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Anxiety was something that Spencer had never been diagnosed with. To be fair, he'd never allowed himself to be diagnosed with anything. Although he'd never gotten the clinical diagnosis from a medical doctor, he wouldn't be surprised if he was told he had it.
His palms began to perspire while the hair stood up on the back of his neck. His heartbeat had picked up considerably, and he knew that his pupils were dilated even if he couldn't see them. He wiped his palms on the sides of his slacks, hoping to make it look as casual as possible.
"Everything okay?" she asked.
She smirked as she stood beside him in the break room to make her cup of coffee. He stumbled back slightly to give her more space and placed a hand on the countertop in an attempt to appear more casual.
"You seem a little… out of sorts," she added, turning to face him while her mug filled with coffee.
"No, not out of sorts. I didn't sleep very well last night," he began, clearing his throat. "Did you know that continuous lack of sleep can produce signs of acute psychosis in some cases?"
Y/N shook her head and pulled her coffee mug from the Keurig, wrapping her hands around the warm ceramic.
"Are you trying to tell me that you've gone insane?"
If he hadn't seen the teasing smirk on her lips, Spencer would have spent the next ten minutes attempting to convince her that he hadn't.
"Funny. You're funny," he chuckled.
The feeling of comfort that he felt after spending enough time around Y/N was something he hadn't experienced with a person before. There was always a feeling of awkward tension surrounding the atmosphere when Spencer spoke with people. But somehow, Y/N could cut through that tension and make him feel at ease in ways that nobody else had before.
"Thank you," Y/N nodded, taking a sip of coffee from her mug. "All of my friends agree that it's better to be funny than pretty."
"It’s a good thing you’re both, then.”
The surprised look on Y/N’s face confirmed that Spencer had spoken his thoughts out loud. The tightening of his muscles began to spread rapidly through his body while he racked his brain for ways to get out of the awkward situation.
“I mean, you’re not both. Well, you are, but I didn’t mean to make anything weird. Sorry if I did—”
“Spencer, it’s okay,” Y/N chuckled.
She reached forward and patted his arm, giving it a gentle squeeze before pulling away.
“If you need to nap, just let me know, and you can sleep in my car,” she smirked, giving him a final look before leaving the break room with her mug between her hands.
Spencer sighed when she was out of earshot and leaned back against the counter. He ran his hand through the shoulder-length locks on his head and rubbed his temples when he brought his hand forward again.
“I would ask how that went, but I’m guessing not well,” Derek said as he reached for a paper cup to get himself coffee.
“She thinks I’m insane,” Spencer said, pulling his hand from his face and stepping away from the counter.
Derek furrowed his eyebrows and glanced at Spencer while filling up his cup, “She was in here for like five minutes; what happened?”
“You know what happened,” Spencer deadpanned.
“You got awkward, and she left?”
Spencer sighed.
“What’d you tell her, pretty boy?” Derek asked.
He set the manual coffee pot down on its stand and turned to Spencer.
“We were talking about me not sleeping well last night. I told her that a continuous lack of sleep could produce signs of acute psychosis. She asked if that was my way of telling her I’d gone insane. I told her she was funny when I realized she was messing with me. She said that her friends told her it was better to be funny than pretty. I told her it was a good thing she was both.”
Derek’s eyebrows rose in surprise – nearly the exact face Y/N had given him when Spencer told her she was pretty.
“That’s a good line,” Derek nodded in approval. “What did she say?”
“Nothing,” Spencer sighed. “I tried to backtrack and made everything awkward.”
“Why would you backtrack?”
Derek took a drink from his cup while waiting for Spencer to answer.
“Because she might think I like her.”
“You do like her.”
“I know, it’s just…” Spencer trailed off, pacing from the refrigerator to the counter where Derek stood. “What if she doesn’t like me? And then it makes things awkward, and she never wants to speak to me again?”
Derek watched Spencer intently as he spoke and waited for a moment to respond as he thought of his word choice.
“You do know that we’re talking about Y/N, right?” Derek asked. “The woman who went out of her way to help you move into your new apartment when she had plans with her friends. The same woman who's been dropping hints for the past two months that she’s interested in you and you haven’t caught onto them yet.”
“She hasn’t been doing that,” Spencer disagreed with a shake of his head.
Derek chuckled, “You may be a genius, but the fact that you never had a true high school experience is really biting you in the ass, Reid.”
