Work Text:
Seung-tak was exhausted in all the best ways possible.
After a nearly 8 hour long surgery successfully pulled off, the sun had long set, so he decided to crash in the on-call room for the remainder of the night.
It was still such a foreign feeling. He could feel the exhaustion pulling at every muscle in his body, weighing him down to the point he felt like he would sink through the mattress, and yet he had no memories of what had happened in the past 8 hours. It was as if he had gone to sleep, except instead of feeling well-rested, the very opposite was the case.
He turned his head slightly, looking over to where the ghost of his professor sat. He didn't look tired in the slightest.
Well, of course the other man hadn't exerted his own body, but keeping complete mental focus for such a period of time was bound to get exhausting too. And yet Young-min still had the energy to relay the prior events to him in every small detail.
Generally speaking, he appreciated that the man who regularly took over his body had come to inform him clearly about whatever happened during these periods, but right now he was entirely too worn out to pay proper attention. As long as he could be assured that the surgery went smoothly and the patient was stable, he could close his eyes peacefully and float in the exhilarating feeling of having saved someone's life.
“Seung-tak,” at some point, he had spaced out to the point he didn't even react to his name being called.
“Go Seung-tak!” Young-min all but yelled, finally causing the younger's eyes to snap open.
Seung-tak could have sworn his heart stopped right then and there.
Golden particles began surrounding Young-min, parts of his ghostly physical form slowly morphing into dust that glittered especially bright when hit by the light above them at the right angle.
Momentarily, both of their eyes were locked on his hands, then slowly traveled upwards until they met. Their expressions were unable to decide on whether they should be filled with horror or relief.
And then adrenaline began filling Seung-tak's every vein once more until the exhaustion had been completely wiped from his body, allowing him to bolt up and out of the room. He needed to get to Young-min's room as fast as possible.
After having spent months continuously checking up on him, Seung-tak could find his way there blind, but this time the sprint felt agonizingly slowly. His heart pounded in his chest brutally and he wasn't exactly sure whether that was due to the exercise or the turmoil of emotions brewing in his stomach.
Still, he pulled himself up the stairs and rounded countless hallways in record time until, finally, the door to his destiny was in sight. He couldn't waste time knocking, merely threw the door open and barged into the room.
There were two things he noticed.
Both of them made him wish he hadn't come.
For one, Se-jin was present as well, which wasn't so much of a surprise if not for the way she was sobbing by Young-min's bedside.
The second thing he noticed was also likely the reason she was crying. The only other sound filling the room was one, loud, drawn-out beep sound. He waited for it to end, for it to be followed by another beep, for there to be a steady, beeping rhythm. He held his breath. Waiting, waiting, waiting-
waiting in vain. The heart monitor attached to Young-min simply continued to emit that singular note until it made Seung-tak's ears hurt. He needed it to stop.
It felt like the sound was caused by his own heart - as if he had been the one to take his last breath upon entering the room and being exposed to the sight of a woman sobbing next to what was no longer more than a dead body.
He wanted to run, needed desperately to turn around until they were out of his sight and until he could no longer hear the deafening noises.
If he didn't hear or see anything, he could pretend it wasn't happening.
He shut his eyes. He covered his ears with his hands.
The image was still in front of him. The noises were still reaching him.
He couldn't run.
He could only face the truth.
He could only open his eyes and accept that Young-min was-
A strangled breath escaped his throat, reverberating in the room as something that sounded embarrassingly close to a pathetic sob.
It took Seung-tak an even more embarrassingly long moment upon actually opening his eyes to realize that he wasn't anywhere near the hospital.
No, he was in Young-min's apartment. Or more like their shared apartment, considering Seung-tak had pretty much unofficially moved in when they became more than just colleagues.
Right. Because Young-min was no longer a ghost. That entire era was nearly a year behind them and normalcy had returned to them as best it could.
Young-min hadn't-
Seung-tak swallowed, then laughed. Seriously? He was getting worked up over a stupid nightmare?
He knew it had been just that- a dream. He had been used to nightmares since he was eight.
And yet, it was as if he could still hear the never-ending beeping tone, dragging him into a world where he had failed and Young-min had slipped away from right under his hands.
It didn't help that the side of the bed next to his was empty and he was completely alone. Seung-tak knew the other man was working a night shift at the hospital and it was one of those times where their schedules didn't overlap, but his mind wasn't kind to him tonight.
What if something happened?
It was an overdramatic thought produced by mostly irrational anxiety, sure, but trying to calm his worries with logic was about as effective as hitting a bear with a twig in that moment.
In the end, he opted for picking his phone up, hesitating only slightly as his thumb hovered over the call button under Young-min's number. He pressed the phone to his ear and let it ring- how fitting.
