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Cho Seungyoun was only thirteen when his gaze first found those big, curious eyes looking back at him.
He remembered it was a Sunday morning. It was only probably four or five o'clock and he was already wide awake, even before the warden took rounds to rouse everyone up. A sigh escaped his lips at the thought of another day of his dull life starting again.
Here we go again. We wake up, we eat, we go to school— or because it's a Sunday, go and help with the gardening probably— and then eat, and sleep again. This life is just a boring cycle and I'm already fucking sick of it.
Seungyoun let out another sigh.
After staring at the ceiling for another hour or so, he sat up on the bed he shared with two other boys in middle school like him. He raked his eyes over all the sleeping bodies huddled under their blankets in the room, thankful for being first to call dibs on the shower.
After washing up, he hopped downstairs for breakfast, stopping at the foot of the staircase as he was greeted with children's shouts and cries. He winced at the noise, glancing disdainfully at the sight, at the chaos, before him. He took a step and almost tripped over a couple of toys scattered on the floor. It took all of Seungyoun's patience to not snap at the kids playing with them.
Why do kids wake up too fucking early?
He made a beeline towards the common area, looking down to avoid collision with the running children.
They should seriously stop letting them in. A few more and this house's gonna burst.
He paused and let himself look up when he reached the doorway leading to the common area, only to find an unfamiliar sight. His eyes narrowed.
Speaking of, are those kids new here?
There were two kids, a girl and a boy.
Scratch that. One's not a kid. That guy's definitely older, although small for a teenager.
The boy was probably a middle schooler like him, and the little girl around eight or nine. They were holding hands, lingering close by the front door, glancing cautiously around the place. Seungyoun continued to observe them with narrowed eyes until the girl caught sight of him.
He saw the little girl recoil at his expression; the fear in her eyes clear as if she had said it out loud in his face. Seungyoun didn't even mean to intimidate her, but it was nothing new. He suppressed a bitter smile threatening to pull up on his lips. Yes, your instinct is correct, little girl. Stay away from me if you know what's good for you.
He was about to turn back when the boy looked up and spotted him.
The boy's large eyes caught his, and Seungyoun stilled; rooted to the spot. He knew he looked like a deer caught in the headlights, but he couldn't make himself look away.
His face looked exactly what he'd imagined an angel's face would look like. He wouldn't even bat an eye if the boy grew wings right then and there. He was unlike any other beautiful faces he'd seen. And his eyes are so big and pretty...
The boy tilted his head to the side, his mouth curving into what looked like a small smile, and Seungyoun strangely found himself wanting to smile back.
But before he could, the front door opened, and two adults came in.
"Mom!"
Oh.
The little girl ran towards the woman, pulling the boy with her, breaking his eye contact with Seungyoun. Still, he followed them with his gaze.
But a tap on his shoulder forced him out of his reverie. He let out a gasp, only then realizing that he was holding his breath.
He cleared his throat and looked up to find the warden, her eyebrows furrowed into a frown. "Seungyoun, I've been calling you from across the room. What are you doing here?"
He watched the warden look at the family from across them, smiling at the parents and giving them a slight nod, before regarding Seungyoun once more.
"Oh. I didn't hear you.. I was just-" He casted a glance back at the visitors.
She lowered her voice to a murmur. "Anyway, I was looking for you. I have something to discuss with you."
Seungyoun turned to look up at her and blinked inquiringly.
"So this family's here to adopt someone."
He nodded in understanding.
He had watched a lot of his fellow orphans get adopted into families before. Being in orphanages all his life, he couldn't count anymore the times he wished to be adopted into a family, to finally belong. But he knew that he was never the best candidate. To start off, he was not the most likeable. Even as a kid, he had a temper and did not get along with a lot of people around him. He did not like talking, and he always preferred to be alone. He wasn't the easy-to-talk-to, cheerful kind of kid the families usually were looking for.
