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It had been A Day, with very capitalised letters and possibly even underlined and in bold. Daleks and time loops were not a combination any of them wanted to repeat. The Doctor wanted to launch straight into discovering what had happened to the lost treasure of the Flor de la Mar immediately with no pause, which said something about either her lack of need for rest, or more possibly a desperate attempt to avoid any kind of down time. Yaz wasn’t quite in the right place to consider these possibilities, given that her emotions were completely out of control by this point and she was running on pure adrenaline. Dan, however, could see it in both of them. One afraid to stop running, the other not knowing where to run.
It had been during the time loops that he had started the ball rolling because he had become so afraid that there would be no other opportunity. The thought of Yaz going through even a small amount of the sadness, pain and loss that he had experienced was more than he could accept. He also reckoned that her feelings for the Doctor were probably a hundred times stronger than his own feelings for Di, and that she had already gone through more than any person should have to.
Dan had made assumptions on first meeting Yaz and the Doctor, two women travelling the universe together, but he then questioned this seeing the way they interacted. He saw the terseness with which the Doctor occasionally responded to Yaz, as if keeping her at arm’s length. And he saw how Yaz just took it, without question, betraying just briefly, just for a moment, how much it had hurt. He’d had other things to concentrate on at that time, but it was still clear enough to him.
He’d seen it several times, including when the Doctor had saved them from the time storm and then finally been kicked out herself. He’d seen Yaz so completely focused on helping the Doctor in that moment, and how the Doctor had tried so hard to push her away. How, even when the Doctor shouted at her, Yaz just held on, whispering “All right.”
When they had first been sent back to 1901 by the Angels, he had the opportunity to see how much Yaz had evidently learned from the Doctor, and how much she was striving to be like her. The focused determination, the refusal to let emotion stop the drive to solve the problem. He’d also seen her completely lose control as the Doctor – untouchable on the other side of the boundary – had been turned into an angel. This was the only time Dan ever saw Yaz like that, when he’d physically had to hold her and stop her from just throwing herself into something that would have destroyed her; how she’d fought with every ounce of strength she had, her voice filled with absolute terror.
Of course, then he had been with her through four long years and seen her relentless determination to get back to the Doctor. Never giving up, not even for a second. But he had also seen her in the quiet moments, times when she had thought she was alone and safe to let go just the tiniest amount. Times when she thought Dan and Jericho were asleep. Times when she had gone for a walk, or stepped out for a moment. Dan knew she did not realise he had seen, and he knew that it would not have helped her remotely to confront her about it. But that New Year’s Eve, facing the possibility of death so immediately, he hadn’t been able to wait any longer.
The Doctor’s desperate fear of losing them, of losing Yaz, was obvious to him. But in practise this meant Yaz being pushed away again and again and again. His heart broke for her and finally, left by the Doctor in the basement, a quiet moment presented itself.
He’d not decided to say something lightly. A major factor in his decision had been not only what he saw from Yaz, but what he saw from the Doctor. He could see WHY she kept pushing Yaz away, and it wasn’t because she wasn’t interested back. Entirely the opposite in fact. This had been confirmed in spades when she had suddenly appeared in the tunnels under Liverpool, characteristically talking nineteen to the dozen. But when she had hugged Yaz, it was quite possibly the only time Dan had seen her quiet and still. And “hug” didn’t really seem an adequate word to describe the way the Doctor had clung to Yaz like her life depended on it. He’d have placed money on Yaz being the one to rush to hug the Doctor when they were finally reunited, but in fact it was the other way around.
If that hadn’t been proof enough of how the Doctor truly felt about Yaz, the scene he had accidentally stumbled in on when he’d gotten lost looking for the bedrooms was all the confirmation anyone could have asked for. He had not stopped kicking himself for calling out before he had walked into the control room and seen what was happening, because otherwise he would certainly have kept his mouth shut and could have snuck back out again unnoticed, he was sure of it. He saw the Doctor’s face, tears threatening to spill. He wasn’t exactly any kind of expert, but he would have bet his own left leg that she’d been literally seconds away from kissing Yaz.
