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Her career or the man she loved - that mental debate had kept Miku trapped for far too long. Even after she let Garcello go for his own safety, she still found herself lost in second-guessing. No one was supposed to know, of course. No one was meant to worry. But, in the end, Miku made it all too clear, even to her fans.
It had been a week since her manager had called her into his office, looking tired and annoyed.
“Think about what you want,” he told her. “Your fans know you’re conflicted about something, even if they don’t know what. So decide what you want to do, and make up your mind quickly.”
She tried to be fast, but it still took a week to decide.. Coming to a decision wasn’t eas but, in the end, she chose him. She chose love. She chose Garcello.
It was late by the time she finally made up her mind, but her heart was soaring as she settled into bed for one last sleep before she reunited with him. Her excitement kept her up until exhaustion finally lulled her to sleep near dawn.
She didn’t sleep very long though. Someone knocked on her door.
Miku let out a low groan. “Who could it be at this hour?”
Normally, it would just be one knock, and her guest would be patient. Not this time. Annoyance was quick to turn to dread as the frantic knocking continued. Was something wrong? Had something happened?
Was Gar okay?
Her blood ran cold as her trembling hand slowly turned the knob.
Outside was a small boy with hair the same color as hers in a red cap and casual clothes. A brunette girl hung off his arm looking a bit sad but nowhere near as distraught as the boy. Of all the people to show up this early, it was Miku’s brother and his girlfriend.
The boy stammered helplessly as he blinked back tears. It was going to take some work to get him to tell her what happened.
“Bee,” Miku said softly. “It’s late. Is everything okay?”
The boy opened and closed his mouth a few times, but nothing came out. He settled for shaking his head.
“Are mom and dad okay? How about our brother?”
He nodded his head for each name. His trembling hands clenched his shirt in his hands, wringing it in a helpless attempt to comfort himself.
“Then what happened?”
Bee stared at the ground with eyes full of tears. Finally he’d worked up the courage to speak. “Garcello wanted me to tell you that he loves you and…” He sniffled back his tears. “And that he’s sorry.”
“G-Gar said that?”
It was all Bee could do to nod.
The idol had no idea how her little brother knew Garcello. She didn’t even really know what had happened to him. But she knew enough. Gar wasn’t among the living anymore. And she knew that her brother blamed himself.
She knelt down so she could get a better look at his face. “Bee, listen.”
“Y-yeah?”
“I don’t know what happened, but it’s not your fault.” She carefully chose her words so as not to upset him further. It was hard enough for Miku not to cry. “You did a great job letting me know, and I’m so grateful to you.”
The boy nodded helplessly. He looked so broken up that it was all she could do to pull him into a hug.
“Do you guys want to spend the night? It’s early, but you look like you’ve been up all night. You could use some sleep.”
“Are you sure?” the brunette girl said hesitantly. “My dad might not be cool with that…”
Miku hummed in thought. “You’re Daddy Dearest’s daughter, right?”
The girl nodded.
“Don’t worry. He and I know each other. If I talk to him, I’m sure he’ll understand.”
“If you say so…”
The girl sounded so uncertain that Miku couldn’t help feeling unsure herself, but she couldn’t bring herself to care. If the demon wanted her soul, he could have it. He may as well take her broken heart too while he was at it.
Once Miku was sure Bee and his girlfriend had settled on her couches, she returned to her own room. Her legs felt numb and wobbly. It was all she could do to drag herself to bed and crash into the soft covers. Tears stung her eyes and made their way down her cheeks, letting exhaustion lull her back to sleep.
And yet, somehow, despite it all, she couldn’t help but feel she wasn’t alone.
From there, a deep depression swallowed the idol. The short break she took quickly turned into a hiatus. It was one thing to perform if she was apart from Gar, another wholly to go on without him. Being an idol didn’t feel worth it. She couldn’t even bring herself to sing.
