Work Text:
Coming home used to be the best part of Seokjin’s day.
He looked forward to it as soon as he set foot outside, very early in the morning, before the sleepy stars had fully made room in the sky for the sun to rise. On his way back, Seokjin often counted the steps from the bus stop to the apartment door. Since the building didn’t have elevators, he climbed the stairs two steps at a time to get home faster. The old lock would always give him trouble and refuse to open, but that was hardly an issue. On the contrary, hearing hurried steps approaching the door from the other side was Seokjin’s favorite part.
Taehyung welcomed him with bear hugs and sweet, sweet kisses that smoothed all the wrinkles Seokjin’s stressful routine left on his soul. Though his showers were rather cold and dinner was ramen every other night, that was his favorite place in the world. He felt safe and unencumbered from having to pretend, sheltered from the disdainful eyes of rich businessmen who saw him as nothing more than a servant rather than an employee. No fake smiles, no small talk: he could finally be himself and do as he pleased with the person he loved the most.
Nowadays, Seokjin’s knees ache from sitting behind his office desk all day. Even if they didn’t, their current flat is too high up for him to take the stairs, so he yawns through the elevator ride instead before punching the password on the keypad attached to the door. Taehyung doesn’t wait up for him anymore, either dozes off on the couch, with the TV on and the remote control dangling dangerously from his hand, or is already in bed, if Seokjin has to work overtime—which, admittedly, has become the norm as of late. His showers are steaming hot and the double-door fridge is always full, yet Seokjin can’t help feeling that something got left behind on their way up, can’t quite put his finger on it.
The lamp light is on in the living room tonight. Seokjin smiles to himself, heart skipping a beat at the thought of Taehyung greeting him with his beautiful smile, rather than shrinking itself to beat quietly not to wake him up. It’s past 10 p.m., too late to have dinner together, but he’ll be glad to catch Taehyung awake nonetheless, pull him into his lap and hug him tight. Work has been nothing short of hectic, he’ll be lucky to get a few coherent sentences out before his fried brain shuts down. Taehyung’s warmth all around him is exactly what he needs to unwind.
A few steps past the doorway, Seokjin spots Taehyung sitting on the couch. He places his briefcase on the floor and finally allows his shoulders to relax.
“Hey.”
His voice is loud enough to travel across the room, with no other sound to rival it, but no reply comes. Taehyung doesn’t move.
“I’m home.” Seokjin tries again, walking to the couch with light steps. Still nothing. He frowns. “Tae?”
The coffee table comes into view and he freezes. A flower bouquet lies on the glass surface, breathtaking even in the shadows. In any other circumstance, it would have brought a smile to his face. Tonight, the sight hits him like a punch to the stomach.
Taehyung always brings flowers home from his shop on their wedding anniversary.
Seokjin’s stomach churns. He forgot. Again.
As his eyes dart to Taehyung’s impassive profile, a glint on the table pulls them back. He squints to identify the small object, instantly regrets the effort when recognition kicks in.
It’s Taehyung’s wedding ring. The one Seokjin put on his finger four years ago.
Panic burns cold in his veins, fills his lungs with lead.
“What are you doing?” Seokjin gasps, heart leaping to his throat, wild and frantic. “Why did you take it off?”
Taehyung continues to stare at the flowers before him, eerily still except for the tear that rolls down his cheek. Seokjin takes the seat beside him, squeezes Taehyung’s limp hands in his. Taehyung doesn’t squeeze back. From up close, his gaze is distant, his eyes are puffy. This is not the first tear he sheds.
He’s been crying, and Seokjin wasn’t there to comfort him.
He’s been crying because Seokjin wasn’t there.
His mind spins with how fucking sorry he is. How could he be so stupid to forget it twice? It pains him to remember how Taehyung reacted the first time, exactly a year ago: he waited up for Seokjin, hugged him when he arrived home like always. Seokjin had been too busy to leave work early, apologized profusely for it, but Taehyung just shook his head and told him to go shower while he reheated dinner.
The acquiescent smile on his lips back then, albeit honest, hurt like hell. But this… This is a million times worse.
“I’m tired, hyung,” Taehyung croaks at last. “Tired of being alone.”
There’s an icy truth to his words that sends shivers down Seokjin’s spine. He gulps, shakes his head, rejects the feeling altogether. “You’re not alone, dear. I’m right here. I’m so sorry I forgot. I really am…”
Taehyung’s dry chuckle cuts him short. He finally turns his head to look at Seokjin.
“You think I’m crying because you forgot our anniversary?”
His pupils, always full of love or at the very least warm and familiar, are now hollow and cold, nothing but a wisp of smoke left from the fire that burned in them. Seokjin’s heart slams hard against his ribs, like it’s trying to crack them open and flee.
“Talk to me.”
“You really don’t get it?” Another laugh, and Taehyung is looking away again. “We’ve had this conversation so many times… Clearly, I’ve been talking to the walls all along.”
Too alarmed to take such hostility to heart, Seokjin tries to calm him down. “Is this about work? I told you this is just temporary, things are going to get better soon—”
“That’s what you always say! I tell you to take it easy and stop working so much, then you ask me to wait just a little longer and nothing ever changes.” He lowers his head and shakes it, bottom lip quivering. “Every day I wake up and have breakfast alone, go to work and come back to this big ass apartment to eat by myself, watch TV by myself, even go to bed by myself most of the time. That’s not what a marriage is supposed to be!”
Seokjin averts his gaze, can’t bear the disappointment in Taehyung’s voice as he rambles on.
“I keep asking you not to work so many extra hours, to take the weekend off every now and then, because I miss you, because I worry about your health, but you never listen! You’re always so tired that we can barely spend time together or, God forbid, have a decent conversation without you falling asleep two minutes later. I’m tired of doing everything on my own, of telling our friends you’re not showing up because you’re working every time we hang out. I don’t want to live like this anymore.”
With eyes squeezed shut, Seokjin hopes and prays to wake up on the leather couch of his office after a nasty nap between meetings. The sight of Taehyung’s ring on the table proves it’s not just a bad dream. His mind would never play such a cruel trick on him, not even at the height of his sleep deprivation.
This is real. He’s fucked up, time after time, and Taehyung is at the end of his rope. Rightfully so.
There’s nothing he can say or do to defend himself. He hasn’t been a good husband—hasn’t been a husband at all, so caught up in his own relentless rhythm, working over twelve hours day after day, despite the exhaustion, the back pain, the headaches, that he didn’t realize he’s left Taehyung behind.
“I… I’m sorry…” Seokjin fumbles to breach Taehyung’s heavy guard, regret burning on his face. It's useless. Taehyung withdraws his hands and gets up.
“I don’t want your apologies. I’ve got plenty of those already.” He sighs, voice thinning out in defeat. “I want you to figure out what truly matters to you. Because if that’s not me… Then…”
Seokjin flinches at the unsaid words, springs up with a painful knot in his throat. “Of course it’s you!”
“Then act like it!” Taehyung exclaims, staring at Seokjin in wounded defiance. After a shaky breath, his arms wrap around his own midriff like bracing for impact. “Just be honest… Say you don’t love me anymore, and I’ll… I’ll leave you alone.”
“Taehyung, I love you,” Seokjin blurts out desperately, stepping into his space and cupping his face with both hands. Taehyung’s eyes flutter shut, the fresh tear that falls seeks shelter under Seokjin’s palm. “I’ll never stop loving you. How could you ever think otherwise?”