So Dan was absolutely determined to do what he could to rectify the mistake of interrupting them.
The TARDIS had, inevitably according to Yaz, not taken them to find the lost treasure of the Flor de la Mar at all. Dan was beginning to learn that this was not an uncommon occurrence, but they decided to make the most out of the situation, having landed on a random planet in the middle of some kind of festival, and they headed out to explore the event.
Dan noticed quite quickly that the Doctor seemed to be making a concerted effort to remain on the opposite side of him to Yaz. A couple of times he tried to get out from between them by feigning interest in whatever random thing they happened to be passing and moving away from them, but every time the Doctor would just follow him and enthusiastically explain something about what he had seen, leaving Yaz looking slightly lost and forlorn. He noticed this. Either the Doctor didn’t, or was pretending not to, so he gave up trying to move from between them and instead tried to make Yaz smile.
He was worried about his friend. The week after the defeat of the Flux the Doctor had thrown herself into the TARDIS repairs with her entire focus. Yaz had shown Dan around the parts of the TARDIS she knew, though even that activity was a little fraught given the after-effects of the Flux. On one occasion she’d opened a door announcing the swimming pool inside was a sight to behold, only to discover they were teetering on the edge of a seemingly bottomless pit. She had slammed the door shut again and suggested they get a cup of tea and a biscuit instead.
But she had seemed subdued and not her usual self. It wasn’t the same as those years stuck in the early 1900s, where she had worn the protective armour of their task almost constantly, though he’d glimpsed through the cracks and seen how much she was hurting underneath. Now he saw an uncertainty about herself that was uncharacteristic. She had been so driven during those few years, that now she did not have something to fight for, there was an anxious restlessness about her. She had explained that life on board the TARDIS was usually pretty hectic and that this quiet week was not the norm at all. The Doctor remained distant and occupied with working deep in the TARDIS entrails under the console, and Dan would try to keep Yaz occupied in whatever way he could.
After the events of the unexpected New Year’s Eve in Manchester, however, the Doctor seemed very concerned with not pausing for breath, hence their arrival not on the Flor de la Mar, but on some distant planet in the middle of a huge festival. It was warm and sunny, and despite the large numbers of people present, the layout of the area was spacious and did not feel too crowded. They appeared to have entered the festival site in the food section, judging from the delicious scents wafting towards them. Dan’s stomach growled loudly, causing both the Doctor and Yaz to turn to look at him in unison.
“Hungry, then, Dan?” questioned the Doctor with a smile.
“Dan’s always hungry, right?” Yaz teased gently with a nudge of her elbow. Which was apparently all the encouragement the Doctor needed to launch into a lengthy explanation of the offerings provided by each stall. Finally they passed one serving what appeared to be some alien version of hot dogs and Dan proclaimed this was the one for him. After receiving a handful of what was apparently the local money, he launched himself into the midst of the group gathered around it before the Doctor could follow.
The Doctor and Yaz were left standing awkwardly together. Neither looked at the other, Yaz keeping her eyes firmly on Dan as he made his way closer and closer to the stall and the Doctor looking everywhere but at Yaz. From the midst of the throng, Dan glanced back and saw this, to his frustration. He waved and smiled back at Yaz, but she acted as if she didn’t see him at all, and he realised that whilst she wasn’t looking at the Doctor, her attention was very firmly fixed on her. He had to do something to break the tension between them. Once he had managed to acquire some food and make his way back to the hapless pair, he suggested they head towards the music field and check out what was happening there.
He was delighted to discover as they got closer that there was a booth in which to make music requests. He slapped both the Doctor and Yaz on the back and bounced off to speak to the person taking notes down, leaving the two women once again in an awkward silence.
