Work Text:
Moira Queen is not a stupid woman, but she is a fool. It's taken me the better part of a nice bottle of Merlot to get to this point, but now that I've gotten here, I need to sort through what happens next. It isn't all, or even mostly, in my hands. Oliver will make most of those decisions, but I need to be ready to help however he may want. If he wants.
His mother thinks she knows him, but she really has no clue. If he'd been found before the Island destroyed all trace of 'Ollie' off of 'Oliver', she might now be safe. Instead, she decided to salvage the Gambit and ignore the possibility that everyone didn't go down with it, didn't die with it.
And that means that she has to deal with Oliver and the Arrow. Of course, she's already shot him once. She won't get a second chance to get the drop on him but that doesn't mean she can't do him harm.
I've lost my taste for wine, so I take the bottle and my empty glass into my kitchen. It says something about my lifestyle as well as my blood-alcohol level that a figure on my fire escape doesn't worry me. It should because it's clearly too small to be Oliver, but I recognize the outline as Sara, so I just open the window.
"Come on in. I still have wine..."
She shakes her head and I suddenly understand. She's ... been with Oliver. I feel an emptiness open inside and my heart is in free fall. I hear him asking her to stay because he needs her.
"Felicity ..."
I shake my head.
"No, Felicity. You need to hear me out. I know I hurt you. I'm sorry." She scrapes her fingers through her hair. "I went to the lair because Laurel screamed at me about stealing her life and threw me out of the house. Oliver was destroying a training dummy like it was someone he wanted to kill. He told me he'd discovered something awful about his mother. Even when Shado died I've never seen him look like that."
I close my eyes. He hasn't told Sara the truth. I have to wonder if he will even tell Diggle.
"What happened was a one-time thing, Felicity. We're both in love with other people and neither of us is going to go here again. For me, I needed comfort and I guess Ollie needed a safe release."
Part of me is glad she was there for him. Part of me is grateful she came here. Oliver isn't good with emotions, especially his own. Part of me is furious with all of us.
Sara reaches through the open window and takes my hand. "I know how hard it is to get through to him because I have some of the same walls. You get through to him. Don't let this make you give up on him. If anyone deserves to be happy, it's you two."
We're both crying now. I squeeze her hand, she squeezes back.
"I know he won't talk about his time on Lian Yu, but I was there with him for part of it. I watched him beginning to become Oliver instead of Ollie and he was starting to do some of the same things even then. Trying to save everyone, help everyone. He couldn't save us all, couldn't get us off the Island, couldn't save our lives the way he thought he ought to be able to. I suspect it was in him all the time, but from there on, he's been leading with his heart."
"Thank you." My voice is barely above a whisper, but she nods.
"The League has released me." She's so sad that I want to reach out and hug her, but I can see that she's only just holding onto her control and so I let her continue. "I'm home now. I'm not sure what that means yet, but I'd like to still be friends. I'd like to be able to call and just talk."
"I'd like that." My voice is still iffy, but I can smile so she knows I mean it.
There's a sharp rapping on my door. We both grin at each other, knowing that it's Oliver.
"You should get that before he takes it off the hinges," Sara says, as she moves up the fire escape. "Whether he'll admit it or not, he does love you."
My phone starts to ring before I'm out of the kitchen. I can hear him calling my name as I reach the door. It's more of a question than a demand, but I know he won't leave until I open it.
I open the door and pull Oliver into the room, pushing him onto the couch. "Sit." I say. I must sound angry enough that he doesn't argue. I sit on the coffee table, facing him.
"Sara came and apologized. She didn't have to and neither do you, so I don't want to hear the word 'sorry' come out of your mouth about this. Now or ever. Okay?"
He nods warily. Good.
"This is your last free pass. I understand that everything that's happened, with Thea and your mother, has hurt you and pushed you off balance. I know it still hurts. And I know it's going to be hard to deal with. But you need to remember that you are not alone in this."
I can see him starting to formulate some kind of comment and I hold up my hand to stop him.
"I know you don't want to talk. About this or anything else that's difficult. Fine. But you're going to listen to me now. And I'm not finished."
He bites his lip and nods.
"We've been honest with each other, so far as it goes, from the first time we met. Admit it, you didn't really expect those ridiculous stories to be anything but a fig leaf excuse to get me to help you."
There's a reluctant lift to one corner of his mouth. He doesn't know I'm going to kiss that mouth before he leaves here. Or maybe he does, with that lifted eyebrow. God! I love his eyebrows, even! Focus, Felicity, focus!
"You've told me, more than once, that you're too damaged, too dangerous. All excuses for why you can't be with someone. With me. Well I'm calling you on that ... crap. Right now."
There go those eyebrows again.
"Whether it's Malcolm, Count Vertigo, the Triads or a bus, if I die, I'll still be dead and you'll be left with ... what?" Wow that brought out the Arrow! Good, so far as it goes. Let's see if he sees the other side as clearly. "I know that you're more likely to die because of our work. And I know that if you ... go with all of this," I wave my hands back and forth between us. "unexplored because it scares you, I'm going to be very angry."
The pain in his eyes cuts right to my heart, but I know I have to finish this. His hands fist and I have to stop myself reaching for them.
"You say you're damaged. I know you won't talk about the Island or the scars you got there because you think they're flaws of some kind. You're wrong. I know that each one of them hurts you but apparently I see them more clearly than you do."
He'd like to scoff. He'd like to stand up and argue with me. I can see it I his eyes. But I also see how much he'd like to be wrong.
"You see them as failures, but you couldn't be more wrong."
I reach out and slip my hand under his jacket, laying my palm over the scar just under his heart.
"Each of these marks is a battle you've won. Each one is a sign that you were stronger than the people trying to kill you. Each of them is a victory that brought you here. To me."
Slowly, I lean in. Startling Oliver is never a good idea and he's sitting with his eyes closed. But I really do need to kiss him. I cup his face in my hands, as much for balance as for warning.
As first kisses go, it's a very tentative contact. Almost a platonic lips touching lips. And then, click, Oliver's there with me and it becomes a lot more than I'd ever dared hope.
I'm not sure which of us breaks it off first, both of us out of breath. I don't remember how I wound up in his lap, but I love the way his heart is thundering in my ear as I rest my head on his chest.
"You undo me," he whispers over my head. "You see more in me than anyone ever has. You see me more than anyone ever has."
"You're my hero," I whisper back.
His laugh is a little husky as he kisses the top of my head. "I can't possibly be good enough for you. Ever."
"See, this is an argument you'll never win," I say.
For once, I'm able to move with some grace and I manage to straddle his hips without bruising either of us. I put a hand on each shoulder and lean in. "If you surrender now, I'll be merciful," I whisper just before I kiss him again.