It’s Taehyung who avoids his gaze now, wet lashes sticking together. Seokjin runs his thumbs softly over them. Still so beautiful even when he cries.
“Your actions don’t match your words. You say you love me, but I haven’t felt loved in a long time.”
His eyes find Seokjin’s again, brimming with uncertainty. It catapults Seokjin back to the day Taehyung came to him running, seven years ago, at the playground where they used to meet, because his parents had found out they were dating and ordered him to break up with Seokjin immediately.
Neither wanted that, of course. So, together, they came up with a plan: to save as much money as they could, without their equally prejudiced families knowing, and rent a place where they could live in peace. Taehyung was already eighteen, whereas Seokjin was already in college, worked a part-time job and had already saved a modest amount.
Back then, he wiped Taehyung’s tears and promised they’d make it work. Taehyung smiled at him, trusting Seokjin’s words blindly, without fear.
From that day on, it had always been Seokjin and Taehyung: against their homophobic families that withdrew their conditional affection and left them to fend for themselves simply because they fell in love; against their complete lack of resources to survive on their own, which led them to live on the brink of misery with no one else to rely on but each other; in short, against the whole fucking world, and then some.
They’ve conquered every obstacle life put in their path. Until now.
This time, what’s tearing them apart is the only power in the universe strong enough to shake their foundations: themselves. It’s a new villain. One Seokjin didn’t see coming, a monster of his own creation.
Taehyung’s voice brings him back to the present.
“I won’t ask you to choose between me and your career. I keep making excuses in my head, telling myself this is temporary, that you’ll suddenly realize you miss me and hurry back, but I’m so exhausted… I can’t go on any longer. I’m starting to resent you, and I can’t—” A painful sob cuts his speech. “I don’t want to resent you.”
As much as his heart splinters and bleeds, Seokjin stands his ground, can’t afford to surrender, doesn’t know another way when it comes to Taehyung. He might not know how to make things right either, but he’ll put up one hell of a fight and go down trying if he must.
He’ll gladly lose everything, even himself, but not Taehyung.
Seokjin shakes his head, forces himself to smile even if it kills him—not because the feeling behind it isn’t genuine, but rather because it’s hard not to hold and protect Taehyung when he himself is causing that pain.
“I haven’t been good to you, and you have every right to tell me so. I know you don’t want my apologies, but I’ll keep offering them because it’s how I feel. I really am sorry, Taehyung. You have no idea…” His eyes wander to Taehyung’s lips, and for the first time in what feels like his whole life, he wonders if he’s allowed to kiss them. His courage cracks, but a sharp inhale rattles the pieces back into place. “Just how much.”
Taehyung returns the smile with a barely there curl of his lips, enough to keep Seokjin’s heart beating. Though his mind tells him it’s too soon, he can’t resist Taehyungs’s gravity, leans in slowly with eyes closed and waits for their lips to touch. It never happens; Taehyung turns away at the last minute, clearing his throat. Seokjin’s forehead rests on his temple as the sting of rejection sears through him, hurts unlike anything he’s ever experienced.
“I’m gonna stay at Jimin’s for a few days.” Taehyung gently pushes his hands away from his face. “I need some time away from…” Me, Seokjin finishes in his head. “Here.”
It doesn’t feel right to let him walk away, everything in him protests the idea. But if staying hurts Taehyung, it would hurt Seokjin even more to ask that of him. He’s already caused enough damage.
“You’re not taking your ring?” He asks over his shoulder when Taehyung reaches the door, his voice a mere whimper. Seokjin doesn’t have the strength to watch him leave like this, can barely keep himself from dropping to his knees and begging as it is. Taehyung hesitates, but ultimately leaves without replying. Seokjin doesn’t see it, only hears the door closing, as if that could somehow soften the blow.
It doesn’t.
A crushing loneliness latches onto his ankles, creeps up his legs until it’s squeezing his throat, an odious, paralyzing viper. The deafening absence of another heartbeat rings in his ears. Seokjin doesn’t move, chokes on his misery for a moment that lasts hours or maybe seconds—he doesn’t know and doesn’t care. Time without Taehyung is not worth keeping track of.
How could he let this happen? Has he really been so self-absorbed to ignore how bad Taehyung was hurting?
The neglected ring catches his eye again, mocking him, challenging him to do better. He wants to throw it across the room, scream and break everything until he’s lucky enough to pass out. Like throwing a tantrum would solve anything. Instead, he grabs it and puts it on his own finger, along with the one Taehyung gave him on their wedding day. That feels right somehow, soothes his nerves enough to allow him to think for a few seconds. Fumbling through his pockets, Seokjin finds his phone and calls the only other person he can think of.
“Hyung?” Yoongi answers after a few rings, quite surprised. “Hey… It’s been a while.”
Seokjin’s legs give in and he falls on the couch, with tears pooling in his eyes. Taehyung really is right. He’s left everyone behind.
“I need your help,” he pants, hopes Yoongi will hear the sorrow in his voice.
Of course he does.
“Where are you? I’m on my way.”
Seokjin stares at a specific flower of the abandoned bouquet without blinking until the doorbell rings. As soon as he sees Yoongi, the floodgates burst and he sobs like a child. His hair has grown so much since the last time they met… God, it’s been months. Crying harder at the realization, Seokjin pulls him into a hug, mumbles unintelligible apologies. Yoongi holds him for a long time, rubs circles on his back and lets him cry it all out until Seokjin is calm enough to let him in.
He listens without judgment while preparing a quick dinner. Seokjin is a complete mess, can’t say Taehyung’s name without choking and burying his face in his hands. All the emotions he didn’t know he’d been repressing have been dislodged by Taehyung’s earthquake, engulfing him at once in an endless avalanche. Yoongi goes on squeezing his shoulder and telling him to breathe every now and then, always so patient even though Seokjin has been a shitty friend. When the food’s ready, he sits by Seokjin’s side and forces him to empty his bowl.
“Why don’t you go on a trip?” Yoongi offers with his unassuming, benevolent tone. “He said he needs some time away, right? Well, Namjoon and I went to this lovely hotel on our last anniversary…”
Yoongi goes on talking, but Seokjin stops listening for a moment, tearing up again at the last word. Today is their anniversary and, for the first time, Taehyung is not with him, doesn’t even want to wear his ring. The pain is excruciating.
“It’s a great place.” He feels a hand on his shoulder and brings his focus back to Yoongi’s voice. “I’m sure Taehyung will love it. And it’s the perfect opportunity for you to spend time together.”
A spark of hope comes to life in Seokjin’s chest. He remembers seeing pictures of Yoongi and Namjoon’s trip on social media and reading Taehyung’s comment about wanting to visit it someday, with heart eyes at the end. Seokjin purses his lips to stop them from quivering over a fucking emoji. He needs to get his shit together and focus on earning Taehyung’s trust back.
“You think?”
Yoongi nods encouragingly. “It’s one of the most popular hotels for honeymoons in the country. I think some time away from here, just the two of you, might be just what you need to figure this out.”
