Work Text:
She sits in her car in a parking lot at the base of a small mountain, bracing herself. She doesn’t know why she’s nervous—she’s just going on a simple hike. Maybe it’s because it's a workday. Spending a whole day away from the office felt like she was playing hooky. There were financial presentations still to complete, people to call-, and she had to write that report that was due in a few days. She hopes her colleagues are able to get by without her for the day.
Ah, she thinks, I’m doing that again. — that being thinking about work when she wasn’t working, or even supposed to be working.
Unable to bear the suffocation of the small car, she steps out. She can do this. Just one foot in front of the other, right? Easy peasy. All of the variables are in her favor. She rescheduled this day at least five times in order to get the most perfect weather, the right temperature, not too windy. She’s equipped with all of the right water and snacks. She made sure a friend or two was on standby in case something happened. Perfect.
She treks up the beginner’s path on the mountain trail. It’s still a bit daunting, to be honest. It’s just nerves, she thinks, it’s been a while since I’ve taken a day for myself. But she can’t ignore the feeling of embarrassment gnawing at her.
Her therapist was the one who recommended that she do this. Her therapist had urged her to take a break for well over a year but she always came up with reasons she couldn’t. It was never a good time, you know? And she couldn’t let her colleagues down. She was a team player and a hard worker. But that was part of the reason she was in therapy, wasn’t it?
At first it started as a way for her to be a better version of herself - trying to find ways to fix things so she could correct them. But then she noticed something during her sessions: her obsession of always working. Whether on herself or on anything else. This trip - along with her love for nature despite always being indoors - was a way to take a step out of everything. Out of herself.
As she reaches the halfway point, an elderly woman hikes down the path she’s on. The woman smiles, greeting her younger companion. “It’s unusual for someone such as yourself to be out during the workday to go on a hike. It’s good to step back from the rush of life and enjoy what’s around you, isn’t it? Well, take care now.” The younger woman nods in acknowledgment and continues on the trail.
For some reason, the other woman's words repeat as she carries on her path. “Enjoy what’s around you, enjoy what’s around you”. Is she enjoying what was around her? She stops. She looks at the lush trees above her, at the fallen beaches, at the dusty path behind and before her. She’s been on this mountain’s path for over an hour and she’s just noticing what's around her. She hears the birds more clearly and the rustle of leaves. Even the sound of her breathing in this vast space.
“Do I enjoy what’s around me?” She thinks. “Well, this was my therapist’s idea, even if I was the one who mentioned I enjoyed nature hikes because i-oh..”
She feels the moisture on her cheeks. The ache in her heart that she’s been carrying for some time now comes back in full force. She wanders off the path a bit to sit under a tree. She lets out a sob.
She, in fact, did not enjoy what was around her. She did not enjoy missing out on events and fun get-togethers with friends because of overtime, she did not enjoy her job, she did not enjoy that she’s already received three text messages from her colleagues on her first day off in four years asking her about things she’s already prepared them for, and she did not enjoy her current life. And she was tired. Deep in her bones, tired. She absolutely did not enjoy that.
As the sobs lessen, the woman continues to sit at the base of the tree for a while. She drinks her water and eats her snacks and listens to everything and nothing at all.
She decides, as she gets up from her spot, to complete her hike. She gets to one of the oversight spots and screams out in frustration and in hope. Thankfully, no one is around. She laughs, because she does enjoy what’s around her.
It’s late afternoon by the time she makes it back to her car. She thinks of work briefly, but only of how she wants to write out her two weeks notice. And she enjoys that thought very much.