Stupid, Judgmental Stairs

Nervous first-years shambled through the portrait and arrived into a massive room decorated in the Gryffindor house colours. It was so homey and warm despite being empty. There were work tables, along with overstuffed chairs scattered throughout, but the ones with matching loveseats in front of the crackling fireplace almost calmed my frantic butterflies, which hadn’t let up since we’d left for the train this morning.

The Prefect, whose name I couldn’t remember, pulled me from my anxious thoughts, “This is the common room. Some choose to work on their studies here, but it’s also a place where people can hang out. If you need silence to focus, I don’t recommend it.” 

We crossed the room like little lemmings, dutifully heading toward the bottom of two staircases. The sight of it seemed to have stolen all the air from the room. I forced as deep a breath as I could into my tight lungs.

“Unfortunately, there are only two dormitories, for now, the boys and the girls.” Gesturing to each of the staircases with a frown, “The Ministry of Magic is helping Hogwarts to update this outdated floor plan since the school was built in around 990 A.D. The Founders used a considerable amount of powerful spells, very hard to break, that are imbued in every cornerstone of this castle, so it will take some time to add to what is already embedded into the castle’s solid stone foundation.”

It was a small comfort knowing that the school was progressive enough to acknowledge the change was needed and was passionate about it too. 

They continued, “as such, the stairs to the boys’ dormitory are just regular stairs, so they won’t move like the previous ones to get here did. The Founders are products of their time, so I will only slightly forgive them, maybe believing that girls were more trustworthy than boys.”

Cold dread slid over me as the other first-years around me snickered and scoffed. I clung to the comforting voice from home, “Remember, what matters most is true friends, those who won’t judge your gender. They’ll know your beautiful heart.”

“However,” The sharp, reprimanding tone hushed the group, bringing our attention back to those awful stairs, “we all know how ridiculous that notion is now. As such, a charm has been placed on the staircase that acts as a forcefield until modifications are made.”

My gut twisted slightly. It was one thing for my peers to judge me, but for stairs too…

“This is the only warning about the girls’ stairs I will give you, so don’t mess with them to test it.” The stern expression and arms crossed promised no sympathy for the fools that did. “The girls’ dormitory has a Glisseo  charm worked into the stones of the staircase.”

I didn’t recognize that spell, but it sounded foreboding nonetheless. My chest felt tight. Discreetly trying to take a few calming breaths only helped a little. It was almost as bad as the sorting ceremony all over again. The sorting hat did consider my request, which was a kindness I hadn’t expected.

“Classes start first thing after breakfast, so I recommend getting yourself settled in upstairs sooner rather than later.” With that, the Prefect wraps up the tour and heads back to their friends in the Great Hall. A few students stay downstairs to mingle, making small talk getting to know one another, while others take to the stairs without hesitation. I tried to pay attention though I can’t remember anyone’s name. I know that I was included in plans to meet a group of people for breakfast in the morning. When they were all yawning, ready to turn in for the night, I couldn’t bring myself to follow them up those stairs.

Slowly the room emptied, which I’m sure on any other night I’d come to find peaceful; right now it was anything but. I could faintly hear shuffles and a quiet flow of murmurs that echoed down to me. I imagined everyone finding their trunks, making their little space more like home. Part of me longed to join them, but the thought of triggering the staircase’s enchantment had me slipping forlornly into a spot by the fireplace.

Closing my eyes, I try to bring the joy of getting my Hogwarts letter into my whole being. The pitiful attempt shattered when I heard a creaking hinge from behind me, and then suddenly, boisterous voices spilled into the common room. The rest of the Gryffindor have arrived. I sink further into the red velvety cushions, luckily going unnoticed, as they bid one another good night. Their voices slowly fade away.

Now it feels like the common room has been plunged into suffocating silence. The fireplace that once blazed is only embers, whispering a soft light that is snuffed out by the darkness lurking in the corners of the room.

I was tired, but too anxious move; stupid, judgemental stairs and all they represent. Too many emotions warred inside of me to grasp at an encouraging sentiment. I kept having to tell myself to relax, to breathe. My hands ached from wringing them all day. My eyes had started to burn as well. All things that would fix themselves if I went to sleep. But going to sleep means finding my dormitory. To get to my dormitory, I’d have to take the stairs. Climbing the stairs meant... If I set off the stairs, everyone would know. Then Hogwarts wouldn’t be the fresh start that I had hoped it would be. I was just starting to feel like my body was my own. The same thoughts had been buzzing around my head, stinging worse with each passing hour. Sitting here wasn’t doing me any good.

With the last remnants of my fortitude, I deliberately pushed myself out of the chair and marched across the room, positioning myself at the foot of the staircase.

Immobilized at the foot of the stairs. It loomed before me as I gazed at its now intimidating height. The staircase seemed more profound than ever before. I quickly glanced around the room to confirm that I really was the last to bed. No one else was here to witness what might happen.

Brushing the hair from my eyes, I square my shoulders and raise my foot. I’m so nervous it feels like I’m trying to tread through molasses. Then the bottom of my shoe grazes the edge of the first step. Every muscle in my body tightens as I make my way up, and my hands start to shake with fear.

I take a deep breath.

Move up a step.

My stomach knots. 

I move up another step.

My chest tightens. 

I move up another step.

Nothing shifts. Not a single stone.

I move up another step.

Absolutely nothing is happening to the stairs.

I move up another step.

Relief like I’ve never felt before washed over me. An almost tearful joy, beyond words, spreads through my whole being. With unfamiliar confidence, I began to climb the rest of the staircase. A weight I had been shouldering since the train platform is finally overshadowed by excitement.

I quietly push open the door and slip into the wing of the first-year dormitories. I move like a ghost searching for my place until a smiling face pokes through a doorway beckoning me in.

I cautiously look around the room. The beds are perfectly spaced out, and resting at each end lays someone’s trunk, packed with their individual belongings, school uniforms, and textbooks. My heart stops as I nervously search the initials of each, hoping the next will be mine. My gaze catches upon my trunk, and I burst with joy, admiring my initials shining as a beacon of hope, realizing my trunk never questioned the possibility of where it belonged. It had every right to be here, as did I.