Seokjin mulls it over for a moment. If anyone has good advice to share, it’s Yoongi. Besides, it’s not like he’s had better ideas, or any ideas at all. It sounds delightful, traveling with Taehyung, a much needed breath of fresh air to put their relationship back on track. Of course, it’ll be tough to get a few days off work with such short notice, but he hasn’t had a vacation in forever, and he knows he can get most of the heavy load done ahead in a day or two. As ludicrous as going back to the office in such a frazzled state is, that’s a necessary step to get the break he needs and carry this plan through. Which he fully intends to. Anything to bring Taehyung back home.
After a tremulous sigh, he gets up from the couch and gingerly nods at Yoongi.
“I’ll get my laptop.”
“Enjoy your stay.”
“Thank you.”
From behind his sunglasses, Seokjin gives the receptionist a feeble smile before heading to the elevators across the hotel lobby. The space is a welcoming blend of functionality and design, worth swooning over, yet all he sees is Taehyung walking ahead of him, effortlessly elegant: graceful, long steps, chin up and squared shoulders, ready to take on the world, whether it wants to hold him or fight him. Seokjin sighs.
He’s perfect. Always has been.
They stand in the cubicle with as much space between them as possible. Taehyung’s hands are in his pockets, whereas Seokjin’s are hanging by his sides, awkward and useless, with nothing to hold. The floor numbers change fast on the dashboard during their smooth ride up. Seokjin hopes the weekend unfolds in the same fashion.
Behind double doors, a sleek, modern suite awaits them. A breathtaking view of the ocean welcomes them through the glass window wall. While they look around, a sense of accomplishment fills Seokjin’s chest: the living room alone is about the size of their first apartment. This is the kind of experience they’d only ever dream of affording a few years ago. He figures Taehyung must feel the same, though he doesn’t show it.
Seokjin takes a seat on one of the beige lounge chairs by the center table, heart racing in dissonance with the calm around him. Taehyung, on the other hand, chooses to stand by the window, back turned to him, allowing Seokjin’s eyes to wander without restraint. The morning sun adds streaks of brown to his black hair, his tight black pants make his legs look like sin, the deep green of his sweater makes a nice blend with the cerulean scenery. Unaware that he’s become the view, Taehyung watches the beach for a moment, then looks over his shoulder.
“I’m hungry.”
He sounds more distant than he actually is. Far away. Seokjin needs a few seconds to stop gaping.
“Me too.”
Spinning on his heels, Taehyung walks past the couch and into the bedroom. Like an addict going through withdrawal, Seokjin follows with his eyes, hoping, in vain, for a touch, a glance, a trace of his cologne.
“I’m gonna wash up before lunch.”
“Okay.”
Seokjin’s body goes limp on the couch upon hearing the bathroom door close. The breath he’s been unconsciously holding comes out in a huff, like his very soul is leaving him. It’s the first time he’s alone since they met at the airport a few hours ago, when Taehyung dryly remarked on how impressive it was that Seokjin didn’t get held up at work and showed up on time. The three days Taehyung spent at Jimin’s, while Seokjin organized the surprise trip and basically lived at the office to get all the work done before departing, seems to have made things worse. Physical distance has widened the emotional gap between them, just as Seokjin feared.
He’s never felt uncomfortable around Taehyung before, hates every second of it. Sitting beside him on the plane was torture: he yearned to intertwine their fingers and kiss Taehyung’s knuckles, but forced himself to stay still, afraid of ruining the weekend before it even began. Like the carpet of clouds beneath the aircraft, a blurry and intangible mirage, Taehyung, too, was out of his reach. It’s nerve-racking, having to withhold his affection, but Seokjin plows through, humbled by the notion that he’s also put Taehyung in the same position for over a year now. Whether he meant to or not makes no difference.
Suffocated by his own incessant thoughts, Seokjin gets up and heads to the window as well. His eyes get lost in the horizon; sunlight seeps through the glass like the universe is reaching out to him, offering silent encouragement. The magnificent view dissolves some of the tension in his muscles. Yoongi was right to recommend this place.
With eyes closed and a deep breath, he prays that Yoongi is also right about this trip, and that Taehyung still loves him enough to give him one more chance.
They head to the restaurant after showering and changing to lighter clothes. There’s definitely a honeymoon vibe all around: the place is littered with flowers, from petite arrangements on every table, to interlacing vines dripping with white, yellow and peach petals from the glass ceiling, not to mention a robust wedding arch at the entrance. Taehyung looks everywhere with a delighted grin and sparkling eyes. Seokjin, on the other hand, can’t look away from him, infected by his joy.
Being surrounded by flowers is Taehyung’s job since he inherited his grandmother’s flower shop. She’d been his only relative who loved him unconditionally, but sadly passed away a few months after Taehyung left home, not without pissing off the rest of the family by ensuring he’d be able to make a living away from them. With the valuable help of her trusted disciple, Jimin, who soon became Taehyung’s best friend, the business has thrived ever since, and Seokjin couldn’t be prouder of how far they’ve come.
The waitress recommends a table by the window, where the view is just as blue as the one from their room, except there’s more white sand from the private beach visible at ground level. Seokjin’s heart soars when Taehyung, affected by the dazzling ambience, shoots him a smile from behind the menu. He can’t see the smile per se, but Taehyung’s puffed up cheeks eclipsing his eyes is all the evidence he needs.
They place their orders and make small talk on how lovely everything is. Feeling a tad more confident, Seokjin brings up Yoongi and Namjoon’s trip, and Taehyung gasps at how the hotel looks so much better than in the pictures. The conversation picks up speed, and Seokjin even manages to get a laugh out of Taehyung, when his phone buzzes on the table. Seokjin glances at the screen: it’s from work.
He stares for about two or three rings, considers picking it up but decides to decline the call. By the time Seokjin looks up again, Taehyung is watching the beach outside, chin propped in one hand. Their fragile harmony is gone again, just as quickly as it came. He tries to come up with something to say to revive it and brush over the rude interruption, but overthinking gets the best of him and their dishes arrive before he can get a word out.
After wishing each other a good meal, they waste no time tasting the food. Whereas Seokjin hums his approval, Taehyung breathes loudly through his mouth with puckered lips.
“Too spicy?”
He nods from behind the glass of ice water he’s chugging. On instinct, Seokjin takes a spoonful from his own bowl and gives Taehyung a tentative glance.
“Mine’s okay.”
It may be an awkward move given the circumstances, but they’ve done this so many times before. Taehyung has never refused him, and Seokjin doubts he will now, staring at him with pleading eyes, begging him to lay down his weapons if only for a second.
The suspense is awkward, but short: Taehyung’s shoulders soon slump a little and Seokjin knows he’s won. Without breaking eye contact, Taehyung opens his mouth and leans forward.
Once again, the urge to kiss him scorches Seokjin from inside out. Days ago, he wouldn’t have hesitated. Right now, he holds it in and grits his teeth to avoid the bitter taste of rejection.
With one hand under the spoon, Seokjin feeds Taehyung, looking right into his eyes. The sunlight pouring in through the window gives him a full view of Taehyung’s pupils dilating, and it takes everything in Seokjin not to jump him right then and there. To make matters worse, he notices a bit of sauce on the corner of Taehyung’s lips, an explicit invitation for his tongue—one he’s forced to decline with a heavy heart, though his mouth waters. The opportunity is not entirely wasted, however: he wipes the sauce with his thumb before sucking it clean, then takes his bottom lip into his mouth briefly and finishes with an arched eyebrow. For a starving man, every crumb counts.
