Archive of Our Own

Bonnie watches as Elena sinks to the ground, her head in her knees and shoulders shaking. Bonnie settles on her knees in front of her friend and puts her hands on Elena’s shoulders, prompting her to look up. 

“You’re going to be ok, Elena,” Bonnie reassures. Those words are as much for Elena as they are for Bonnie. She needs to believe in something, so she chooses to believe that her friends will be ok. If she accepts that, then she has a shot of finding the peace that her Grams wanted for her. 

Shaking her head, Elena gets up and runs her hand through her hair. “How is any of this going to be ok?” She exclaims, her lip wobbling. 

Bonnie lowers her head and her eyebrows pinch together. “I tried, Elena. I’m so sorry. I thought I could bring him back to you. And I failed—”

Elena’s eyes widen as she realizes something. All she’s thought about is Damon being stuck over there…but Bonnie. No, no! How could she not think about her best friend? Knowing Bonnie the way that she does, Bonnie would never talk about her problems unless prompted. “Wait—what’s going to happen to you?” 

When Bonnie doesn’t respond, Elena takes a slow step towards her. “You’re coming through, right? Right?” 

Bonnie twists her mouth and tears fill her eyes. “I’m not…” Her voice hitches. “Coming back.” Not this time. She’s all out of luck—she’s run out of time. 

“No, no, no! We’ll find L-Liv and L-Luke—they can do the spell again—we’ll find a way. We’re not losing you too! You just came back so you’re coming through. Okay, Bon?” Elena grips Bonnie’s shoulders, as if she can keep her safe in her arms. Elena touches Bonnie’s cheek and pulls her towards her for a hug. Bonnie closes her eyes and enjoys this moment for the last time. 

“It’s ok.”

Elena pulls back, her hands still gripping Bonnie’s shoulders. Though, Elena’s touch is slowly fading as she passes briefly to the Other Side. “How can you say that?”

Bonnie shrugs. “I’m tired,” she whispers. 

A minute later, Caroline comes rushing inside the crypt screaming Bonnie’s name. “Bonnie?! Bonnie!”

“I’m here, Care!” Bonnie sniffs. 

Caroline’s hand covers her heart and she releases a deep sigh of relief. “Thank God—wait—are you still on the Other side? You have to cross over ASAP!” 

Bonnie casts her gaze to the floor. She can’t say it again. Elena takes Bonnie’s hand and squeezes it. Caroline waves her hand around in the air impatiently. “Why are you two looking at each other like that—what the hell is going on? Bonnie?”

Sadly, Elena shakes her head and reaches out to Caroline. Tears stream down Caroline’s cheeks as she realizes the horrible truth. Caroline tightly squeezes her eyes shut and wraps Bonnie in a huge embrace. “No, no! We just got you back. We’re supposed to be roommates, meet guys, and make bad decisions. You’re supposed to be a professor like your grams. This can’t be…” She hiccups, reprimanding herself for only thinking about Stefan. Caroline couldn’t pretend like she didn’t see Bonnie coughing up blood. Of course, she was concerned but Bonnie hadn’t said anything so she let it go. Like always. 

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Caroline cries. 

“Would it have mattered? Honestly? Would you have told me to leave Stefan—and Damon—over there? To save me?”

“Of course we would!” Elena and Caroline say. 

“There was no other way to save everybody. I’m the anchor. This is what I’m supposed to do. But I had this chance.”

“It’s not fair,” Elena says. “You deserved so much more time.”

“We don’t always get what we want.”

“Bonnie! Please don’t go, ok? We still have college and um…I’ll give you all the space you want in our dorm closet!” Caroline pleads as she hugs Bonnie tighter. 

“I love you guys and I’m going to miss all of you. Take care of Jeremy. And take care of each other. Please.”

“We love you too,” Elena says. “We’re going to get you back.”

Bonnie bites her lip to tell them not to waste their time. The sad thing is that she doesn’t believe Elena’s words or Caroline’s. Today broke her heart in more ways than one. It confirmed her worst fear: that she was expendable. 

Her grams said peace would be waiting for her—of all that she has lost today, she wants to have one good thing when this is all over and done with. 

As painful as it was, Bonnie tears herself away from her friends' screams and Jeremy’s heartbroken expression as her body fades to the Other Side completely. Bonnie closes her eyes, bracing herself for the deafening blow. The sounds and screams of her friends slowly fade away.

This is it. She meant what she told Jeremy over the phone. Before the day of her graduation, she died and everything she’s got to experience has been a gift. As much as she lies to herself that the time she had was enough, the more tears burn her eyes and her skin as they roll off her cheeks. It takes all the strength in the world to not fall to her knees and beg for mercy in her last moments. 

The only thing that stops her is when she feels Damon’s presence next to her. She blinks away the tears and watches him slowly, carefully approach her as if he can sense her fragile mental state. “This place is going down, isn’t it?”

