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It is far after midnight when Jisung comes home.
His room is only illuminated by a small reading lamp; Minho has long stopped reading, though. He rests on Jisung’s bed, eyes closed, the book snapped shut on his stomach.
Smiling, Jisung lifts it up and gently drops it on the bedside table.
Jisung climbs into his bed, careful not to disturb his best friend too much. Still, Minho’s eyes open slightly.
“Were you waiting for me?”, Jisung asks, softly teasing.
“Your bed is more comfortable.”, Minho mumbles. His arm is splayed out on the pillow next to Jisung’s head, and Jisung lifts his hand to join their fingers together.
“Were you successful?”, Minho asks.
“I don’t wanna talk about it.” Jisung groans. He had spent most of the day staring at blank paper.
“Why are you trying to write a love song anyways?”, Minho sighs, his eyes closing again. “It’s not your style.”
“Chan told me to!”, Jisung exclaims. “Also, it’s very much my style. I’m romantic.”
“You’re never serious about love, though."
It stings a bit. Although Jisung has never had any long-lasting relationship, it’s not like he didn’t try. It’s not his fault that it never works out.
He glares at Minho a bit before responding.
“Love isn’t only about seriousness. Love is supposed to be fun.”
“I guess,” Minho’s eyes are still closed, and he stretches, sleepy, “for some people it is fun.”
“Well, I can write a song about something fun.”
“Do it tomorrow, then.”, Minho replies. “Now sleep.”
Jisung hasn’t properly slept in what feels like weeks. He blames it on Chan and Changbin; they tend to stay in the studio up to ungodly hours.
“Your room is only a door away, you know.” Jisung states as he reaches across Minho to put out the light.
“I’m tired.” Minho grumbles. It’s a weak excuse, but Jisung wasn’t going to kick him out anyways.
“I wrote lyrics earlier.”, he tells Minho. He only wrote some stupid metaphors; but he does not want to sleep just yet.
Minho softly squeezes Jisung’s hand, indicating that he is listening. For some reason, Jisung’s heartbeat is quickening.
“It’s about a fisherman who, one day, tries to catch a fish.”, Jisung narrates. “But the fish is bigger than he thought, and the fisherman gets dragged along, to the bottom of the ocean. That’s when the fisherman realizes he does not know how to swim up again. So, he just stays there forever, drowning.”
“Why can’t he swim up?”, Minho asks, after a while.
Jisung shrugs. “He does not know how.”
“That’s very dumb of him.”, Minho whispers.
“You wouldn’t know either.”, Jisung lets out a yawn. “You can’t swim.”
“He’s a fisherman...”
“But you need to swim too!”, Jisung tells him. “What if a fish drags you away?”
Minho thinks for a bit. “I guess I’m just going to drown then.”
“You don’t have to drown.” Jisung contradicts. “I could teach you.”
“You can’t.”, Minho exhales softly. “You’re a fish.”
It makes Jisung wonder if perhaps, Minho has understood his story a way he hadn’t anticipated. But his brain is heavy with sleep, and it is weary to wonder.
When they arrive at Hyunjin’s birthday party, it is already getting late.
“I knew I shouldn’t have let him celebrate here.”, Changbin groans, watching the mess that has spread through his house. He is the only one of them who doesn’t live in a small apartment, so he regularly sacrifices his house for bigger occasions.
“They are playing 3Racha!”, Chan exclaims as they enter the house, passing half of the dance team and a bunch of people Jisung has never seen in his entire life.
“Felix saw you arriving through the window.”, Hyunjin appears before them, smiling widely. “I put him in charge of the music today.”
Then his eyes flit down on them, taking in Chans plain jeans and Jisung’s sweatpants.
“You came in your studio clothes?”, he exclaims, incredulous. “I’m very disappointed in you.”
Sure enough, they must look underdressed next to Hyunjin in his white silk shirt and glittering make-up.
Jisung grins at him.
“Wouldn’t want to overshine you.”
“You’ll never be able to, Han.”
Jisung shrugs and sticks his hands into the pockets of his sweatpants.
He spots Minho approaching them through the crowd.
He looks pretty, Jisung muses. High cheekbones and sparkling eyes, wearing a loose shirt tucked into his jeans. It makes Jisung’s head spin a bit, even though he hasn’t had a drink yet.
“Jisung!”, Minho exclaims. A light pink is dusting his cheeks, and he smiles widely.
“Sorry I’m late.”, Jisung tells him.
Hyunjin huffs.
“It’s my birthday, yet you didn’t bother apologizing to me.”
Jisung dramatically turns to Hyunjin.
“Hwang Hyunjin, I am very sorry that you missed out on my wonderful presence for the last two hours. Next time I’ll be here extra early to annoy you.”
Minho giggles at that, and Jisung suddenly feels more inspired to write a love song than he has all week. He shivers; whatever feelings are building up in his chest, he needs to get rid of them, fast.
“I told you the pool is off limits!”, Changbin exclaims, worried look directed to the garden.
“You didn’t!” Hyunjin objects. “Also, the pool was open on Felix’ birthday!”
“Felix is cuter than you.”, Changbin retorts. “Plus, I regretted it. What if someone drowns? It’ll be my responsibility! I don’t want people drowning in my pool!”
“Nobody will be drowning.”, Hyunjin assures.
Jisung shoots the pool a few looks before wiggling his eyebrows at Minho.
“I could teach you.”
“Now?” Minho raises an eyebrow at him.
Jisung nods excitedly.
