have the key to the dorm, and I don’t think it’s a good idea to lock them in a room alone together

• 7 minutes in heaven There are no closets

• 7 minutes in heaven but in a different room- Backup plan in case all other ideas fail. Could use the orchestra room because Fruit has the keys. Could also maybe convince Professor Phil to give me access to the basement

• Just grab them by their heads and smash their lips together- Last resort in case EVERYTHING ELSE fails

• Tell Dream that Techno feels the same way Too forced. Plus, not very fun. Maybe use as last resort

• Drop casual hints to both of them I have no faith that they’ll be smart enough to pick up on any hints

• Drag both of them to the movie theater, leave to get snacks, and just don’t come back- Could work, although would need to sneak back in and hide so spying can commence

• Steal Techno’s violin, leave it in the dorm, and let Dream bring it back to Techno Knowing them, they’d probably say one word to each other and then leave

• Somehow get them to trip over each other in the monthly Capture the Flag tournament so they end up on top of each other- Maybe, but how? Will have to think more about this one later

• While Dream is sleeping as a blob, sneak him into Techno’s pocket Would be hard to do, and it would be way too mean since Dream gets scared easily when he’s in blob form

• Ask Fruit- Will definitely need Fruit’s help

• Ask Wilbur Soot- Wilbur would be a very useful ally since he’s Techno’s roommate and twin

• Give up? NEVER. I AM NOT GIVING UP. I WILL GET THEM TOGETHER IF IT’S THE LAST THING I DO.

Sighing, Illumina slumps back in his chair and reaches up to rub tiredly at his eyes. He’ll have to think more about this tomorrow. Right now, he very much needs to sleep. It’s 1 AM, and he has a full day of classes come morning. Plus, Dream will murder him if he doesn’t get enough sleep, and he really does not want a repeat of last time- last time being the night before the finals last year, when Dream had seen the bags under Illumina’s eyes, tackled him into the bed, sat on him, and refused to move until he agreed to sleep.

With a huge yawn, Illumina turns off the small lamp he’d been using for light and grabs a tiny green blanket that he’d crocheted himself. He tiptoes over to his bed and gently drapes the square of soft yarn over blob Dream’s sleeping body. Then he sneaks over to his friend’s bed, crawls in, pulls the covers over himself, and closes his eyes.

---

“They’re so dumb, Fruit!” Illumina whines for the 5th time.

His brother snorts and pats his shoulder sympathetically. “Yeah, they are. Y’know, you could just, like, pull them into a room with you and yell at them. That would work, and it’d be easy.”

“I know, but that feels too forced,” Illumina mumbles, leaning against Fruit. “I want it to be natural, y’know? I mean, as natural as it can be. And I don’t wanna yell at Dream.”

“Why not?” Fruit asks. “He won’t care, y’know. He’s not going to fall out with you just because you yelled at him for being a dumbass.”

“I know, but…” Illumina crosses his arms and frowns. “I just don’t wanna do it. I’m Canadian; I can’t yell at my friend.”

Fruit raises an eyebrow at him. “I’m Canadian too, y’know, and I would yell at my friend with no hesitation if they were being dumb.”

“Well, you’re different.”

“You’re right, I am different. Now, since you’re not going to take the simple route and just f*cking tell him, what do you want to do?”

Illumina licks his lips, thinking. “I… have several ideas,” he says slowly. “They would all work, I think, but I don’t know which one I should try first. Or which one would work the best. Or-”

“Okay, okay, I get it,” Fruit laughs. “So you have a lot of ideas, but none of them are finalized. What are they?”

“Go to the movie theater with them and leave halfway through,” Illumina lists, counting on his fingers. “Make them trip over each other in Sky Battle. Lock them in the orchestra room and let them sort themselves out. And if none of those work, just grab them and smash their lips together.”

Fruit snorts. “I like that last one, I think we should do it.”

Illumina scowls up at his older brother. “No. That one is a last resort. I don’t wanna force them to kiss until we’ve tried everything else.”

“Well, if you insist,” Fruit drawls, ruffling Illumina’s hair in an affectionate way. “What do you want to do, then, Illu?”

There’s a brief pause while Illumina drums his fingers against his leg and thinks. What should he do? All of the ideas he’d come up with will probably work, but which one is he most confident in? Which one has the greatest chance of success? Which one will make it so that he finally doesn’t have to suffer from Dream’s idiocy anymore?

“I think I have an idea,” he says after a moment. “I’m going to need you to help me, though. And we need to contact someone else.”

“Who?” Fruit asks.

“I don’t suppose you know Wilbur Soot?”

Another brief pause, and then Fruit grins. “I do indeed know Wilbur Soot,” the greenette says. “In fact, I have his number.”

Illumina grins as well. “So you’ll help?” 

“Of course I will. Count me in, Illu.” Fruit pulls out his phone and begins to scroll through his contact list. He taps on a name and flashes Illumina a smile. “Now, let’s contact Wilbur and get this thing going, shall we?”

