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Even from the outside, racing was amazing.
A display of inhuman speed, only possible in cartoons and films with fake stunts, and on these circuits, of course, where ordinary people had the opportunity to see the magic happen in real life.
Rin could remember being twelve, seated next to Sae and their parents while his godfather drove in the track. Two or three cars passed by so fast they raised a cloud of dust that smacked him in the cheek. Starry-eyed, Rin turned his head to follow the cars until they were out of his vision, and his legs trembled with the impulse to run behind them.
It must have lasted something like half a second, but that was enough for Cupid’s arrow to hit him straight in the heart. Half a second or less, and Rin would be in love with racing for the rest of his life.
He was so young, a child getting up and yelling as he smiled. That was incredible! So fast!
His older brother ruffled his hair and made him sit down again.
One day, I’ll be faster. He bragged.
Sae used to race, too, though that was long ago. They never got to compete at the same time because Sae debuted in F1 younger than average, and Rin caught up years later, which might be to blame as to why the strain in their relationship never eased. Sae always thought Rin didn’t take racing seriously enough.
You can’t win just one title and retire; what the fuck do you think this is? Real fucking drivers get to be world champions more than once. They prove the first time wasn’t shitty luck. They start an era.
Sae had created one: The Itoshi Era, they called it. It lasted five years, making him one of the most outstanding drivers in F1 history.
When Rin won his first world title, some people said he was continuing the Itoshi Era. He hated the suggestion and had made snarky remarks when journalists counted his victory as some sort of extension to Sae’s legacy. Rin would make history on his own; he already had a trophy under his belt. He only needed five more, just to outdo Sae and make the Itoshi family name his on the Wikipedia page.
There was only one obstacle between him and his goal.
And said obstacle was currently driving.
Loki, the chief engineer in Rin’s team, whistled as he stopped the chronometer he had in his hand. He shook his head, fascinated by the numbers. Rin hated the little smirk the guy did whenever he delivered bad news — he enjoyed seeing Rin in trouble.
“1.22.108,” he said, “seems like you’ll be starting second, huh?”
Rin clicked his tongue, annoyed. “Let’s wait for the official results.”
“You already know what they’re going to say.”
They would say Isagi’s timing had been a hundred milliseconds shorter than Rin’s, so he would be starting first the following day, having earned his seventh pole position that year. In comparison, Rin would be second in the line-up, which pissed him off because it would show everyone Isagi had been quicker for qualifiers, even if Rin could still overtake him at some point in the race.
“Everyone has their days.” Loki clapped him on the shoulder, teasing him.
Rin was not allowed to have bad days. That was his personal rule. “What a fucking jerk,” he mumbled under his breath, crossing his arms as he stared at the McLaren coming into the pits.
Isagi came out of the car with the brightest smile in his royal blue race suit. He began talking to his team while Rin glared at him.
Isagi seemed satisfied with his results because he peeked at Rin as soon as he learned he had done better and dared to eye Rin up and down.
It felt like he had spit on Rin’s car.
The young Itoshi turned around and walked away, going to change. He unzipped his suit aggressively, ignoring Loki’s laughter.
Isagi wasn’t an amateur, and that was exactly why losing to him stung worse than coming second to anyone else. Like Sae once said: everyone could get lucky. They could beat him by accident. Rin just knew to make sure it wouldn’t happen again. With Isagi, however, Rin couldn’t attribute the results to luck alone. They were also competing when it came to their brains and their eyes.
For starters, Isagi wasn’t lukewarm like the rest. He was passionate, had a fire in him that seemed to have built up for years as if he had been born for racing. His heat was impossible to suffocate; nothing could stop him. He kept coming back after every single defeat.
Rin despised admitting Isagi was his most serious competition, but that was the sole truth.
Isagi had raced against Sae during his first year in F1. He had such a lousy season that he went back to F2 for an entire year before showing his face on the big leagues again, but Sae still invited him to an afterparty, which was when Rin saw him.
While Isagi wiped out his competition in F2, Rin was debuting and winning in F1, so he wasn’t surprised Yoichi recognized him, but he had no intention of befriending a loser.
I’m looking forward to going against you next season, Itoshi Rin.