“Bad idea.”
“I don’t have bad ideas.”
“I don’t want my lessons interrupted by random people jumping on our heads.”
Jisung thinks for a second.
“Valid.”
Changbin has dashed off to the pool, followed by Hyunjin. Minho watches them, amused, before moving Jisung towards a quieter corner. He lowers his voice a bit, not needing to shout anymore.
“So, how is the love song going?”
“I gave up.”
“That’s a healthy mindset.”, Minho agrees. “You can simply continue writing about how cool you are.”
“Hey!”, exclaims Jisung. “I wrote one song about my coolness.”
Minho scoffs.
“Stop being judgy!”
“I’m not.” Minho send him a fond smile. Jisung sighs, defeated.
“Come on, darling.”, he says. “Let’s go greet Felix.”
Later this evening, Jisung finds himself flirting with Eric from the dance team. It is not an uncommon occurrence; they even went on a date, once, but it went horribly. Jisung blames his stupid mind for it. His stupid, stupid mind, that seems to wander to Minho at the most inconvenient moments.
He can’t help it; everyone just seems awfully dull compared to Minho. Nobody’s laugh makes him this happy, nobody’s eyes shine the same. Maybe Jisung should write a song about Minho’s eyes. That could turn out romantic.
Where even is Minho? At some point of the evening, Jisung had lost him in the crowd, and so, he excuses himself to go find his best friend.
He bumps into Hyunjin instead.
“Have you seen my other half?”, he asks, eyes scanning the room.
“Minho left.” Hyunjin informs him.
“Already?” They were supposed to go home together.
Hyunjin nods. “Felix is driving him.”
“Felix?”
“Yes. I think they were going to watch a movie or something.”
“A movie?”
“Stop repeating what I’m saying.”
Jisung frowns. If Minho would have preferred to stay at home and watch a movie, he could have told him.
“Why are you looking for him anyways? Weren’t you flirting with Eric?”
Yeah, but Minho’s sparkling eyes ruined it.
Jisung decides that he needs to come up with a plan. He absolutely cannot continue thinking about his best friend like this.
So, he grins at Hyunjin.
“I did. But I couldn’t take my mind of you, baby. You look especially dazzling today.”
Hyunjin laughs. Jisung takes his chance.
“Wanna go out someday?”
“As, in a date?”, Hyunjin inquires.
Jisung shrugs.
“If you want to.”
“Oh, hell no.”, Hyunjin laughs. “Stop being weird.”
Jisung is only hurt a little.
“Am I not charming enough for you?”
“You’re annoying, Han.”
“Annoying but handsome?” Jisung winks. Maybe Minho is right. Maybe he is not serious enough about love.
“I have no energy for your dumbness.”, Hyunjin replies.
The sun is shining brightly, and the terrasse of the little cafe is full of life. Jisung is currently mourning the piece of his cheesecake that dropped to the floor.
“You can have some of mine.” Felix gestures to the brownie that he ordered. It’s not cheesecake, but Jisung will take what he can get.
They have made a habit of meeting here on Tuesdays; normally, they are joined by their friends, but today they are left alone.
“I can’t believe Changbin is ditching me for his new song.”, Felix states.
“How did you even fall for him?”, Jisung asks him.
Felix shrugs. “Why do you want to know?”
“I am researching for a love song.”, Jisung tells him, and props his elbows on the table. “Chan wants me to write one.”
“Why?”
“He says my lyrics are always either depressing or egocentric.”
Felix laughs. “I’m just the type to find the perfect guy and then stick with him, I guess.”
“And Changbin?”
“He thinks I’m cute.” Felix grins.
“Is he romantic?”
“He can be.”, Felix laughs. “He once spends hours picking the right restaurant for our date!”
A pigeon is picking up the fallen bit of Jisung’s cheesecake.
“At least it is not going to waste”, Jisung comments, as they continue speculating about their friend’s love life. Jisung is fairly sure none of them is going to be the subject of his song; but it’s funny.
“I don’t think Minho ever fell in love.”, Jisung remarks.
“Why?”, Felix asks.
“Well, he would have told me, of course!”
Felix pauses, contemplating.
“Minho isn’t the type to express something like that easily.”
“But he would tell me.”
Felix hesitates.
“I don’t think he would, actually.”
Jisung frowns. He does not agree with Felix; but he is not sure if he wants to think about Minho in love. It seems like a double-edged sword, and he prefers avoiding things that might hurt him.
On Friday evening, Jisung decides it is time to fulfill his promise to Minho. So, he drags him to a small gathering at Changbin’s. The warm summer sun is making the air shimmer, and Jisung is thankful for the cool drinks they are greeted with.
The living room is loud and cozy. Jisung recognizes Sunhee, Yeji, and some other girls from Hyunjin and Minho’s dance team. Jeongin and Felix are laughing about something in the corner.
“We’re just passing by.”, he tells them, while dragging Minho to the wide glass door that gives access to the garden. “We need to make use of Changbin’s pool.”
The light outside is already dimming, and the pool water is clear and still. Jisung lets out a delighted laugh.
“What are you so happy about?”, Minho asks, and Jisung can see the reluctance on his face.
Jisung grins at him. “Are you scared? You are! You should stop hanging out with cats that much.”
“I’m not scared.”, Minho answers. “And I would choose a cat over you any day.”
Jisung can’t blame him. Sometimes, Jisung would come over to Minho’s family home during the holidays and watch him cuddle his cats. It’s an adorable sight.