“Good?”
It takes Taehyung a few seconds to process the question and nod in slow motion. The air around them has shifted once more, thick and loaded with tension now. Seokjin strives to remember the last time they had sex and kicks himself when he realizes just how long it’s been. The more he thinks about it, the more he understands why Taehyung thinks he doesn’t love him anymore.
“Then bon appétit, mon amour.”
He switches their bowls, smiling to himself. His new dish is spicier, for sure, but that’s not why his body warms up. The faint blush on Taehyung’s face, the one he quickly tries to hide by ducking his head and stuffing food into his mouth, makes Seokjin burn up with new found determination.
“You’re so pale, hyung. One bottle of sunscreen might not be enough.”
Seokjin flinches when Taehyung spurts the cream on his shoulder blades. He considers retaliating, but his mind goes blank as soon as Taehyung’s large hands are on his shoulders.
A single thought takes over once again, swirls in his gooey brain: it’s been too damn long.
His palms glide all over Seokjin’s skin, careful and thorough. They haven’t always been so gentle, though; the memory of nails clawing at his back makes him lock his jaw, sends shivers down his spine. As if Seokjin needed more reasons to have his head flooded by inappropriate visions, Taehyung inadvertently offers another.
“Okay, now do me.”
Seokjin turns around with pursed lips to keep the immediate reply that comes to mind from spilling out. As if there’s anything (or anyone) in the world he’d like to do more.
Taehyung’s back is on display, and sure, he’s seen him shirtless countless times before, but God, does he feel like a teenager all over again instead of a grown ass man on the brink of his thirties, thirsting for his own husband whom he can’t kiss or hug or barely talk to without walking on eggshells at present. What a fucking joke.
“The water looks amazing,” he remarks, forcing the words out to distract himself and curb his arousal before any physical effects show. Taehyung nods, smiling at the pair of kids building a sandcastle nearby.
The rings on Seokjin’s finger glint under the sun as he spreads sunscreen over Taehyung’s skin, taking his time, pouring all his love into the task, to the point it almost becomes a massage. Seokjin tickles his ribs when he’s done and Taehyung squirms, shoots him a pouty whine over his shoulder.
While putting the bottle of sunscreen back in their beach bag, he notices his phone buzzing again. A quick glance at his notifications shows 13 missed calls, 6 unread emails and 7 texts. His eyes widen. Everybody knows he’s out of town; something urgent must have come up to cause such ruckus.
“Let’s take a dive,” Taehyung suggests from behind him.
“You can go ahead, I’d rather sit here for a bit.” Seokjin lies on one of the sun loungers, makes a show of closing his eyes and stretching his arms above his head to look convincing. It works; Taehyung doesn’t bat an eyelash, simply nods and heads to the water.
Seokjin’s stomach twists in protest. He hates lying, but using his phone to work during their trip would piss Taehyung off even more, which is the last thing he needs, already hanging by a thread as it is.
Eager to follow, he watches Taehyung walk into the water and dive head first, disappearing momentarily under the waves. Seokjin’s skin tingles with anticipation, craves the refreshing sensation as well. Taehyung reemerges with head slanted upwards, pushing his hair back with both hands. Under the sun, his skin turns golden, gives him a heavenly aura, glistening with the droplets trickling down his neck and torso. Seokjin can’t tear his eyes away, in awe of his beauty, until the faint buzz from his phone startles him and he mentally curses whoever’s calling before answering.
Of course, it’s his new assistant, hired merely two weeks ago. Seokjin pinches the bridge of his nose. As happy as he is that his beloved friend has left the company for a better job, Hoseok’s absence has been a profound pain in his ass. Had they been coworkers still, Hoseok would have solved everything without having to contact him, and Seokjin wouldn’t be nodding through endless apologies instead of enjoying the beach with his lovely husband.
The poor guy nervously briefs him on the issue. To Seokjin’s dismay, his guess was correct and the situation is quite critical. If he’d picked up the first call, he might have been able to solve it quickly, but almost two hours have gone by now, and he’s lucky shit hasn’t hit the fan and reached his superiors yet. He rubs his face with one hand and sets out to work, putting the call on speaker mode so he can give clear instructions while answering emails.
In a pleasant turn of events, his assistant turns out to be a nice surprise, sharper than he looks. Luck also seems to be on their side, for the crisis is smoothly averted without any of his superiors having to interfere. Seokjin sighs in relief after hanging up, excited to join Taehyung at last; however, his plan is thwarted once more when the phone screen shows the call lasted way more than he expected, almost half an hour.
His head whips up, eyes roaming the water to locate Taehyung, but it’s useless. He’s nowhere to be found.
Of course. He must have seen Seokjin on the phone and left him there as revenge. Even his floral shirt and slippers are gone, Seokjin observes, astounded by his own inability to notice Taehyung tiptoeing around him. Either Taehyung’s got remarkable stealth, or Seokjin was way too immersed in his work. Neither option makes him feel any better.
He turns off the device and tosses it into the bag with a groan. The whole point of this trip is to spend time together, and what does Seokjin do? Ruins it on the first day by trying to go behind Taehyung’s back. Serves him right to be paid back in his own coin.
After another look around for confirmation, Seokjin marches back to the hotel, where he assumes Taehyung is waiting to give him hell. Halfway to the elevators, a familiar laugh coming from the bar adjacent to the lobby distracts him from mentally rehearshing his apologies and stops him in his tracks.
From where he stands, Seokjin spots Taehyung sitting on a stool by the counter, one leg crossed over the other, biting on a cocktail straw. The seats next to him are empty, but being a whole social butterfly, it seems he’s had no difficulty striking up a conversation with the bulky, tattooed barista. Seokjin squints to make out his features from afar: the guy’s hair is dyed green, and various earrings dangle from his pierced ears, in addition to a lip ring. His black tank top leaves little to the imagination, hugs his chiseled abs and leaves his tanned, muscular arms on display. His smile is unmistakably flirtatious as he leans on the counter, but what really pulls the rug under Seokjin’s feet is the fact that Taehyung leans forward as well, covering his mouth with one hand to whisper something in the guy’s ear.
The sight awakens within him a primitive fear he’s never felt before, never thought he’d feel until now. Every bone in his body screams, urges him to do something, walk in there and give that reckless employee a piece of his mind for hitting on his husband…
And that’s when it dawns on him. That man probably doesn’t know Taehyung is married. He’s not wearing his ring.
The golden bands around his finger burn, as if melting off.
Taehyung and the good-looking stranger throw their heads back laughing, and the uneasiness in Seokjin’s chest spreads all the way from head to toe. Blinded to everything else, he turns around and heads back to the beach, mind spinning with an influx of poisonous thoughts that he can’t control or ignore. What he saw doesn’t mean anything, he’s perfectly aware of that; it’s the possibility it unveils that tips him off the edge, that someone else might catch Taehyung’s eye someday. Someone far more interesting than his absent, frigid, workaholic husband, who keeps letting him down time and time again.
To an extent, Seokjin can’t really blame him. He’s made his bed and has no choice but to lie in it. What had never crossed his mind until now was the chance of lying in it all by himself, cast aside by the one person he can’t imagine his life without, while Taehyung finds another body to keep him warm at night.
