Chapter Text
You were aching all over. You know those mornings when your head hurts, and your bones hurt, but you just can’t get up even though you just know that being upright would fix the pain? Well, this was one of those mornings. You had to get up, though. Today was the day you would choose which military division to join. You had your heart set on the Military Police, eager to get away from the simple streets of Shiganshina and into the fancy life inside Wall Sina. Of course, you knew that you weren’t going to be any help to the people at all, but you were willing to push the guilt into the back of your mind if it meant you could help your family.
Today you were home, visiting your family once before going into the inner walls. Your parents could not be more thrilled. You were the second best in your class, coming only second to Daniel, a broad-shouldered macho man who could move as fast as a horse despite his size. Your mother knew you would be safe inside Wall Sina, and your father hoped you would bring him ‘insider delicacies’, whatever that meant. Your father was big on food. He was good friends with Grisha Jeager, who often visited, but these visits were more for work than pleasure. You had met him the first time when you were twelve, when your older sister got terribly ill. The plague of Shiganshina was spreading, and Analetha was unlucky enough to catch it.
The Scouts had left earlier on a mission, and you were sure it would end in bloodshed yet again. You didn’t understand what good there was to going outside the walls. It just caused more and more people to lose their lives. And as far as you knew, nothing was gained in the past few missions (or any mission, actually) that would aid mankind in their fight against the titans. Yet you could still admire them for persisting all these years, even when the deaths and the guilt seemed to hollow out their souls. As for you, you couldn’t even look at a wound without cringing in disgust. This is why you couldn’t be a doctor, like Jeager.
“Good morning, my dear,” your mother said as you walked down the stairs sleepily.
“Hi, mom.”
“Look! It’s my youngest daughter, finally here to see her parents!” Your dad chuckled and ruffled your hair.
“Dad, I’ve been here since yesterday!” You frowned.
“Yup, and you stayed in your room all day.”
You weren’t about to tell him why.
“Have you greeted Ana yet, hm?” Your mother asked while placing down a plate and some bread and butter.
“Not yet.”
“You should! She’s been well this past week. Make sure you wear a mask, though.”
“Yeah, we don’t want another sick child,” your father joked. Even though the tone was lighthearted, you could see the sadness behind his tired eyes.
“Alright.”
Ana was asleep when you went into her room. It still had the same pink wallpaper and futon plushies exactly where they were five years ago, when your sister became sick. You felt a pressure rising in your throat. You hadn’t stepped in this room since you left for the Training Corps.
“Hi, Ana,” you fidgeted nervously, even though you knew she couldn’t hear you. “I.. it’s been awhile, hasn’t it?” You laughed a little. “I love you so much, you know that. I left to help you.”
You paused.
“I promise. Everything will be okay soon. We’ll have money, and..” You sighed. “We’ll be happy, and safe, and everything you want will be given. Just give it a few weeks, huh?” You stayed at her bedside, sitting on a gargantuan blue plush bear. You found yourself telling her everything about the Training Corps.
“..I met so many great people– who’re now my closest friends. Sam’s always been there for me, even though she is a little reckless. Fionn has always protected me, sometimes he gets in trouble for that. I try and tell him not to, and he agrees then does it again. Do you think I need protecting, Letha? I think Fionn cares a little too much for me. I do appreciate it sometimes, though.. Oh gosh, I have to tell you what Sam and I did once. She snuck another blanket in from the Commandants’ cabin, because it was an especially cold night even though we were supposed to be training to withstand extreme..”
A loud rampage of people running in the direction of Wall Maria caused you to turn around and look outside the window. You rushed downstairs in a panic. What was going on? Your mother and father were peeking out the curtains, afraid it might be a terrorist attack by rebels. Your mother opened the door, trying to get out in hopes of grasping the situation when she gasped and turned white, shutting the door violently.
“Mom! What’s happening?” You asked, holding her by the shoulders.
“I.. I–” She stuttered. “There was a titan– it was so big– I– I could see it over the wall..”
Your eyes widened. A titan? Taller than the wall? But the walls were over 50 meters high. How was that possible?
“Dad, stay with Letha and Mom. I need to–”
Your father held your arm. “No! You can’t. It’s too dangerous.”
“I’ll make sure you guys are safe. I won’t let anything happen, I promise.” A promise. A promise you weren’t sure you could keep, but you were determined too. “Get Letha out of her bed. We need to be able to get out of the house quickly. Expect the worst.”