---

It’s Saturday, aka the day of Plan #1’s initiation. It’ll go like this: after the morning orchestra practice in preparation for the concert tomorrow, Fruit will volunteer to clean up and subtly chase the orchestra professor away. Meanwhile, Wilbur will convince Techno to stay behind to help Fruit, and Illumina will also drag Dream over to help. 

After that comes the tricky part- slipping away. Wilbur will be easy enough- the brunette will simply excuse himself to go use the bathroom. Fruit, meanwhile, will head to the back room, where they keep all the cellos, and pretend to be busy. And as for Illumina, he’ll somehow have to find a way to get out without raising suspicions so he can eavesdrop from the outside.

If everything goes smoothly- and there’s a hundred different things that could go wrong, but Illumina is confident in his plan- then Dream and Techno will theoretically be forced to talk to each other. It’s not a lot, but it’s only the first step in Mission Cupid. Illumina has several other plans that’ll take his friends to the romance stage. For now, all he wants to get them to do is to actually talk to each other. And it should be easy- that is, it would be easy if Dream were cooperating.

“Lumi, you’ve literally never gone to help Fruit in the orchestra room before,” the blonde deadpans, giving Illumina a look. “And you’ve certainly never dragged me along.”

“Well, I was feeling helpful this morning,” Illumina says defensively. “So c’mon, let’s go. The rehearsal should be ending about now.”

“You’re being sus, y’know.”

“No you,” Illumina mutters.

Dream giggles. “The Canadianess strikes again.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Just that you’re way too nice for this whole insulting game.” Dream smirks evilly from beneath the black hood of Illumina’s hoodie. Illumina’s not even surprised that the blonde has it, honestly- by this point, Dream has already stolen half of his closet, and he’s too much of a platonic simp for his friend to ask for his clothes back.

“Whatever,” he says, reaching over and giving Dream a playful flick on the nose. “Don’t question my motives, Drizzle. Let’s go.”

“Oh, fine.” Dream stands up from the bed and walks over to shove his hands into the pockets of Illumina’s only remaining black hoodie. “Can I get a ride?”

Illumina rolls his eyes fondly. “Sure, you can get a ride.” He flicks Dream’s nose again, unable to resist teasing his friend. “Honestly, Drizzle, why did you sign up for the track team when you won’t even walk down to the orchestra room?”

“You can’t talk, idiot, you made me carry you back to our dorm a month ago because you were ‘too tired’.”

“That was because I just ran 10 miles!”

“Amateur numbers.”

“You suck.”

Dream sticks his tongue out. “So do you.” With a grin, the blonde steps away and shifts into his blob form. Black eyes stare up at Illumina, unblinking, as a bossy chirp leaves Dream’s mouth, and Illumina sighs fondly. He bends down, scoops his friend up, and places Dream into the hood of his hoodie. Then he steps out of the dorm, making sure to lock the door behind him, and heads for the orchestra room.

The double doors are already open when he gets there, and he slips inside. What he finds is… a mess, to say the least. Music stands are scattered everywhere in seemingly no pattern in particular, and there’s a couple sheets of music lying crumpled on the ground. He supposes that’s to be expected- the people in the orchestra are phenomenal players but terribly messy, seeming to lose everything except for their instruments. Then again, it’d be pretty hard to lose a cello.

“Illumina!” A heavily accented voice draws Illumina’s attention to a tall brunette in the corner. Wilbur, Techno’s roommate and brother, resembles a beanstalk just as much as ever- tall, skinny, and long-limbed, his height accentuated by the music stand he’s carrying in both hands.

Wilbur sets down the stand by the wall and comes jogging over to Illumina. “Hey,” he says with a grin. “Where’s Dream?”

Illumina gestures vaguely to his hood. There’s a loud chirp, and then Dream pokes his head out from behind Illumina’s neck, staring up at Wilbur. His little blob body bobs up and down, apparently very happy to see Wilbur. Then again, Dream has always been more… emotional as a blob, so perhaps it’s just because of that.

“Uh…” Wilbur blinks, looking very startled. “Are you telling me that’s Dream?”

“Yeah, that’s Dream,” Illumina says nonchalantly. He holds up a hand to his shoulder, well used to this by now, and allows Dream to hop down into his palm. “He can shapeshift into a blob. Did I forget to mention that?”

“Yeah, you did,” Wilbur says slowly.

“Oh. Well, my bad.” Illumina laughs awkwardly, reaching up to flip his hood over his head. “Anyways, where’s Fruit and Techno?”

“Fruit’s over there.” Wilbur gestures over to the far corner, where Fruit appears to be trying to wrestle a cello back into its case. “And Techno’s tuning his violin or something.”

“Alright.” Illumina subtly raises an eyebrow at Wilbur, silently asking, Are you ready? In response, Wilbur gives the barest of grins and nods his head.

Just then, Techno comes walking over with a violin. “Wil, could you run to Starbucks or somethin’ and grab me a coffee?” the pinkette asks. “I didn’t have time this mornin'.”