Jisung sits down next to the pool and lets his feet dangle into the fresh water.
“I have to finish my drink first.” He gestures with the glass Felix gave him.
Minho settles down next to him.
“Hyunjin rejected me.”, Jisung tells him.
Minho looks at him, baffled.
“You asked Hyunjin out?”, his voice comes out soft, a mixture of disappointment and ...despair?
He has a point, though. Jisung is despairing, too. Hence his proposal to Hyunjin.
He downs the rest of his drink.
“Don’t pity me.”, he tries to joke, lightly. “I’m not that far out of his league...”
“Give me your phone.”
“What? Why?”
Minho just holds out his hand, and Jisung reaches into the pockets of his shorts, confused. He observes how Minho puts both of their phones aside, and opens his mouth to ask.
The words are cut off by the loud shriek he lets out when Minho pushes him into the water.
Spluttering, he looks up to Minho’s satisfied face.
“Bold move,”, Jisung dramatically states. “Considering you are at disadvantage here.”
“You wouldn’t dare.” Minho replies. “You don’t want me to die.”
Thus, Jisung dares. He grabs Minho by his legs and pulls him into the water. Minho yelps, and Jisung can see him starting to panic, so he quickly holds him up by the waist. Minho weakly splashes before he urgently grabs on to Jisung’s shoulder.
“You’re mean.”, he breathes out. Holding both of them up in the water is taking up more legwork than Jisung has anticipated, so he reaches for the edge of the pool to steady them, his other hand still around Minho.
“You got my clothes wet.”, Jisung replies. It’s not like he cares. Even though the evening brings a cool breeze, the air is still heated up by the summer sun.
“Oh, you wanted to strip?” Minho lets his gaze fall down to where Jisung’s shirt clings to his chest, wandering to where his arm dips into the water to hold Minho up.
Jisung feels himself getting flustered.
He covers it up with a theatrical sigh. “Are you regretting your actions now? I knew you only liked me for my body-”
Minho detaches an arm from him in favour of hitting his shoulder.
“I could still take off my clothes...”, Jisung continues, but Minho interrupts him.
“Hurry up and teach me.”
“Okay, okay you impatient baby.”
Minho glares at him.
“Let’s start with the legs.”, Jisung appeases. “I’ll hold your hands and you just move your legs up and down, yeah?”
It doesn’t work as well as Jisung imagined. Minho’s hands practically cling to his, and he is struggling to hold himself up.
“You look like a drowning cat.”, Jisung states, serious.
“I changed my mind.”, Minho replies, gloomy. “I don’t want to learn anymore.”
During the next few minutes, Jisung is despairing. He never taught anyone how to swim and did not bother looking it up. He rather thought of it as an intuitive thing; something Minho would just naturally pick up.
“Maybe some people are not meant to swim,” he sighs, defeated.
Minho is clinging to him again; Jisung feels a bit lightheaded from it.
Don’t be ridiculous, he reprimands himself. You cuddle with him every day.
The thought doesn’t make his heartbeat slow down, though.
“Maybe you’re just a really bad teacher.” Minho tells him.
His words snap Jisung out of his thoughts.
“You simply lack motivation to learn!”, he protests. “Swimming is not that hard, you know.”
Minho raises his eyebrows. “That was a quick change of mind.”
“Let’s try again.”, Jisung presses.
He carefully lets go of Minho.
Minho flaps around unsuccessfully before Jisung is there to hold him up again. Minho’s arms close around him tightly.
“Maybe I do lack motivation.”, Minho mutters into his shoulder. “I don’t even want to swim that badly.”
Jisung maneuvers them to the edge of the pool, until Minho is safely caged between the poolside and Jisung.
“You have to, in order not to drown.”, he softly replies.
“I wouldn’t drown if you just would carry me.”
Jisung opens his mouth, not sure what to reply, when a loud noise interrupts them.
The door is opening, and Jeongin and Sunhee step outside. Jisung thinks about drifting away from Minho, conscious of their close proximity; but it’s ridiculous. There is nothing odd with him and Minho being cuddly.
“Are you making progress?”, Jeongin asks.
“A little.”, Jisung responds, at the same time Minho says “No.”
“He’s a bad teacher.”, Minho adds, and Jisung scoffs, offended.
“Maybe you’re just a bad student.”, Jeongin replies. Jisung grins at Minho.
“See, I’m a perfect teacher. I’m absolutely magnificent...”
It is not long until they decide to get out of the pool. Chan has joined Jeongin and Sunhee on the terrace, and they are hanging out not far from the pool, to get some fresh air, apparently.
Changbin is charitably providing Jisung and Minho with towels.
“Next time, bring your own.”, he scolds them.
The air outside of the pool is colder than Jisung had expected. While Minho covers himself in towels, Jisung shamelessly peels his wet shirt off to dry himself.
“Nobody wants to see you naked.”, Jeongin calls out, but Jisung can see Sunhee eying him. He sends a wink in her direction.
“I’m going inside.”, Minho tells him, and gets up. It’s a good idea, Jisung muses. It is warmer inside.
“I’ll join in a second, darling.” He continues drying his hair.
“You’re Jisung, right?”
Jisung needs a second to fully realize Sunhee is talking to him. He has no idea why; surely, him aggressively rubbing his hair with a towel isn’t an attracting sight.
“So, are you two a thing?”, she asks, gesturing between Jisung and Minho’s disappearing figure. Jisung lets his towel drop.
“A thing?” He can feel the heat creeping up his neck.