The audacity to challenge him with that charming grin of his…, he was unbearable from the moment they were introduced. Rin knew Isagi would be a stone in his shoe, yet he underestimated how much worse he could get.
They’ve had a rivalry since the beginning of the season, and after losing the España Grand Prix last month to him, of all people, Rin had been really bothered by how close their scores were getting.
Isagi had become his shadow, always by his side in the podium, and now merely one point behind. But he would have to pry that trophy away from Rin’s cold dead hands if he wanted it that bad because Rin was not giving up. Ever.
He had trained the fire in him until his childish flame grew and consumed him whole. In that aspect, he and Yoichi were the same. Rin has obsessively studied to surpass his brother and everyone else. He’s mentally prepared himself to be the most perfect driver of their generation, and he now breathed and lived for racing, so nothing would knock him down or threaten his victory.
Not even Isagi with his deep, knowing eyes.
On his way to the hotel, Rin looked through the taxi’s window and rested his legs after the day’s efforts. He didn’t think of himself as an adrenaline junkie or an extreme sports person, but after being in the Mercedes, he tended to be a bit dizzy on the way home, confused by how slow the world around him moved.
After entering his room, he let his card fall to the ground and kicked it under the door. He felt dirty, wanted a shower so bad, but his body was tired too, and he didn’t want to fall asleep in the bathroom. So he sat on the bed instead.
He closed his eyes, fingers pinching the bridge of his nose as tension began unloading from his shoulders.
You know, Rin, if I were you, I would shut my mouth. But you talk too much for a jerk that will soon be replaced and forgotten. You’re a disappointment, to me at least.
“Hey”, Isagi cut his train of thought, closing the door behind him. “You were pretty mad, huh? Left as soon as the qualifiers were done.”
“What do you think?”
“It wasn’t even half a second.” Isagi pointed out, coming closer. He left the card on the nightstand and leaned over Rin, putting a hand on the headboard. “Are you going to be mad all night?”
“You stink,” Rin replied, looking away.
“And you don’t smell like roses,” Isagi said. “C’mon Rin, chill a little.”
“You can always go to your room ‘cause I’m not sure I’m in the mood for your shit today.”
Isagi smiled, tilting his head playfully. “Honey, you left me your keys at the door. I’m sure you are in the mood for something.”
They weren’t always like this.
At the beginning of the year, Rin couldn’t stand the sight of Isagi; his presence ticked him off in every sense. Then sexual tension sparked from his rivalry with the guy, and it was only after Rin’s first loss to Isagi — the Australia Grand Prix — that he took the driver by the collar of his shirt and crushed their lips together. The idiot deserved it.
I hate you so much, Yoichi; I’m going to murder you next time, don’t get fucking used to it. He complained as soon as the kiss was over, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, albeit it had been him who pulled Isagi in for a kiss and not the other way around.
Isagi looked like the type of guy whose brain would freeze after being caught off guard like that, but he surprised Rin pleasantly when he cornered him there, using his arm to prevent him from leaving.
The kiss you mean, or winning? Which shouldn’t I get used to?
Which do you think?
Rin was bold, sometimes too bold, so Isagi kissed him again because Rin had to remember his place was under him — he had lost that day.
They’ve been hooking up after every competition ever since, regardless of who won.
The line between hate and infatuation was thin, and before they knew it, the line between the latter and love had been blurred as well. They stepped all over it, probably while rushing to a hotel bed between kisses and bites, and perhaps because Rin didn’t kick Isagi out when they were finished but answered his questions instead since Isagi was always in a talkative mood after sex.
“You’re the worst,” Rin said, though he took Yoichi by the neck and whispered seductively against his ear. “I can’t wait to race you, you’ll need that little advantage you just got, ‘cause I’m not holding back.”
Isagi straddled his hips. “When have you ever held back?”
“Against you? Never.” Rin licked his lips. “But I’ll be especially mean tomorrow. So get ready to bite the dust.”
Rin’s blue eyes shone with competitiveness, framed by his wispy dark lashes. He was the most beautiful when he had that intensity in his eyes. It was Isagi’s second favorite look on him. His favorite was when Rin got flustered and had to break eye contact, which rarely happened, unless Isagi was complimenting him about something small outside of racing, or he was fucking Rin so good he made him cry and drool.
“Uhm, you said that yesterday and you still came second today; I’m wondering if you’re all bark no bite.”