There wasn’t even a grave for her to visit, so she made her own memorial. It wasn’t much, just a pot of decorative ivy which she hung near her window. She must have looked crazy, talking to it as she tended to it. She even called it Gar. It was a small comfort to see the ivy grow as she cared for it. It wasn’t enough.
Just when she thought she hit rock bottom, an odd sense of dread swallowed her. She was being followed. She was sure of it. At first, it was only when she was out and about, passing old date hangouts and familiar alley paths. Then the feeling followed her to her doorstep. Then it was inside her home.
Maybe I need a vacation, a sleep-deprived Miku thought helplessly. Or maybe there’s something wrong with me.
She was losing what little sleep she had left, leaving the girl exhausted. Was it all in her head? Was someone really there? She didn’t know, and it was eating her up inside.
Then, one night, the feeling woke her from a fit of restless sleep. There was a soft rustling in her room. She wasn’t alone. Annoyance mixed with fear as she decided she’d had enough. Her head ached from sleep deprivation. She just wanted to rest and mourn and move on.
Whatever had been following her was inside her house. But where? She wasn’t certain. She jolted up in bed and hurriedly felt for a flashlight.
“Who’s there?” she demanded. Though fighting a yawn made it hard to seem threatening.
“S-sorry. Did I wake you?”
She recognized that voice. She’d know it anywhere. But it couldn’t be. A ghostly figure stepped out of the shadows forcing Miku to suck in a deep breath.
“Oh my God…” she breathed. “I’m hallucinating.” There was no way Garcello could be here.
She buried her aching head in her hands. “I’m absolutely, totally hallucinating. I’m going crazy.”
Why now? Why did it have to be now of all times she finally snapped? Was it the lack of sleep? Had she not been mourned enough? Whatever it was, she must have lost her mind if Garcello was here instead of, well… dead.
Without a single word to the specter, Miku got out of bed and passed him.
“Mikki…?” the ghost said, but she didn’t dare answer.
Maybe some tea would let her sleep off this weird dream. In the morning, she could get some actual help and go from there.
Still, the ghost was close on her heel, a painfully familiar look of concern on his face. “Have you been doing okay?” he fretted over her. “I heard you took a hiatus, so I got worried.”
She didn’t answer, didn’t dare give him the satisfaction of knowing she must have lost her mind. She tried to brew her tea, but it was hard with shaking hands. If only to water would boil faster… But then she was likely to burn herself.
She sighed softly. It would take time for the tea to boil. Everything always took time. And she had nothing but time with her hiatus. She pulled herself up onto the counter in hopes of getting comfier and finally dared to make eye contact with the ghost.
She wondered how the figment of her imagination viewed the woman who dreamed him up. Her skin was a sickly pale, save for the dark circles hanging beneath her eyes. She hadn’t eaten or drank much in days. Or was it weeks now? She wasn’t sure. Sleep was even harder to find.
“You can’t be here,” she said in a weak, tired voice. “You aren’t here. You’re just a figment of my imagination. Because if you were-”
She choked back a sob. Tears stung her already red, puffy eyes.
“I’d tell you how sorry I was for not being there for you.” She buried her head in hands. “I should’ve just run away from being an idol. It wasn’t worth it. I could have just run away with you.”
Her shoulders trembled. It was all she could do not to break down.
“But I didn’t. I was a coward, and you’re dead because of it. Because of me.”
“H-hey now…” the ghost cooed softly. “Mikki, don’t cry, please… It’s my own fault that I went too far, you hear me? Your career may have tried to kill me, but it wasn’t your fault.”
He gently cupped her cheeks in his hands and planted a soft kiss on her forehead. She felt his hands against her and slowly raised two shaking hands to hold onto his.
“G-Gar…?”
“I love you, Mikki. Please don’t think it’s your fault.”
If she hadn’t been shaking before, she certainly was now. Maybe she’d lost her mind. Maybe this was all a dream or an illusion. She didn’t care. It was worth it to spend even a while longer with the man she loved.