“Sure thing.” Wilbur shoots Illumina a look before scurrying away, and Illumina suppresses a grin. One person down, two more to go.

From on top of Illumina’s palm, Dream begins chirping and jumping up and down as high as his tiny body will allow him. Snorting, Illumina sets his friend down and steps back. With a small pop, Dream is there, hair ruffled and cheeks already bright pink. “Hi, Techno,” he squeaks.

Illumina watches, exasperated, as Techno blushes as well. “Hallo,” the pinkette mumbles. “You’re, uh, very cute as a blob. And as a human too, I guess.”

“Thank you,” Dream says, his cheeks turning from hot pink to magenta. “You look very nice too.”

And they still believe their feelings are one-sided ? Illumina shakes his head slightly, resisting the urge to slap himself across the forehead. God, these two idiots really are dumb. If he didn’t know he’d feel bad about it, he probably would’ve already tried to physically knock some sense into his dumbass friends.

These two are going to be the death of me, I swear, Illumina thinks to himself as he turns towards the corner. “Fruit!” he calls. “You good?”

“Yeah,” Fruit calls back, shoving the neck of the cello into the case and zipping it up. “Just had to put away this cello.” The greenette stands up and wipes his hands against his jeans. “If you three could help me put up the stands, that’d be great. I gotta head into the back room to put away this cello and organize some things.”

“Is the cello room really that disorganized?” Techno asks with a small laugh.

Fruit snorts. “Trust me, man, it’s not just a cello room. Professor Mariott has a million things in there, and he asked me to sort everything out.”

“You keeping bombs in there, Fruit?” Dream jokes.

In response, Fruit merely winks. The gesture is sent in Dream’s direction, but Illumina knows that it’s meant for him. All clear , Fruit is saying. You just gotta handle this last bit yourself .

Illumina takes a deep breath, steadying himself as Fruit walks away with the cello. Okay. He can do this. He just needs to find a way to get out of the room without arousing suspicion. Then he can hide outside and listen in as the magic happens.

He picks up a stand and moves it against the wall, watching as Dream and Techno do the same. The two keep a respectful distance between them, but every now and then, one of them will shoot a longing glance at the other. And the worst part is, these glances will always happen when the other isn’t looking. Idiots, both of them , Illumina thinks with a shake of his head, although he has to admit that the pinkness on Dream’s cheeks is extremely endearing. 

“Hey, guys,” he says after a few moments of silence. “I gotta go to the bathroom.”

“God, Lumi, you have no bladder control,” Dream teases. “Go before you piss yourself.”

Illumina scowls playfully at his best friend, although inside, he’s relieved that the bathroom bluff had worked. “Shut up, Drizzle,” he says. “I would never piss myself.”

“You would,” Techno drawls. 

“I would not,” Illumina insists. “You two are just idiots.” In more ways than one , he silently adds.

After giving Dream a playful poke in the side, Illumina retreats out of the orchestra room, closing the doors behind him. He debates locking the doors with the key Fruit had given him, but after a moment of consideration, he decides against it. Knowing Dream and Techno, if they found out the doors were locked, they’d probably try to bust through the wall using a music stand and an old viola.

He walks away, making sure to make his footsteps loud, then turns and silently sneaks back to the doors. Crouching down, he presses his ear against the wall and strains his hearing, trying to listen in on whatever conversation his friends are having.

“So how was the rehearsal?” Dream is asking.

“Pretty good,” Techno replies over the clinking sound of a music stand being set down. “Someone almost dropped their flute, but other than that, it went good.”

“Cool.”

There’s a moment of awkward silence, and then Dream speaks again. “Do you, um, ever braid your hair?”

“Yeah,” Techno says slowly, a hint of confusion in his voice. “Why?”

Another beat of silence, and Illumina slaps a hand over his mouth to muffle his snort of laughter. He can imagine Dream flushing as the blonde scrambles for an answer that doesn’t sound weird, and the mental image has him closing his eyes to supress his laughter. God, his friend is down bad. Then again, so is Techno.

“I-” Dream squeaks, sounding highly embarrassed. “I just think you would look pretty in a braid, that’s all.”

This time, it’s Techno who lets out a tiny, flustered, barely audible squeak. “Th-thanks,” the pinkette stutters. “I’m probably goin’ to braid it for the concert tomorrow.”

“Have you ever tried a crown braid?” Dream asks. “I think that style would look, um, really good on you.”

“Oh, I can’t do that type of braid,” Techno says, and the pinkette sounds weirdly disappointed, as if he’d just failed a test. The test of looking good in front of Dream , Illumina realizes, and that has him slapping his hand over his mouth once more to cover his snort.

“I can do it for you,” Dream suggests, and- wow, okay, things are progressing faster than Illumina had thought they would. Not only are Dream and Techno having a proper conversation, but Dream just offered to braid Techno’s hair, and hair braiding is an activity that has plenty of potential for deep, romantic moments. God, this is getting better by the moment.