He had longed to get away from these temporary homes for as long as he could remember. But now that he's already 13, and probably the oldest in this orphanage, it was almost impossible to be adopted. They usually wanted the little kids, even better if they happen upon the infant ones. His only escape now would be after graduating high school, the only time he knew he could stand on his own feet. Except if he chose to run away again, who knows.
More often than not though, he wondered how they felt— the adopted kids. What would it be like to have a home, to have a family, to have people around who loved you?
"So what does the adoption got to do with me?"
The warden drew her round glasses higher up her nose. "Well, this family has a.. uh.. special request. You see, they lost one child to an accident a few months ago, and the whole family isn't doing that well because it was all too sudden. He was a twin to that older kid. But what's really worrying is how the little girl's basically stuck. I heard that it's really bad. Adopting a kid near her brother's age was suggested to them by the kids' psychiatrist, and I was told that it was the first time the girl smiled since the accident. So, here they are. And I thought you'd be the suitable one because you're thirteen like him."
Seungyoun felt a cold chill run through his spine. I'm... getting adopted into a family?
"Seungyoun, I want you to be on your best behavior, okay? They want you to be part of their family, so at least try and get along with the kids, hmm?"
He couldn't believe it. Here it was, the escape he was waiting for. He was finally gonna be free. He didn't have to wait until high school graduation.
"So, what do you say?"
Seungyoun shook his head to clear out his thoughts, looking back at the family he was about to become a part of.
But then the boy's eyes met his once more, and something there made him stop. It was like he forgot to breathe again, and so his heart began pounding in his chest. He tried to shut it all, him, out, but to no avail.
"Seungyoun?"
"H-huh?" he stuttered out, confused by his own behavior.
Because Seungyoun was used to being alone. In fact, he liked it. He's always felt comfortable when he's in the company of no one but himself. Whenever he's around people, he tended to tune out the sounds around him, creating an imaginary bubble around him and him only. It had always been automatic; natural for him to be completely by himself once the sounds were reduced to mere murmurs.
—except today.
It was the first time.
It was still him. But now, the boy, the one with the face of an angel, was with him too. It was just the two of them; all else falling back into void.
So for the first time, he felt thankful when another tap on his shoulder burst the phantom bubble he had surrounded them with. "Hey Cho Seungyoun? Are you listening to me?"
Reluctantly pulling his gaze away from the boy to look at the warden, he cleared his throat. "Uh yeah, I just-"
He sneaked another glance towards the boy, muttering words before he could even process what they meant. "Miss, I'm sorry. Can't you suggest Yohan instead? He's the next oldest guy here and he's nicer anyway."
The shock in the warden's face made him want to take back what he said, but he couldn't. All his instincts screamed at him not to. So before he could say anything weirder, he fled the scene and rushed to the bedrooms. Once inside, he flung the door shut, not even giving a care which age-group the room belonged to. At least here, without him, I can think. So what the hell happened back there?
It was as if he was in a trance, not completely in control of the words that tumbled out of his mouth. He wanted this for god knows how long, didn't he? Even when he couldn't be forced to admit it out loud, he wanted this so bad. So why did one look at those big, pretty eyes made him say otherwise, as if he would regret it big time if he said yes? And why the fuck does he have a feeling that a big change in his life was coming, when he just turned his back on the change he had been wishing for for as long as he could remember?
13-year-old Cho Seungyoun sure as hell didn't know.
—
Now, 25-year-old Cho Seungyoun is looking at the same huge and pretty eyes, but the curiosity there is gone. Instead, there's fondness, and mild confusion.
Now he knew.
Wooseok finishes chewing and puts his fork down, eyeing him patiently. "Hey Seungyoun. Something on your mind babe?"
Seungyoun shakes his head with a soft smile grazing his lips. "Nothing much. I just remembered the moment I first saw you."
"Hmm, at the orphanage right?"
Seungyoun nods.
"Looking back, you've really changed a lot. You were basically an emo delinquent when I first met you." Wooseok lets out a chuckle.
