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Phil hadn’t always been so insistent with the whole knock-before-you-enter-thing. Sure, he’d always wanted to be the kind of parent who respected his kid's privacy and all that, but at first he didn’t realize how important it could be.
When Techno first arrived, he didn’t answer when Phil knocked on the door. He just… stayed in silence. At first Phil didn’t mention it. He just asked “can I come in, mate?” after a couple seconds in silence and continued with… whatever he was doing. After a couple months, when they were both sure this placement wasn’t going to be as short as they had initially imagined, he finally mentioned it.
“Why do you never… answer? When I knock on the door.” Techno stared at him.
“I do.”
“You do when I ask. But not when I knock.” A frown appeared in Technos face.
“Oh… I-” He tilted his head. “I mean what are you gonna do if I say no anyways? Why does it matter?” Phil rubbed his neck nervously. This was becoming one of those moments. When Techno would mention something so incredibly wrong as if it was the most natural thing ever. Phil was still getting used to those.
“Techno, if you say no… I won’t enter.” The silence hung in the room.
After that, Phil made sure all of his children felt safe in their space. Knocking before entering a room started as a general courtesy thing to practically religion in the Watson-Soot-Simons-Blade household.
And, sure, between the three brothers it wasn’t uncommon for there to be some slips. Phil knew that, and allowed it as long as he didn’t think it was an actual problem. But Phil always, always, knocked.
And if he could go back and tell his past self to just- fucking knock, he would. He would a hundred times! But he thought Techno was in the living room, because Tommy and Wilbur were watching that anime the three of them had started together, he could hear the opening from his office. So, naturally, he thought Techno’s room was empty. And he was just taking his clean clothes back anyways! He’d just enter, leave the small pile on the bed, and go get started with dinner.
Well. Clearly Techno wasn’t with Tommy and Wil.
- - - -
Techno was… not okay.
And the worst part is: he had gotten used to being okay.
Since Phil adopted him, he began that slow process (too slow in his opinion) to stop feeling like shit all the time and start being happy or whatever. Incredible what a healthy environment could do to a kid.
He still had his bad days (everyone does, his therapist’s and Phil’s voices echoed in his head). But he could go through them. He could tell Phil he didn’t feel like going to school, and they would watch movies together all day, or go have lunch at McDonalds, or (if it was really bad) schedule an emergency therapist appointment and have milkshakes after, so he would feel better.
But this time Techno had an impression he wouldn't feel better with a cooking session and a hug.
Particularly because he couldn't exactly tell Phil about this. Or his therapist. I mean, he could, but that would be a stupid an unessesary risk.
He opened the backpack and, with slightly shaky hands, grabbed the piece of fabric at the bottom. He'd told Phil he would be staying late at school to study with friends at the library, and used some of his Christmas money in a little shop he'd made sure no-one would recognize him at.
He turned around, so he wouldn't be facing the mirror next to his desk. Maybe he was being dramatic, but the anxiety was slightly replaced with excitement at the idea of turning around and seeing his reflection on the mirror once he'd put it on.
Taking a deep breath, he put one leg and then the other inside the pink tennis skirt. He closed his eyes. At least the thing fitted him right, he'd been too scared to try it at the store.
He'd picture a dramatic moment, taking a deep breath, turning around and suddenly understanding exactly who he was. Or she. Or they.
That was kinda the entire point of this.
But he just- turned around. No epic music in the background or mythical enlightenment.
He couldn't help but giggle like an idiot. He looked- he looked like himself. It was the exact same feeling he'd gotten when he saw the pink in his hair for the first time in that hair salon ages ago.
Techno didn't look like a boy. Techno didn't feel like a boy and, damn if that didn't feel good. It was almost as if someone had finally put Techno in his own skin.
Maybe he should take a picture. Send it to Niki. She wouldn't judge hi…
Oh. Definitely not a him.
Well, that wasn't helpful at all. Techno still had like- a million pronouns left to choose.
They couldn't even get themselves to actually be worried about what pronouns they were supposed to use. They felt. so. fucking. good.
And right when they were going to grab his phone from where it lied on the bed, the door opened.
- - - - -
Phil was staring. He knew he was staring. He knew he should not be staring.
He was still staring.
At first, he was staring at the pink skirt, and some stupid part of his brain wondered, where had Techno gotten that? When he realized that was the least important thing right now, he mentally slapped himself and tried to find Techno’s eyes.
He was surprised to find Techno staring right back instead of avoiding him. Phil felt a crushing weight in his shoulders when he recognized fear in the way Techno’s eyes were wide open and hugged himself with both of his arms. Techno whimpered.