Like a hellish loop, his heart breaks into infinite pieces every time the scene replays in his mind. His blood boils, he can’t hear anything but Taehyung’s laugh, see anything but Taehyung’s inviting eyes. Tears start to rain down his face when he pictures hands that are not his own on Taehyung’s body, another pair of lips kissing his skin, another name coming out of Taehyung’s mouth. Sobs climb up his throat, forceful enough to make him gasp for air. The happy couples and families that pass him by must see him as a nuisance, a miserable splotch on the backdrop of their perfect vacation. Seokjin doesn’t give a single fuck.
The water gathers around his ankles in timid waves, erases the footprints he leaves behind. By now, the barista must have asked Taehyung if he’s taken, and Seokjin wonders what the answer was. If Taehyung looked down at his ring finger and felt sad to see it empty. If he said yes nonetheless. Or no.
Seokjin’s legs start cramping as the sun begins to set in the horizon. He drags himself towards some rocks by the shore and sits for a while, contemplating the orange streaks of light reflected in the water. Sweat and humidity cling to his skin, mingled with dry tears on his cheeks. Dehydration and prolonged exposure to the sun make his head heavy, though his chest is hollow, like his heart has been carved out.
How delightful would it be to become one with the sand and foam, to disintegrate a little more as the water ebbs and flows, until there’s nothing left of him… What he wouldn’t give to snap his fingers and be back home, back to when Taehyung was happy by his side. The mere idea of never making him smile again nearly drives him mad.
Desperate to just stop thinking, even if for a second, yet unable to do it on his own, Seokjin uses the last of his strength to turn on his phone and dial Yoongi’s number.
“Of course he still loves you.” Yoongi sounds so sure Seokjin can’t help scoffing. “I mean it, hyung. You two weirdos never fight like normal couples do, so this feels like the end of the world, but I promise it isn’t. Now go back to the hotel. I’m sure everything will be okay.”
Seokjin follows the advice, not because he finds it particularly clever, but rather because he’s got nowhere else to go. No one else but Taehyung. Too far from the hotel and exhausted from the long walk to go back on foot, he leaves the beach and catches a cab. Through the open car window, his restless eyes search for answers on the horizon, the wind ruffles his hair and brings temporary comfort.
The first thing he sees as soon as he unlocks the suite door is Taehyung, rushing to greet him with open arms.
“Hyung!”
He tackles Seokjin, squeezes him tight, smashing their cheeks together. The impact almost brings them both to the floor, if not for Seokjin’s back hitting the wall.
It must be a hallucination. The sun must have messed with his brain. Is Taehyung really… Holding him? After days of barely making eye contact? Why does he sound so relieved? Seokjin blinks in confusion, studies his face when Taehyung pulls back to do the same.
“Where have you been? You were gone for hours, I tried calling you but you wouldn’t pick up your phone!” His hands cup Seokjin’s cheeks, push his tousled hair back, slide down his shoulders and arms as if to ascertain he’s back in one piece. “I was worried sick! I searched for you everywhere!”
Exasperated, Taehyung opens and closes his mouth a few times. Since no more words come out, he resorts to simply hugging him again, hiding his face in Seokjin’s neck. His heart drums loud, Seokjin can feel it against his chest, so strong and alive. The smell of Taehyung’s shampoo fills his lungs, smells like spring and happiness and home. He grabs fistfuls of Seokjin’s sweaty T-shirt, doesn’t care that Seokjin stinks, inches closer and breathes him in anyway. His warmth is so powerful that all the exhaustion from walking under the sun is gone in seconds.
Seokjin smiles. It’s weak and broken, but genuine.
Taehyung still loves him. Life has tried once again to tear them apart and it almost worked—almost. His love is still there, Seokjin can feel it. He was a complete idiot for ever doubting it.
“I’m sorry.” He wraps his arms around Taehyung’s waist, kisses the crown of his head. “I went for a walk, that’s all.”
They stand by the door for a while, clinging to each other in silence, until Taehyung clears his throat and retreats, back to avoiding Seokjin’s gaze.
“Well, pick up your damn phone next time, will you?” He turns around, then stops halfway to mutter over his shoulder. “And go take a shower before dinner. You’re gross.”
So much of the weight on Seokjin’s chest has been lifted that all he does is chuckle and nod. For the second time that day, he prays that Yoongi is right.
A newlywed couple spending their honeymoon at their hotel is offering round after round of champagne to all guests. Seokjin can’t refuse such kindly given free booze. Even Taehyung, who’s not big on alcohol, is already on his fourth flute, a perennial grin plastered on his face.
“They’re so cute,” he slurs, fondly gazing at the merry husband and wife chatting with another couple a few tables away. “So happy.”
Seokjin hums in agreement. There’s so much he wants to say, he doesn’t know where to start. He remembers being happy like them, so vividly his bones ache. Taehyung’s radiant smile when Seokjin proposed will forever be his favorite memory. Glancing down at his own hands on his lap, he can’t wait to put one of those rings back where it belongs.
His eyes go right back to Taehyung. His stunning husband, whose straw hat resembles a halo, whose cheeks are tinged red due to inebriation, whose hand he wants to hold tight and never let go. Seeing him like this, healthy and blooming, more breathtaking with each passing day, puts Seokjin’s mind at ease. Taehyung has always been beautiful, but there was a time, not so long ago, when Seokjin would lose sleep over his well-being.
They barely made enough to rent a minuscule flat and keep themselves fed. Though Seokjin used to be much broader, they were forced to share most clothes, apart from the two suits Seokjin wore for work. Exhausted after busting their asses all day long, they blacked out with sleepy kisses on a mattress on the floor, lips and limbs and dreams tangled up in each other. Living was hard as fuck, constantly fearing that everything would be taken away from them, but Taehyung was the only thing Seokjin knew for sure.
It still is.
Taehyung’s head turns his way right as a tear falls down Seokjin’s eye. It dies on his lips, like all the jumbled words in his throat. A slight frown replaces the smile on Taehyung’s face; his gaze softens and his lips part, but before any words come out, the newlywed couple approaches their table and he’s forced to look away.
“Good evening!” The woman smiles merrily. “We hope you’re enjoying your dinner.”
A gleam of cordiality masks the shadows on Taehyung’s face. “Yes, thank you so much. Congratulations.”
The man wraps an arm around his wife’s waist. “Thank you!”
Seokjin ducks his head, pretends to scratch his cheek in order to wipe it without attracting attention. The woman seems to notice the gold on his finger, and her eyes dart to Taehyung’s hand right away before she glances back at Seokjin.
“Oh, you’re married too? I wish you and your wife all the happiness!”
Taehyung opens his mouth, but once again says nothing. His eyes drop from the eager couple to Seokjin, wide with shock and discomfort. It’s hardly the first time they’re misread as just friends, and certainly not the last; however, the woman was tactful enough to check Taehyung’s finger, and only supposed he was single because she found it empty. As much as this situation displeases him, Seokjin doesn’t hold it against her. She’s just made a wrong assumption, and right now he’d rather pick his battles wisely.
“Thanks.”
Perhaps sensing the awkwardness in his tight-lipped smile, the couple bows and moves on to greet another table, leaving behind an uncomfortable silence. Taehyung leans back on the chair, arms crossed over his chest. The anger in his eyes is not a surprise to Seokjin—he just didn’t expect it to be directed at himself.
“What the fuck?” A mix of disappointment and outrage laces Taehyung’s tone. “I’m right here.”
