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It was that time of year again when the cherry blossoms fell from their branches, pretty pink flowers losing their purity to the mud below. Looking outside the window, Oikawa mourned the little pink flowers. He knew how it felt to be stepped on and tossed in the dirt, as his best friend did it to him unknowingly. It only seemed like a while ago before Oikawa’s feelings got in the way of their relationship.
It happened suddenly one day after Aoba Johsai had won a volleyball game. Oikawa looked over at his ace and found an excited goofy grin looking back at him. In the moment, it felt like time stopped. His heart was racing, he was a sweaty mess, and his arms ached, but one look into Iwaizumi’s eyes and everything started to fade away. Oikawa didn’t realize he was zoned out until Matsukawa grabbed him by the shoulder and pulled him into the locker room.
“You played a great game as always, King.” He said jokingly before he left to take an after-game shower. Usually, Oikawa relished in being called his famous nickname, but now he was too focused on the weird feeling from earlier to formulate a witty response. The rest of the team followed suit, congratulating their captain, then going to freshen themselves up.
“Your face is going to stay looking stupid like that if you keep zoning out,” said a voice coming from Oikawa’s right. He looked over and saw Iwaizumi leaning on the locker room door frame. Looking into his eyes brought back the same feeling Oikawa felt earlier, nervousness in his stomach.
“Thanks for the advice Iwa-chan, but I think you’re already too far gone for that advice to help you.” Said Oikawa teasingly, hoping it wouldn't actually offend Iwa. Not to anyone's surprise, Oikawa was met with a slap to the head.
“Iwa-Chan.” Oikawa wined, “you’re going to actually give me a concussion if you keep hitting me like that!”
“If you weren't such an idiot all the time, then I wouldn’t have to reprimand you,” Iwaizumi responded. Oikawa’s face fell at the comment but perked back up when Iwa started to say something else.
“I have something to tell you,” he said, “something important and I need your help.” Now this piqued Oikawa’s interest, Iwa usually didn’t need his help for much, so he nodded his head for Iwaizumi to continue.
“I’m only asking for your help specifically because of the number of fangirls you have. There is this girl who I have been talking to recently and I need your help confessing to her.”
This took Oikawa by surprise, not only had Iwaizumi asked him for help but was talking to a girl without him noticing. Today had already been confusing enough with the nervous feeling in his stomach, but now his heart hurt. What was happening to him?
Instead of staring at the ground any longer, Oikawa looked up and responded, even though it made his heart ache further. "Of course, Iwa-chan, who's the lucky lady?”
“It’s Hana Misaki from Johzenji High.”
Who, he wanted to say but refrained from doing so to not look like a bigger idiot. Instead, he continued asking more questions. “Do you have any ideas of how you want to confess?” asked Oikawa
“That's kinda why I was asking for your help. You’ve gotten so many confessions over the three years we’ve been here.”
“Yeah of course, how about we go get lunch tomorrow and we can discuss some ideas?”
“Sounds like a plan, shittykawa.” Iwaizumi said, smirking, leaving to go shower himself.
“Stop with the vulgar names Iwa!” Oikawa yelled after him.
Later that night, when Oikawa was at home and watching the tapes from today's game, his mind started to wander. He started thinking about that weird feeling he got while looking at Iwaizumi. He had never gotten the same feeling from being around his fangirls and they were always pressed upon him all the time. Why had he become angry when thinking about Hana Misaki, a girl he has never met?
The sound of his phone ringing brought him out of his trance. He looked at his phone and the caller Id showed it was Matsukawa. Oikawa reluctantly answered the phone.
“Hello, Matsukawa, did you need something?” He asked, wanting to slap himself from how sad his voice came across.
Matsukawa replied. “Hey, cap just called to check-in. You looked out of it in the locker room earlier.” Great, Oikawa thought to himself. Matsukawa picked up on my behavior earlier.
“Yeah everything is fine, I was just feeling fatigued.” He responded, hoping Matsukawa would believe him.
