Chapter Text
The Legend of Punch Girl (Spinoff of CallMeNettie’s “Slice of Life” Series)
Chapter 1: First Monday of Freshman Year
An orange, red, and brown poster decorated with falling leaves as they land near a silhouetted couple dancing the jive hung on the announcement board. A slew of freshmen gathered around the announcement board to read the words on the poster, “Autumn’s up for all you hip, cool, new freshmen!” All the freshman act out their own variation of cringes and sighs whether inwardly or outwardly as they read the headline. The poster continued onward to add, “This Saturday, September 8th, 7 PM to 10 PM, come dance, eat, and mingle with all your dope friends at the freshman fall dance.” The poster ended with small, fine print that said, “This event is for freshmen students only. Have a splendid Saturday!”
“That’s an odd way to spell out-of-touch!” Said Helga sarcastically as she looked over to the right of her to gauge the reaction others would have to her remark. The first one directly next to her, Brainy, her boyfriend. Brainy had lost his signature wheezing thanks to septum surgery and now has a voice deep and smooth as a tub of butter. Brainy agreed with his girlfriend’s sentiment with one of his famous snickers, only with less wheezing.
Even if he loved Helga’s dry wit, he and Helga didn’t have any plans for that upcoming Saturday. Even if the dance was lame, at least there would be free food. Plus, he’d be able to share a few dances with his beloved and look into her pure blue, sapphire eyes that would glisten divinely under the bright tube-shaped lights that hung on the high school’s gym ceiling.
“Well, there’s going to be free food. Not to mention you never know what shenanigans our friends will cause.” Said Brainy while he nudged Helga’s arm with his elbow. “Do you really want to risk missing out on that just because of some cheesy poster?”
“Okay, okay sheesh!” Helga exclaimed while holding her hands out as she admits defeat. “You had me at free food, but if this thing turns out to be as crappy as that poster you owe me a better time out.” Helga extended a finger as she put on a stern, yet playful look on her face.
“As soon as the festivities dull down I will make certain that your angelic face won’t dare make a frown. We can leave and do something else as soon as you say you’re bored.” Said Brainy as he presented his words in a poetic manner until he immediately broke it off to talk like a normal person.
A small pink tint laid gently on Helga’s cheeks as her brow descended down to her nose. She covered her boyfriend’s face until they moved to a more private area. As Helga and Brainy found themselves in a dark corner in the hall, Hegla began to scold Brainy, “Hey, I told you not to be all poetic and junk when we’re out in public! You out of all people should know I have a reputation to uphold!”
Brainy looked to Helga with a remorseful look on his face and tried to explain himself. “My sincerest apologies my dear Helga. I couldn’t help myself. I finally have the girl of my dreams and she reciprocates those feelings. I’ve been longing for you to notice me for so long that I can’t help but express that love to you, to the world, and the heavens above.” Brainy wanted to say all that while gently holding Helga’s hands to get the point across, but he knew better and respected her desire to not be touched unless she initiated it. “I also realize that you have an image that you have been keeping up for so long and it would be selfish of me to rip it up just because I couldn’t control myself. Truly, my monobrowed goddess, I promise I will do better to watch when I express my deeper feelings for you.”
Helga can’t help but see a lot of what Brainy said in herself. I mean, she just let go of Arnold not too long ago because of how much her feelings for him were damaging her. Ever since Helga joined that computer class with Phoebe, Gerald, and the boy that shall not be named in the 4th grade, she read firsthand how poetic Brainy could be. Sure she thought it was Arnold at first, but when she realized it was Brainy she was... well heartbroken it wasn’t Arnold and rejected Brainy on the spot. Though thinking of his messages as she was a freshman, she couldn’t help but found his poetic way of talking sweet and charming.
The guy barely said more than three words when they were younger and yet the messages he typed back then were reminiscent of her own soliloquies. For so long, all Helga wanted was for Arnold to say poetic, flowery words to her as the words Brainy has expressed to her now. Yet, she’s rejected those words because of the harsh notion that he must conceal like she had to for her former love for years. She sees the tragic irony and it’s killing her that she’s doing the same thing to Brainy as she has been doing to herself.