Seokjin’s eyebrows fly up in surprise. “She looked at your hand and didn’t see a ring. What was I supposed to say?”
“The truth! That I’m your husband!” He pauses, tilts his head. “Aren’t I?”
“Of course you are. Letting them think whatever they want about us is not going to change that. I just didn’t feel like oversharing with strangers.”
“Oversharing…” With a derisive chuckle, Taehyung averts his gaze and shakes his head. “You know what? You’re absolutely right. I’m the stupid one for correcting every single person who makes false assumptions about me, ring or no ring.”
His indignation makes no sense to Seokjin. The woman made an honest mistake. They’ve been through worse in the past, he can’t see what’s so revolting about this.
“Why are you making such a fuss? I saw you sharing secrets with that bartender earlier and didn’t say a word.”
Taehyung gasps. “You saw me at the bar? And chose to leave me alone again, after what you did at the beach?”
Seokjin’s mind regrets saying too much, but his jealous heart, punctured by the image of Taehyung flirting with another man, fuels his loose tongue.
“Three is a crowd. It didn’t look like you needed company.”
The harsh words drain the color from Taehyung’s face. He inhales sharply, glaring daggers at Seokjin while throwing the napkin from his lap on the table.
“That’s exactly what I need, Seokjin. Company. Your company.” Taehyung gets up from his chair in an abrupt movement that turns some heads around them. “But that’s clearly too much to ask.”
“Taehyung,” Seokjin hisses, to no avail. He springs up as well and follows Taehyung out of the restaurant.
“I can’t be here anymore,” he hears Taehyung mutter through gritted teeth over his shoulder. “At least back home I have friends who actually want to spend time with me.”
“I want to spend time with you, but I can’t do that if you don’t let me in!”
“Let you in?” Taehyung halts at the lobby entrance, turns around to face him, livid and trembling. “Seokjin, what is not clicking here? I told you how lonely I feel, and your brilliant idea is to bring me on this fucking trip to dazzle me with expensive furniture and a nice view. Now tell me, what did you think that would accomplish? Nothing’s changed! You went right back to ignoring me the first chance you got, then disappeared all day, and completely disregarded my existence when that woman mentioned your beautiful wife!”
Stunned by his accusations, Seokjin takes a beat too long to resume walking, only reaches him again when they’re inside the elevator.
“I’m sorry! I’ll go back there and stop by each table to tell everyone you’re my husband if that’s what you want!”
“I don’t know what I want!" He cries out, panting, and Seokjin’s heart breaks along with his voice. “It used to be you, but now… I don’t know anything anymore.”
The elevator reaches their floor, but Seokjin is too heartbroken to move. Taehyung walks out first, each step he takes on the marble floor a stab to Seokjin’s heart. His words hurt so much, more than anything he’s ever felt, like they’ve been branded all over his skin, inside and out. It takes him a moment to get over the burn; when he finally breathes again, the air hurts him on its way in.
He’s jolted back to life by the elevator doors closing before him. Seokjin throws himself at them, pushes them open with both hands. The metal on his finger catches his eye for a split second, reminds him of everything that is at stake: all the years between them, all the memories, all the love. All the hardships, all the longing, all the parts of himself that are irrevocably Taehyung, just like he knows Taehyung is also made of him, whether he likes it or not.
It’s not the end. Not by a long shot.
“I’m taking the first plane back home,” Taehyung tells him as soon as Seokjin follows him into their suite. “And you better not be in it.”
He heads straight to the bedroom, puts his suitcase on the bed they haven’t even slept on yet, and probably never will. Seokjin goes after him numbly, moving past all the panic and desperation. None of that has done them any good; on the contrary, Taehyung is currently packing his bags because Seokjin can’t stop his fear of losing him from keeping them apart. He’s been acting out of hurt all this time, his heart hasn’t stopped bleeding since Taehyung took off his ring, but focusing on that pain will get him nowhere.
Leaning one shoulder on the door frame, Seokjin wraps his arms around himself and takes a deep breath.
“Do you remember when we rented our first apartment together?”
The question stops Taehyung halfway through unzipping his bag. Though he doesn’t lift his eyes from the bed, he’s certainly paying attention, which is already good enough for Seokjin. As long as he’s listening, he won’t leave, so Seokjin goes on, won’t ever stop talking for as long as it makes him stay.
“We kept our clothes in boxes because we couldn’t afford any furniture. We’d wake up with sunlight on our faces because the apartment didn’t have curtains and we couldn’t afford those either. I was so sad because your remaining baby fat disappeared in weeks… I used to tickle your protruding ribs just to make you laugh.”
Slowly, the tension in Taehyung’s shoulders subsides, allows him to let go of the suitcase and return Seokjin’s gaze. His bottom lip quivers, and Seokjin holds himself tighter, since he can’t hold Taehyung instead. The words flow out of him straight from his heart.
“We were greasy most of the time, sharing every meal and every shower, massaging each other’s feet and backs after all the extra hours we pulled to pay the rent… I won’t pretend I miss those times. I won’t glorify how fucking poor we were. But I was all the time filled with a sense of purpose that gave me strength to smile when I was sad, to be strong when I was tired. That purpose was you.”
Where there was avoidance moments ago, there is now connection. They can’t look away from each other, and Seokjin sees in his eyes that Taehyung is also remembering the path they’ve trodden together, rarely a smooth one, but one they’ve made beautiful through their own dedication and partnership.
“I was so sure I had you, like I never thought I’d be sure of anything in my life.” Taehyung’s voice is wistful, much calmer than before. “You loved me, you loved me so much, for the bony and fragile thing I was.” A hiccup fractures his speech. “I don’t think I can live without you, but if that’s what I must do… Then I’ll try.”
Tears instantly blur Seokjin’s vision, fueled by the preposterous idea of living without Taehyung. If he leaves, all the light and warmth in Seokjin’s life will follow him, all the colors in the world will fade to black. He walks into the room until they’re face to face, takes one of Taehyung’s hand into his and runs his thumb over the knuckles.
“I never wanted to hurt you, or push you away. You’re everything to me. If I strayed from you, from us, it wasn’t because I loved you less. It was because I love you so much more. I couldn’t stand the idea of you wanting something I couldn’t give you, ever again. I’d take the food out of my mouth to feed you… You know that, don’t you?”
The grit in his tone shatters Taehyung’s defenses. He cups Seokjin’s face with both hands, choking on a sob. After everything they’ve been through, despite all the challenges they’ve endured, their endless devotion to each other still burns like a wildfire in their hearts.
“I do, baby, I do.” The term of endearment that slips out brings a smile to Seokjin’s lips, which Taehyung returns. “Don’t you know that all I’ve ever wanted was you?”
Their breaths mingle between them, standing so close they can feel each other’s hearts beating. Seokjin lifts his other hand to caress Taehyung’s cheek.
“Was? Not anymore?”
Though his eyes hesitate, Taehyung leans into his touch, sighs at the contact.
“Hyung…”
“I love you,” he whispers into Taehyung’s parted lips, with as much reverence as the first time he said it. “For better, for worse." A kiss on one cheek. “For richer, for poorer.” And one on the other. “In sickness and in health.” Seokjin kisses the tip of his nose. “To love and to cherish…” Then his forehead. “Till death do us p—”
The last word melts in Taehyung’s mouth.