“Thanks,” Techno says, and Illumina would be willing to bet his entire bank account that the pinkette is blushing right now. “The concert starts at 10, so just drop by before that, I guess.”

“Sure,” Dream agrees. “By the way, I’ve always wanted to ask: Do you have a name for your violin?”

“I do,” Techno says. “It’s named Orphan Obliterator.”

Silence, and then Dream bursts out laughing. As always, it sounds like if a dying frog mated with a boiling tea kettle. Illumina can imagine his friend doubling over, clutching his stomach and wheezing his lungs out.

“Uh, you okay?” Techno sounds concerned for Dream’s well being, which is kinda cute. “Do I need to call an ambulance?”

“No, no, I’m fine,” Dream gasps. “It’s just- Orphan Obliterator ?”

“Well, yeah,” Techno says. “Have you ever heard an out-of-tune violin? Those things can make ears bleed.”

“True,” Dream giggles. “That’s just such a dumb name. You’re such an idiot.”

“Heh?”

“I mean, I never said that was a bad thing.” Dream pauses, then adds, his voice stuttering slightly, “Some idiots are kinda hot.”

Techno lets out a squeak, and Illumina groans silently to himself. God, can these two get any dumber? They’re basically flirting, for god’s sake, and still neither of them have made a move! What is wrong with these two idiots? How long must they make him suffer?

“Well,” Techno says after a moment. “You too are an idiot, but I have to agree with ya on that.”

Someone kill Illumina now.

---

Plan 2 of Mission Cupid was supposed to take place the following Saturday. However, any matchmaking schemes for the day were quickly canceled when Illumina had woken up to find Dream curled up next to him, shivering and coughing. In a slight panic, he’d quickly helped the blonde into warmer clothes and taken Dream’s temperature to be greeted with a fever of 101 degrees.

So now here he is, stuck in his dorm and taking care of his sick roommate. Not that he’s upset- he loves Dream, and he loves spending time with the blonde, sick or not, and he’d rather drive Fruit’s car off of a cliff than leave his fever-stricken friend alone. Still, he is a little disappointed that he won’t be able to carry out his second plan. It’s a good one, if he does say so himself, and now he’ll have to wait until next weekend.

In his hood, Dream whines softly and nuzzles closer to his neck, tiny body shaking with cold. Illumina winces, setting down his pencil and reaching up to carefully take his friend out of his hood. Dream had shifted a while ago so as to not have to deal with the coughing and sore throat, but it looks like the blonde is still being plagued with chills and the general pain of sickness.

“You okay, Drizzle?” Illumina murmurs, gently rubbing Dream’s tiny head with his thumb. “Do you want to shift back so you can take the fever medicine Sapnap dropped off?”

Dream whines again and shakes his head. The little blob curls up in Illumina’s palm, still trembling. The blush on his face is a darker shade of green than usual from the heat of the fever, and even his smile looks pained.

Illumina bites his lip, unsure of what to do. He’s already forced Dream to take a bunch of different medicines and bundled his friend’s small blob body in tiny cloth blankets, but Dream is clearly still not comfortable, and Illumina isn’t sure how else he can help. Should he text Sapnap and ask for some soup and tea? Should he try to get Dream to sleep? He needs to do something before he bursts into tears from seeing his friend in pain.

After a moment, he decides to go with that last idea. “I think you should sleep, Drizzle,” he says softly. “You can go on the pillow or in my pocket. I think you’ll feel better if you sleep.”

Dream shakes his head again. The blob nuzzles into Illumina’s hand and chirps softly, a long, sad sound. Then he does it again. And again. And again.

“Umm..” Illumina wracks his brain, trying to figure out what Dream wants. He still doesn’t completely understand all of Dream’s blob sounds, but he takes his best guess. “You want someone?”

Dream’s head bobs up and down.

“Okay. Me?”

A pause. Dream rolls over and presses his head against Illumina’s thumb, chirping again. This time, the sound is softer, lower, and Illumina gets the feeling that his friend is saying both yes and no at the same time. Yes, you , Dream is trying to communicate, but someone else too .

“Alright.” Illumina exhales, thinking. “Sapnap?”

Dream shakes his head.

“George?”

Another shake.

“The three others?”

Shake.

“Who is it, then?”

Dream whines softly and curls up into a tight ball. The sight makes Illumina’s heart crack, and he furiously wracks his brain, desperately trying to figure out who this person is.

An idea pops in his head, an idea that’s both ridiculous and absolutely brilliant. He stares down at Dream, watching as the tiny blob body rises and falls with every breath. “Drizzle,” he whispers. “It it Techno?”

Silence.

And then Dream gives the barest of nods.

Illumina lets out a relieved breath as his heart leaps with excitement. Sure, Dream is still sick and in pain, but… this could be good. Now he has an excuse to create some more interaction between Dream and Techno, and best of all, he knows Techno can’t refuse, not when Dream is sick and miserable and in desperate need of comfort.