Yaz tried to focus on the music coming from the stage. It was quite pleasant – not too loud and very easy on the ears. The crowd was spaced out in small groups around the field, chatting, watching or swaying to the sounds, all of them smiling and relaxed. Yaz felt anything but relaxed. She didn’t really understand what was happening with the Doctor, except that it was abundantly clear the other woman was trying to avoid her. Whilst Yaz had felt encouraged by Dan’s suggestion that she talk to the Doctor about her feelings, in reality this was a terrifying prospect and she found that right now, her brain had basically shut down and was not allowing her to even try. It didn’t help that the Doctor seemed to be completely engrossed in examining some leaflet she had been handed by a random stranger. She took a deep breath.
“What’s it about?” she inquired, causing the Doctor to visibly jump.
“What?” The Doctor looked at Yaz in surprise, dragged out of whatever deep thoughts had been occupying her.
“The leaflet, what’s it about?”
“Oh, er… it’s all about… the festival…” It was clear that she had not, in fact, been reading the leaflet. Yaz wondered what she had been thinking about instead. But talking about the festival seemed a safe topic.
“Does it say what the festival is about?” she inquired, attempting a bright smile which she feared was coming over a little too manic.
The Doctor tried to focus on the leaflet rather than disappearing back into her own thoughts again, and then she saw what was written on the leaflet. Silently, she held it up for Yaz to see: emblazoned across the middle of the paper were the words “Festival of Love! Spend the day with the one most special to you!” surrounded by a plethora of hearts of different sizes and colours.
Yaz couldn’t stop her face from flushing and she rapidly looked away, pretending to be disinterested, hoping the Doctor hadn’t noticed. Her eyes betrayed her, though, flicking momentarily back to the Doctor who was watching her carefully, her own cheeks definitely pinker than usual. Yaz cleared her throat and started looking around desperately for Dan to return. Yes she needed to speak to the Doctor, but today just wasn’t going well and now she just wanted the ground to open up and swallow her. This wasn’t the right time to say anything at all.
“Where did Dan get to?” she muttered, aware that the Doctor was STILL watching her, and now it was all she could do not to just make some terrible excuse and run off as fast as her wobbling legs could carry her. Her heart was beginning to race and she felt her face getting warmer still.
As if it wasn’t all suddenly enough of a disaster, the lead singer on the stage announced that their next song was the national song of love, and that everyone should take the opportunity to hold the one they loved. Panic gripped Yaz and all she could think was that this was turning into a catastrophe, perhaps she should just head back to the TARDIS.
“I think I might…. I mean… perhaps I should…” she began to stammer. But she hadn’t noticed the expression on the Doctor’s face. It had begun as slight embarrassment at discovering what the leaflet said. Then it turned into intrigue at Yaz’s flustered reaction, and finally was showing something inscrutable, but altogether softer. The Doctor reached out a hand to take one of Yaz’s, which made any further words die on Yaz’s lips as she stared back, not understanding what was happening.
And the next thing she knew, the Doctor was gently pulling her closer, then wrapping her arms around her, burying her face into Yaz’s neck. Yaz found herself being held so softly, as if she might break, in strong but careful arms that Yaz never wanted to let go of her. She slid her own arms around the Doctor’s back, and unlike the hug in the tunnels when she had been so stunned she had almost not know what was happening, this time she was fully aware of it: the feel of the Doctor pressed against her, the warmth of her breath on her neck. She could feel every breath the Doctor took, even feel her hearts beating against her chest.
Yaz’s eyes closed and there was only the Doctor. Everything else drifted away. Her worries about how to speak to the Doctor, what to say, what might happen… none of that mattered right now. She felt safe in that moment, like nothing bad could ever happen. A single tear fell down her cheek into the Doctor’s hair.
“I’m sorry,” the Doctor breathed into Yaz’s neck. “For everything. We can talk when we get back to the TARDIS.”
The music floated from the stage over the field where the two women were lost in each other’s arms, nothing else existing around them.
From the edge of the field, Dan watched them and smiled.