Brainy deserved better and as far as she’s concerned, he would get better. “Yeah, yeah Brainy quit being so melodramatic! While it’s true I still have a reputation I want to keep in check.” Her words were aloof and blunt at first, but as her expression softened her voice becomes more gentle as well. She put a hand on his shoulder and said, “Look, I know it sucks concealing your soft, mushy side, especially when you feel you shouldn’t have to, believe me I know. I still don’t feel ready to be all lovey-dovey in front of people yet, but that doesn’t mean I never will.” Helga saw Brainy perked up at the last part of her sentence. “I still need time to adjust to this whole thing we have going. I mean, I like what we got, I really do. I just want to keep what we got all to ourselves for now. I don’t need all of our loser friends commenting on our relationship 24/7 and being annoying dorks about it. So yeah, just remember to be patient with me and I promise I’ll catch up. After all, you waited this long right?”
With a small smile and half-lidded expression, Brainy responded, “Of course my dear, I’d wait for you until even when the sun explodes and I would find you in the afterlife just to in the hopes that you let me be part of your ghostly existence.”
"Criminy Brainy, even I'm not that melodramatic!" Helga jokingly said to Brainy. Brainy just laughed at Helga's quip. Even he admitted that sometimes he overdid it a little. How could he resist though when he had the love of his life finally with him and appreciated his company without a punt to the face. Once the laughter of Brainy and Helga died down, she closed the gap by pressing her lips on his cheek. To Brainy, the kiss felt like heavenly feathers caressed upon his unworthy face. For a moment, he felt like the luckiest boy in the world, that is until the bell rang. He cursed the bell that warned all students to get to class under his breath. Helga just shrugged with an awkward smile on her face, knowing full well that some things were just out of their control. So, they both decided to save what they were doing for later and went to their respective classrooms.
Back near the bulletin board, before the loud, school bell rang, there stood three other freshmen also discussing the upcoming Saturday dance. The oddest-looking of the freshmen being a blonde teenager with half-open eyelids and an abnormally football-shaped head, he was known as Arnold. Beside Arnold was his best friend, Gerald with his curly, tall black hair, and signature red hoodie with the number 33 on it. Closely knit to Gerald was his girlfriend, Phoebe. Phoebe was a biracial, Japanese/American girl that wore her signature blue glasses and blue hair tie on top of her head that made a small part of her black hair into a cute, little ponytail.
“Hey, baby girl!” Said Gerald in a flirty manner as he put an arm around Phoebe. ”Have any plans for Saturday?”
Phoebe giggled knowing why Gerald asked for her plans for Saturday. “ Oh I don’t know, I would probably have to check my schedule handsome.”Phoebe twirled a bit of her hair to get the point across that she was being coy. Meanwhile, Arnold was just a mess internally when he gazed at the pure happiness of the relationship that was Gerald and Phoebe. He was happy for them sure, what best friend wouldn’t be happy for his friend to have a healthy relationship with his girlfriend. Even so, the sight of seeing the happy couple made him reflect on his previous failed relationships. Why couldn’t he have what Gerald and Phoebe had? Why didn’t his crushes ever turn out the way he hoped for in his head? He was tired of searching for the girl of his dreams only to be heartbroken over his dreams not being reality. Why was finding love so easy for others and not for him?
“You know Arnold, the freshmen dance might do you some good.” Said Gerald with a look of concern directed to his oblong-headed friend. “Who knows, you might even make some new friends if you know what I mean?” Gerald provided an eyebrow wiggle as if they were two caterpillars to get point he was making to Arnold.
“No thanks, Gerald. I’ve told you before that I’m through with dating. It’s just not worth it anymore” Said Arnold while he reminisced of all his failed attempts at dating. “I’m not really in the mood into making new, PLATONIC friends either.”
“Hey, if you don’t feel like socializing, you can always volunteer to serve food and snacks for Principal Dunn!” Gerald couldn’t help it as he snickered at his own suggestion, knowing full well what the answer would have been.
“Oh great just what I need!” Arnold said, dripping in sarcasm as if it were acid. “Another reason to be targeted as the teacher’s pet. Well not this time, I just want to be a normal teenager. I’m not going to let grown adults guilt into fixing their problems anymore.”
“Well said man! If you ask me, this has been a long time coming. You deserve it after all you have done for this town.”
“Thanks, Gerald.” Said Arnold while he let a small, sentimental smile upon his face that reassured Gerald that what he said meant a lot to the football-headed boy.
“While I agree with the sentiment.” Chimed in Phoebe so she could put in her valuable two cents. “I should add that while you may not be looking to mingle with potential new suitors or friends I feel the dance could be invaluable to interact with the ones you already have.” The boys blinked twice at what the petite girl said to signal to her that they didn’t get what she was saying at all. So she continued explaining, “What I mean is that because of the class schedules we all possess, there is the possibility that we may not be able to spend as much time with each other compared to our days at PS118.”