He might not have been able to conduct his plan today, but he can still get something out of this day. Giving Dream to Techno will surely strengthen the bond between the two and take them one step closer to the romance stage. And, as an added bonus, Illumina will get a few hours alone to study for his upcoming tests. The first part is definitely the best, though.

“Alright,” he says, gently rubbing Dream’s head. “I’ll take you to Techno. Will that make you feel better?”

Dream lets out a soft chirp of agreement, and Illumina smiles. He tucks the blanket tighter around his friend’s tiny body and carefully nudges Dream over to one palm. Then, with a shaking blob curled up in his cupped hand, he leaves his dorm room and starts making his way over to Techno’s.

Techno and Wilbur’s dorm is one floor above Illumina’s, meaning he has to climb a flight of stairs to reach it. Once there, he raps his knuckles against the door, praying that Techno is inside.

He is. The door swings open to reveal a very tired-looking Techno, clothes rumpled and pink hair a mess. A pair of reading glasses are perched on his nose, slowly sliding down, and a mug of coffee is clutched in his hand. He very obviously had not slept last night, probably too busy studying.

“Illumina?” Techno asks, blinking in confusion. “What-”

“Sorry to interrupt, but I need your help with something,” Illumina says with an only slightly apologetic smile. He holds up Dream, who whines softly, clearly not very happy about the bumpy trip up the stairs.

Techno blinks again. “Is that-”

“Yeah, it’s Dream. Could you take care of him for a few hours? He’s sick,” Illumina explains. “He’s been in this form for a while, and I doubt he’s changing back anytime soon. He’s still in a lot of discomfort, though, so…” he trails off, grabbing Techno’s hand, forcing the pinkette’s palm flat, and placing Dream down.

“Wait!” Techno yelps, looking very startled. However, the pinkette immediately moves to cup Dream in both hands, cradling the little blob gently and with a very obvious fondness. His ruby eyes soften when he looks down at Dream, a blush starting to creep over his cheeks when the shapeshifter chirps sleepily and nuzzles into his palm.

Illumina bites back a knowing grin and gives Techno a pat on the shoulder. “Thanks, Techno, I appreciate it,” he says, holding back laughter. “I’ll be back in a few hours. Call me if he needs anything, ‘kay?”

“Wait!” Techno repeats. “Wait, wait, you can’t leave him with me.” The pinkette flushes and holds Dream closer. “I mean, I don’t mind, I’ll take care of him, but, like, how? What do I do?”

“Just take care of him,” Illumina says. “He’s already taken medicine and everything. Just make sure he’s warm, cuddle with him, all that stuff. And don’t say anything mean ‘cause he’s a lot more emotionally sensitive when he’s in this form.”

“I would never.” Techno looks almost offended as he tentatively gives Dream’s head a pat, and Illumina has to physically bite his tongue to keep himself from grinning. What a simp , he thinks. It’s cute, though, not going to lie .

“Anyways, he’ll probably fall asleep,” he says, gesturing to Dream, whose black eyes are half-open. “He’s pretty tired. But just make sure he’s comfortable and warm, yeah? I’ll be back in a couple of hours.” And with that, Illumina turns and jogs away, leaving Dream and Techno to their own devices. He trusts that Techno will take good care of Dream; his only regret is that he won’t be able to eavesdrop.

(And later, when he heads back to retrieve Dream and finds a purring blob curled up in a blushing Techno’s arm while the pinkette reads a book aloud, he decides that maybe this whole thing was better than his original plan after all.)

---

“We all set up?” Wilbur’s voice crackles into Illumina’s ear.

“Yeah,” Illumina hums. He glances over his shoulder at the back seat of Fruit’s car, where blob Dream is happily bobbing along to the music coming from the radio. Turning back around, he adjusts his earbud and whispers, “How difficult was it to get Techno to come?”

“It was really easy, actually,” Wilbur says, a hint of a grin in his voice. “All I had to do was mention that Dream was coming, and he basically flew out the door. What a simp, am I right?”

Illumina snorts. “He’s so whipped. They both are.” He glances once more at Dream, who is now bouncing back and forth along the back seats. “Dream agreed pretty easily too. He really likes Finding Nemo.”

“Why are we watching that, again?” Fruit asks from the driver’s seat. 

“‘Cause it’s a good movie, Fruit,” Illumina tells his brother.

“It’s about a fish!”

“Yeah, and?”

Fruit rolls his eyes. “You’re so dumb,” he mutters. “We could be watching something cool, like Jumanji, but instead we’re watching Finding Nemo.”

Wilbur laughs over the phone. “Hey, I like Finding Nemo,” he says. “Fish are hot.”

“Wilbur, what the hell!” Illumina yelps. “What is wrong with you?”

“What’d he say?” Fruit demands.

“He said that fish are hot!”

“Bruh,” Fruit mutters.

“What? They are!” Wilbur says. “Have you seen salmon? Those curves, dude.”

Illumina sighs. “Wilbur, shut up.”

“Shutting up.”

