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Tim never cared much about Valentine’s Day. At its best, it was a solid month in advance of candy companies and florists insisting that if you don’t give them money, you don’t really care about your significant other. At its worst, you dump your wife at her rehab facility the first day you see her look like herself in years. So, yeah, Valentine’s Day was never a sacred cow to him. However, that didn’t mean he wasn’t a romantic. He just preferred to spread his romance out over the year as opposed to one day of fighting other couples for seats at nice restaurants or movie tickets to whatever vapid romantic comedy was in theaters that year.
But this year he had Ashley, and Valentine’s Day was important to her, which meant it was now important to him, too. He was still working on getting out of his comfort zone for her, but he figured Valentine’s Day would be a layup. This was why when Lucy called his attention to Ashley approaching them at the armory, he was ready to impress.
“Ash!” he greeted, smiling. “What are you doing here?”
“Good morning, you two!” she replied, giving Lucy a polite nod. “I, uh, actually wanted to talk to you about tonight.”
Tonight was the exact topic Tim had hoped she was here to discuss. “I’ve got it all covered. We’ve got a reservation for two at The Lotus tonight, VIP booth.”
She grimaced, which was not the response he was hoping for. “What time?”
“Uh… 9? Gives us time to get ready after my shift.”
Ashley nervously stuck her hand in her blonde hair. “Oh… well… I’d gotten us tickets to see a play tonight at 8. I’ve really wanted to check it out while it was in town.”
“Oh! Well, that’s fine, they can probably just push the reservation back an hour.”
“The play is three hours long.”
“Which play is it?” Lucy asked, and Tim was grateful to her for providing a distraction from whatever reaction was currently showing on his face.
“Uh, it’s called Waiting for Godot. It’s a Samuel Beckett play - I’m not sure if you’ve heard of it.”
Lucy replied with a tight smile. “I have.”
“It’s no big deal,” Tim interrupted. “I’ll just cancel the reservation.”
Finally, he got the reaction from Ashley he was hoping for. “Okay, great! Thank you! I’m sure we can find another nice restaurant with a table open afterward.”
Tim doubted it but hoped she was right. After all, they wouldn’t be out of the play until after 11 pm. “Yeah, for sure! I’ll pick you up right after work. See you tonight.”
“Have a good shift!” She turned slightly to his left. “Lucy.”
After a replying nod from Lucy, Ashley was gone, back down the hallway, leaving the two to start their day.
“You’ve been looking forward to that restaurant for weeks,” Lucy stated, perplexed. “You had to make the reservation a full month and a half in advance.”
“And the person I booked it for wants to do something else,” he replied, signing off on their paperwork. “What good is the reservation if she’s not having a good time?”
Just then, the intercom squealed to life. “Officer Chen, report to the front desk.”
Her expression turned from judgment to glee. “It’s probably something from Chris!” She dashed for the lobby without even waiting for Tim, who followed behind with an eye roll.
Lucy stopped dead in her tracks when her eyes landed on the front desk, and when Tim caught up to her, he saw why.
She made her way around, surveying the gift with her eyes. On the counter sat the most beautiful bouquet of bright red dahlias, a flower Tim might not have even recognized if not for Lucy. “They’re lovely!” she commented, trying to keep as much of her original excitement in her voice as she could.
“I’m sure they’re even prettier up close, Chen,” Tim teased. “Why don’t you go check them out?”
Ignoring her sergeant’s comment, Lucy called to the cop behind the desk. “Romero, did the flowers come with a card?”
Perplexed by her hesitation to come to check for herself, the officer scanned the bouquet with his eyes, eventually pulling out a small white card. “‘Sorry I couldn’t be there to deliver these in person,’” he read. “‘I figured I’d go with a classic red, but decided against the cliché rose. You deserve something unique. See you tonight.’”
Tim wondered if Lucy could feel what percentage of her smile was actually a grimace because he could see it easily. “What’s wrong? You don’t like your special flowers?”
She didn’t respond, only shot him her first death glare of the day.
“Say it,” he whispered.
