Chapter Text
He knew he would worry her,
The last time he ate, was when he was at connors house and Conner asked him to try a poki stick with him.
Even that made him feel stuffed.
She trusted him to be able to stop being a pussy for once and order food.
He leaned against the counter, staring at his phone and the $20 dollar bill next to it.
Why couldn’t Evan just be like every other person. Why couldn’t he stomach even drinking more than 1 glass of water?
Tears welled up in his eyes, threatening to fall. God, why would he be crying over some stupid food?
Evan wished he wasn’t there.
Evan wished he didn’t have to eat to survive.
Evan wished he could just actually have an
appetite like a normal person would.
Evan wished he didn’t worry his mother anytime she saw the money still sitting where she left it earlier that morning.
Evan wished Jared didn’t call him a stick when he was in his gym uniform.
Evan wished he didn’t worry Conner when they hugged, and Conner could feel his ribs.
Evan wished he didn’t have to eat.
It started out so simple, he felt bad his mom was waisting money on him.
He felt bad she took money out of the small stack she had in her wallet, filled with 1s and 5s.
“What’s a little harm if i just ‘forget’ to order food?”
God, his 12 year old self was so stupid.
Then he wanted to eat again. But talking on the phone, and giving the delivery guy money, the akward moments when he had to count the change.
And then he started getting used to not eating, even when Heidi cooked for him, he would say, “it’s okay! I just ate” with a pleasant smile on his face.
And then that dreadful day he went to conners house for the first time, it was a few days after Evan told conner he liked him. After he told him he didn’t fall, he jumped. After conner had told him he already liked him for so long, that it didn’t matter what others think.
He went over to his house and ended up spending the night, because the road was packed with a thick layer of ice, and even after he tried to convince Mrs Murphy he could walk, she insisted he stay the night, and Conner could drive him home the next morning.
It was then he realized he’d have to eat. It was then the pit in his stomach began to grow heavier.
“Do you not like the food?” Mrs Murphy asked.
“I can make you something else?”
Great. You made her think that her food wasn’t good enough. you selfish entitled brat.
“Oh no I just ate that’s all, it really is good!”
And now your lying?
Wow Evan.
What an amazing person you are.
That was when a distant ring shattered his thoughts, he looked over and saw his phone buzz, almost falling off the counter.
“Oh geeze!”
He said panicking to catch it
“Hello?” His small voice didn’t mean to come out so weak. But what’s the matter? You can’t handle a phone call anyway, so why should you care if you sound weak. You are weak.
“Baby hey!”
Oh, it’s just Conner. God how Evan longed to be held by him, he wanted to be hugged from behind while giant hands warm up his body.
“Hey Conner”
He said, the smile on his face obvious from his voice.
“I was wondering if you wanted to come with me to the park, maybe have a picnic or something later today, i mean one last break before our big test to graduate!”
Oh yeah, he was graduating soon. That is, if he wouldn’t starve by then.
“I would love to! Except, my mom isn’t home so I can’t drive there”
“Oh don’t worry about it love, I’ll pick you up, maybe we can watch a movie or something before we go~”
His voice got softer at the end, becoming a more seductive, sexy voice. Oh boy was “a movie” a euphemism. Conner had suggested to “watch a movie” multiple times, and they never actually watched the movie.
Evan looked like a fresh, ripe, tomato, with how much he was blushing.
“ oh uh, of course! I mean, we can watch any movie, considering.. my mom won’t be home till tomorrow~”
Over the past few months Conner had learned that Evan knew how to be seductive, how to talk dirty. And holy shit, was it hot.
After a few minutes of.. talking, and definitely not both of them moaning into the phone, and sending each other… pictures.
They had said their goodbyes, and Evan forgot all about his food.
That was, until the sharp stab in his stomach had hit him like a bullet in your head.
He started violently shaking,
“Im fine. Your fine Evan, everything is okay. Nothing is happening. You are not about to die because of some stupid fucking food.”
Evan whispered to himself over, and over again.
“Just go up stares and take a nap, everything is okay.. you fine. Your not dying.”
He repeated as he trudged up the stairs and walking into his room slamming and locking the door.