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The cold air blew strongly hitting my already red cheeks. A few meters away someone stumbled on a plastic red cup and it made an ugly scratchy sound that was soon swallowed by the strong bass coming from the big black speaker on the floor.
I curled in on myself on the chair I was sitting on, in an attempt to warm up a little, holding my best friend’s beer bottle to my chest, almost hugging it and stuck my free hand inside my coat’s pocket.
Johnny will have to endure endless movie nights watching the 2005 adaptation of Pride and Prejudice over and over for dragging me out to yet another one of his friends’ parties in this cold ass weather.
My fingers are numb from the cold liquid inside the bottle and I’m pretty sure my nails will be purple by the time Johnny finally comes back and takes this wretched bottle from my hand. Why does he even like beer anyways? It tastes horribly and smells even worse.
Just as I’m scowling at the bottle and wondering just what the hell took Johnny so long, a flash of movement catches my eye and I see his head peeking above a group of people hanging around near the table filled with chips and various bottles of alcohol. Only when he was a couple steps away did I notice the paper cup covered almost entirely by his hand.
“Here” he said, holding the cup in front of my face
Quickly, I pulled my hand out of my pocket and took it from him, noticing how much bigger it looked now that I was holding it.
I looked up to look at him, “What?”
“It’s tea, I could see your teeth chattering from over there and asked Mark if I could steal some his roommate's fancy infusions”
The fluttery feeling in my chest made me smile and in a poor attempt to ignore it, I dramatically cried out to my best friend “Johnny, you life saver!” Pushing the beer to his chest.
Laughing, he quickly grabbed it brushing his knuckles against my own and sat on the empty plastic chair beside me. The flutter returned tenfold and before my thoughts wandered too far from reality, wondering if he also felt the same sensation his fingers left behind on mine from that single fleeting touch a moment ago. I raised my hand up to his face and pressed my still tingly, and very cold fingers to his cheek.
“Look, I can’t feel my fingers” I smiled teasingly.
He jumped up at the feeling “Holy shit!” He said, eyes opened wide and looking straight into yours.
You lowered your hand, laughing at his reaction. “You took your sweet time out there and I almost lost my hand to frostbite!”, I cried out. Johnny threw his head back and joined my quiet laughing.
He took a sip from the glass bottle he was now holding and with his free hand he reached out and took mine. The contrast between his big warm hand and my small frozen one brought a shiver down my spine and I happily welcomed the warmth he provided and allowed myself to enjoy the butterflies his touch awakened inside my stomach if only for a little while.
He placed the bottle on the ground next to his feet and tugged down the sleeve of his hoodie to cover his cold hand and placed it on top of mine sandwiching it.
He started rubbing his covered hand on mine, trying to warm it up “I brought you tea though” he smiled smugly. I rolled my eyes, faking annoyance.
And it was at moments like this that I found it incredibly hard to suppress my harboring feelings for him. When he was so close to me that I could count his eyelashes and his touch was warm on my skin. I felt as if though with one single look at me, he could see it written on my forehead “I HAVE A CRUSH ON YOU”
A loud rumble of laughter snapped me out of my thoughts and I squeezed Johnny’s bare hand, looking up to him and smiling a grateful smile and slipping my hand from between his. My fingers tensed for a second and I grabbed my steaming cup of tea with both hands a little too hard, the liquid almost spilling.
For a second, confusion flashed on Johnny’s eyes, always so perceptive. “Wha-”, but before he could finish his sentence, he was interrupted by a loud “JOHN!” Jaehyun was waving his hand in the air and calling him over to the beer pong table in the center of the patio.
He signaled Jaehyun to wait up and looked back at me, and I knew what he was thinking before he spoke.
"Go, I'll be fine" he didn't want to leave me alone.
"Are you sure? Mark can play instead of me"
"And have Jae direct murderous glances at me because, and I quote 'I stole his best man'? No thanks" I finished taking a sip of my tea.
He laughed "Ok, I will be quick then" he stood up and started walking to the table.
"Yeah, I'm sure you'll lose in no time!" I screamed after him. He turned around making a hurt face that made me laugh.
However, he was still not satisfied and when he reached the table he brought Taeyong closer by his shoulder whispering something to him. Taeyong's eyes fell on me and he nodded at whatever Johnny was telling him. The guys started to make teams for the beer pong match and Taeyong started to walk over to me.
The green tea warmed me up enough to be comfortable. The night progressed slowly and a thick layer of fog settled over the backyard simultaneous to the way Johnny’s tongue started to slur some of his words and he started making bigger hand gestures when he talked to his friends as he became tipsier with every sip he took from his beer and the drinking games his friends called him out to play.
Taeyong was excitedly telling me about this new fish tank he had started to put together. I was enjoying the excitement and the shine in his eyes as he talked and showed me pictures of it on his phone. I was laughing at the cute names Taeyong gave his crabs when suddenly I felt a thud on my shoulder.