After they heard Phoebe’s revelation, Arnold and Gerald immediately got their schedules out of their respective backpacks. They skim through the classes and both shared schedules to see if any of the times matched. After they finished searching, they looked at each other with a worried frown.
“Man, why does she always have to be right!” Exclaimed Gerald who was hoping to have more classes with his best friend.
“Boy howdy, you’re telling me!” Said a boy named Sid that wore a green cap and had stringy hair as well as a long, hot dog-shaped nose. He came up to the other side of Arnold to tell of his woes. “Stinky and me have only three classes together! How am I supposed to goof off if he’s not there in the other four?”
“Yeah, this really bites!” Chimed in Stinky, a lanky boy with a southern accent that was next to Sid. “I reckon I might get held back if I don’t have anyone to copy from.” Sid gave Stinky the stink eye when he heard that last part while Stinky just shrugged nervously.
“Oh man, I don’t even want to look at my schedule because it’s so sad!” Said Harold, an overweight guy that looks to be on the verge of becoming eighteen in about a year.
Rhonda, self-proclaimed most popular girl in the 8th grade and then 9th grade walked up next to Harold and said, “Oh please Harold, you’re going to have to look at the schedule sooner or later if you ever want to actually graduate from this dump.”
As Rhonda talked, a nerd with a bowl cut appeared behind her to peak at her schedule. This creep went by the nickname, Curly. “Are you kidding me?” shouted Curly which scared Rhonda enough to turn around to see that it was the last person she wanted to see. “No classes, not a single period to stare at and admire my beloved Rhonda!”
“Oh no! How tragic, however will I go on!” Said Rhonda with a very clear intention to sound as sarcastic as possible.
“You mock me my pet, but just you wait. You’ll miss me! I tend to grow on people don’t you know?”
“Yeah, you grow on people like mold, and then everyone has to move because of how toxic you are.”
“Oooh, you wound me dear, and yet I’m still drawn to you like a moth to a flame.”
“Watch it Curly, you know I’m seeing someone. Remember, is Biff ringing any bells?” Said Rhonda as she raised her eyebrow in a sassy expression.
“Like sirens, yes how could I forget!” Said Curly with a jealous snarl, reminiscent of a rabid dog looking to bite his next victim.
“Oh looky Sheena, it looks like we have all the same classes! I guess not everything turned out so bad with the schedules.” said Eugene with a cheerful tone as he chimed in at the last minute when he finished looking over classes with his best friend Sheena, a tall girl with a mousey, cute voice and brown hair.
“Shut up Eugene!” Shouted the crowd at Eugene except for Sheena, Arnold, Gerald, and Phoebe. Eugene was shocked by all the shouting pointed towards him that the tip of his ginger hair started going droopy out of guilt.
“Guys, guys!” Spoke up Arnold as he tried to drive away attention away from innocent Eugene. “Look, it’s clear that not all of us are happy with how things turned out with our class schedules. Some of us might not even see each other at all with how everything is laid out.”
“Um Arnold, I’m unsure how this is helping anyone on accounta you’re just reciting why we’re all mad in the first dang place?” Interrupted Stinky as he scratched the side of his forehead.
“I’m getting to that Stinky!” Replied Arnold in a slightly annoyed tone. “Just because we won’t always see each other in the same classroom, doesn’t mean we won’t ever have time for each other again.” Arnold pointed to the poster that advertised the freshman dance. “This dance is just one example of the times we can still get together and hang out like old times. There’s also always after school, our life goes beyond just a few hours in the day in a small classroom. A few classes apart could never break this group up as long as all of us are willing to put in the effort to see each other.”
A moment of silence filled the hallway as the students looked at each other back and forth. Everyone felt Arnold raised a good point and that they still had plenty of time to hang out after school when it’s more fun anyway. The silence broke when Sid spoke, “Arnold’s right, it is pretty silly to worry about this stuff when we still get to hang out after school.”
“As corny as the speech was, I appreciate the reminder for the freshman dance.” Said Rhonda as she carried herself with an air of sophistication. “ I do hope everyone comes because I know I sure am. After all, no party is complete without Rhonda Wellington Llo…!”
Rhonda’s words were cut off by the sound of the dreaded high school bell. Everyone was not looking forward to going inside their respective classrooms but begrudgingly did so while dragging their feet as if the floor was made of fresh mud.
“Hey, I guess you’re going to the dance after all Arnold?” Asked Gerald as he gave him a hardy pat on Arnold’s back.
“I guess I have no choice with the speech I gave ehehehe!” Said Arnold with an awkward chuckle to his friend. “I mean, I would be a jerk not to go after the big deal I made about it.”