“Like, a romantic thing.”, Sunhee clarifies.
“What? No!” Jisung splutters. “Nothing romantic going on here. Just besties, bros, totally platonic soulmates.”
“Well, that’s good then.”, Sunhee answers, and send him a smile. “I’ll have to leave soon. But maybe we could exchange numbers?”
Jisung numbly nods.
“I think she likes your muscles.”, Jeongin tells him after she is gone.
“Oh, shut up.”, Jisung retorts, still red.
Later that evening, he is sprawled out in his bed when the door opens. Minho never knocks; he just comes in, eyes half closed, ruffled hair, and crawls into Jisung’s bed.
“Swimming is exhausting.”
Jisung laughs softly. “Sleepy?”
Minho nods.
“Come here, baby.”
Minho snuggles up to Jisung. He pats Minho’s head fondly, before going back to watching the animal documentary on his phone.
It is not until his mind gets foggy with fatigue that he closes the video. His arms are getting heavy, and his phone nearly drops out of his hand. He flinches, and Minho makes a whiny noise against his chest.
Jisung holds his breath, puts the phone away. His heart is beating fast; he doesn’t want to wake Minho up. But the older doesn’t stir; his arm is still thrown over Jisung, his breathing regular. Jisung watches him, and suddenly, the air feels heavier than before.
They lay in perfect silence, but Jisung’s heart can’t seem to calm down. He thinks that maybe, he is just like the fisherman; he misjudged the size of his fish, and now he is sinking. And maybe, Minho is not the only one who never learned how to swim.
-
The school were Seungmin teaches at is painted in lively colors that stand out against the clouded sky.
Jisung has his guitar slung across his back, and a smile on his lips. He likes playing for the kids, and Seungmin’s voice creates wonderful harmonies with his.
“I’m happy I’m not teaching music.”, he grins at Seungmin. “Seems awfully exhausting.”
“At least I make enough money to live in my own apartment.”, Seungmin retorts jokingly.
Jisung shrugs. “I like living with Minho.”
“I wouldn’t stand living with either of you.”
“You and Minho were roommates in college!”, Jisung exclaims.
“Yeah. He was very mean to me.”
Jisung laughs and kicks a stone with the tip of his sneakers.
“One day, 3Racha is gonna be famous and rich, and I’m still going to live with Minho.”
“Do you also have wedding plans?”, Seungmin asks, serious.
Jisung feels his face heating up.
“Actually, don’t answer that.”, Seungmin shakes his head. “I don’t want to know.”
Jisung kicks another stone.
They say their goodbyes at the bus station. It is noon; around this time, Minho is usually hanging out at the dance studio. So, Jisung decides to take a small detour; maybe they can walk home together.
The hall is mostly empty, and Jisung can hear music and faint voices through the doors. The room Minho’s team normally practices in seems silent, though.
It makes sense, Jisung thinks. There is no practice on Thursdays. It’s most likely only Minho and Hyunjin, going through some of the new steps...
“You could try”, Jisung hears Minho’s voice. He is about to enter when he hears Hyunjin’s incredulous answer:
“Are you telling me to date Jisung?”
Jisung halts.
“Why not? You’re friends. And you got that whole chemistry going on with hating each other-” There is a certain bitterness to Minho’s voice.
“You want us to date because we hate each other?”
Minho lets out a quick laugh. “That’s not what I meant.”
“He will get over it.”, Hyunjin states.
“I know.”
“He doesn’t even like me like that.”
“Maybe.”
Silence. Jisung hears someone shuffling around, presumably Hyunjin.
“I’m not interested in him, you know.”, Hyunjin finally says. “And I’m not ...blind.”
More silence. Jisung can only make out the noise of shoes squeaking against the floor. Someone turns up the music again.
Why did Jisung come here in first place? He doesn’t even know. He makes his way back, walks down the hall of the dance studio until he’s out on the cloudy street again.
A few raindrops are making him blink. Hyunjin’s words are repeating in his head. I’m not blind.
Jisung is wondering. Scenes are replaying in his head; Hyunjin rejecting him, Minho throwing Jisung in the pool after knowing he asked Hyunjin out.
Felix voice is ringing in his ears. He is not the type to express something like that easily.
His sight is getting foggy with rain, but in his mind, everything is clearing up.
Minho... Minho must be in love with Hyunjin.
It shouldn’t bother him.
The rain has stopped, and bright light is pouring in from his window; Jisung’s mood is dark, though. He shouldn’t let his tiny crush come in the way of their friendship. It shouldn’t bother him.
But it does.
He should be a good friend. But what can he even do? Try helping Minho to get with Hyunjin? He doesn’t want to; he wants Minho to fall for him, instead.
If Minho falls for him, he wouldn’t be heartbroken over Hyunjin, Jisung thinks, sullen.
That would make him a great friend, right?
Jisung groans. He hates everything. He wants to be special to Minho. He hates Hyunjin. His crush might not be that tiny after all.
He lifts up the forgotten notebook from his desk. Soon enough, the words are spilling onto the paper.
“That’s your love song?!”
Jisung nods, affirmative. “Yeah. See?”, he scrolls back to the refrain. “’I loved you.’ It’s about love.”
Changbin demonstratively rewinds the song. The first verse starts to play. Jisung avoids his eyes while the soft melody carries through the room.
After repeating to freeze and melt
My heart has lost its warmth
Changbin aggressively hits the pause button.
Chan nods appreciatively.
“Not what I was looking for, but it is a good song.”