“It is,” she says, her voice shaking. This isn’t the first time she’s faced death, but it is the first time that she’s expecting it. The first time, she thought she was invincible and never thought she would die. This time…she knows its coming. At least she’s not alone this time. Even if it is with Damon.

“Did Stefan get my message?” Damon wonders. 

“He did.” After Bonnie told Elena Damon wouldn’t be coming back, Bonnie informed Stefan and passed along Damon’s heartfelt words: I’m sorry, little brother. 

“Thank you, Bonnie.”

For the first time in a while, she heard the sincerity in his voice. But, dread settled inside her heart as she knew it was the end when Damon used her name and not a silly nickname. Who would have thought she’d miss being called Bon Bon, witchy, or judgy?

Her shaking hands reach out to grab his. They’re both alone in the end. She notices the confusion written all over his face. She shrugs. “I know there are about a billon people we’d both rather be with right now…but…” She glances down at their joined hands and squeezes them. I’m scared. 

“Couple thousand at most.” Me too. “For the record…” I’m sorry…for everything. “Hoped your story would end a bit differently than the rest of us rotten souls.”

Bonnie squeezes his hand a bit tighter. “I hope it doesn’t hurt.” I don’t want to hurt anymore. 

A couple minutes later...

When Bonnie opens her eyes, she locks eyes with Damon. She touches her face, arms, and legs. She’s alive. They’re alive. Tears spring to her eyes and she does something unexpected: she hugs him and he’s too stunned to hug her back. For the first time in a really long time, she was excited that she can breathe without feeling another supernatural death. She was happy to be alive. "We're alive!" Bonnie cries. She runs out of the graveyard and onto the road. Quickly, Damon follows after her. 

"Uh..." Damon follows Bonnie to the town square. "I'm no expert but I'm pretty sure people are supposed to be in a town and..." Damon frowns when he eyes the Mystic Grille. Yep, this is strange. "I'm pretty sure I blew that up an hour ago." Damon casts a concerned look towards Bonnie who's afro is already shaking from side to side. 

Bonnie's breath hitches and she shakes her head. "N-n-no...they probably evacuated or something." Her hand is waving wildly in the air and she refuses to meet Damon's disbelieving eyes. "T-t-that's what you do in an emergency." She pushes a chuckle out of her mouth. "Or maybe..." Bonnie doesn't finish that thought; instead, she sprints towards the Mystic Grille and opens the door. She ignores the tears blurring her vision. When she enters the restaurant and suddenly it feels like there's no oxygen left in the air, in her lungs. "Um..." Everywhere she looks, her mind is bombarded and assaulted by images that should fill her with joy...instead, it brings her more pain than she can ever know. 

At the bar, Bonnie remembers all those years ago when things started to change. She had come back from the 50s dance with Caroline and saw her crush, Ben, behind the bar. They flirted and they kissed. Turns out, he was just using her to get what he wanted. That was the day everything started to change: she realized that someone will always want something from a witch. The day after that, her grams died; a death she will never stop blaming herself for. In the other corner, she remembers her dad ordering her favorite ice cream sundae and she'd make fun of him for always getting the same predictable meal each time they came here. Then, they'd start  arguing because all he wanted to do was protect her. Yet, he couldn't accept that she was a witch. Then, he'd order her favorite ice cream sundae and she'd make fun of him for always getting the same predictable meal each time they came here. 

In the other corner, she remembers waiting for Matt to get off from work and dropping her off at home. Matt was her oldest friend and even when she became a witch, not once did he ever ask something of her. He treated her like he always had: a friend. Not a weapon. That was one of the reasons she loved being around him. 

The next table she looks at is the one when Jeremy took her out for dinner here. Back before he cheated on her with Anna...when things were simple between them. She was just a girl and he was just a guy. On paper, they were made for each other; in reality, they chose each other out of circumstances. Yet, it didn't mean her heart didn't shatter when she learned the truth.

Lastly, she remembers Caroline and Elena forcing Bonnie to dance all the time to get out of her comfort-zone. She'd complain and whine about their antics, but then she'd get on the dance floor with them and start laughing. It were in those few moments that she remembered what living was all about. 

Bonnie closes her eyes and prays the memories away. "Maybe..." She wipes at her face. "Maybe this is like time travel or something and that's why the Grille is still here. So, they're probably here--if I can just..." Once again, Bonnie leaves the restaurant and she travels to Mystic Falls High. "Matt! Elena! Care? Stefan? I'm here!" She screams as she walks down the halls of her old school. 

Damon tries to catch Bonnie's arm to stop her. "Slow down, you're not making any sense--!"

When Bonnie passes by the medals, awards, and pictures of the sports teams and she spots her friends, something broke inside of her. For a moment, she stands still in front of the glass before throwing her phone at the glass. The shards break and Damon quickly pulls Bonnie away before the glass can hit her. But, Bonnie simply breaks away from his grasp. She rips out the photos and rips them up, the pieces of paper floating around her before her knees buckle to the floor.  Her shoulders heave up and down. 

