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“Oh you motherfucker.”
Staring out at the ruined mess of his backyard, Levi Ackerman-Smith could only accept that he chose this hell and that these were the consequences; that this is what he gets for trying to be romantic.
See, it was common knowledge amongst their friends that his husband loved animals. Levi himself was reminded of this fact every time Erwin steered them toward the dog park during their morning jog, justifying that they weren’t going to stop and that he just wanted to look. ( A complete lie Levi thought to himself while watching his husband crouch down to play with the most recent dog to fall under his spell.)
While Erwin Ackerman-Smith was an animal magnet, Levi was not. Animals kept their distance and Levi kept his, happy to watch from afar and avoid the slobber and hair. He didn’t hate dogs, there was just a mutual apathy between him and the creatures. This fact was the only reason that Erwin hadn’t adopted a dog the second they were settled into their house and out of the cramped apartment they shared before getting married. Hell, if Levi ever so much as brought it up Erwin would waste no time pulling up the local shelter’s website he had bookmarked on his computer. Yet, out of respect for his husband, Erwin had settled for making friends with the dogs that frequented the dog park and stalking the shelter’s instagram page.
Despite all this, Levi hadn’t been planning on getting Erwin a dog. It just…happened. Well, more aptly, Hange happened.
Six months earlier, Hange had called Levi as he was digging around under the sink for the spare box of sponges he knew he left there after his last grocery run. Sitting back on his heels, he hit the accept call button on his phone with his thumb.
“BEAN HAD PUPPIES!!” Hange’s voice screamed through the speaker of Levi’s phone, already positioned away from his ear because he knew his friend well enough to anticipate the immediate shouting. Bean was Hange’s energetic border collie that they rescued a couple years previously and was one of the only dogs that seemed to like Levi and that he could put up with in return. It helped that Hange took to dog training like they did everything else; Bean was the most well-behaved dog Levi had ever met.
“How the fuck did you let that happen?” He retorted, standing up to lean against the kitchen island. “Did you not have her spayed?”
“I thought she was! Or maybe I just forgot. But now I have puppies! A lot of them. Eight!” Hange spoke quickly, even faster than their normal cadence. “I’m keeping two for myself obviously I’m not going to give them all away. I think Reiner and Porco are going to take two of them and Historia wanted three for her and Ymir’s farm. But that leaves one…”
“No Hange,” Levi replied, sensing where this conversation was going. “Bean is the only dog that I would dare say I like, you know this. Even then I don’t let you bring her over unless she was bathed recently. Why would I want a puppy?”
“But it’s Beanie’s puppy! How different can a puppy be anyways? You like Bean, so you will like her puppy! It’s clearly logical. Besides, hasn't Erwin been spending more and more time at the dog park recently? You know as well as I do that man will do anything you ask if you get him a dog. Also you clearly were going to budge sooner or later on this one, you are stupid in love with that man and no tough-guy exterior can hide that. Oh and also…”
“Hange no. Your dog’s puppies, your problem.” Levi sighed, cutting off what was sure to be one of Hange’s long-winded rants. “Why don’t you keep it? You clearly like training dogs.” Levi watched out the kitchen window as a white Audi pulled around the corner of their street, recognizing Erwin’s promotional gift to himself immediately. “Look I’ve got to go – whatever you decide to do, leave me out of it please. I have no desire to get a dog right now, much less a puppy. Final answer.”
Levi hung up the phone, dropping it onto the counter and bringing his hands up to rub at his temples. He could feel a headache forming.