They drive along in silence, the only sound being the music playing from the radio. Illumina relaxes back in his chair, smiling when he hears Dream chirping along to the lyrics. He’s glad his friend is back to being all peppy and cheerful, even if that weekend of sickness had been extremely productive for Mission Cupid. Yeah, Dream had been extremely embarrassed after turning back into a human (Illumina had to lure the blonde out of bed with the promise of cheesecake brownies from a nearby bakery), but forcing Techno to take care of the shapeshifter had worked so much better than Illumina had expected. The two actually started talking to each other of their own accord, often meeting in the courtyard after class to hang out and chat.

Of course, they’re both still absolute idiots. They both still blush and pine and practically flirt, only to insist afterwards that their feelings aren’t mutual. They both still make Illumina want to grab them and smash their lips together and be done with it. But it’s progress, and Illumina thinks that, given enough time, one of them might actually be smart enough to realize that their feelings are, in fact, mutual.

He’s not waiting, though. That’s why today, he’s initiating Plan 3, the (hopefully) final step in Mission Cupid. It’s simple- he, Fruit, Wilbur, Dream, and Techno will all be going to the movie theater to watch Finding Nemo together. However, about halfway through, he and the others will slip away, leaving Dream and Techno alone. And hopefully, if everything goes as planned and the two idiots are feeling a bit smarter than usual, they’ll kiss.

“We’re here,” Fruit announces, pulling Illumina out of his thoughts. “Hang up, Illu, and let’s go.”

Illumina quickly ends the call with Wilbur and hops out of the car. Fruit follows, and a moment later, Dream stumbles out too, now in human form. “We’re here?” the blonde mumbles, looking a bit dazed.

“Yeah, Drizzle, we’re here,” Illumina says, nudging his friend gently.

“Oh. Pog!” Dream cheers, and then the blonde is sprinting towards the theater, clearly excited to watch his favorite movie.

“Honestly,” Fruit mutters. “ Finding Nemo ?”

“Shut up and let’s go,” Illumina says, grabbing his brother’s arm and tugging Fruit along. “We’ve got a mission to carry out.”

“Still think we should’ve picked a better movie than Finding Nemo.”

“You have no taste.”

“I’m disowning you. You’re no longer my brother.”

“Wait, Fruit, please-”

---

“Hey guys, I gotta go use the bathroom,” Wilbur announces in a hushed voice.

“Okay,” Dream hums, not looking away from the movie screen. The blonde is munching away on some popcorn as he watches the movie, and he hasn’t seemed to notice that he and Techno are practically holding hands. Or that Techno isn’t even watching the movie and is instead staring at him.

Illumina snorts quietly, reaching over to steal some of Fruit’s popcorn. Idiots , he thinks, not for the first time since the movie started. He waves goodbye to Wilbur and winks, a gesture the brunette returns as he slips away to “use the bathroom”.

A few minutes later, Fruit also stands up. “I’m gonna go grab some more snacks,” the greenette whispers. “Illu, wanna come?”

“Sure,” Illumina whispers back, barely hiding his grin. Everything is going perfectly so far. He and Fruit just need to get away, and then the eavesdropping can commence.

“You’re both goin’?” Techno asks, finally tearing his gaze away from Dream to give Illumina a suspicious look.

“Yeah,” Illumina says casually, making sure not to show any signs of guilt. “Fruit can’t pick good snacks to save his life.”

Techno nods thoughtfully, any traces of suspicion vanishing from his face. “Makes sense.”

“I’m offended,” Fruit mutters as he tugs Illumina away.

They tiptoe out of the row and away from the seats, but they don’t exit the theater room. Instead, they head over to the door leading out and slip into the niche in the wall, something Illumina had discovered a few months ago and had decided was perfect for their plan.

Wilbur is waiting for them in the dark niche. “Hey,” he whispers. “You guys get away okay?”

“Yeah,” Fruit whispers back. “What now, Illu?”

Illumina rubs his fingers together and tries for a devilish smirk, not that the others can exactly see it in the dark. “Two things,” he says. “One: I picked this movie for a reason. Dream likes it, but there’s this one part that really scares him for some reason. And you know what happens when two people in love are out for a movie and one of them gets scared.”

“Oh,” Wilbur breathes. “Illumina, you’re a genius. What else?”

“Whoever designed this theater did a poor job,” Illumina continues, “because you can get into the rafters. I’ve tried it before. If you can jump high enough, you can use the railing on the ramp to vault up to the top of the wall, and from there, you can reach the rafters. So I’m going to sneak up there and spy.”

Fruit’s frown is barely visible in the dark. “I’m all for spying,” he says, “but Illu, I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“I won’t, Fruit,” Illumina promises, squeezing his brother’s hand. “I’ll be careful. Have I ever fallen before?”

“Yeah. You fell out of your bedroom window when you were 10, remember? You broke 2 ribs.”

“We don’t talk about that.”

Wilbur snorts. “I mean, I trust you, Illumina. If you think you can do it, do it.”