Seungyoun rolls his eyes. "Shut up, no I wasn't."
"What, it's true! Look at you now, being amazing as a singer-songwriter. If I didn't know you, I wouldn't have believed that you used to hate crowds and people in general. Now you're the life of the party wherever you go."
Wooseok grins at him teasingly, and Seungyoun can only flash a dopey smile in return.
When he had first gotten the call that one of his songs caught the attention of this one big record label, Wooseok had cheered louder than anyone else did. He seemed genuinely happy and proud of something that didn't even directly benefit himself, and it warmed Seungyoun's heart. He had nudged himself to say or do something, anything , to keep those eyes sparkling, and that was the moment that he realized he'd do absolutely everything just so he can maintain the special shine of happiness in Wooseok's eyes. Even if it meant Wooseok getting a good laugh at his expense.
Now he knew.
"Oh hold on, I remembered I saw that ice cream brand you liked when we were in high school while I was shopping with Mom a few days ago. Turns out they still produced those, can you believe that? Anyway, just don't tell Mom I gave you ice cream in the morning, she's gonna give me so much crap if she finds out. You know she loves you more than me sometimes." Wooseok makes a face at him, rising from his seat to retrieve his little gift.
Seungyoun's heart swells, his mouth turning up into a helpless sort of smile because how can he even remember that? and stooop, he's making me eat one of my favorite things for breakfast sksskdks
So when Seungyoun ends up grabbing Wooseok to his lap as he walked by, his boyfriend going down with a soft 'oof', no one can really blame him.
He wraps his arms around Wooseok's middle and cooes a drawn out AWWWWW, "You really know me the best huh?" he drops a kiss on the back of his neck before beaming up at him.
Wooseok just sort of turns around to face him and lets out a fake laugh, taking both of his cheeks in his fingers to pinch them.
Hard.
Too hard.
"Of course it's me. Who else did you think of to come up with that, hmm?" He says through that scary fake smile, his normally harmless-looking eyes glittering dangerously.
"OW! LET GO, DAMN IT!"
Wooseok howls in laughter as he lets go, dropping his hands to his shoulders.
"Can't you just accept my affection like a normal person? What the heck is wrong with you." Seungyoun mutters, massaging his abused cheeks. "You're too strong for no reason."
Wooseok only cackles louder in return.
He side-eyes the laughing Wooseok and couldn't help but grin despite himself. He drops his hands to firmly grasp Wooseok's sides before he laughs himself to oblivion and fall.
Really though, he meant it. Wooseok was really strong. The strongest, in fact. So strong that he also gives strength to other people around him.
For one, he had given Seungyoun the strength to hope; something that's been long buried into the depths of his heart back when he was a brooding high school kid.
They were at Hongdae wandering around after classes, with Seungyoun trapped in the middle of his involuntary friends consisting of Yohan, his pesky roommate back at the orphanage, and Yohan's adoptive brother, Wooseok. It was when he first saw a busking band. He had planted his feet to listen, forcing the practically twins— who each had their arm hooked with his— to stop as well. He watched the faces of the band members who looked happy and content even when their audience came down to a grand total of three high schoolers. They looked really cool. Really, really cool. And if there was anything Seungyoun liked the most in the world, it was music, his constant company. (And a certain person, but no one knew that yet.)
So when a band member approached him after and asked if he wanted to learn to play in exchange of giving out promotional flyers in his free time, Wooseok held his hand and grasped it encouragingly. Seungyoun met his gaze and heard the words he knew those smiling eyes said, You'll do great!
Now he knew.
"But seriously Youn, why were you thinking about that day? Did you miss the place?"
Seungyoun looks at his curious face and smiles tenderly. No. I was just remembering how it was basically love at first sight for me. I literally called you an angel in my mind.
But Wooseok didn't have to hear those words until at a later time, so instead he keeps it discreet by saying, "Just, it made me wonder what would've happened to me if you didn't walk into that orphanage."
