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History was arguably the worst class. James hated it. The essays to write were too long, the books to read were too long, and the classes to attend were too long. The only history lessons James would accept are the stories Regulus rambles about in the middle of the night when his barriers lower. James would perish to hear his voice paint the stories of men dying in long past wars or gods who punish their people for the smallest of things. Regulus’ favorites were the Greek myths. He always talked for hours about the morals of Theseus, Icarus, or whatever story he told that night. “James Potter. Would you like to tell us who the first king of Persia was?” a creaky voice rings from across the room.
“King Cyrus the Great” history where you can’t make a joke because Professor Binns’ attitude is even enough to bring down James Potter.
***
“Look, I don’t understand why you hate it so much.”
Regulus gets sent a glare, “Have you met Professor Binns? Or do Slytherins get some really cool, really fun history teacher I don’t know about?”
“He’s not all too bad.” Another glare. “Oh come on. You’re being petty.”
“I am not being petty, he sucks.”
Regulus, done with the whining, turns over and grabs their thrown to the side books. Regulus sighs at the carelessness.
“Do you want Little Women,” he raises his left hand, “or Greek Mythology?” he raises his right hand.
“Hm, I don’t want Little Women to end yet. I’m already missing them just thinking about there being an end.”
“There are sequels, you know? It may take time to get them, but Christmas break is coming up. I'm sure I could sneak to a muggle library to get them.”
“Wow Regulus Black, heir of the Blacks, reduced to stealing?” James lets out a mocking gasp.
“Oh shut up,” Regulus chuckles, “If anything, the Blacks would praise me for taking it from muggles.”
“Ah fair. I’ll get the books though, I don’t want you risking yourself any more than you already are by being there.” James pauses reassessing which book to choose, “I still want the Greek myths. As much as I love Jo, sometimes she doesn’t give off the same satisfaction as those dead, gay Greeks.”
“They weren’t all gay really, but alright who do you want to hear?”
“Yeah, sure Regulus ‘they weren’t all gay’ have you been reading the same stories I’ve been hearing?”
“Ah, well okay maybe a little, but there’s still like... Theseus.”
“Oh no, the one straight man of history. The only one left of his kind.”
Regulus lets out a small laugh, “Fine since you’re being so rude to the heterosexual Theseus, I’ll read you him.”
“Oh god! How dare you subject me to such fate.” James dramatically places a hand over his forehead and falls over. His head makes it through Regulus’ arm, and he lays it on his chest.
Regulus was at a loss. Theseus may be straight, but Regulus was not, and having his boyfriend be so affectionate was not something he could handle.
“You alright there, Reg?”
“Yeah- yeah I’m good. Sorry.” James tilted his head up to see Regulus’ face.
“Oh no, have I finally been too loving towards you? Has my love broken you?”
“Shut up.” He flicked James on his head, “Do you want to hear about Theseus or not?”
James cackled, “Fine go on then, Reggie boy.”
***
Regulus looks across the great hall trying to catch the eye of James. It was a small tradition between the two. Regulus was always filled with pride when James looked back. Today it looks like Lily Evans is stealing that spotlight as James is caught in a laughing fit with her.
Fine. That’s fine. Regulus has his own Evan to hang out with anyways. He would be so caught up in conversation with Evan Rosier he wouldn’t even think about James.
“Black, you alright there?”
“Hm? Oh right sorry, Rosier.”
“No need to be sorry, just sit down, you look like you’re about to pass out. Speaking of, did you see the work Professor Binns assigned? If anything would make me pass out it’s that.”
“Yeah, I mean he sucks.”
“Right?!”
So it begins, the most involved in a conversion Regulus will ever be. He is most certainly not reminded of James’ unfounded hate for history class.
***
He better come today, Regulus thinks to himself. James, for some unknown reason, skipped out of their meeting yesterday, and Regulus was ready to drill him about it.
“Sorry, I’m late!” James’ voice pours out from the doorway of the astronomy tower, “Some group of first years decided that they would stay up- you alright?”
Regulus straightens up from his position against the wall, “Where were you?”
“I told you the first years-”
“No, not today, yesterday. Where were you?”
“Oh! I knew I forgot something! Sorry, Lily-”
“Ohh of course Lily.”