Your father protested again.
“Please.”
He obeyed.
The titan was colossal. You could see its head peeking above the walls. Either it was really thin and tall or its body was extremely unproportional to its head. You had never seen a titan before, so you were mortified. You were brought back to your senses by a priest shouldering you to the ground. People stepped on you as they rushed to get into the wall, away from the titan. You tried to get up, but an earth-shattering sound stopped everyone in their tracks. You heard crashing and more screaming. Suddenly, you heard a voice shriek “the wall! The wall has been breached! THE WALL HAS BEEN BREACH–” The sudden stop of the man’s voice was followed by a yelp and a crunching sound.
Your heart started beating heavily as you stood up. The crunching sound could only be one thing.. No. You didn’t want to believe it. And you didn’t, until Mrs. Brixby, the sweet flower shop owner, got scooped up by a gigantic hand. She yelled and pleaded as she was lifted up by the creature, and came level with its grotesque face. It was smiling, its jaw reaching the very edges of its earlobes.
Blood splattered on the ground at your feet.
Suddenly the silence was broken and everyone started running again, shrieking in fear. This was the first time in a hundred years that a titan had eaten someone inside the walls. Shiganshina was no longer safe.
The titans poured into the city, eating the garrison soldiers situated near the city gate. Now, more than ever before, they needed the help of the Survey Corps. And as it happens, on this specific day they were off on a mission outside the walls. What a way to be useful. According to what you had learned in training, titans could go years without eating, which meant this slaughter was merely because of their neverending bloodlust.
Your main focus and top priority was to get your family inside Wall Maria as fast as possible. There, they would be loaded onto boats that would take them to the inside, away from Shiganshina. You waded your way through the crowd, the only one going the opposite direction of the flow. You reached your door and saw that your family was sitting terrified underneath the table. Letha was shuddering and your mother and father were scathing her with jackets.
"Letha, come with me! Mom, dad, I need you to follow us. I'll keep Letha safe and--"
"No, my dear. You go gettem, and we'll bring your sister to safety. We've been neglecting our duties as parents for too long," you father said. He started to tear up. "We couldn't even go into her room without being scared. Scared that one of us will be next. Please forgive us."
Your mother turned to Letha, a tear trickling down her cheek. "I'm sorry, my orchid daughter. Please know that we love you."
Letha didn't respond.
You had no idea that your parents would be scared of their own daughter in that way, but you were glad that they recognized their wrongdoings. But now was not the time to be emotional. Now was the time to stay alive.
Letha walked slowly through the crowd, and a drunk guy pushed her over, and she would have fallen off the bridge and into the water if your father didn't catch her.
"Watch it!" He barked angrily. You were following behind your parents after making sure that the route they were taking was optimal. People around you were getting snatched up and eaten, and none of the garrison soldiers stood a chance, for they were out of practice and mostly just cowards. A young boy and a dark-haired girl caught your eye. They were running towards the broken gate, closer to the titans. You went after them because you did want to help people, even though you decided long ago that being part of the Military Police would be better.
"Eren! Where are you going?" The young girl asked.
"My house..! It's over there.." The boy, presumably Eren, was shaking and gasping as he ran.
He caught sight of his house. Or rather, what was left of it. He cried out and you spotted a woman underneath the rubble.
"Mom!" He sobbed. He attempted to lift the bar that was holding her down. "Mikasa! Help me!"
The girl tried and tried but they couldn't. You ran up to them and tried to help.
"Children! You need to get to safety." You said sternly. Even though you were only a few years older than them, you felt a need to protect those who couldn't protect themselves.
"No!" Eren yelled so loudly it surprised you. He was seething, maniacally angry. "I'm not leaving my mother!"
You admired his bravery but this was just being stupid.
“Look, kid. I’m trying to protect you,” you said as you struggled to lift the bar. “You can’t do anything for your mother now. Go!”
Mikasa tugged on Eren’s sleeve but he wouldn’t budge. This guy.. You spotted a ten foot titan approaching the house. Blood rushed to your head. “Get away from here!” You yelled, as a last ditch attempt to get them to go by their own accord. You would have to fight the titan if they didn’t leave now. And you weren’t sure you could do that.
“Run.” You realized it was Eren’s mother speaking.
“I..”
“Take them and run.. please..” She choked.
“But your legs, ma’am, I can’t let you die here.”
“Please, leave me.”