The older man was usually hard to reach when he was at work, he took it very seriously after all, but Seung-tak was hoping he might catch him during a short break or something. As far as he knew there was no surgery scheduled for him that night, so the chances weren't super slim.
Still, the call went straight to voicemail. He could have figured.
With a sigh, he set his phone down again, then rolled over onto the other side of the bed, burying himself beneath the cover, closing his eyes and letting himself be surrounded by the scent of the man his heart was aching for.
His hopes of being able to fall back asleep weren't fulfilled. He was wide awake and his thoughts kept wandering to places in which Young-min wasn't by his side. He hated every second of it.
Again, he reached for his phone. 3:04 am. Seung-tak was off work that day and Young-min wouldn't return until noon (if everything went without emergencies, which it rarely did). It was still so long until then. He didn't think he could go that long without any signs that his fears were baseless.
Another sigh, followed by him ungracefully rolling to the edge of the bed, pulling himself into a sitting position. His limbs felt heavy, body still fighting fatigue even though his brain had clearly decided resting was not an option for him.
And so, he called himself a taxi and pulled some fresh clothes from the closet. They were a little too big on him and definitely not originally his, but these days his casual outfits mostly consisted of things he had stolen from his boyfriend anyway. He could swear that Young-min owned at least double the number of clothes Seung-tak did, and he had a whole room for a closet at home!
Those thoughts calmed him ever so slightly, perhaps even put a small smile on his lips. The domesticity that had settled into their interwoven lives was something he wasn't sure he would ever get used to, but in a good way. They both, together and as individuals, had come a long way- one Seung-tak could have never imagined back when he initially started his work at the hospital as an innocent resident with no intention of lifting much of a finger.
Cha Young-min really had done a number on him and then some.
Ah. Perhaps it wasn't the best time to think about the past.
Once fully dressed, he picked up his phone, wallet and keys and eventually made his way out of the apartment, jogging down the stairs – a habit he'd picked up from Young-min repeatedly telling him taking the stairs instead of the elevator was an efficient way of kicking your body into action in the morning.
The sun had yet to rise and it wasn't the warmest of weathers outside, but the slightly chilly atmosphere was surprisingly welcome in comparison to the stuffy, uncomfortable feeling he had woken up with, so the remaining wait for the taxi to arrive almost came as a positive.
The ride was quiet. Figures. Whoever was up driving people around in the middle of the night probably wasn't too keen on having fancy conversations, and Seung-tak mostly appreciated it. He didn't really feel like interacting with anyone that wasn't Young-min.
At least the apartment and the hospital weren't far apart, so it was barely ten minutes until the car stopped and he was let out in front of the huge complex that had become so familiar to him. He wasted no time entering, making his way towards the professor's office with a quick step.
Of course, he got interrupted on the way while running into Jae-won, who seemed surprised to see him.
“Seung-tak? What're you doing here? You're not on duty...is there another emergency?” the questions flowed from his mouth like water, voice laced with great urgency. It seemed like everyone was quite busy again.
“Nope,” he replied, stuffing his hands into his pockets nonchalantly, “I'm here for personal matters, actually.”
The third-year nodded slowly at that, seemingly curious about what that meant, but- “I won't hold you up, then. I need to get going, anyway, see you later!”
“Mhm, see ya,” Seung-tak waved, watching Jae-won continue down the hall. “Also, you owe me lunch for covering your shift the other day!”
Without turning around, the other made a hand gesture in response, indicating he had acknowledged what Seung-tak called after him. Satisfied with that, he also went on.
When the office finally came into sight, he saw light emitting from the window on the door, much to his relief. He stopped at the door to peek into the room and, sure enough, Young-min sat at the desk in the corner of the office, hunched over what was likely paperwork. Seung-tak always dreaded paperwork but Young-min, of course, was as serious about it as with all his other work. 'Organized and neatly done paperwork is as important for a good doctor as tending to patients' and whatever else he'd preach.
Seung-tak felt part of the weight lifted off his chest. Watching the other man work diligently was so much better than the pictures of an unconscious figure in a hospital bed.
And yet it wasn't quite enough. Seeing Young-min in action was something he had the...blessing? Curse? To experience even when the other had been in a coma and, if he didn't know better, he could be watching a ghost through the door.
Instead of suspiciously standing in the hallway any longer, Seung-tak finally opened the door and entered, not even bothering to knock or otherwise make his presence known in advance.
The doctor's head shot up immediately, ready to scold whoever intruded without notice, though his face quickly froze in surprise, then confusion. “Seung-tak? Why are you here?”