‘You should probably say something,’ Phil’s super helpful brain supplied.
The problem was; when he opened his mouth, he didn't know what to say.
"Uh. I'm sorry. I- I thought you were downstairs."
Techno didn't say anything, he was still looking at him with pure horror.
"Techno-" He tried getting closer, but Techno flinched. "Oh. Uhm. Tech, I'm not mad, if that's what you think."
He gave Techno a couple seconds.
"You- aren't?"
"No. Of course not. And even if I were, I would never hurt you. Hey- look, can I enter?"
Techno seemed doubtful, but eventually nodded. Phil entered, trying not to make any sudden, fast moves, and he closed the door behind him. The last thing they needed was Wilbur or Tommy suddenly appearing and upsetting Techno even more. Phil left the clothes he was holding next to Techno’s computer, on the desk.
"I'm not mad, Techno. Boys can wear skirts. You don't have to explain anything to me if you don't want to but- I don't mind. And neither will Tommy or Wil."
Look, Techno knew boys could wear skirts. And it wasn't that one very Christian family they were placed with once, or that foster dad who woukd call him a queer for having a pink shirt. It was more the fact that Techno couldn't really wear the pink shirt anyways. That was basically asking for the older kids to steal his stuff and call him some kind of slur.
It was that unsaid rule all young boys knew existed in the group homes of picking on the weakest… the less man.
Techno knew it was bullshit, but it was easier said than done.
"You really don't mind?"
Phil smiled. "No. Of course not. Techno whatever makes you happy makes me happy. If that's playing football and- I don’t know… uh- videogames? Then so be it. And if it's a skirt and pink hair or- whatever it is, then the same."
Techno should shut the fuck up. Why wasn’t he shutting the fuck up?
"A-and… What if I'm not a boy wearing a skirt?" He continued before Phil could say anything. "What if I'm not a boy?"
Phil seemed… surprised. His eyebrows made that thing where they went just slightly up, and his head tilted, like it did when he was reading Wilbur’s lyrics and clearly didn’t understand any of them but was trying his best.
"If you're not a boy then I'm still not mad." He said, finally. "Are you? A boy?"
Something about Phil, looking so kind and supportive, asking them if they were a boy broke them. That feeling of sinking in their stomach was followed by a blur in their eyes where the tears started to accumulate.
"I don't think I am dad." They choked.
"Oh, baby, it's okay." Phil ran to fit Techno in his arms. "Hey. It's okay. There's nothing wrong with that. You're okay."
Techno sobbed harder.
"Do you think you're a girl?"
Techno nodded violently and tightened her grip on Phil's shirt.
"There you go. It's okay. And it's okay if you're not sure, or you are figuring things out. I’m here for you and I will help you as much as I can. You are my daughter, I love you, no matter what. Hm?"
Techno slowly parted from him. Phil was smiling just as softly as before.
"I like the skirt."
Techno felt her cheeks burning. "I like it too." She was surprised to find her voice hoarse.
"Would you like me to call you another name? With she/her?"
"I- I like Techno. For now. And I'm not sure about the pronouns yet, but She/her sounds nice."
Phil's smile widened.
"Okay. Tell me if there's any changes." Techno nodded. "Would you like me to keep this a secret from the boys?"
Well. Why was this conversation still going on?
Techno avoided Phil's gaze.
"I won't tell them if you don't want me to." He stated, suddenly very serious.
"I know. I want to… tell them. I just don't know how. And I know they won't be dicks about it but… they are cis straight boys. There's like, 90% chances they will say something stupid even if it's not on purpose."
Phil wheezed. "Pff, mate.” He was clearly amused. “Well, I'm a cis straight man and I- well I hope I didn't say something stupid."
Techno frowned.
"I was really hoping you would be at least a little queer." Phil laughed again and hesitated for a second.
"I'm ace and aro if that makes you feel better." Techno paused.
“Wait- Really!?”
“Yeah… Do you know what that is?” Techno nodded.
"I knew there was no way you were 100% straight! Well. That doesn't make me feel better. Tommy and Wilbur are not only not queer at all, but also teenage boys. Horrible."
Phil was trying hard to stay serious.
"Look mate, I'm sure it'll be fine, and you know you don't have to tell them anything you don't want to and all that supportive dad shit I have to say but. Honestly if they say anything stupid, you (or I if you'd prefer) will let them know what they said was stupid. I can't promise anything but," he shrugged "If they are actually very bad about it I'll have a serious conversation with them."