Rin’s hands settled on Isagi’s waist, his grip firm, almost bruising. “Careful, Yoichi, you’re talking to the world champion.”
“And you’re talking to the next one.” Yoichi reminded him, smirking.
Rin took advantage of Isagi’s belief that he had the upper hand to flip their positions, pushing Isagi onto the bed to sit on his lap and hold his wrists against the mattress. Isagi simply raised a brow as if daring him to continue. “Don’t sing victory yet. Even if you win this one, there are two more competitions this season. I’ll certainly beat you in those.”
Instead of replying, and because this type of bickering was their foreplay, Yoichi just pecked Rin on the tip of his nose, then his lips.
“Knew you left the key there ‘cause you wanted me to fuck you,” he teased, grinding his hips against Rin in a way that made Itoshi bite his lip to swallow a gasp. “You’re weird at times, Rin. You hate losing to me, but then you always reward me. I wonder if you actually like me. ”
Oh. Isagi’s eyes brightened up a tad when Rin’s cheeks turned a pinkish color. Isagi always pushed his buttons until Rin had to admit how much he fucking liked him.
Rin tried to move away the second he realized Isagi had noticed his blushing, but as soon as he let go of Isagi’s wrists, one of the guy’s hands caught him and entwined their fingers together. Isagi’s other hand went to Rin’s back, caressing him.
“It’s okay, kitten. I like you too.”
Kitten?! No F1 winner would ever agree to such an awful pet name — hell, no person his age would. Rin blushed harder, though it was more out of embarrassment than any sappy feeling, and he snatched his hand away. He would’ve stood up if Yoichi weren’t holding him in place.
So Rin tried to squirm away. Again, he would’ve succeeded if Yoichi hadn’t begun to leave kisses all over his face, trying to appease him and effectively distracting him.
“Sorry, sorry,” he laughed, brushing his lips over Rin’s cheekbone. “Sorry.”
“You’re supposed to be an adult; act your age,” Rin grumbled.
Isagi giggled at that. “Right, right. I’m the immature one, not you, the guy that insists on keeping this relationship just between us.”
Ah , that discussion again. They had fought over it before, and sometimes Rin pushed and yelled and spat hurtful words, but Isagi was surprisingly patient, even if he didn’t agree or give in either.
It was a topic that went nowhere, and Rin disliked thinking of it because he did not want to think of how one day he might say things that may cause irreparable damage. Until now, Isagi was very forgiving, yet Rin had lost enough people to know even the most faithful ones could leave.
What are you planning, a fucking date? We aren’t dating, Isagi; open your eyes! This is fun. This is… we don’t have to ruin it.
You don’t really think loving me would ruin us, do you?
Rin didn’t have commitment issues, at least he didn’t think so, but his career came first. Loving Isagi would, indeed, make him weak.
He always thought Isagi would understand because he, too, had a passion for racing. Isagi ended up being a simple man, however. No, that didn’t sound right. No one was more exceptional to Rin than Isagi, or else he wouldn’t have feelings for him and his ardent heart. He meant that Isagi wanted normalcy in his life as well, and a romantic relationship was one of those mundane things that would fulfill him.
I’m not going to insist, but this isn’t getting us anywhere.
There’s no next level to achieve! We have sex, Isagi, sex . There’s nothing else I want from you!
Rin paused and sighed. There’s nothing I want but that trophy.
He had lied back then, refusing to even consider the needs of his heart because he was too focused on the ones in his mind.
It pissed Isagi off, being lied to. You already have one, what else do you need?! Trophies and titles don’t mean anything without people to share them with. What’s the fun of being completely alone?
Yoichi made a point because, honestly, it wasn’t fun. Rin wasn’t unhappy, but at times he craved love; even if he believed he would burn whoever tried to love him, it would break their hearts once they realized they were sharing him with speed and cars.
Yet he couldn’t bring himself to tell Yoichi to go away.
I’ll tell you what. If you steal that title from me, I’ll consider it.
If none of them were going to budge, let what brought them together decide. Rin didn’t plan on losing, neither did Isagi. Nevertheless, Rin might pursue a romantic relationship regardless of the results of the season… he wasn’t sure of it yet, had three more competitions to decide.