After almost a decade together, he knows every little detail about Taehyung’s kisses: they’re sometimes quick, others long, either chaste or deep, innocent or dirty. Seokjin loves them all, loves all of him. This is a rare one, tastes like all of them at once and unlike any other at the same time. Wrapping his arms around Taehyung’s waist, Seokjin gives him everything in return, pours his soul into Taehyung’s mouth. It’s all his anyway. Nowhere’s safer.
The kiss is short, but intense. When Taehyung’s hands squeeze his shoulders, Seokjin gets the hint and pulls back, not without some reluctance. They stare at each other with glazed eyes while catching their breaths.
“Thank you for bringing me here.” Taehyung’s soft murmur breaks the silence. “I know you were just trying to make things right, but… I can’t stay.”
“What?” Seokjin gasps. “Why? We were supposed to stay for two more days.”
He speaks slowly, fiddling with the collar of Seokjin’s shirt. “I don’t want us to spend the weekend together, then slide right back into our old routine where you’re never around. That’s not gonna solve our problem.”
“And how do you suggest we solve it? Say the word and I’ll do it.” A desperate sigh leaves him. “Whatever you want, I swear.”
“All I want is my husband back.” Taehyung shrugs in his arms. “Not only for a weekend, or while we’re sleeping. Going back to that empty house every night is…”
“Horrible. I know. These days you weren’t home before the trip were… Ugh.” Seokjin shivers, gets a giggle out of Taehyung that brings a dopey smile to his face. “Listen… My superiors don’t work on weekends, so I’ll have to wait until Monday to talk to them. But I will. Okay? I’ll negotiate reducing my workload, even if that means reducing my paycheck too. How does that sound?”
“Great… Except you’ve done this before, twice, and everything went back to normal a month later because someone else got fired or quit and you had to step in until they found a replacement. It’s always the same sob story.”
Seokjin huffs. “What do you want me to do? Quit my job?”
“That’s not what I’m asking. I just think you should say no every now and then, put yourself first.” Resentment reemerges in his tone. “I don’t want to spend the rest of my life waiting for you to have time for us. So either you do something about it now, or…”
His unfinished sentence looms over Seokjin’s head. “Or?”
Taehyung’s expression is unreadable as he places a hand over Seokjin’s rampant heart.
“Or I will.”
The sun is high up in the sky when Seokjin stirs, rolls around in the empty hotel bed. His head hurts as soon as he opens one eye, instantly reminds him of the bottle of whiskey he drank by himself after Taehyung packed his bags and left the night before. While the alcohol kept him afloat through another lonely night, his mood plummets all over again now that the signs of a massive hangover hit him like a truck.
Getting up sounds like torture, so he aborts that plan for now, feeling the sheets for his phone. It’s already half past noon, and all his notifications are, surprisingly, about work, except for one text from Yoongi, hoping to hear good news. Unsure of the answer himself, Seokjin decides to ignore it for the time being, buries his face in the pillow again with a frustrated groan.
Would it really kill Taehyung to reach out, at least to say the trip back home went well?
Being there without him is completely pointless. Everything is a reminder of his absence, fills Seokjin with bitterness, which he channels into motivation to get out of bed and grunt his way to the shower. In less than an hour, he washes up, packs his bags and buys himself a seat on the first plane back home. The sooner he’s out of there, the better.
His stomach is too queasy for lunch, so he decides to grab a smoothie before checking out. Dragging himself across the crowded lobby, Seokjin slumps onto the first stool available at the bar, head throbbing due to all the noise and light around him. While the bartender is finishing some cocktails at the far end of the counter, he checks his phone for the third time in five minutes, sighing in disappointment at the lack of new notifications. Too hungover to make wise decisions, he ends up texting Taehyung about his rescheduled flight, and almost drops the device when a cheerful voice startles him.
“Good afternoon! What can I get you?”
Shielded by a pair of sunglasses, Seokjin’s eyes bulge at the familiar face before him. It’s the tattooed barista. The small metal pin on his tank top has a name on it: Jungkook. His smile is so warm and genuine that Seokjin is forced to ignore the pang of jealousy in his heart.
“A strawberry smoothie, please.”
Jungkook nods and turns away to prepare it, allowing him to scowl in peace. The blender rumbling nearby makes his headache worse; with eyes closed, Seokjin takes off his glasses to massage his temples, and it works for a minute or two, until the same voice startles him again.
“Oh! You’re the guy who was missing yesterday, aren’t you?”
He downright glares at Jungkook, reaches for his smoothie waiting on the counter. “Missing?”
“Yes! A guy came down here asking everyone about his husband and showing your picture. His name is… Taehyung, I think.”
Brushing aside the fact that Jungkook doesn’t even remember Taehyung’s name properly, Seokjin’s heart breaks for two reasons: first, because he accidentally made Taehyung worry by disappearing like that; and second, because now he gets why the dinner situation riled him up that much. After telling everyone at the bar that Seokjin was his husband, having to sit through a stranger wishing his beautiful wife happiness must have stung.
“That’s right,” Seokjin nods. “It was a small misunderstanding.”
“I’m glad you’re okay.”
“Thanks.” He tries to keep his mouth shut by gulping down his smoothie, but curiosity eventually gets the best of him. “By the way, did he tell you anything else yesterday?”
Jungkook’s eyes widen, though not in an incriminating way. There’s actually an adorable innocence about him that mollifies Seokjin’s rudeness.
“I’m not sure I’m supposed to tell you this, but before he barged in looking for you, he came here for a drink and we talked a little.”
“About?”
“Well, the bar was empty, and he looked kind of sad drinking by himself, so I started a game of pointing at random guests and creating fake dialogues between them.” Jungkook shrugs. “That’s all.”
Seokjin can’t hold back a snort. So this is why they were whispering and laughing together. He feels so fucking stupid for getting so worked up over nothing.
“Okay. Thank you.”
Glancing around to make sure no one else can hear them, Jungkook leans in a bit, speaking under his breath.
“Forgive my indiscretion, but you’re a very lucky man. He’s head over heels in love with you, and I can totally tell it’s mutual.”
“Oh?” Seokjin purses his lips to stifle a laugh. “You think so?”
“I know so. I’ve seen all sorts of couples around here, learned all the telltale signs.” He smirks mischievously, arching an eyebrow.
Seokjin’s phone vibrates in his pocket, and he fumbles to check it, smiling as soon as he reads Taehyung’s name. It’s a simple have a safe flight, no emojis or pet names attached to it; his heart skips a beat nonetheless.
“See? It’s him, isn’t it?” Jungkook teases, bouncing in place.
“Yeah, it is. You’re truly gifted.” Seokjin chuckles, getting up from the stool. “I’m flying back home to make things right between us. Wish me luck?”
Jungkook promptly nods, shoots him the most adorable smile while waving goodbye.
“Make sure to come back next summer for free drinks!”
A whole week goes by without Seokjin’s superiors showing up at the office. According to his workmates, they are—wait for it—on vacation. Something he hasn’t been able to enjoy in almost three years.
He spends every hour fighting the urge to pluck his eyeballs out with a spoon. The nights without Taehyung are a nightmare, the bed is too big and he can’t find a sleeping position without Taehyung’s leg on top of him. Even the flowers he brought home on their anniversary have died, as if irked by his absence, regardless of Seokjin’s attempts to take care of them.