“Why? You already know.”
“Remind me, and I’ll lie to Romero for you.”
Lucy sighed and turned to whisper lowly, “I’m really, really allergic to dahlias.”
“Officer Romero?” He looked up from the desk as Tim ordered, “Can you send those to Shaw Memorial? Officer Chen’s locker isn’t big enough for those, and I’m sure they’ll make a patient’s day.”
Lucy whispered her thanks to Tim as she briskly left the room before she could be attacked by pollen.
The day was passing by fairly slowly, most stops consisting of the usual traffic tickets along with a few public intoxication arrests from people who were not handling the holiday well. Thinking about where to stop for lunch had reminded Tim to call and cancel his reservation, hoping maybe some poor last-minute planner was about to have their lucky break.
“No, no need to reschedule. Thank you anyway.” After a polite goodbye from the hostess, he hung up the call.
“‘The main themes in Waiting for Godot include the human condition, absurdism and nihilism, and friendship,’” Lucy read from her phone before glancing up at Tim.
“Sounds interesting.”
“Hm.” She looked back to her phone to continue reading. “‘In this richly evocative ‘story’ about two men who wait for another who never comes, there are so many possible themes it is difficult to enumerate them. Those that are readily apparent include the issues of absurdity, alienation, and loneliness, appearance and reality, death, doubt, and ambiguity.’ Does that sound fun to you?”
Tim couldn’t let her know he had to refrain from falling asleep at the wheel at just her description, so he nodded. “Delightful.”
Lucy frowned. “A three-hour play about two guys talking sounds fun to you? The entire play has only five characters and one of them doesn’t even have a name.”
“What are you getting at?”
She turned back to the road a moment to think before shrugging. “I just think that Valentine’s day is a holiday for both people, not just one. She should’ve considered you.”
“She’s trying to get me to try new things. Is that a crime?”
Lucy sat back in her seat and gazed out the window, fidgeting with her hands. “No, I guess not.”
“And what does it matter to you so much anyway?”
She looked over for elaboration.
“Why are you so concerned with my Valentine’s Day plans with my girlfriend?”
“I’m not, I’m just… I know you’re putting work into making this work; I just wanna make sure there’s compromise.”
Tim knew he should probably drop it, that her explanation would be reasonable to a stranger, but he was anything but a stranger to Lucy’s deflections. “I don’t think this is about Valentine’s Day,” he finally said. “I don’t think you like Ashley.”
She coughed out a laugh and turned her body fully to him. “What?”
There was no unsaying it now. “I don’t think you like her!” he repeated. “Which is fine, if you’d just admit it instead of acting like you’re just giving neutral advice.”
Lucy was still laughing as if Tim had suggested an impossibility. “What makes you think I don’t like Ashley?”
“Come on. Whenever we have a problem, your first suggestion is always to break up with her. Either that or you just don’t care, and you let me figure it out myself, which is… the opposite of your M.O. You make snide comments about her job, and you barely looked up when she stormed away from the dinner table at dinner a few weeks ago.”
“So, at first I’m in your business too much, and now what? I’m not in it enough?”
“I don’t mind it, I just don’t think it’s because you’ve changed. I think it’s because you don’t necessarily care for my relationship.”
Lucy let one last scoff loose before turning back out to her window. “That’s ridiculous.”
Tim let it go, allowing the conversation to return to a mutual comfort by avoiding romance. But a few more tickets and a fight between one woman’s two boyfriends later, they had another moment quiet enough for Lucy’s mind to spin again.
“And for the record,” she started. “If we’re going by signs of displeasure with the other’s relationships, you take the cake every time.”
Now it was Tim’s turn to be incredulous. “What are you talking about?”
“Any guy I show interest in, you find a reason not to like him. The nicest you’ve been is to Chris, and even he’s wary of you.”
“Well, I’ve already told you you can do better than the guys you go for - that’s not a secret.”
“Yeah, but when you told me that, you were talking about Emmett, who was your friend at the time.”
“I also already told you firefighters are idiots.”