“I can do it.” Illumina takes a deep breath and squares his shoulders, his heart thrumming with excitement. “We ready, then?”

“Yep,” Wilbur says.

“Okay,” Fruit says after a moment. “Be careful, Illu.”

Illumina gives his brother a hug. “I will, Fruit.” And with that, he slips out of the niche to begin the best part of his master plan.

He gets onto the rafters easily enough. The distance from the railing to the top of the wall is a lot, but he’s tall and good at jumping. Once there, he easily manages to clamber on top of a rafter, and he carefully scuttles along, making sure to stay quiet, until he’s right above Dream and Techno. Balancing on the rafter, he steadies his breathing and watches his friends below.

He’s far enough up that he can’t hear their whispers, but with the movie screen providing some light, he can make out what they’re doing. Dream is offering Techno a piece of popcorn, which the pinkette accepts with a blush on his cheeks. The two then return to watching the movie- well, Dream does, at least. Techno, on the other hand, continues to stare at Dream, his cheeks still flushed red.

What a simp , Illumina thinks with a quiet laugh. He glances at the movie screen, and his heart leaps when he realizes that the scary part is only minutes away. The juicy part of this plan is about to come, and he honestly hasn’t been this excited in a long while. Then again, can you blame him? He’s practically thrown half of his soul into setting his friends up; he’s allowed to be excited to see them finally get themselves together- in more ways than just one.

Some dramatic music begins to play, and then the scary part arrives. Illumina watches with a grin as Dream tenses and begins to tremble slightly. Next to the blonde, Techno hesitantly places a hand on Dream’s arm. His lips move, probably asking, “Are you okay?”

The next thing Illumina knows, Dream is in Techno’s lap, clutching the pinkette’s hoodie in his hands and burying his face into Techno’s chest. Techno stiffens, clearly startled, but immediately moves to comfort Dream, his hands rubbing up and down the blonde’s back. His neck is as pink as his hair, but Illumina can see the worry and protectiveness shimmering in his ruby eyes even from up here.

With barely hidden glee, Illumina observes as the two continue to cuddle, Dream’s face buried in Techno’s chest, Techno’s arms wrapped protectively around Dream’s waist. And even when the scary part ends, the two stay in that position, not moving. They only separate when Dream lifts his head up to continue watching the movie, realizes what he’s doing, and quickly scrambles back to his own seat, looking highly embarrassed. Techno, meanwhile, simply looks disappointed by the sudden lack of Dream in his lap.

The rest of the movie passes normally, and when it ends, Illumina scrambles back down from the rafters and returns to Wilbur and Fruit. He quickly updates them on what happens, and then the three of them quickly slip out of the theater for the final part of the plan.

“Where are we hiding for this?” Fruit asks in a hushed voice as they hurry down the hallway.

“There’s those bushes outside, near where our cars are parked,” Wilbur replies. “We can hide there.”

“Good idea,” Illumina says. “I’ll be surprised if they don’t kiss, honestly.”

Wilbur snorts. “Kiss? I bet they’re going to full-on make out.”

“As long as they don’t have sex on the hood of my car, I’m fine with whatever,” Fruit says with a small snort.

They exit the building and quickly hide behind a large bush. Not even a minute later, Dream and Techno come strolling out. To Illumina’s delight, the two are holding hands, and there’s barely an inch of space between them as they walk.

“That was a good movie,” Techno hums. “I see the appeal of Findin’ Nemo now.”

Dream giggles. “It’s so good, right? Fruit doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”

“What the hell,” Fruit huffs quietly.

“Anyways, where are the others?” Techno asks, gazing around the parking lot. “Fruit and Illumina didn’t even come back with snacks, and Wilbur has been in the bathroom for, like, half an hour.”

“The line for snacks was really long,” Dream says thoughtfully. “Fruit and Lumi probably got stuck. And Wilbur seems like the type of person to spend forever in the bathroom because he was trying to figure out how to flush himself down.”

Techno laughs. “That is a Wilbur thing to do.”

“That is something I would do,” Wilbur whispers into Illumina’s ear.

Illumina barely pays attention, however. He’s focused on Dream and Techno, watching as Dream blushes and moves slightly closer to Techno. “I don’t mind, though,” the blonde murmurs. “Having a few moments alone, I mean. It’s… nice.”

“Yeah,” Techno breathes, and he’s blushing too, his cheeks colored a bright shade of pink. “It was way too crowded in that movie theater. So many orphans. It’s a shame you can’t be bringin’ weapons into a movie theater.”

Dream giggles again. “You’re such an idiot,” he says.

“Is that a bad thing?”

A pause. And then Dream whispers, “No, it isn’t.”

Silence. Illumina stares at his friends, his heart pounding with excitement. He silently screams, Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! in his head as he watches, watches as Dream draws even closer, watches as Techno’s hands drift down to rest on the blonde’s waist.

“Has anyone ever told you how absolutely stunnin’ you are?” Techno whispers after a long moment. 