“It’s not even about love anymore.”, Changbin objects. “And why is it called Winter Falls? It’s August!””
Jisung shrugs. “We’ll just release it in winter.”
“We could put it on a Christmas album.”, Chan enthusiastically adds.
Changbin snorts. “Yeah right. Let’s make everyone depressed for Christmas.”
“You write a love song then.”, Jisung retorts. “You’re in a happy relationship.”
Chan has started to play the song again, listening attentively while the lyrics softly float over the sound of their arguing voices.
It feels like I woke up from a long dream
The snow is falling and time is drifting away...
Jisung stays home for the next few days. It has nothing to do with Minho liking Hyunjin, really. He just doesn’t want to leave his room, sometimes.
He writes lyrics, watches random documentaries on YouTube. He sleeps. He eats and then watches Howls Moving Castle for the tenth time. He writes more lyrics.
At some point, Minho joins him. They watch a horror movie together, and Minho cooks dinner.
“I’m lucky to have you.”, he tells Minho. Jisung knows him well enough to see the effort he makes.
Minho shrugs, but Jisung can see his ears turning red.
“Want to come to Changbin’s tomorrow?”, Minho asks.
Jisung shakes his head. “People are scary.”
“I’m gonna tell Changbin you called him scary.”
Jisung cannot help the laugh that bubbles up in his throat.
“Ahhh, don’t.”, he whines. “He’s gonna sulk for weeks.”
“He’s going to sulk if you don’t come.” Jisung clears the empty plates from his bed before sitting down again and stretching his legs.
Minho looks at him, pensive. He opens his mouth, closes it again.
It already is late, and Jisung can feel a comfortable atmosphere setting in.
“What do you want to do?”, he asks, but Minho doesn’t acknowledge it. Instead, his hands play with one of Jisung’s pillows, expression neutral.
“Sunhee asked about you.”, he says, carefully.
“Oh?”
“I thought, maybe you would like to go out with her? She asked if you’re free during the weekend.”
“Why didn’t she ask me?”, Jisung frowns.
“She did. You did not see, apparently."
Jisung vaguely recalls receiving text on his phone. He didn’t open any of them, though. He wasn’t feeling like it.
“She seemed to be nice enough.”, Minho adds quietly.
Jisung sighs.
“I’ll think about it.”
Minho lets go of the pillow.
“It’ll cheer you up. Get you out of your room.”
Dating won’t cheer him up, Jisung thinks. It always ends in misery.
“You cheer me up.”, he answers, instead, and sends a grin in Minho’s direction.
Something fond crosses Minho’s eyes.
“I’m serious. You always do.” Jisung feels his neck heating up under Minho’s gaze. “Stop looking at me like that!”
Minho laughs. “What are you so shy for?”
Jisung pouts and throws a pillow at him.
After that, they settle into comfortable silence. Jisung shows Minho videos on his phone, and they start talking about random things.
“If you liked someone...”, Jisung starts. “like, romantically... would you tell me?”
Minho looks at him, mildly surprised.
“Depends on who it is.”, he eventually settles for.
“So maybe you wouldn’t!”, Jisung exclaims, as if having caught Minho during a crime. He thinks of Hyunjin, and tries to suppress the displeasure that washes over him. With a cheeky grin, he shuffles closer to Minho.
“You like someone, don’t you?”
Minho avoids his gaze.
“I knew it.”, Jisung eyes are widening. “You like someone!”
For a second, Minho refuses to meet Jisung’s eyes, mouth tense. Then he sighs and turns to look at Jisung, surprisingly honest.
“Of course I do.”, he breathes out.
“Want me to help you get over him?” Jisung blurts out, and Minho’s eyes widen, confused.
Jisung regrets not thinking before talking.
Minho’s face goes through a multitude of emotions, before settling on understanding.
“Get over who?”, he asks, slowly.
Jisung isn’t sure why Minho wants him to say it.
“Hy... Hyunjin?”, he carefully utters, his heart clenching a little.
Minho lets out a laugh. Jisung can’t exactly place if it is genuine or not.
“Just forget I said anything!” Jisung pouts.
“No, no.”, Minho looks fond. “How would you want to help me, exactly?”
Jisung feels himself panic.
“I have to go now!” He scrambles out of the bed. “I really promised Chan I’ll be at the studio!”
“At midnight?”
“Yeah, you know how we always work late...”
Minho interrupts his rambling:
“I’m not into Hyunjin.”
Jisung freezes, but Minho just shrugs, voice tense. “I have no idea how you came to this absurd conclusion.”
Jisung feels his face grow red. Oh, he really made a fool out of himself, didn’t he?
“Go.” Minho offers him a smile, gestures with his hand. “You wouldn’t want to keep Chan waiting, right?”
Jisung flees.
At least, Minho has successfully gotten him to leave his room again. Jisung lets his head fall down on the keyboard, causing a few dissonant notes to fly through the room.
“Are you okay?”, Chan’s face peeks up from above his laptop. As expected, he was still working when Jisung arrived at the studio at one o’clock, panicked and embarrassed.
“I’m fine.”, Jisung lifelessly replies.
“We can suffer together, if you want.”, Chan proposes.
“No, no, it’s okay.”
Jisung takes out his phone and scrolls through his unopened messages. Sunhee has indeed texted him multiple times.
Jisung types a quick ‘See you on Saturday?’, before putting his phone away again.