Well, that was a good question. For some reason, 'I had a nightmare in which you were a ghost again and I could do nothing but watch you die, so I needed to make sure you're okay to calm my nerves' suddenly felt too embarrassing to admit, so he just shrugged and opted for, “I just wanted to see you.”
Of course, Young-min could tell there was more to it; he had come to know the younger man better than he knew himself, really.
“You want to see me at 4 am on your day off?” he asked, raising an eyebrow at him. “The Seung-tak I know would never pass up an opportunity to sleep in.”
Yeah, Seung-tak sure wished he was sleeping in right now, actually. He didn't say that out loud. Instead, he simply moved next to Young-min and grabbed him by the wrist.
He almost teared up when their skin touched. No gold particles, no weird feeling of tension rippling between them, no losing consciousness upon getting close to him.
“What are you doing?” Young-min continued to ask as he leaned back in his seat, pulling him out of his thoughts again.
Seung-tak simply used the chance to pull Young-min a little closer and clumsily climb onto his lap until he was sprawled across him sideways, his legs hanging off the armrest and his arms wrapping around the man's neck.
Young-min repeated the last question, clearly puzzled at how oddly his junior was acting, yet he also didn't exactly do anything to stop him. “Someone could see us,” he added.
“It'll be fine, no one would dare to barge into your office unannounced,” he mumbled in response, choosing to further dodge any question he was being asked.
“Yes, except for a certain resident doctor of mine,” Young-min offered accusingly, though his tone was light-hearted, attempting to lift the somewhat heavy air Seung-tak had brought with him.
It worked a little. “Don't I deserve special boyfriend rights?” he grinned into his neck, resting his head against his shoulder. He could practically feel Young-min roll his eyes – though mostly at himself for not being able to resist the adorable junior in his lap.
“As you may know, I am clearly supposed to be working right now.”
“And you should know how little I care about that right now,” Seung-tak retorted.
It wasn't like he didn't think work was important. He did now and he, too, took it very seriously these days. But in that moment he simply wanted to be selfish.
And the professor knew just how serious Seung-tak was, meaning that whatever got him in this clingy mood must have been even more serious.
“Well,” he sighed in defeat, “I suppose a small break wouldn't hurt.”
Seung-tak smiled triumphantly at that, then let out a yelp of surprise when Young-min hooked his arms under him and both of them rose up until the older stood carrying him.
Young-min looked down at him, their faces mere inches apart, and his smile was so soft that Seung-tak's breath got caught in his throat. “Let's go and get some fresh air.”
He attempted to return the smile, nodded and then stole a quick kiss from his lips, relishing in every bit of physical contact they could share. In response, Young-min lowered his head and kissed him back properly before eventually setting Seung-tak down.
And so they left the office together, stopping by the vending machine to grab a drink before stepping outside, settling on an empty bench together. While they initially stayed a few feet apart, Seung-tak quickly closed any distance between them, taking one of Young-min's hands into his own where people wouldn't immediately see it.
The other didn't mind, going on about various work-related things. From the outside, people might think that Seung-tak did most of the talking, but over time he had found out that Young-min could be quite the chatterbox himself if he truly felt comfortable around someone. The fact that he was one of the few people who got to witness that always made his heart flutter.
So, tonight, he simply listened, again leaning his head on the other's shoulder. They couldn't get too close where colleagues could potentially see them, but Seung-tak would take as much as he could get and Young-min, who was usually more paranoid about getting caught, seemed more lenient as well. Perhaps that was due to him picking up on the fact that something had obviously been wrong and Seung-tak needed this.
“I had a dream,” he finally confessed after Young-min had finished a story and silence had embraced them for a while. “You died. I couldn't do anything.”
Young-min sucked in a breath.
“That's why you wanted to see me?” he asked, moving slightly so that they could look at each other properly.
The look on his face was filled with worry for Seung-tak, he had to look away. Both his hands moved back into his own lap, gripping at the can. He nodded slightly.
“Oh, Seung-tak...” he breathed, gently putting an arm around him to pull him closer again. When he was sure no one was around to see, he pressed a kiss to Seung-tak's hair. “I'm fine now, yeah? And most of that is all thanks to your effort.”
Seung-tak wasn't really convinced that it was 'thanks to him', but he appreciated that Young-min thought so. “Sorry for interrupting your work with something silly like that.”
“It's not silly at all,” he returned instantly. “I'm glad you came.”
Again, Seung-tak only nodded wordlessly, which prompted Young-min to add, “I don't plan on leaving your side again. I promise.”
Finally, Seung-tak looked up at him again. He held up his hand with his pinky pointed towards him. “Pinky promise?”
The professor chuckled, then interlocked their fingers. “Pinky promise.”
For the first time that night, Seung-tak was able to smile genuinely again.