Techno was suddenly very aware of the fact she was wearing a skirt. This conversation was getting too much. She tried to push the pink fabric down her leg a little. Phil's smile softened again.
"I'll leave you to it, yeah? I sense you want alone time. If you need me, I'm in the kitchen, dinner will be ready in about an hour. And if you want to talk about anything, you let me know, okay?"
Techno nodded, and offered a tiny smile before Phil left the room.
- - - - - -
They hadn't really talked about it since. Really, Techno didn't feel the necessity of bringing it up. She was happy with Phil using gender neutral terms as much as he could and calling her his daughter in private.
She knew she wanted to tell Will and Tommy, mostly so they would stop misgendering her, but she was kinda putting it off.
She was also considering telling Ranboo and Niki, but… well.
For the time being, she wasn't going to think about anyone else. She was decided to look in the mirror and think: "not only do I not look like a boy, but I also look like a girl."
How was she going to achieve that?
Her skirt, pink nail polish and a bit of blush.
Did she know how to apply nail polish or blush? Did she have any knowledge of how to make an outfit with a pink skirt?
Meh, she would manage.
She knew makeup and nail polish wasn't what made her a girl, but she couldn't help but wonder if she would feel the same she felt when she tried the skirt on.
So Techno spent the entire evening painting her nails, and getting ready to go literally nowhere.
And when she was finished she felt so fucking amazing.
10/10 experience, would recommend.
She took a couple pictures with her phone, she wasn't going to post them, probably, but it was nice having them. And she usually didn't feel cute enough to take pictures of herself, so she would take the chance.
She might've… gotten a little distracted watching her reflection. Which sounded pretty arrogant but SHE LOOKED SO CUTE.
Suddenly, without realizing, Phil was calling them all for dinner.
So- Techno could've said she'd eat later, go get a shower and take the nail polish off. Really, that was the plan, the nail polish remover was sitting on her nightstand, ready to be used with a ball of cotton.
But she looked so good.
She didn't want it to end.
And she had to come out at some point anyway.
Fuck it.
The voices coming from the kitchen told Techno she was the last one. Okay, cool. She would enter the kitchen and pretend like nothing was happening. She might have spent a little too long on the stairs, but she was just… waking slow. Because she felt like walking slower than usual. Nothing weird here.
Deep breath, and-
"...and my teacher said it was really good because I did this thing where you put subtitles in AAAAAALL the video, with like, colorful fonts, and it was a pain in the ass doing it but it basically does this thing where it catches the viewer attention for a longer period of time," Wilbur was sitting at his place at the table, but with the chair facing Phil, who was serving one plate with noodles. Tommy was talking excitedly, sitting at the counter. "So basically if you have a slower or more boring part of the video the person doesn’t get distracted or stops watching it. She also gave me some corrections and I think I'll re-make it, but I have to ask Eryn if he’s cool with that first."
Okay, this was the moment. Act natural. Techno did exactly what she would do if she wasn't wearing a skirt, makeup and nail polish. She entered the room and went straight up to Phil to take the plates to the table while he got the water from the fridge. And just like every day, Tommy and Wilbur wouldn't help because they were little bitches.
"I actually liked that video, which is surprising, 'cause you did it. " Techno said, like she usually would. On a normal day, the gremlin would gasp and angrily start cursing Techno until Phil said something like: "okay, enough, enough, don't kill each other yet please, I want to have dinner first."
But of course, Tommy didn't say anything.
Techno refused to acknowledge anything, and gladly Phil seemed to catch on, because even if he did seem a little surprised, he just passed her two plates, and went to open the fridge.
"The day any of you two move your asses and help with anything in this house, it will be the zombie apocalypse, I swear. '' Techno joked, begging to any god she didn't believe in that Tommy and Wilbur wouldn't just- stay in silence.
She wasn't very lucky.
‘That was your only chance’ she said in her mind. ‘This is why I am an atheist.’
The silence was excruciating, until Phil chuckled and took the other two plates. And suddenly they were all sitting at the table, eating.
Or Techno and Phil were eating.
After a whole probably five minutes of dense silence and uncomfortable glares, Techno dropped her frock.
"Okay, clearly the skirt was too much for your little brains to handle."
Phil chuckled next to her.
"Mate..." She rolled her eyes, trying to look more amused than anxious.
"You're wearing a skirt." Tommy said.
Phil fell quiet. So did Techno.
"Uh. Yeah. I am."
Tommy tilted his head.
"And you painted your nails."
"I did."
"Is that make up?"