"I'm sure you would still be your dispirited, loner self. Aren't you gonna thank me for being here and keeping you in line?"
There had been no 'keeping in line' that happened between the two of them. Wooseok's eyes only ever told him that he accepted everything that he was, even back when he was his 'dispirited, loner self'.
Even so, Seungyoun scoffs, "The fuck. Who do you think you are?"
He shifts in Seungyoun's lap to face him properly, straddling his thighs and wrapping his arms around his neck. Wooseok then lifts his chin. "Well, Mister, if you haven't heard, I am Kim Wooseok, an artist. I draw and paint all kinds of stuff, but I specialize in landscapes, specifically somber ones. Oh, and portraits of my boyfriend, but those aren't for sale."
Seungyoun raises his eyebrows as Wooseok pauses. Then, as if as an afterthought, he adds, "Oh! And just the man who loves you the most."
Wooseok smiles at him and holds both his hands in his to lace their fingers together. He then draws them close together until their foreheads touched and Seungyoun closes his eyes with a sigh, basking in the warmth Wooseok always brings into his life.
It is the truth. He is indeed the one who loves Seungyoun the most.
When he scrimped and saved his own allowance to be able to buy Seungyoun his first guitar, he couldn't stop himself anymore. He had thrown all his fears and doubts and kissed Wooseok like he always wanted to. It was their first kiss, and Wooseok cried because how could you take so long? and I thought I'd just sit through awful dates for the rest of my life because you'd never feel the same, damn you!
Now he knew.
Those same eyes had tears in them now as well, but this time from all the laughter, and unlike the old Seungyoun, there is no hesitation when he says, "I love you too, Kim Wooseok."
They don't say it too often; they didn't need to. But at times like this, he feels the weight and intensity of it to the bone, and it makes him want to cry and laugh at the same time. Being in love with Wooseok is the only truth he couldn't disguise with jokes and sarcasm. But he felt no fear in that, because he knows that Wooseok wears his love for him like a badge of honor just as Seungyoun does.
And that knowledge, like the old Seungyoun, makes him want to kiss Wooseok like how he wanted to. So, he draws him close by the waist, while Wooseok drops his hands so that he can run them under Seungyoun's shirt to touch his bare back. Seungyoun shivers as Wooseok continued to trace up his body, making sure to skim his fingers over his mirror tattoo before hooking his hands over his shoulders, causing his shirt to ride up over his abdomen. Seungyoun chuckles at their position, squeezing his boyfriend gently against his exposed stomach. And when their lips finally touched, everything fell into place.
But the moment doesn't last, because Seungyoun has just barely slipped his tongue past Wooseok's lips when a horrified yelp followed by obnoxious gagging noises force them to break apart.
"EWW! What the fuck is happening in my kitchen? Y'all are so nasty, exchanging spits in the place we eat, no less." The voice tsk-tsks.
Seungyoun can't help but roll his eyes because of course it had to be Yohan (as always) to cockblock them.
"Only you make kissing sound disgusting with your choice of words, Kim Yohan. And what do you mean your kitchen? Bitch, dream on." Wooseok snaps back without getting up from his place on Seungyoun's lap. As he should.
"Nuh-uh, your words are irrelevant, bitch , because you’re gonna be a Cho soon anyways, so technically this—" Yohan gestures vaguely at the cupboard behind them, "—the Kim kitchen, belongs to us Kims only."
“W-wait. What?” Wooseok gasps at Yohan.
Seungyoun can only hang his head because of course it had to be Yohan (as well) to spoil his proposal.
“Oh, oops. Sorry Youn, you haven't proposed? I thought with Wooseok stripping you in the kitchen and the way you're all over each other early in the morning, which I didn't need to witness by the way, that you already dropped the question.” Yohan chuckles and shakes his head, oblivious to the fact that Seungyoun was shooting him daggers.