“No,” Dream breathes, his cheeks rosy in the moonlight. “Tell me.”

“Here we go,” Wilbur whispers excitedly.

“You shine brighter than the very stars,” Techno murmurs, tugging Dream closer. “Not even the sun god could outshine you. Your eyes make even the freshest spring leaves seem dull. Your hair could make spun gold look like nothing more than yellow yarn.”

“Aww,” Fruit murmurs. “That’s so sweet.”

“Don’t go all English major on me now, Techno,” Dream teases, his voice shaky.

“Oh? Then what do you want, then?” Techno asks.

One, two, three long beats of silence. And then Dream closes his eyes.

“How about a kiss?”

Illumina slaps a hand over his mouth to muffle his squeal of excitement as Techno cups Dream’s jaw in one hand, bends over, and presses their lips together in a sweet kiss. Next to him, Wilbur gasps, and Fruit lets out a tiny laugh. They all watch with barely contained excitement as Dream hooks his arms around Techno’s neck to bring the pinkette closer, their lips still locked together.

“Oh my god,” Wilbur gasps. “Oh my god, this is the best day of my life!”

Fruit, ever the sensible one, whispers, “This is great, but we should head out before they start getting suspicious.”

Illumina doesn’t want to leave, not when the two people he’s worked so hard to set up are currently kissing right in front of him, but he reluctantly nods. “There’s a side door around that corner,” he says quietly. “We can get back inside and come around to the front to make it look like we just came out.”

So they tiptoe out of the bush and creep around to the side door. They slip inside, hurry through the movie theater, and exit out the front door. To Illumina’s disappointment, Dream and Techno have stopped kissing, but their hands are still linked, their cheeks flushed as they gaze lovingly at each other.

“Hey,” Illumina says, biting back a grin when his friends jump, blush even more, and quickly pull away from each other. “Sorry we didn’t come back, the line was long as hell. By the time we decided to just leave, the movie had already ended.”

“Same with the men’s bathroom,” Wilbur agrees, his eyes sparkling with glee. “And one of the toilets was clogged.”

“Ew, Wil, we did not need to know that,” Techno mutters, giving Dream the barest of glances. 

Fruit snorts, probably because of said glance. “Well, shall we head back to campus?” the greenette asks. “We can stop for dinner on the way.”

“Sure,” Dream agrees, casting a look at Techno before walking over to Illumina. “Let’s go home.”

The drive back to campus is mostly silent, and back in the dorm, Dream simply sits down on his bed and stares down at the floor. The blonde doesn’t look sad or upset, just… contemplative. Probably thinking about Techno , Illumina muses.

“Oh, by the way, Drizzle,” he says, flopping down on his own bed and shooting his best friend a soft smile. “Congratulations.”

Dream blinks at him, looking confused. Then the realization dawns, and the blonde scowls. “The line wasn’t long, was it?” he accuses. “You set me and Techno up! And you were spying on us when we kissed!”

Illumina smirks. “I can neither confirm nor deny,” he says.

“And the whole thing in the orchestra room- it was never to help Fruit, was it? That was also a set up!”

“Perhaps,” Illumina says mysteriously.

Dream huffs, crossing his arms. “I hate you so much, Lumi,” the blonde mutters with no bite. “You suck. I can’t believe you would lie to me like that.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’m a horrible, evil, pathological liar, I know.”

“You are. And you’re a terrible friend.”

“Sure, Drizzle.”

Dream huffs again before crawling over to Illumina’s bed and curling up next to him. “I hate you,” the blonde says again. “You suck.”

Illumina laughs. “I know, Drizzle. I know.” He grins down at his friend. “So, are you two a thing yet?”

“Yeah,” Dream mumbles, blushing. “He’s taking me on a real date tomorrow.”

“Awww. Where to?”

“Ice skating.”

“That’s sweet.” Illumina smiles and nudges his nose into Dream’s fluffy hair. “He really loves you, y’know.”

“I know,” Dream sighs happily. “I love him too.” Then the blonde snuggles closer, pressing his face into Illumina’s neck. “You’ll always be my favorite, though.”

“Even though you hate me?” Illumina laughs.

“Even though I hate you. Even though you suck and you’re a dirty liar and you’re Canadian.”

“Wha- What’s wrong with being Canadian?”

“Everything.”

Illumina rolls his eyes fondly. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. Go to sleep, Drizzle.”

Dream pulls away to stick his tongue out before shifting into a blob. Chuckling, Illumina scoops Dream up and places his friend on the pillow next to his head. He smiles when Dream wiggles closer and nuzzles into his hair, purring.

“Good night, Drizzle,” he murmurs, reaching out to turn off the bedside lamp. “No sneaking out to visit Techno.” He laughs when Dream lets out an offended chirp and gives the blob a gentle pat on the head. Then he closes his eyes, ready to sleep after the exciting but tiring events of today.

Maybe I should be a matchmaker when I grow up , he thinks as he begins to drift off. Or maybe a spy. 

After all, I’ve got field experience.