They don’t talk about the situation anymore. Not when Jisung comes home, nor when they meet at Changbin’s. Jisung is glad. He wants to bury the memory somewhere in a dark corner of his brain and never let it out again...
Jisung is listening to ‘Because I like you’ for the tenth time when Minho enters their apartment.
“I’ll never be able to beat Changbin.”
“What’s the matter?”, Minho plops down on the couch next to him. “Is that Felix singing?”
Jisung nods. “I told him to write that love song Chan wanted. And look! It’s so sweet. He even got his boyfriend to sing on it.”
Minho listens a few beats.
“It’s romantic.” Then he adds, in an afterthought: “I don’t like it.”
That pulls a laugh out of Jisung.
“You don’t? Well, maybe I shouldn’t write a love song after all...”
Minho raises an eyebrow at him.
“He still beat me.” Jisung lets out a frustrated noise. “Damn you, Changbin.”
Minho shrugs. “It’s not a competition anyways.”
“But it’s always like this! Remember Streetlight? I wrote dozens of sad songs. Changbin writes one and makes me cry.”
“You’re underestimating yourself.”
“But I want to make people cry.”
“Sounds kinda evil.”, Minho replies. “Also, I’m pretty sure you made Hyunjin cry with Alien.”
“It’s not difficult to make Hyunjin cry.”
“It’s not that difficult to make you cry either.”
“That’s not true!”
“Remember when you and Hyunjin were arguing about food...”
“He cried too!”
“And when we watched this movie yesterday...”
Jisung surges forward and plants a hand on Minho’s mouth to muffle his words. He laughs at Minho’s scandalized expression.
“You only live today, Han Jisung.”, Minho tells him once the hand is removed.
Jisung reaches for the TV control.
“I’m going to write hundreds of love songs.”, he decides. “And Changbin will love them all.”
“He already loves your songs.”, Minho replies while Jisung browses through the different channels. “No need to battle. You two just have different styles.”
“Really?” Jisung asks, curious. “Tell me about it.”
Minho thinks for a bit, then smiles.
“Changbin’s songs are very down to earth, I think. Yours feel more... dreamy.”
His dates with Sunhee are working out better then expected. They are already meeting up for the third time, and Jisung actually enjoys her company a lot.
He is splayed out on their couch, telling Minho as much, when the doorbell rings.
“Welcome to our kitchen!”, he announces as Changbin and Felix enter. Minho has promised to cook for them today.
“My kitchen.”, Minho corrects. “Jisung barely sets a foot in here.”
“That’s not true, darling.”, Jisung objects. “I use the fridge frequently.”
Minho rolls his eyes, but Jisung can see him smile.
“So, who’s coming with me to buy the ingredients?”, Minho asks.
Jisung sinks back to the couch. “Not me.”
They end up playing rock paper scissors. Changbin looses, as always.
“I am cursed.” Changbin sits down on the couch. “This game is traumatizing me.”
“Get up Changbin. You’re my partner.”, Minho grabs his arm.
Changbin sluggishly gets up and wiggles his eyebrows at Minho. “Can I call you darling, then?”
“I don’t like that.”, Minho huffs, and Jisung can see the tips of his ears going red. “I already have a darling.”
“That’s me.” Jisung helpfully provides from across the room.
A few hours later, they are cleaning the empty plates from the table.
“Hey, Binnie, I’ll be late to the studio tomorrow.”, Jisung casually mentions. “I’ll meet Sunhee in the afternoon.”
“All fine.”, Changbin responds. “I’m happy it is working out for you.”
“Yes, finally.” To be honest, it might be the first time he is actually trying. “I was thinking about asking her to be official.”
“Aww, our little Jisungie is getting a girlfriend!”, Changbin teases.
“Shut up.”
Jisung’s eyes flit to Minho, who does not seem to acknowledge the conversation until Felix nudges him.
“Wanna see Hyunjin’s new drawing?”
Minho doesn’t, but Felix shows it to him anyways.
“Tell him mine are better.”, Minho comments.
“He will see through your shameless lies.”, Jisung comments, and pouts when Minho ignores him in favor of scrolling through Felix’ phone.
Changbin is standing up.
“I’m afraid we’ll have to go.”
“Already?”, Jisung complains.
“Don’t be sad. We’ll see you on Friday.”
“Actually, you won’t.”, Jisung sheepishly tells them. “I have a date.”
“This is betrayal.”
Jisung looks at the scene before him, disbelieving.
The boys innocently stare back at him from the pool.
Felix is perched atop an inflatable unicorn, and Minho is currently swimming. Well, not really swimming. Changbin is still holding him by his hands. But he is moving forward, his feet paddling cutely.
“I can’t believe what I’m seeing.”, Jisung voices. Minho and Changbin come to halt at the border of the pool.
“Well, I can’t always depend on you.”, Minho flatly states.
“I said I was going to teach you.”
Minho is getting out of the pool now, reaching for one of Changbin’s towels.
“You obviously have better thing to do.”
“Huh?” Jisung is startled by the sharp tone of his voice. Changbin has joined Felix on the other side of the pool, but Jisung can see them subtly glancing in their direction.
“Weren’t you supposed to be on a date with Sunhee?”, Minho asks, water dripping down from the tips of his hair.
“Well... no, not today. Why does that even matter?”
“Forget it.”, Minho sighs, and Jisung sends him an irritated look.
“What are you angry about?”
Minho hesitates.
“Swimming is upsetting.”, he eventually answers, but something about his gaze screams that this is not about swimming at all.
“Why would you even mention Sunhee?”, Jisung asks.