Startled, I turned my head to my right and found Johnny’s head there, almost by instinct, I moved my opposite hand and patted his hair.
“You ok there?” I laughed. I knew he was not drunk, he was the tallest guy I knew and he was able to hold his alcohol very well but I still asked.
He groaned a little nodding, making me and Taeyong laugh. I turned away from him and looked at Taeyong. “I think the rounds of beer pong with Leo caught up to him a little” I smiled.
Taeyong laughed and peeked over to Johnny “Do you want some water dude?"
Johnny's cheek was squished on my shoulder but he still managed to nod.
"Ok, I'll be back"
Taeyong got up and I shouted a quick thanks to him before he walked too far. I was still looking in his direction and smiling when it happened.
The first thing I felt was a soft thud on my cheek and then something wet followed by a smack. It took me a moment and then...
"Did you just kiss me?" I was looking at Johnny with wide eyes, trying (and failing) to hide the smile that threatened to stretch over my face and the shock because ‘what the hell?!’ He was not that drunk... was he?
All he did was laugh and then "Yes". I could not believe what was happening. What was even happening?
"I didn't think you were this drunk" I said jokingly. Smiling over how dumb and sudden that peck was. But I was still searching his eyes for something to tell me what was going on inside his head.
Johnny threw his head back laughing "I'm not drunk!" And then paused before he rushed out "Well, maybe a little but you were making googly eyes at Taeyong looking all pretty with your red nose and you were ignoring me!!"
I let out a chortle "Are you kidding? It's Taeyong! Taeyong who stops on the street to help dogs cross the street without the risk of getting run over. Everyone makes googly eyes at him" I laughed. His words didn't even register fully in my brain.
He frowned at me "Stop laughing!" And that made me laugh harder and louder.
"This is so ridiculous, what are you even saying? Were you jealous or something?" And this time I stopped laughing.
He looked everywhere but at my eyes "And if I was?"
I lifted my arm to hug his shoulders and began cooing "Aww you will always be my best friend John, don't wo-" he turned his head and his face was now so close our noses almost touched.
"Just your friend?" He asked in a serious tone. My head started spinning and I didn't understand what he was asking. Like, I did but at the same time I didn't.
"What?" I asked.
"I like y-" I slapped a hand over his mouth and shut him up.
"Oh no no, you can't be saying these things drunk"
"Mmnt dnk!" He mumbled into my hand with wider eyes, the ones he made when he was annoyed. I ignored him and kept talking over the sounds he was making.
"You won't even remember this tomorrow! And then I will feel like a dumbass for getting my hopes up." I was talking without thinking and only when I stopped talking, my brain caught up with my mouth and I looked at him in horror.
His eyes were wide too, but they faded quickly and a mischievous glint replaced the surprise. He grabbed my wrist to remove the hand that was still covering his mouth so he could start talking, but I pressed it harder.
"No, you are not sober enough for this. Just forget it ok?”
Johnny glared at me, and I could tell he was fed up. He looked down gesturing to my hand, I gave him a pointed look to remind him to drop the subject. He raised his hands in innocence as if to say ‘I won’t talk about it’. So finally, I dropped my hand.
“If I still remember tomorrow, can we talk about it?”
I sighed, feeling my shoulders tense up a little annoyed, mostly at myself since I had already begun to get my hopes up. To dream, to think about what if’s and to wonder what could happen.
From the corner of my eye I could spot a figure in the distance walking in our direction, and I remembered where we were.
“Sure, if you can remember this whole conversation happened, we can talk about it”
He smiled, a little too flirty and a little too smugly, but it was just pure Johnny. I faked annoyance and pretended my heart didn’t flutter. A moment later Taeyong sat back down with us and gave Johnny a cup of water.
For a moment, I stared at my best friend, my crush. Still trying to figure out what was going on inside his head, was I really that dense to not notice he might like me as more than friends? Yes, yes I was. It wouldn’t be the first time I failed to notice someone’s feelings towards me until someone else pointed out the obvious.
I must’ve stared for too long because Johnny caught my eyes, a knowing look crossed his face and the bastard dared to wink. I stifled a laugh and turned away from him, at the boisterous screams coming from the beer pong table.
Tomorrow, I can deal with my feelings tomorrow.
~~~~~
The next morning when I woke up, I stretched my hand to grab my phone.
I opened my messaging app, quickly scanning through the unread messages from friends letting me know they arrived home safely yesterday. But I opened one chatroom, the message from about a half an hour ago.
[Text message]
From Johnny 🦕:
“Wanna have breakfast?” (11:00 am)
“I’ll buy if you promise not to shut me up with your hand over my mouth ;)” (11:03 am)
I took a sharp breath, my mouth suddenly dry.
He remembered.
END.