“Idiots you can apparently be friends with.”
Tim rolled his eyes. “You know, you should probably consider at least dating a guy who bothers to get you the right flowers.” Lucy began to giggle, causing Tim to ask, “What?”
“Nothing, I was just trying to figure out how to bring up that you don’t like Chris either. Glad you did it for me.”
“Mm. You think I don’t like Chris because he got you some death flowers?”
“No, you probably have some other reason, like you always do.”
“Actually, you’re right; he can be a little boring. Unless he’s more entertaining to talk to than he was at that dinner?”
“He’s… safe. Comfortable! Comfortable is… good right now.”
“Yeah, because those flowers were so safe for you.”
She finally gave a genuine laugh. “How was he supposed to know I’m allergic?”
Tim scoffed. “ I know you’re allergic, and I’m not your boyfriend.”
“Yeah, because you have to know that. Maybe I’ll tell him my favorite flower so he has one up on you.”
“Sunflowers.”
She gave him an inquisitive look.
“They’re native to California, and you still get excited every time you see them. Which would make sense to anyone who knows the first thing about you.”
“Why?”
“Why what?”
She cleared her throat. “Why would it make sense that sunflowers are my favorite?”
He shrugged like it was obvious. “Because you’re you. You’re…” Bright. Warm. “Loud. And a walking ‘Live, Laugh, Love’ poster.”
She rolled her eyes but stared at the floor to hide a smile. “You’re weird for knowing my favorite flower.”
“No, I’m not. I just pay attention. You’re an open book, so knowing the bare minimum about you isn’t hard.”
Lucy continued to study the floor, still fidgeting with her hands. “I’ll tell Chris about the flowers.”
“Good,” Tim replied. Not nearly enough.
Before they knew it, they were returning their weapons and punching out for the day. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” Tim said, filling out their form.
“Yeah,” Lucy replied. “See you.”
He watched her leave for a moment before returning his focus to his paper. Only a few seconds later, he heard the sound of her footsteps quickly returning. “I don’t like her,” Lucy’s voice called from the base of the stairs.
He looked up before rushing his signature and walking over to meet her. He didn’t say anything, just crossed his arms and waited for her to continue.
“I understand relationships are about compromise,” she started. “But I don’t think it should require this much, especially if it’s only from one side. You’re different around her, and you shouldn’t have to be. You’ve never changed who you are to be what someone else wants you to be, and you shouldn’t start now. You should be with someone who likes you the way you are. Someone who accepts all your… weird dislikes and makes plans you both enjoy and doesn’t get mad about the smallest things. And I don’t think that’s Ashley. I don’t think she’s a good fit for you, no matter how hard you try to be one for her.”
Lucy’s ramble ended with her eyes wide in fear, awaiting some kind of professional or personal scolding, but he just continued to stand and slowly nod, taking in her words.
“So… yeah,” she finished, relaxing her posture. “Okay.”
She turned to leave, but he called after her. “Wait up a minute.”
The fear was back in her eyes when she turned, but it dissipated when he responded with, “I don’t like Chris for you.”
She folded her hands in front of her. “Go on.”
“I’m sure Chris is a nice guy, but I don’t think he’s what you need, or even want. You said you wanted safety, but safety doesn’t come from a guy you’re bored with just because he likes you, it comes from someone who knows what makes you feel safe. And saying you want to be comfortable? Downright lie. You want someone to challenge you, to push you to be your best and be there for you when you stumble.”
Lucy’s breathing grew harder as she held his stare.
“Because the truth is, that’s your love language. You push people to be better, and you want to be pushed the same. I would know. And Chris doesn't do that. I doubt he ever will.”
Tim couldn’t tell if Lucy’s silence was stunned or if she was trying to come up with a response. A rebuttal? A concurrence? A smart-ass remark?
“Goodnight, Tim,” she finally said, turning and walking away one final time.
“Goodnight,” he muttered under his breath, knowing she couldn’t hear.