He knows that Minho is probably upset about how little time they spent together lately; but Jisung can’t help but feeling that Minho’s behavior is horribly unfair, and that after so many failed attempts at dating, he should be happy for Jisung.
“I said forget it.”, Minho exhales. Maybe he hates this conversation as much as Jisung does.
Jisung can’t seem to let it go, though.
“You told me to meet up with her in first place!”, he snaps. “Would you rather I did not? Can you not stand me being happy?”
A high flush colors Minho’s cheeks as he takes a few steps back, nearly stumbles.
“I’m leaving.”
“Minho?”
Jisung chases after him as he turns away.
“Minho, look, I...”
“I’m going home.”
Jisung opens his mouth; Minho is faster, though. He knows Jisung’s mind inside out.
“Alone. I’m going to go home alone, Jisung.”
And so, Jisung has no choice but to miserably stay behind.
The next day, they barely talk.
Minho does not seem mad; he greets Jisung in the morning. He makes breakfast for both of them.
But they barely talk.
Jisung does not know how to handle situations like this.
He vaguely remembers the time he had an argument with Chan; they didn’t talk for three days, and when Chan had asked him if he had already eaten something, Jisung had burst out into tears.
“Are we fine?”, he asks Minho.
“Of course.”, Minho answers casually, almost distantly. “I’m sorry for lashing out yesterday.”
“Me too.”
Minho nods curtly.
Later, when the afternoon sun is low, Jisung enters the kitchen, still fumbling with his jacket. Soft pop music is playing, and Minho is talking on the phone. He stops when he sees Jisung entering.
“Have you seen my keys?”, he asks Minho.
“You left them on the table.” Minho tells him from behind the kitchen counter. “Are you going out?”
“Yeah.”, Jisung nods. “Promised Sunhee dinner.”
He goes to retrieve the keys, and Minho resumes his phone call.
“Yes, he’s going out- no it’s fine Lix. We already watched that movie anyways.”
Jisung looks back at Minho. The sun is falling through the window, painting his hair in golden hues.
“No need for a movie tonight.”, Minho tells Felix, without acknowledging Jisung’s presence any further. “I’m sleeping early.”
The evening doesn’t go well, and it’s not Sunhee’s fault.
The restaurant is full, and people are chatting around them. Sunhee is talking and smiling at him, but Jisung’s mind can’t seem to stop wandering to Minho.
It is strange, but also so very familiar. Jisung feels like something is slipping from his hands.
At some point, he can’t stand it anymore. He tells Sunhee.
“Of course. You should go home.”, she nonchalantly says.
“I should?”, Jisung is confused.
“Yes.”, her eyes are cold. “Clearly, he is your priority.”
She takes another bite of her pork. The food really is delicious; Jisung has been thinking about bringing Minho here ever since he tasted it earlier.
“I’m so sorry babe...”
“Don’t. He’s your soulmate, after all.”
She is mocking him, Jisung realizes. She is right though. He is an idiot.
“I’m sorry.”, he tells her. “I tried.”
She sighs. “I know.”
So, he stands up and leaves the restaurant. From the look on Sunhee’s face, this is the end of their relationship. Strangely, Jisung doesn’t care.
He must be crazy, Jisung thinks on his way home. Why can’t he stop his heart from sabotaging him?
He enters their apartment quietly, thinking of Minho’s words about sleeping early.
But he is not, apparently; Jisung spots him sitting on their couch, illuminated by the changing lights of a silent TV.
“Jisung? I thought you wouldn’t be back till later.”
Jisung is about to answer when he notices something off in Minho’s voice.
“Minho?”
Minho doesn’t look at him. Every thought of their argument vanishes from Jisung’s head.
“Darling? Have you been crying?”
Minho just shakes his head.
“Is something wrong?”
“No.”
It only takes Jisung a few steps to reach the couch. He sits down, next to Minho.
“What happened?”
“Go to bed, Jisung.” Minho shakes his head again, but his voice sounds fragile.
Jisung feels something crumble inside of him.
“Is it because of me?”
“No.”, Minho says, more firmly this time. “It’s nothing, really. I was just... Don’t worry.”
Something constricts in Jisung’s chest.
“Come here.”, he whispers, and reaches out. Minho hesitates only a second before melting into his arms, all warm and soft. Jisung pulls him closer.
“I really love you, you know?”, Jisung whispers. “I missed you so much.”
Minho doesn’t answer. It’s not until Jisung feels the wetness of his shirt that he realises Minho is crying again, head pressed up against his shoulder.
“Shh.”, Jisung draws soft circles on Minho’s back. “It’s gonna be alright, I promise.”
He doesn’t even know what he is saying. But he would promise Minho anything.
The weather outside is getting colder; Jisung can see it in the way the trees bend in the wind and the leaves start to color themselves in shades of red and orange.
He can hear Minho enter the apartment, rustling around before heading in his direction.
“I hate Mango.”, Jisung states. Minho stills at the kitchen door. He seems to be a bit surprised; it’s understandable.
“Didn’t expect you here.”, he says. “What has the Mango done to you?”
“I don’t know how to cut it!”
Minho walks towards him, dropping the bag with groceries on the kitchen table.
“Since when do you cut Mango?”
“I don’t!”, Jisung exclaims dramatically. “But I wanted to eat one, and you weren’t there, so...”
Minho lets out a laugh. “It’s not that hard.”
“I have the strong urge to smash it against the floor.”, Jisung tells him.