“Pretty much it seems Arnold.” Cheerfully said Phoebe as she walked next to Gerald. Arnold winced at Phoebe’s comment because it was so bluntly cheerful. Arnold knew she meant well though and she was just making it clear that his own comment would most likely come to fruition and was looking out for him as her friend.
“I mean, look at the bright side. At least there’s no way Principal Dunn is allowing anyone other than freshmen at the dance.”
“I can’t believe dunce isn’t allowing anyone but lame freshmen at this stupid dance!” Shouted Wolfgang as he aggressively slammed his locker, many feet away from the bulletin board. Wolfgang was a muscular 15-year old that was in the 10th grade. He had dirty blonde hair, a gray earring attached to the side of his right elf-like ear, some stubble laid across his jaw, and he wore a green shirt with a red and yellowish-orange cobra on it. He originally wore his hair in a mullet style up until he was 14 when he had it be cut into a small mohawk that transitioned into a rat tail at the bottom of his head. Wolfgang was next to his best friend, Edmund and they were both walking to class. Edmund had three freckles under each eye, platinum blonde hair that he used to wear in a bowl cut until Wolfgang suggested a fauxhawk haircut to make him look more appealing to girls, ears that were larger than the average 10th grader, a protruding underbite, and a soul patch growing on his chin. Unlike Wolfgang, Edmund wasn’t too upset about not being allowed at the upcoming freshman dance.
“Ah come on Wolfgang, what are you so worked up over?” Asked Edmund while he nudged Wolfgang’s upper arm with his scrawny elbow. “You know what those dances are like, they’ve always sucked. Cheap food, public domain music, and cringey, painful dancing from the teachers. This dance won’t be any different from what we had.”
“You think I actually care about the dumb dance Edmund? Hell no!” Said Wolfgang as he nudged Edmund’s upper arm back. The impact of Wolfgang’s elbow nudge was a lot harder than what Edmund did which caused Edmund to wince in pain and rubbed his arm for a bit as Wolfgang continued to speak. “What I’m pissed about is that dunce finally decides to make it freshman only the day we become sophomores while we had to suffer through sophomores crashing our dance. Do you even remember what happened?”
Edmund had a pensive look on his face and he put a finger on his chin as he tried to recollect the worse parts of their own freshman dance. Everything that happened that day didn’t really go against anything Wolfgang or Edmund would approve of such as switching the music to something less lame, spiking the punch, or tipping over tables for the sake of chaos. Then it hit him, how could he forget? Wolfgang and Edmund double-dated that night with really cute cheerleader twins and then two jerk face sophomores decided it would be fun to steal their dates. To rub salt into their gaping wound, the sophomores decided to set Wolfgang and Edmund up to be put in embarrassing positions as the sophomores somehow timed the pictures on their phones just right. It took 2 months to get over the embarrassment the pictures brought them and Edmund felt like an idiot for forgetting about that dance.
“Oh yeah! That really stunk! I really liked Regina too!” Said Edmund angrily as he recollected the events. His anger quickly disappeared as he focused on whatever Wolfgang was about to say.
“Exactly! How am I supposed to get my revenge on dunce if I’m not allowed to be there?”
“Since when has the rules ever stopped you though uhuh huhuh?” Asked Edmund offhandedly as he did his signature, airheaded chortle. That’s when it dawned on Wolfgang. He didn’t need permission to get vengeance. He’s freaking Wolfgang, he can do whatever the flip he wants! Immediately, he had known exactly what he wanted to do Saturday.
“Hey Edmund, got any plans for Saturday?” Asked Wolfgang with a devious smile on his face.
Edmund read the vibes his friend gave off, gave off his own mischievous grin, and asked, “What do you have in mind dear, old friend?”
As they entered the classroom they were scheduled to be in Wolfgang whispered, “Well you said so yourself that these school dances usually sucked. What do you say about finding a way to lift people’s ‘spirits’?”
“Ooh, I get you uhuh uhuhhuh!” Chortled Edmund as Wolfgang was pleased in seeing that his friend was on board. Edmund took a moment to process what has been said and asked, “Wait, what do you mean?”
Smack!
“Ow!” Shouted Edmund as Wolfgang’s hand had made contact with the back of his friend’s head. Wolfgang was not pleased anymore. No matter though, for it was only Monday and they had plenty of time to go over the plan for the upcoming Saturday. Wolfgang wasn’t even able to stay focused on the lesson then because he was too busy contemplating how he would be able to pull off his plan. This was going to be a freshman dance those lousy 9th graders would never forget.