“Gar, I love you. I love you.” Tears spilled down her cheeks as she made sure to tell him how she felt. Just in case this was a dream. Just in case he had to leave her again. “Please,” she sobbed. “Please don’t leave me again.”
He pulled her close, his calloused hands brushing through her long teal hair, unkempt from her depression. “I won’t leave you,” he whispered. “Never again. If you’d just get some sleep-”
“No.” Her answer was immediate.
He pulled away and paused, taking a look at her dry, patchy skin, eyes red from crying too much, and dark circles from lack of sleep. She must have looked like a mess, but she couldn’t stop crying.
“And why not?” he asked as he brushed away her tears as he had so many times before.
“I can’t sleep,” she admitted. “Too many nightmares.”
“About what?”
Again, her answer was immediate. “Losing you.”
“Mikki, I-”
He was at a loss for words, but she didn’t care. She threw her arms around him, her small, trembling hands holding tight to his grungy hoodie. It was odd. Even as a ghost, he smelled the same - of nicotine, smoke, and cheap whiskey. She knew she shouldn’t have, but she loved it.
She loved him.
“I can’t believe you went and died on me,” she sniffled.
“I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.” He sighed, then chuckled softly. “Guess I really can’t die twice though.”
Miku nodded slowly. Finally, with him by her side, she could start to relax. And that was all it took for exhaustion to wear her down.
“You’re tired,” he said softly. “You should get some sleep.”
“Not alone,” she begged. “Please don’t leave me alone again.”
He hesitated. She felt his hands shake beneath hers. “A-are you sure?” he asked. “Are you sure you want me with you? I-in bed, I mean…”
“I do.” She didn’t have to think twice. If he was actually by her side, she might get some sleep for once.
It seemed he didn’t have to be told twice either. He turned the oven off with a satisfying click. He was real, Miku couldn’t help but realize. She wasn’t crazy. And just as that thought entered her head, he put his arms under her and scooped her up into a bridal carry.
“Then we’ll sleep,” he said. “And I’ll be by your side every single minute. I promise.”
Miku nodded, eyes focused on his face. She took to work memorizing every last bit of stubble, every line on his face, just in case she woke up from this dream. It was too good to be true.
And that was ignoring how odd this must look. She wondered if anyone would be able to see Gar, gently scooping her into his arms. Or would they just see a tired idol suddenly float into the air? She sighed contentedly as she rested her head against his chest. It didn’t matter much either way. She was too tired to care.
She let him carry her to her bedroom - their bedroom - and tuck her into bed. He never let go of her hand as he settled into the blankets beside her, hat discarded on her nightstand.
“You look awful,” he said softly. He pressed another gentle kiss to her forehead. “You should try taking better care of yourself. I’d hate it if something happened to you.”
Her lips tugged back in a bitter smile. “Why?” she asked. “Something already happened to you.”
She knew when she remembered this later she’d feel guilty for saying that. Maybe it was exhaustion that loosened her tongue, or resentment from being left behind. Who knew? If she died, maybe they could even be ghost lovers. She hated herself for thinking like that, and hated herself more for his guilty expression. She never wanted him to look like that, especially not because of her.
She settled beneath the covers, half-lidded eyes on her love. She held tight to his hand as though it was her only salvation.
“It nearly killed me, losing you.”
If he hadn’t come back, maybe it would have killed her. But she was alive, and Gar was here with her. Whether he was a ghost or a figment of her imagination didn’t matter anymore, so long as they were together.
“I’ll make it up to you,” Garcello whispered helplessly. “Even if it takes an eternity. I promise.”
All she could do was manage a small nod.
“Thank you for coming back for me.”
“Anything for you,” he assured her.
It wasn’t long before Miku’s exhaustion finally got the better of her and she fell asleep. For the first time in a long time, there was a smile on her face.