Minho comes up behind him, small hands closing around Jisung’s. He guides the knife to cut the Mango properly.
“Why would you abuse the poor Mango like that?”
“I don’t know.”, Jisung retorts. “Sometimes I just want to do stupid things.”
“Hmm.”, Minho’s breath is fanning against Jisung’s neck. “Me too.”
Suddenly, Jisung can think of a multitude of other stupid things he wants to do. Like turning around to kiss Minho.
“There you go.”, the fruit is properly cut, and Minho lets go of Jisung’s hand.
Jisung clears his throat.
“Thanks, darling.” He picks up a piece of Mango. His hand is covered in fruit, but he just turns around to wave it in front of Minho’s face. “Want some?”
“Use a fork.”
Jisung rolls his eyes.
“Open your mouth.”
“I’m going to bite off your fingers.”, Minho threatens.
“Open.”, Jisung insists.
Minho seems dissatisfied, but still obliges. Jisung happily drops the piece into Minho’s mouth, before eating some himself.
“3Racha got a job offer.”, he tells Minho, still chewing.
“Oh?”
“Yeah. The title track for a new idol group. It’s a big label, too. If they like it, this could change everything for us.”
And it really could. Jisung knows that they are going to give it everything they’ve got. Minho is smiling at him, and he is so absolutely adorable that Jisung tries to feed him another piece of fruit.
Jisung can’t help but wonder if maybe, something has shifted between them. Everything is softer when he is with Minho. Everything feels safe.
But then again, they have always been like this.
They are overworking themself, and Jisung knows it. But it doesn’t matter with an opportunity this big. It doesn’t matter when they sit back in the studio late at night, song finally done. When they play the track one last time, a tired grin spreading over their faces. It’s three o’clock in the morning, but in the dim light of the studio they feel like gods.
The apartment is quiet, and soft sunlight breaks through the windows. Jisung longs for some kind of rest.
Minho is on his phone, and sends him a worried look when he cuddles close, evidently tired.
“You work too much.”
Jisung buries his head in Minho’s chest and sighs contently when Minho’s hand starts passing through his hair.
“Do you want to eat something?”
Jisung shakes his head.
“Later?”
Jisung nods into Minho’s chest. He can hear Minho’s heart beating against his ear.
“Cute.” Minho sounds tender, fond. “I really love you.”
There has been no shortage of “I love you’s” from Jisung’s side; Minho is more reserved about it, though, and something about the tone of his voice makes Jisung halt.
“Don’t think about it.”, Minho breathes, softly, because he knows Jisung too well.
“You love me?”, Jisung asks.
Minho’s heart is speeding up, fluttering against Jisung’s ear.
“Of course I do.”
Something awakens in Jisung’s memory.
You like someone.
Of course I do.
There is no way... there is no way.
“Minho?”, he asks, delicately. Minho’s hand stops moving.
“Yes?”
Jisung lifts his head from Minho’s chest, watches him intently.
“Can I...” Jisung searches for words. “Can I kiss you?”
Minho’s brows furrow. “Don’t joke around.”
“I’m not.”, Jisung murmurs. In an afterthought he adds: “Unless you want me to be.”
Minho’s breath is uneven against his. Only when he breaks away, Jisung notices Minho is shaking.
“You’re being unfair.”, Minho whispers. He stands up, turns around, and then back to Jisung.
“You can’t just go around wanting to kiss me. I’m not some guy you kiss once at a party, I’m not one of your random flirts...”
“What if it is not only once?”, Jisung challenges. “What if I had wanted to kiss you since forever, not thinking I would ever get the chance to...”
He falls silent.
“Oh”, is all that comes out of Minho’s mouth. Then: “You’ve wanted to kiss me?”
“I could drown you in kisses!”, Jisung exclaims, overeager.
Minho lets out a startled laugh.
“Do it then.”
His voice comes out a little breathless.
“You want me to?”
Minho just nods, eyes wide.
So Jisung does. He gets up, lifts a hand to cup Minho’s face, then let in wander to the back of his neck. Minho’s arms come up to carefully hold him, and Jisung can feel the slight tremble in his hands.
He leans in slowly; Minho is the one to take the last step, impatiently slotting their lips together.
His mouth is warm and soft, and sends tingles down Jisung’s spine, puts butterflies in his stomach. His fingers tighten around Jisung.
They kiss as if they weren’t ever supposed to do anything else, as if they were intended solely for this: Jisung is made for kissing Minho. Minho is made for kissing Jisung.
When they part, Minho lets out a shaky breath, eyes still closed. When he speaks, his voice is quiet.
“Is this even real?”
Jisung watches Minho’s long lashes fanning over his cheekbones and thinks: This doesn’t feel real.
Instead, he says:
“I love you.”
Minho’s eyes fly open.
“Are you trying to kill me?”
“I’ve told you many times.”
“Never like this!”
“I’m in love with you.”, Jisung repeats, and grins as he watches Minho’s ears grow red.
“You are insufferable, Han Jisung. And cheesy. And I’m very much in love with you, too.”
“You are?”
Minho sends him a dirty look.
“Have been for a while now.”
“Oh?” Jisung can’t stop smiling like an idiot.
“You’re dumb.”, Minho adds, but his voice is fond, and his hand is drawing small circles on Jisung’s shoulder.
“I’m going to write so many love songs about you.”, Jisung whispers.
Minho’s perfect lips land on his nose.
This is it, Jisung thinks. Here he wants to stay forever, drowning in warmth.