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“Are they at it again?”
Tommy sighed as Purple sat down next to him. His new friend was frowning at the scene laid before him.
That was, two large and ridiculous statues sat before them, one made of pure cobblestone, and the other made with admittedly remarkable craftsmanship. Wilbur was standing on the cobblestone statue, crossing his arms, while Quackity was standing on top of the much better looking statue.
“Everybody knows Tommy prefers cobblestone,” Wilbur pointed out, gesturing wildly to the statue below his feet.
“Oh yeah?” Quackity laughed in that way he did when he thought the person he was talking to was being incredibly stupid. “Well, everybody also knows that Tommy loves cows.”
This was true. Quackity’s statue was a perfect representation of Henry the cow, and it really did bring a tear to Tommy’s eye.
“Do you want popcorn?” Purpled asked, pulling out a tub of freshly made popcorn from his inventory and holding it out toward Tommy.
Tommy let out a small sigh of relief. “I would love some,” he said, taking the entire tub from Purpled and grabbing a handful. “I hate it when they argue over me.”
Purpled shrugged. “It could be worse. Quackity straight up destroyed my UFO to get me to join him.”
Tommy gaped, aghast. “Seriously?” he demanded.
Purpled shrugged. “don’t worry about it. I have my plans for revenge.”
Tommy glanced at the statues nervously. “It doesn’t involve destroying Henry the Statue, does it? I admit that I’m already quite attached to him.”
Purpled sputtered. “What? No. I don’t care about the stupid statue.”
“Henry is not stupid,” Tommy said. “he may have been made by Quackity, but it was clear that some true thought and care was put into it—”
“Tommy!” Wilbur shouted. “Settle this debate!”
Oh. Right. Those two were still arguing.
“Fine, fine, fine,” Tommy sighed.
He glanced between the two statues. On one hand, Henry the cow. On the other hand, cobblestone chaos.
It should not have been as hard of a debate as it was.
“I have a marvelous idea,” Tommy finally said. “What if both of you lose?”
“That’s not how it works.” Quackity grinned. “Look, I know you really don’t want to hurt Wilbur’s feelings, but—”
“Now, now, Quackity. You don’t have to pretend to be something you’re not when mine is clearly superior—”
“Yours doesn’t even look like anything!”
“Haven’t you heard of abstract art—”
Tommy sighed as the two of them began arguing again, shoving more popcorn in his mouth. He got to his feet and pulled out some dirt before placing a single block down. He sat back down.
“What was that?” Purpled asked.
Tommy grinned. “You’ll see.”
Eventually, Quackity and Wilbur remembered that they were supposed to be getting Tommy to judge their statues.
“So?” Wilbur asked. “I’m your brother, Tommy—”
Good Lord, not this again.
“I have decided a winner!” Tommy declared, handing Purpled back his popcorn and standing to his feet.
Both Wilbur and Quackity grinned. “I knew you would see sense, Tommy,” Quackity began.
“We both know who he’s really going to pick—” Wilbur continued.
Tommy grinned widely, gesturing to his dirt block. “I win for my minimalist representation of the amount of patience I have with you two. I call it: Tommy’s Lost Patience. Thank you and goodnight.”
For what felt like the first time in an eternity, both Wilbur and Quackity were completely speechless, and Tommy gave them both a bow before spinning around and leaving.
Of course, Tommy’s amazing move could only stop so much.
Because, one day, while Tommy was returning from visiting Ranboo at the burger van, he found both Quackity and Wilbur sitting directly on the border of Las Nevadas, hunched over something.
“What are you two doing?” Tommy asked as he approached.
Wilbur shushed him, and Tommy realized there was a chessboard sitting between them.
“Are you two really—”
“Ha!” Wilbur exclaimed, laughing. “Check!”
Quackity’s eyes glinted, and the grin on his face made Tommy take a large step back. “Oh, but Wilbur… You’ve only fallen into my trap.”
Quackity did a chess move that Tommy did not understand, and Wilbur’s face fell.
Tommy glanced up in exasperation, and he saw Purpled hovering over the two of them, in a nearby tree, holding a water bucket. He glanced at Tommy for confirmation.
Tommy took a large step back before nodding.
Wilbur and Quackity’s chess game was promptly forgotten as they were drenched in ice cold water.
“Who—” Wilbur demanded, gasping for breath.
Quackity was already wildly looking around, but Purpled had already disappeared.
Tommy grinned. “It seems the universe just really hated your stupid chess game. I’m very sorry for you two. It looked like you were both really getting into it.”
Both Wilbur and Quackity glared at their knocked over chess pieces, one lone pawn even floating in a freshly made water puddle.
“We were two queens battling for dominance,” Wilbur said forlornly.
“I’m sure you two queens can find something else to play,” Tommy said reassuringly, trying (and failing) to keep the laughter out of his tone. “I’ve heard Monopoly is really in right now.”
“So help me Wilbur, you will land on my property, or I will make your life a living hell,” Quackity snarled.
Wilbur snorted. “you wish you could have my board game prowess, but mark my words Quackity, I will make you bankrupt so quickly that Las Nevadas will just be a speck in the history books—”
Tommy sighed, walking up to where the two of them were playing Monopoly. “You do realize I was joking, right?”
“Hush, Tommy, this is very important,” Wilbur said. “I’m this close to getting my third property—”
“He’s just telling himself that,” Quackity interrupted.
Tommy crouched over and picked up all of the fake money that belonged to the bank. “Oh no,” He said dryly. “The banks have been robbed. Whatever shall you two money-hungry overlords do? Could it be that you have to go back to your regular lives?”
“Tommy,” Wilbur said, narrowing his eyes at his Tommy. “Put down the fake money.”
“Or what?” Tommy challenged.
Purpled appeared out of nowhere. “What’s going on here?”
Tommy shoved the bills into Purpled’s hands. “Purpled run! I’ll hold them off!”
Purpled didn’t hesitate before turning around and sprinting off with the money. Both Quackity and Wilbur gave Tommy looks of shared disappointment and frustration.
“Oh, wow,” Tommy said. “you two have a common enemy! Now you can put your differences aside and—”
Quackity and Wilbur had already looked away from Tommy, competing to see who could stack their houses and hotels to make the tallest tower.
Tommy wasn’t even sure why he even tried anymore.