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Xie Lian rubbed his eyes, confused to wake up and find the secure weight of his husband no longer wrapped around him. Before he could call out to him though, he saw him, laying just out of reach and watching him quietly.
"Nightmare?" Xie Lian asked, settling back down.
Hua Cheng nodded.
"About me or you?" Xie Lian thought he knew, based on how his husband was looking at him, but he asked anyways.
"You."
"San Lang can check. I'm safe," Xie Lian assured.
Hua Cheng averted his gaze.
"Did you already check while I was sleeping?"
He could see Hua Cheng gear up to apologize, shoulders tense and a mouth set in an unhappy line.
But Hua Cheng was always patient with him so Xie Lian could wait as long as his husband needed. This was an improvement, no matter how slow it came, and it was important he not discourage it or rush anything.
Hua Cheng nodded. "That’s what woke you up."
It was just shy of an apology. But it wasn't one. That was a good step.
"That's okay, San Lang can wake me up when he has nightmares."
"I didn't mean to."
"I know. Can I touch you?"
Hua Cheng heistated. He must have only woken up very recently then if he was still in this state.
When Xie Lian had nightmares, well bad nightmares, he acted out. He needed to be held and reassured. He made noise, tried to go fight something, his reaction was a living thing trying to rip through his chest and Hua Cheng held him through it all, eased that writhing creature of his memories into a lull until he could be in his body again.
When Hua Cheng's nightmares got bad, he acted in. Sometimes he craved touch, other times he flinched away from it. He was always quiet, tried to hide from everything, his reaction was to climb deeper inside his own head and strangle the memories back into submission himself.
But Xie Lian could see he was getting better at letting Xie Lian help.
Hua Cheng made the string visible between them, taking hold of the red thread joining them.
Understanding, Xie Lian grasped it too, not touching his husband directly, just letting their connection stay between the string.
And for awhile they just stayed like that, close enough to touch but not ready to, looking into each other's eyes in the peaceful quiet of the night.
Eventually, Hua Cheng seemed to ease a bit more, inching his hand closer so that their fingers brushed. It was just their pinkies resting skin to skin, but it was a bit more tangible, a bit more honest.
"Thank you for checking on me. San Lang is very good at taking care of me."
"Gege doesn't have to lie to me. This one knows his worry was irrational."
Xie Lian let his pinky wrap around his husband's. "But when San Lang is distressed his first instinct is always to make sure I'm okay. How can I not feel safer knowing my husband is so attentive?"
Hua Cheng gave him a weary smile. "Did gege have any dreams tonight?"
"No," Xie Lian usually didn't remember them. Sometimes if he tried he could catch little bits of them when he first woke up or if they were particularly bad and woke him up they stuck out, but more often he'd gotten used to keeping his mind silent to them.
"Gege's been sleeping better recently. His face looks softer when he rests."
"That's because San Lang is with me." Xie Lian squeezed his pinky the way he'd squeeze his hand if they could be fully intertwined. Xie Lian knew if he asked, his husband would allow him to hug him close, but it was better when they took it slow. When he came to him on his own, ready to accept the fact he was worthy of love.
Xie Lian knew better than most how difficult it could be to fight the voices in your own head, no matter how much rational thought told you they were lying.
"Is gege dreaming about me?" Hua Cheng teased. It was slightly off, just a bit forced, but Xie Lian knew that wasn't necessarily always a bad thing.
"Maybe. I hope so."
"Oh? What does gege hope he's dreaming about us?"
Hua Cheng was very good at asking for things now, but when he got bad like this it was like he had to trick Xie Lian into indulging him, having trouble coming out with his requests directly.
Xie Lian still understood. "I think I'd like to be dreaming that San Lang and I are fixing up the shrine again."
"I'm sure your friends will trash the place again if gege is looking for a restoration project," Hua Cheng joked.
"Ah, no I don't want to see the shrine break down again. But in my dream we would be able to fix it up again for the first time. I wish San Lang could've built the cottage with me."
"Shall I find gege another house to fix?"
"San Lang, I have four houses already, what would I do with a fifth?"
"Repair it," Hua Cheng smiled. "We could start building shrines to gege to spread his name."
"Even I'm not that shameless," Xie Lian laughed, and Hua Cheng settled a little closer at the sound, letting go of the string to properly take Xie Lian's hand in his own.
Xie Lian smiled encouragingly at the gesture, happy to find his husband seeming to relax more and more.
"What if we gave the house away afterwards?"
"To who?"
Hua Cheng shrugged. "We could be wandering carpenters."
Xie Lian imagined what the other gods would think. The eccentric Scrap Immortal, going around living in his own temples, scrap collecting for fun, farming with locals, and cavorting with ghosts. Some of them would probably spit blood to hear he'd decided to go on a house improvement tour.
"Alright," Xie Lian smiled. "Let's make sure everything is settled in Ghost City so we can be gone for awhile. I'll see if Ling Wen can help me find a few targets."
Hua Cheng's tenseness had almost eased completely now, loving devotion radiating from his returning smile.
"Better?"
"I'm with gege, of course I'm better."
"Can I hold my San Lang?"
Hua Cheng scooted closer, taking Xie Lian's other hand in his. "Like this tonight?"
Xie Lian nodded, happy enough with the little extra contact. He knew from experience they would find themselves drawing closer in their sleep anyways and Hua Cheng would be able to hug him again by morning. Even if he couldn't, he would one day, just with a bit more time. Xie Lian could be patient. He'd gone eight hundred years with barely any contact at all. Sometimes it made it harder to go without contact with his husband. Like he just had to savor each moment a bit longer, hold a bit tighter so that comfort could be engraved in his heart.
But the longer they lived together the easier he found it to remember what his husband had reminded him again and again: forever existed. Forever existed and Hua Cheng would make it possible for them.
Besides, he had so much practice being patient, they both did, and Hua Cheng never made him wait too long. And even he did, Xie Lian thought he was more than worth the wait.