Spencer sighed, “What should I do?”
Derek gave him a sympathetic smile and patted his shoulder a few times.
“Take a walk and think about how you want to ask her out,” he said. “Because that’s the only thing left to do.”
Spencer’s eyes widened slightly at the thought as he gave Derek a worried look.
“You don’t have to do it today,” Derek reassured after seeing his friend’s worry. “But if you’re interested in her, it has to be soon. And remember to be casual. She’s an easygoing person; you don’t need to do anything fancy.”
Spencer nodded, a weak smile on his lips when Derek left the break room after throwing his empty coffee cup in the trashcan. He could take a walk and think about it. There were so many options to consider.
When would he ask her? How would he ask her? Where would he ask her? How should he react to her response? Where should he take her if she agreed?
He knew that his feet had begun to walk, and he realized they had carried him to the elevator as he waited for it to reach the floor. As he gnawed on his lower lip, his mind continued to race.
As the elevator doors opened, Spencer walked through, sticking one hand in his pocket while the other fiddled with the keycard attached to his belt loop. When the doors closed again, he could feel the elevator moving to a lower floor. The flip in his stomach and brief lightheadedness brought him back to reality for a moment.
He gave a weak smile to the man who entered the elevator and motioned upwards when he asked which direction Spencer was traveling.
Spencer let his mind roam with possibilities during the short elevator ride. If he asked her out and she agreed, he wanted to take her out to dinner. Somewhere nice, but not too fancy because she wouldn’t like that. Somewhere she didn’t feel self-conscious if she wasn’t dressed up.
But if he asked her out and she told him that she didn’t want to, how would he respond? Awkwardly walk away? Tell her that he was joking? Ask her to forget he ever suggested going out?
His stomach turned when the elevator doors opened, but he felt a sudden boost of confidence in his chest when he saw Y/N sitting at her desk through the glass doors to the bullpen.
It was as if his body were on autopilot as he started for the doors. He cleared his throat before pulling the door open, wanting to make sure his voice was clear.
Just be casual.
Derek’s words rung in his head like an echoing church bell as he approached Y/N’s desk. She smiled and looked up from her paperwork as Spencer pulled a chair up to sit beside her.
“Hey,” she smiled, looking up from her work. “Are you taking me up on that nap offer?” she asked.
Spencer smiled and shook his head, “No. I actually wanted to ask you something.”
“Oh. Sure, what’s up?” Y/N asked.
Her smile met her eyes in a way that could only be described in romance novels. Spencer could feel his tense shoulders beginning to relax as he looked into them.
“Can I take you out to dinner this weekend?” he asked.
The words slipped out of his mouth faster than he was able to filter through them.
“Yeah, that would be great,” she said. Her smile softened as a faint blush spread over her cheeks and nose.
“That’s amazing,” Spencer said, drumming his fingers on top of her desk. “I should get to work, but we can work out the details tonight if you want.”
“I’d love that,” Y/N smiled. Her eyes followed him momentarily as he stood up and returned to his desk.
Not even thirty seconds had passed after Spencer sat down at his desk when Derek rolled his chair over. Spencer sighed and turned to Derek with an expectant look.
“Did she say ‘yes’?” Derek asked, his head leaned over slightly as he asked the question in a quiet tone.
Spencer chuckled, “She did.”
“Were you casual?”
“I was.”
Derek chuckled and shook his head, “Were you freaking yourself out over nothing, pretty boy?”
Spencer sighed and turned to his friend with a weak smile, “Don’t you have work to do?”
Derek laughed and used his feet to roll himself back to his desk while Spencer felt the warmth of blush tinting his cheeks and neck. He glanced at his cell phone on his desk when the text message tone sounded and smiled when he saw Y/N’s name on the screen.
If you like Italian food, Giorgio’s is really good.
I do like Italian food. That sounds great.
Perfect! It’s a date.
Spencer looked up from his phone after reading her response. If anybody were watching him, they’d know what was going on, but he didn’t have the capacity to worry about it. Y/N met his eyes and smiled after seeing that he was blushing before turning back to her work.
The anxiety in his nervous system wasn’t even lingering anymore. The weight of worry had dissipated from his mindset.
Now the only thing concerning Spencer would be putting on enough deodorant so he wouldn’t sweat through his dress shirt at a nice Italian restaurant.