“-wanted to hang out with us yesterday. What’s wrong with Lily?” James sounds worn out.
“Nothing, nothing,” Regulus would not lose James over this. He refuses. “Let’s just finish Little Women, yeah?”
“Hm? Yeah sure yeah.” James settles down leaning his head against the wall and closes his eyes. Regulus slides down next to him and begins to read.
As they read, Regulus finds himself forgetting any anger he had for the drowsy boy. As they read, Regulus finds himself wanting to stay there forever. As they read, Regulus begins to understand James’ need to keep the March sisters around just a little longer.
***
James decides that this day is his least favorite of every day ever in the year. The last day before Christmas break. Regulus was leaving, and there was nothing he could do.
“Can’t you just not go?”
“And where would I go instead, James?” Regulus asks, worn out from already having this conversation a dozen times.
“I don’t know. Isn’t there anywhere else?”
“You are the only person I am close to who doesn’t kiss the ground Walburga walks on.”
“Barty and Evan can screw off.”
“Well, I can’t get rid of them.”
“And why not?”
“How do you want me to explain that? ‘Oh dear mother, I have dropped my only friends because they don’t hate you’ hm or I could say ‘Oh dear mother, I have dropped my only friends because my secret boyfriend who is actually the James Potter, you know the one you hate and hangs around your not-son, really wants me to.’”
“Whatever. I just wish there was another way.”
“Trust me, so do I,” Regulus mutters.
“After the break, I’ll get you something for Christmas. I’m already planning on getting those Little Women sequels.”
“I’ll try my best to get you something as well. I do love you, you know?”
“I know.” And James did know, but he forgot to say it back.
***
Christmas was not a fun time at the Blacks, and this year was no different. There were nonstop meetings with death eaters and a few surprise visits from the dark lord himself. Regulus heard talk of someone new getting their dark mark. He knew he was becoming due for his as well.
Regulus thought of what he would do when the time came. Would he run off like Sirius? He didn’t think so. He was not his brother. Then would he accept his fate? He didn’t believe that either. The thought of James ever seeing it filled him with too much disgust to bear. What's left then? Would he diplomatically say no? He supposed it is all that's left.
Regulus has his head propped on James’ dragging his fingers through his mess of hair.
“My mother may ask me to take the mark soon.” Regulus mumbles.
“What?” James sits up, knocking into Regulus’ chin.
“Yeah? What’s so surprising? You knew it would happen sooner or later.”
“So soon?”
“I mean most likely. Why are you getting riled up?”
“Why am I getting riled up? Why aren’t you?”
“We knew this would happen. I mean I was planning on saying-“
“So what, you're gonna take it and leave? Leave me?” James is spiraling.
“No of course not-“
“No? So you were going to carry on like that wouldn’t affect me?”
“Of course not, James.”
“After all I’ve done-“
“Excuse me? After all you’ve done?”
“No that’s-“
“After all you’ve done.. oh I'm so sorry, my savior. My dear Theseus, save us all.”
“That is not what I meant.”
“Oh, but isn’t it? I mean you did the same for Sirius. Oh well, not the same I should say. You let him into your house. You know during those conversations about ‘oh please don’t go back there’ not once did you offer me into your home?”
“Reg-“
“I wanted it too. I was waiting for you to invite me. I would’ve jumped on it. I didn’t want to spend a second in that house I didn’t need to.”
“Reg, of course, you could’ve come to live with me.”
“Then why didn’t you say so? Were you too busy saving my dear brother? Were you too busy getting close to Evans?”
“Don’t bring her into this.”
“And why not? You’re the one finding my replacement.”
“I am not.”
“Aren’t you, Theseus? Don’t abandon me here.”
“I can’t do this.”
“Oh really, Potter? You’re going to run away?”
“I’m not dealing with this right now.” He turns away.
No. Please. Stay. Just a little longer.
***
They still met up the days afterward, but neither would stay for long, and the original spark was dim. Soon neither of them would show up to the tower, they wouldn't send looks across the Great Hall, and Theseus would begin to collect dust in the bottom of James’ drawer.