Oh the dumbass, couldn't even play it off. I'm totally gonna kill him.
“Hold up, WHAT?!”
Wooseok looks back at Seungyoun with wide, shocked eyes.
He rushes to explain, “Babe, listen, I-“
Wooseok interrupts him. “And what did he mean I'll be a Cho? Did you not think that perhaps, I wanted to stay a Kim after we get married? We can even hyphenate our last names together.”
“Ooooh damn boy, he just said Yes.” Yohan guffaws.
“Can you shut up for a sec Yohan, I'm gonna strangle you. Wait Youn, answer me.”
Before he can, of course Yohan isn't done.
“Congrats Seungyoun, and thank you for taking this demon away from me. I am heartily tired of dealing with him. And your snogging of course.” Yohan's expression twists into one of clear disgust.
“You better fix that face before I fix it for you. And, shut the fuck up, I'm not saying Yes."
Seungyoun gasps and throws a pained and dejected glance in Wooseok's direction.
Wooseok adds in panic, "-yet. I'm not saying Yes yet babe, oh my god remove that sad look on your face right this instant! I was just shocked because you sprung it on me all of a sudden!"
"I didn't spring anything on you, your dead from the neck up brother did. And how can I even ask the question when I'm getting whiplash from you two talking over each other? Let me ask you where Yohan isn't there too." He pouts at Wooseok, ignoring the gasp of offense from Yohan.
"You heard him Yohan, get out of here," Wooseok dismisses his brother and turns his attention to Seungyoun, "And such delicate matter requires further investigation anyway, don't you think baby?" he wiggles his eyebrows suggestively.
Seungyoun grins and drops his gaze to his lips. "I might just take you up on that offer, babe. Come here."
"Uh guys, I'm still here? You are so disgusting, Kim Wooseok, I swear. If you don't feel bad being dirty in front of me, think of mom at least. You're literally in her house. Can't you two continue your bedroom rendezvous in, I don't know, maybe the bedroom? In your own apartment?"
"Do you hear something Youn?" Wooseok zooms in his face.
"Hmm I don't know babe, must be that annoying, noisy dog of the neighborhood. Don't mind him," Seungyoun breathes on his boyfriend's parted lips.
"Great, now they're pretending I am a dog, what fine best friend and brother you two are. Don't you ever feel bad how I am basically aging twice the normal rate because of the stress I have to endure with you two? From you guys pining for each other for so long to you being smitten with each other when you finally came to your senses and got together?"
"Not really."
"You deserve it."
Yohan throws his hands up in surrender, walking out of the kitchen while muttering about not giving them a wedding gift and about 'tag-teaming ungrateful brats'. Wooseok and Seungyoun meet eyes and burst into fits of laughter.
Seungyoun glances at Yohan's retreating back, and brings his attention back on Wooseok. His smile softens as Wooseok cups his face tenderly in his hands, looking at him with his beautiful, sparkling eyes. His heart melts as those eyes told him Yes . Those eyes that always had a lot of things said without Wooseok muttering the words. He will marry him, he will spend his forever with him.
Seungyoun feels his own eyes tear up, grateful. His words fail him too, because Wooseok always, always, takes his breath away. So he presses a soft kiss on Wooseok's forehead, and Seungyoun couldn't wait to spend the rest of his life just like this.
Because now he knew.
That this was why all the time he tried to meet other people, chasing after that same warm feeling he felt one Sunday morning at the orphanage, always just left him feeling empty and disappointed.
Now he knew, that this was the exact reason why he was entranced by the way he looked at him the moment they first met eyes.
Now he knew, that it was that same reason why he passed up the chance to be adopted back then.
Now he knew, that he was never meant to be just a part of the pretty-eyed, angelic boy's family.
Because now he knew, that that boy was supposed to be the one Seungyoun would be building their own family with.
That he would be the one he'd marry.
Kim Wooseok is his home, and 25-year-old Cho Seungyoun finally fucking knew.