“Common Oikawa, I’ve known you for years. You’ve played harder games and have never spaced out like that.” He said, “Tell me the truth.”
Now there was a war going on in Oikawa’s mind. Does he bring up his problem to Matsukawa or does he try to figure it out himself? After a minute of a back and forth debate with himself, he decides to tell the truth. Uncharacteristically, Oikawa tells him everything, as he is tired of being confused, tired of trying to figure out his feelings by himself. While he was spewing his feelings, Matsukawa asked a question.
“Is this the first time you’ve felt this way?”
Such a simple, yet complicated question. Had Oikawa felt this way before and not known it? He racked his mind, digging in old memories with his best friend in them. His breathing grew faster, with realization. He had felt this way before but passed over it as being nervous for upcoming games.
Oikawa finally responded with tears in his eyes. “I think so.”
That night Oikawa fell asleep crying. During their phone call, Matsukawa brought up the possibility of Oikawa being in love with Iwaizumi. “That would explain the anger towards Hana Misaki and the nervous feeling when you look at him.” Matsukawa had said. Immediately after, Oikawa hung up. He could not handle that truth.
The next morning hit him like a truck. He rolled over and looked at his alarm clock. It read, 10:55 am. Oikawa got up and went into the bathroom, seeing himself in the mirror brought back last night's memories. His face was red and puffy, while his eyes were bloodshot. The reality of being in love with his best friend tore him apart because of the realization that Iwaizumi would never love him back. He had feelings for that Johzenji High girl, not Oikawa. Instead of breaking his own heart further, he texted Iwa saying he could not make it to their secluded lunch. He then turned off his phone and crawled back into bed and slept the day away.
He was woken up with a jolt a couple of hours later from someone banging on his bedroom door. Oikawa jumped out of bed and opened his door to see Iwaizumi standing there looking concerned.
“Where were you!” He exclaimed, “I thought we were going to meet for lunch!”
“I texted you,” Oikawa said not looking Iwa in the eyes. That nervous feeling was back.
“I know that. You’ve been acting weird since after last night’s volleyball game.” Iwa said.
“I’m not acting weird Iwa. I think you’re becoming delusional from your old age.” Oikawa responded with hopes that Iwa would stop pestering him.
“Stop avoiding the question Tooru. What’s going on with you?” He said, “Matsukawa called me this morning saying I should check on you.”
This made Oikawa angry. Why did Matsukawa call Iwa? Did he tell him about their conversation last night? Did he tell Iwa about his feelings?
“Why does something have to be wrong with me? Are you sure something isn’t wrong with you?” He yelled.
“What aren't you telling me, Oikawa?” Iwa yelled, “I thought we were good, you were even going to help me come up with a plan to ask Misaki out!”
“Oh, it’s always about Misaki now!” Oikawa exclaimed, “Does she even love you? Does she even know the real you? Would she love you like I would?!” He spoke so fast that he didn't even register the last question slipping out. He only realized when Iwaizumi went silent and his eyes grew big. What had he just done?
“What?” Iwa asked tentatively.
“Nothing Hajime, just leave.”
“No repeat that last question. Did you basically say you love me?” Iwaizumi asked with more confidence this time.
Oikawa knew Iwa wasn’t going to leave him alone, so he replied, spilling his heart. “Yes Hajime, I love you, I loved you since we were just stupid children. You make my heart race, you put butterflies in my stomach. I know you don’t feel the same, so just leave me here to loathe in self-pity.” He said, yelling the last sentence to hopefully get Iwa to leave. Instead of leaving, he said something that broke Oikawa’s heart even more.
“I’m sorry Tooru. I don’t love you like that.”
That sentence was the confirmation that Oikawa dreaded to hear. Iwa didn’t love him back. The boy broke out with sobs, he couldn't contain himself. Instead of leaving his best friend, Iwaizumi pulled Oikawa into his arms and repeatedly whispered, “I’m so sorry.”