Regulus is torn. Summer is here, and his previous plan to ‘diplomatically say no’ is becoming less and less of a likely outcome. Walburga had sent more letters than usual. She’s never been so involved in his life. Regulus is stranded. The way he sees it there was only one option left, and when his mother’s voice calls from downstairs he knows what is coming.
“Are you ready?” And he thought Binns’ voice was creaky.
“Yes.” He holds out his arm.
“Good.” The dark lord’s wand presses into Regulus’ freezing skin. The pain only lasts for a moment, but it feels as though it killed and resurrected Regulus, “You can put your arm down.” He does. He does not look at what was branded there. The thought makes him sick.
***
“Regulus?” Regulus turns around at the familiar sound of James, “Is it true?”
“I’m sorry you’re going to have to be specific.” We don’t talk anymore, remember? Don’t come back now.
“The mark? Did you get it?” James looks desperate for an answer he won’t get.
“Yes.” Don’t show emotion.
“How? How could you?” Perfect Potter gets to show all the emotion he wants.
“Walk away, Theseus. This isn’t your story anymore.” James keeps still, and Regulus sees that as his cue to leave. As he moves down the corridor, a small “I love you” is lost to the wind.
***
There they stand. Separated from the others although the crack of their spells could still be heard in the distance. Their wands were raised prepared to mimic those same sounds.
James’ drops first. Regulus’ didn’t drop until James has his arms locked around the younger’s frame.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have left you there.” James weeps into Regulus’ shoulder.
Regulus is melting at the touch, “It’s alright. Calm down, Theseus.” It is not alright, but James did not need to know that.
James chuckles. “Y’know that’d be a nice nickname if you didn’t put such harsh connotations behind it.”
“There's some positive connotation somewhere in there.” This was easy.
“I think the fact you’ve established him as heterosexual erases the positive of anything that comes with it.” Too easy.
Regulus pulls back from James’ grip and looks him in the eyes, “Hey.”
“Hey.”
Regulus pulls him back into the hug maybe a little too hard, so that both of them are now tangled in the dead grass and each other. Regulus can’t tell where the laughing is coming from, but when he focuses he realizes it’s both of them.
The way their hands meet, the way their words intertwine, the way their presences greet each other all scream, ‘hello it’s been a while’ as though they’ve been waiting.
The sun is setting now, but they’re not planning on leaving. Everything is happening too fast. It will never feel like enough time.
Soon their hands let go, soon their words uncoil, soon their presences say goodbye, and it all still feels too soon. When they leave one returns to silence while the other returns to cacophony. Neither responds to it.
***
It was the least he could do for him. It was the only thing left he could do.
Regulus found the source of Voldemort’s immortality, and he plans to stop it. A philosopher would probably tell him that he’s doing this for all the wrong reasons. He wants to finally pay back James. Is that so bad? In the end, James couldn’t save him, but he tried, and that was the least he could ask for.
He looks down at the basin, and the swirling potion looks back. He hears Kreacher’s shuffling behind him.
He grabs the cup and takes the first drink. Flashes of his mother appear in his mind, and pain shakes his body. He takes another. His father is there as well, and he has to grab the basin to keep himself standing. He takes another. Each drink was worse and worse. He can barely make out Kreacher’s worried sounds behind him. He continues. It seemed never-ending. The memories. The pain. Until it stops. Somewhat. The memories are still there and the pain is still unbearable, but he could see the locket.
He latches onto it like it was his life that was connected to it. He feels it deserves to be at this point. He moves his arm behind him, and the second he feels the locket leave his hand he collapses.
Kreacher says something about helping him back. Regulus refuses and tells him to leave, to go back himself. He regrets that now. He doesn’t want to be alone.
The pain is still present but bearable now. He stumbles onto his feet. Water. That is the first thing he sees. He scrambles over to it. Desperate for its relief.
He reaches in, and screeches appear around him, and arms latch on to him pulling him forward. He succumbs. He has nothing else. He has done what he needed to.
He falls further and further to the depths of the pool. Hands still digging into his skin. Surely the gods would forgive him if he let himself have this happy moment. To imagine those hands as James. As he thinks, the hands become softer, and the touches become acts of comfort rather than horror. He remembers the nights in the astronomy tower. And then he doesn’t.