At long last, he goes out for dinner with his friends on Saturday night. Taehyung is there too, smiles big when Seokjin arrives. It feels like a dream, spending time with his loved ones, laughing and eating together without a care in the world. Deep down, he hopes Taehyung will finally want to come home with him, but he ends up leaving with Jimin before Seokjin gets a chance to broach the subject. Yoongi reassures him, tells him to be patient, and it pays off: the next day, Taehyung texts him to say he’s glad they all got to hang out together. The heart emoji at the end gets Seokjin through another day by himself.
He’s called to the manager’s office first thing in the morning on Monday. Bang Si-hyuk greets him with a handshake, asks him to take a seat.
“I called you here because I have great news for you,” he starts. “The CEO is very pleased with your performance.”
His pulse quickens. Could this finally be his long awaited promotion? Seokjin can’t believe the irony of getting praised for something that has almost cost him his marriage. This might be the breakthrough he needed to land a better position, and consequently skyrocket their financial status.
“Thank you.”
“We apologize for your assistant, though. He was severely underqualified for the job and almost got you in trouble when you took those days off.” The man waves a hand like he’s swatting a bug. “Don’t worry about it, we’ve already fired him.”
Seokjin’s smile falls. “I beg your pardon?”
“Since your former assistant decided to quit, we have struggled to find a proper replacement for him. We appreciate all your efforts for the past months, and we must ask you to keep up the hard work until we find someone qualified for the position. For the time being, you’ll be granted a raise as incentive.”
Too stunned to speak, Seokjin merely blinks at him, trying to make sense of his words and failing.
“With all due respect, I can barely manage my responsibilities with an assistant, and I don’t see how a raise could change that. How much longer will it take to find this replacement?”
“We’ve currently got our hands full, but I guarantee that this will be at the top of our list of priorities as soon as possible.”
In other words: we have no interest in paying someone else to do the work you’ve been doing by yourself all this time. This company will never recognize his worth, no matter how hard he tries.
Feeling like an absolute clown, he remembers Taehyung’s words back at the hotel.
I just think you should say no every now and then, put yourself first.
Bang Si-hyuk has the gall to smile at him, and that’s when Seokjin decides that it’s never too late to start.
“No.”
The fake smile vanishes from his face. “Excuse me?”
“I said no.” Seokjin takes off his name tag and slams it on the table between them. “I’ve given years of my life to this company, and I’m still treated like garbage. I’m done. Good luck finding someone who’ll solve your issues as neatly as I did.”
He marches out of the office with trembling legs, doesn’t look back even when Bang Si-hyuk calls out his name and turns everyone’s heads in his direction. The last time he felt so justified in making such a bold move was when he left his parents’ house to live with Taehyung.
Taehyung… Funny how everything in Seokjin’s life always goes back to him.
The complexity of what he’s just done hasn’t dawned on him yet, but he’s already got a plan B. Hoseok has teased him a few times about dragging him along to his new company, and Seokjin will definitely give him a call and take him up on that offer, but that can wait.
Right now, he needs to find Taehyung.
He gets in his car in a daze, dials Taehyung’s number and it goes straight to voicemail. The flower shop won’t open for another hour, so Seokjin figures he must still be at Jimin’s. He drives all the way there only to hear that Taehyung has left early, didn’t say where to. Seokjin then drives back home, thinking maybe Taehyung decided to drop by for some clothes while he wasn’t there, but the house is empty as well.
“Where have you run off to?” Seokjin whispers to himself, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel. The rings on his finger reflect the sunlight, and just like that, he remembers a place where Taehyung might be.
His heart leaps at every turn, telling him he’s headed in the right direction. After gritting his teeth through several red lights, Seokjin finally reaches his destination: the old playground where they used to meet. Taehyung is sitting alone in one of the swings, and the sight fills Seokjin’s chest with so much love he can barely breathe around it.
This place means so much to them. When they were forced to hide their relationship from their parents, they’d sneak out every chance they got to meet behind a large tree at the back. It was the perfect hiding spot, close to both their houses, and no one ever thought to look for them there. Then one day Seokjin saw a rent sign on an apartment window across the street, and the idea of saving money to live together bloomed in his mind. They moved there about a year later.
So many of their happy memories had taken place there… But the most important one was definitely when Seokjin got down on one knee and asked Taehyung to marry him.
Shaking from head to toe, he gets off the car and wobbles towards the swing set, but a petrifying wave of anxiety glues his feet to the ground before he gets there, floods his mind with dread. What if Taehyung scolds him for quitting his job? What if Seokjin can’t find another job soon, and they go back to being poor again? He won’t be able to live with himself.
While he contemplates turning around and running, Taehyung gets up from the swing and spots him standing there, with nowhere to hide.
“Hyung?” He stutters, wide-eyed. “What are you doing here?”
Seokjin gulps, mind racing to figure out the best way to break the news for him.
“I quit,” he blurts out all of a sudden, surprising even himself.
Taehyung frowns at first, but his eyebrows soon fly up when the words click in his head. “You what?”
“I quit. I did it.” He walks the short distance to Taehyung, looking deep into his eyes. “You were right about everything. I’m so sorry.”
“I told you I didn’t want you to give up your career…”
“I didn’t do this for you,” he rambles on before Taehyung can finish, too nervous to control what comes out of his mouth. “I did it for me. But don’t worry, I’ll find something else real quick. I’ll take care of you, I promise. Please, don’t—” The words get stuck in his throat, and he has to start again. “Please don’t divorce me.”
With a pained gasp, Taehyung throws his arms around Seokjin’s neck. Seokjin holds him back just as tight, buries his nose in Taehyung’s shoulder and breathes deeply.
“Don’t you ever say that word again,” Taehyung pleads, close to his ear. “That thought never even crossed my mind, I swear.”
Seokjin’s heart soars with unbridled relief. “Then why did you take off your ring?”
They loosen their hold just enough to look at each other. Taehyung’s eyes are glossy, brimming with love and compassion.
“I didn’t know what else to do to make you listen.” He pauses, bites his lip like he can’t believe this is real. Seokjin knows the feeling all too well. “You’ve always taken care of me, and after everything we’ve been through in the past, it became such a deeply rooted part of you that you couldn’t let go, even now that I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself. I’m sorry that you had to carry so much weight on your shoulders.”
Seokjin gapes at him, speechless. How the hell does Taehyung know him so well, more than he knows himself?
The answer is so obvious that the question practically answers itself: Taehyung is his husband, that’s how. It feels so good to be able to use that word again without fear.
“I’d do it all again. You know that, right?”
“I do.” Taehyung beams. “Thank you. For working so hard, for both of us. And don’t worry about quitting, okay? I’ll take care of everything until you find something else.”
Seokjin smiles so big he fears his head might split in half.
“I love you so much.”
He leans in for a kiss, but Taehyung stops him with a hand over his mouth.
“I love you too, but first… Can I please get my ring back?”
Grinning like a fool, Seokjin takes it off his finger and slips it back on Taehyung’s, seals it with a heartfelt kiss to keep it there forever. Taehyung yelps when Seokjin lifts him off the ground without warning, both laughing as their lips finally meet.
“You know what?” Taehyung pouts once his feet are back on the ground. “I’m taking the day off. Let’s go home.”
Seokjin interlocks their fingers, cheeks hurting from smiling so much.
“Let’s go home.”