As he changed into the civvies he would now be stuck in for the rest of the night, he mulled over Lucy’s words. He’d only ever felt safe enough to be himself with Isabel, and as much healing as he’d done since she left, he’d grown to accept that part of him would always feel like he wasn’t good enough for her. So he tried to be what Rachel wanted, only to have her leave too. Now he had Ashley, and reminiscent of his past, he figured they could work out if he could only be enough this time. But now, here was Lucy, telling him that maybe, just maybe, he had always been enough, and he would be enough for the right woman. Something Tim had always known on the surface, but his head knowing something was different from that knowledge getting to his heart. And he realized his head was doing all the heavy lifting in his relationship with Ashley. Hell, his head led with Rachel.
What would a relationship led by his heart even look like at this point?
As he made his way to his truck, his eyes caught on Lucy headed to her car, so he increased his pace to catch up. “Hey,” he greeted from behind.
She turned around, her flowing red skirt swaying with the movement. “Hi!” she said back. “On your way to Beckett?”
“Yup. Highlight of my week.” Lucy cracked a smile. “Where are you headed?”
“Uh, home to get ready. You’ll never believe this, but Chris booked us a reservation at The Lotus for 9.”
Tim bowed his head to chuckle. “Last minute planner.”
“Or he just got lucky.”
“That he did.” He wondered if Lucy could tell he wasn’t talking about the reservation.
She tilted her head back to her car. “Well, I gotta get going. You have a good night, Tim.”
“Yeah, you too.”
He turned to walk away but stopped. The sound of Lucy’s steps grew more and more distant and his mind raced with a sense of urgency the farther she got. “Hey, Chen!” he called after her.
She turned. “Yeah?”
“I’ll cancel mine if you cancel yours?”
He had no right to ask. She had no reason to accept. These were facts he was becoming increasingly aware of as she made her way back to him, an unreadable expression on her face –except for her eyes, which narrowed further the closer she approached.
Just when he was about to pass it off as a bad joke, she reached into her purse and took out her phone. “Give me a minute.”
He hadn’t planned this far ahead. He hadn’t expected Lucy to accept his offer. He had also never broken up with someone over a phone call before. “Hey,” Ashley answered after the third ring.
“Hey, Ash, um…” How do you explain to someone that you’re dumping them to spend Valentine’s day with your sergeant’s aide? “I can’t make it tonight.”
“Oh no !” she groaned. “Is it a work thing? Did something come up?”
Tim turned around to see Lucy with her phone to her ear, pinching her nose bridge in frustration, no doubt having similar difficulty explaining the change in plans. “You could say that.”
Ashley was quiet for a moment. “Am I correct in assuming this isn’t a rain check?”
Finally, the point of the conversation had reared its ugly head. “Afraid so.”
“Gotcha.” She went quiet again. “Can I just ask you one thing?”
“Anything.”
“Does this have anything to do with her?”
No? Yes? Kinda? In his search for a straight answer, it occurred to him that Ashley didn’t even have to say a name. “Yes. It does.”
“Wow. Okay.” She gave an exasperated huff. “You have a good night, Tim.”
“You as well, Ashley. And I’m sorry.”
She hung up on him, which did not hurt as much as he’d feared it might. He turned to see Lucy much closer behind him, having finished her call. “So… did you cancel?” she asked.
“I canceled.”
She bounced on the toes of her ballet flats one time. “If you don’t mind me asking, what exactly did you cancel?”
He took a deep breath before answering, “Everything.”
“Me too.” She had a smile on her face, obviously feeling about as guilty as he did. “So now what?”
“Well, I don’t have a reservation at a fancy restaurant anymore.”
“Me either,” she replied, giggling. “I guess we improvise?”
He felt a smile grow. “I guess we do. Go drop your car off and I’ll pick you up in an hour?”
“Sounds great.” She spun around to speed walk away to her car.
Tim turned and walked to his truck with a new, better sense of urgency. He had no idea what his night had in store or what tomorrow would look like, and for the first time, he loved the feeling. All he knew for sure was that after tonight, he was sure to be Valentine’s Day’s new biggest fan.