“Well, relationships are between two people, right? At least our arrangement is. There’s no reason for the rest to know.” Plus, it was amusing, being enemies in public while undressing in private.
“Uh-huh, whatever lets you sleep at night,” Isagi said. “But everyone will know once I get that trophy. I might even kiss you on that podium.”
“Bullshit,” Rin smiled, “I hate public displays of affection, and you’re not even out.”
“Too fucking bad, winner calls the shots.” Isagi shrugged.
“You can’t shove your tongue down my throat in public when you aren’t even my boyfriend,” Rin argued, his voice teasing even if his touch was tender, cupping Yoichi’s face with his hands.
“But I’m going to be, duh. For our first date, you’re coming to my house and marathoning all those horror movies you like so much.” He appeared to have it well thought out, making Rin raise both brows and turn a bit pinker. “Then I’m making you the best dinner at home, can’t let the world champion get food poisoning in Germany.”
“Who said our first date won’t be in France?”
“Winner calls the shots.” Isagi reminded him, grinning. “Unless you already thought of where to take me?”
“You’re easy to impress,” Rin told him, straightening up in his lap to think. “But French cuisine is exquisite; I would rather take you to a Michelin-star restaurant than show you my cooking skills which are nothing out of the ordinary.”
“So you’re a food snob, knew you couldn’t be so perfect.”
Isagi straightened up just to chase Rin’s mouth for a soft kiss. Rin could feel the stupid heat on his face at the praise — He was far from perfect. Sae would call him barely tolerable on his best day.
Yet, for some reason, Yoichi genuinely liked him. It was scary and also awfully exciting.
“And you’ll move in with me”, Yoichi mumbled against his mouth with his eyes closed, daydreaming . “You’re the worst pain in the ass, Rin, but you’ll move into my house with your Mercedes or my McLaren. We’ll get a dog and a cat, ‘cause I’m a dog person, but you’re too independent for one. I’ll also cook ‘cause if you aren’t bragging about your skills, you must suck. And I’ll kiss you goodnight every day even if we fight, sound good?”
“You’re getting too ahead of yourself, love.” But Rin rested his forehead against the driver’s regardless. “I’ll hate you for invading my space. I don’t even know German.”
“You can learn.”
“Yeah, I can.” Rin snorted. “But you haven’t won yet, you’re talking lots, and it’s gonna sound ridiculous once I beat you.”
“Oh, come on, Rin, let me be.” Isagi tried to glare at him, but his gentle eyes were unable to muster any malice, and Rin just kissed him to make it better, smiling.
“Sorry, sorry.” He said softly, “it sounds great.” Waking up next to you.
Rin’s never allowed himself to indulge too much in such scenarios, despite having imagined them too: Falling asleep to Yoichi and growing used to his creepy sleep talking and doing yoga in the mornings together or cooking breakfast for two.
At times, picturing a life with Yoichi made him feel stupid. Most of the time, though, it made him feel happy.
When Yoichi’s mouth went to his pulse point, his lips parted, leaving a wet trail from behind Rin’s ear to the base of his neck. Rin sank his fingers into the other’s hair and let out a relaxed sigh. “What are you doing?” he asked, shifting on Yoichi’s lap.
“We have to take a shower; you said I stank,” Yoichi replied as if that was enough explanation.
“Yeah, well, I never said we had to shower together.”
“It saves water.” Yoichi continued to kiss Rin’s neck, lapping and sucking while his fingers slid under Rin’s shirt. “Not my fault you’re so tall, at the perfect height for hickeys.”
“Jerk, don’t you fucking dare.” Rin suddenly snapped, pushing Isagi’s face away and causing him to laugh.
“I’m kidding, Rin! God, I know no marks or whatever.” He cackled.
His laughter was a common sound, not melodious or any other pretty descriptor, but it was honest. Yoichi was always sincere, especially in the way he loved. He was not afraid of big words like a relationship or deep feelings like admiration — he was like Rin, and he wasn’t because he was better than Rin, more mature at times.
Rin was fire , and like fire, he hurt people. He was abrasive; self-centered.
But Yoichi was fire as well , and he could do more than harm with that because, before Yoichi, Rin had never been loved in such a raw yet compassionate way.
And it wasn’t until Yoichi that Rin realized he could love like that too.