With no other choice, you gulped and nodded. You turned to the two children and stood up. You grabbed them by their arms and began pulling them away.
“Hey– wait– my mom!” Eren protested.
“I’m sorry,” you said as tears started to stream down your face. “I can’t save her.”
“You can!” Eren yelled. “You’re a soldier, aren’t you? I saw you with the Scouts earlier! Save her!” He struggled against your grip. “Save her, because that’s your job! Don’t you save people?”
His words hit you hard. But you couldn’t save her. She asked you for this, it was the very least you could do. “I’m sorry!” You picked up the pace and lifted Eren over your shoulder. He was heavy, but you’ve lifted entire tree trunks before. You started full-on sprinting, and you were glad the young girl could keep up.
You heard Eren screaming into your ear, sobbing as the unspeakable happened. He hit your back and clawed at your hair, begging for you to drop him. His mother was lifted up and mercilessly murdered by the titan who you were too scared to fight. The crunch was too much for you to bear. For the third time, you said, “I’m sorry,” and you meant it. You were crying as you ran.
“Let me go, you monster!” Eren screamed, and you did just that. You threw him to the ground.
“Who's the monster here?” You asked him. “Tell me!”
“I could’ve saved her if it weren’t for you!”
“No, you couldn’t! Even I couldn’t! For that I’m sorry, but I’m not sorry that I kept you safe!”
“Safe, my ass.” He hissed. “You can’t even fight titans, what kind of soldier do you call yourself?” He had a hollow look in his eyes. A crazed, hollow look. Like he wanted to rip apart every inch of your body. This caused chills to rise up your spine.
There was the sound of screaming ringing in your ear, and it went on until you realized it wasn’t just you hearing it.
“Lady..” Mikasa tapped your back. She was staring at something. It was a man being held in a titan’s hand. The man looked weirdly like your father. Your heart stopped.
It was your father.
“Dad!” You screamed. He looked your way and called your name. “Your mother–” He got cut off by his neck being snapped by the titan’s jaws. You realized this was the same titan who had killed Eren’s mother. Your heart hurt, so so much. Where were Letha and your mother? If they were eaten too– no. That couldn’t be possible. You needed to find them.
Eren and Mikasa were watching you as you told them to follow you into the crowd. You tried to spot Letha and your mother, but you couldn’t find them. The what if? questions started to rise up your throat again. The feeling of dread was pushing against your chest, making it hard to breathe. You held the children close, making sure they didn’t stray. It was very easy to be trampled in the surge of people rushing to the boats. Suddenly, you saw them to your right. You almost cried out in relief.
“Mother! Letha!” You said, as you started to head in their direction. They were frozen in place, looking at something. Your eyes slowly traveled up and were met with the sight of a six-foot titan crouching over the crowd, your mother and sister near the front. It seemed fear wouldn’t leave you alone.
“Children, I need you to get to the boats. They’ll be full soon, do whatever it takes to get on one,” you instructed Eren and Mikasa.
They nodded.
“Mikasa, protect Eren,” you added as he rushed off on his own. She left after him. You hoped they were safe, but you needed to worry about the situation at hand, which was Letha shrieking in fear, attracting the attention of the titan.
“No!” You sprinted to their side and shielded them with your arms. “Mom, run to the boats.”
“Where’s your father–” your mother started to say, but you couldn’t hear more as you were scooped up by the titan. Your head was engulfed in titan flesh, which smelled horrible. It lifted you up to its jaw, and opened its hand. You could hear Letha still screaming. You silently begged her to stop. You discreetly unsheathed a small dagger Sam had given to you as a gift. It was strong enough to cleave meat, but visibly smaller than the swords used by the soldiers. Your last sight of your mother was tears streaming down her face as she held Letha to her chest.
Leave, you willed them to do.
As you were falling through the jaws of the titan, you used the dagger to cut open its jaw. You slid down further, but at least it couldn’t close its mouth. You used the dagger to cut open the back of its throat, and emerged through that. You cut open its nape, successfully killing your first titan ever. Your energy was spent after that, and you collapsed onto its body. Everything was sore from your bones being almost crushed by the titan’s hand, infinitely times more sore than this morning. Your body was drenched in blood, smoke rising from your skin. It was disgusting. You were pretty sure that you threw up more than once afterwards. You wished with all your might that your mother, Letha, and the two reckless kids were safe. That’s what mattered. That you had saved them.
You blacked out, not caring if you lived or not.