Well. This felt like shit. It was almost as if those things she'd felt amazing with just seconds ago turned into heavy bags, one by one, as Tommy listed them.
"Why are you dressed like a fucking girl?"
Techno wanted to cry. Tommy seemed so confused. And she didn't dare to look at Wilbur, but she knew he was reacting similarly. The way Tommy said it, made her feel so stupid. Ashamed. Like she was a man wearing a skirt. Her skin crawled because that felt horrible and there was a knot in her throat, and-
Oh. There were tears gathering in her eyes. She knew if she blinked they would fall. But suddenly being aware of them made it ten times harder to control.
"I-" Her voice cracked. A lonely tear fell. She felt so hot, her eyes burning and her cheeks probably pink.
Phil put his hand over her shoulder. Techno wasn't looking at anyone anymore. She just stared at the soft pink fabric.
She felt so ridiculous. And the tears were silently falling now.
"You want me to tell them?" Phil asked softly. Techno nodded, still trying not to blink. More tears would fall, even if her cheeks were already stained. "Techno is trans. She's a girl- I mean… Okay so, if she wasn't, she could still wear a skirt, and makeup and all she wanted. Boys can wear those things too and it shouldn't be something bad. But in this case, Techno is a girl."
There was no response, and Phil's hand was leaving her shoulder and- she felt like her skin wasn't hers and like the entire universe was watching her in that stupid skirt and- And she wasn't hearing a response, and the tears were falling, but so fast and there was no way she could stop them.
"Baby…" Phil's hand came back to her shoulder and there was some movement, but she wasn't sure. She was full on sobbing right now, she felt snot in her nose and couldn't help the loud, ugly cry from leaving her lips. She couldn't breathe, but it wasn't a panic attack, she was just crying so much, she literally couldn't breathe. Techno wasn't sure which one was worse. She almost hoped it was a panic attack. At least she had experience with those and knew how to handle them.
Phil was saying something.
"Breath, okay sweetheart? Just try to focus on my voice and breath." And that's what she did. It wasn't actually that long until she was breathing just fine. Way shorter than when she was having a panic attack. She wasn't exactly… calm. But she was breathing. "There you go. Better? It's okay, hm? Wanna go to your room?"
Techno's eyes widened. No. No. She had to- She turned her head and saw both of her brothers, staring.
"No, I-" Techno looked frantically between Tommy, Wilbur and Phil. Phil tightened his hold in her shoulder. "I'm not dressed as a girl. I am a girl."
She saw Tommy cringe a little.
"Oh, I did say… No, wait. Tech- Uhm. Oh, It's." He stopped, stayed silent for a few seconds, clearly ordering his thoughts. "Uhm, I'm guessing the way I said that wasn't… ideal. I'm sorry, It's okay if you're a girl, Techo? Is it still Techno?" She nodded, slightly. "Okay! Great! Well, if you wanted to change it, that would also be great! It's all great! I- uh… Like the skirt?" Tommy seemed so miserable it was-
Well. It was hilarious. And it was so instinctive. Something about Tommy struggling so hard to do- practically anything, called for Techno to make fun of him. And she looked at Wilbur, with her red eyes and tear stained cheeks and he also looked at her and in a moment of perfect synchronization they both erupted in laughter.
"Ah! You look so-! Tommy, pff-" Wilbur grabbed his stomach. "I- uh… like the skirt?" He moked, with a poor imitation of Tommy’s accent, and Techno was about to calm down but then she had to grab her stomach too. She was crying again. Oh god.
"Are you fucking kidding me?!" Tommy yelled eventually, probably passing his initial shock.
Wilbur had to press his face to the table like he was dying, and Techno's laugh started again.
When they finally calmed down, they shared a glance and almost started laughing again.
Techno wiped a tear.
"I like the skirt too." Will stated. Tommy grumbled and rolled his eyes.
Techno looked back at Wilbur. They were both still smiling, but something turned slightly more serious. Will's smile softened.
"I love you. You know that, right?" Anyone else would've probably thought it was a rhetorical question but, Techno knew.
"Yeah," she nodded. "I know. I love you too."
Wilbur nodded too, like sealing a very important deal.
"Okay. Great. I'm glad to have a sister."
"So am I." Tommy stated, also turning serious, almost a little desperate. "Really Techno I'm sorry I-"
"It's okay kid."She said. "Really. You were… confused. I get it."
Tommy offered a small smile.
Phil suddenly kissed her cheek.
"I love you." He said, with the softer and brighter expression Techno'd ever seen on him. "And you too, stupid gremlins." He added, ruffling Tommy's hair.
Techno loved them too.