Damon glances away from Bonnie, feeling helpless at seeing her like this. This is so weird to him to see her like this.  To be honest, it’s usually the other way around. It’s Damon who freaks out and breaks things. Now, it’s Bonnie who’s emotional and Damon who has to be the voice of reason and let’s be honest, when Damon is the voice of reason, things are really bad. “Bonnie…they’re not here," his voice soft and apologetic. A voice that was usually reserved for anyone else but her. Or maybe it wasn't--she just never dared herself to expect that from him because he always gives her a reason to hate him. 

“No, no! Ok! Maybe they’re…I don’t know but this can’t be it and grams s-said—”

“Your grams was wrong.” He says it quietly so Bonnie doesn't hear him. 

Bonnie’s shoulders shake. “I wanna go home,” she sobs. Not home home in Mystic Falls. She wants to be safe and secure, but that place isn’t with her friends in MF. Not anymore so where does she go? What home does she have to go back to? A town filled with the memories of the people she’s loved who are lost. Her throat is raw as if someone is scratching her throat from the inside. Until her screams can't be heard anymore. There's no one here...her head droops and her chin lowers until it's touching her chest. It's just her and Damon now. 

Feeling uncomfortable, Damon clears his throat but she makes no indication that she heard him or anything for that matter. He approaches her very slowly as though she’s a frightened animal about to run at any moment. “Hey, judgy…” he taps her shoulder which seems to snap her out of whatever trance she’s in.

She bolts away from his touch. “Don’t touch me,” she snaps.

Damon’s eyes blaze with annoyance. “Fine!” He holds his hands up in the air. “My hand was good enough to hold for the end of the world, right?”

“I didn’t see you complaining.”

And for a moment, it looks like the old Bonnie is back and Damon catches himself before he smiles. It’s good to know Bonnie Bennett’s judginess and comebacks were a constant. Maybe the only thing in this twilight zone.

“Are you finished with your little performance now?” Damon says, but he almost regrets it as soon as he sees her walls go back up.

Bonnie glances back at the pictures behind the glass wall that she had broken. Back then when she was a normal, simple girl. That had been taken from her—the chance to be carefree that she almost forgot what it felt like to have no responsibilities. If only she could turn back the clock…Bonnie releases a deep sigh as she walks towards the exit. “Let’s go.”

They’ve been here for 3 hours now, walking around in circles. Both of them have no clue what’s going on. Every couple of minutes, Bonnie bites her lip to muffle her shallow breathing. She’s hiding it as best as she can but the trembling of her hands are getting harder to hide. 

“I found peace because I made sure you’d find yours.”

“Just know I looked out for you.”

“You stay strong, Bonnie!”  

Grams’ last words to her were the only thing keeping her going. She can’t let that sacrifice be meaningless. Let it count for something. For saving her. Whatever her grams did…she did so so she could find peace. She has to be worth it. Even in death, grams was looking out for her. If only her grams had passed through her. Of course, grams chose not to so she could relieve Bonnie’s pain—even if it was just for a second. 

Damon’s groan interrupts her reflection. Of all the people to be stuck with. That’s what she gets for grabbing his hand. This was supposed to be peace, but of course she messed that up. Now, it would be endless torture with Damon complaining every five seconds. At least that is a good motivator to getting out of this place. 

“How many more streets are we going to wander?” Damon groans. 

“As many as it takes until we find something to get us out of here,” Bonnie remarks tiredly. 

Damon looks back at her to notice she’s shaking. He frowns as he takes in her appearance. “What’s with you?” He asks casually. 

“Nothing…I’m just…” She shakes her head and cuts herself off. “Let’s keep going.”

He watches her for a few moments before deciding to save her pride a bit. “Suit yourself but I’m taking a blood break,” he lies easily through his teeth. 

Bonnie shoots him a sharp look, like she knows he’s lying but she gives him a gentle nod before collapsing onto the nearest sidewalk. When Damon just stares at her, Bonnie quirks an eyebrow. She snorts. “I know you’re not looking my way for a vein.”

Damon rolls his eyes. “Oh I know you won’t. You’d rather see me desiccate.” Damon turns away from her. “I’m going to the hospital.”

Before he can speed away, Bonnie can’t help but yelp, “Wait—” Apart of her is afraid that he’ll just ditch her here. 

He can see the question on her eyes. “I’ll only be a couple minutes,” he says softly. I’ll be back. “You’re my ticket out of here, remember?” He winks at her and doesn’t leave until he sees her lips curve up into a reluctant half-smile, if that. 

When he comes back, he also brings her some food from the cafeteria. He sets the Doritos down next to her. “Don’t make this a thing,” he grumbles. He wasn’t sure which was her favor flavor so he brought all three of them. 

“Thank you,” she says. However, her fingers are shaking rapidly that she struggles to rip open the bag.

Taking pity on her, Damon opens the bag for her. Bonnie thanks him as she gobbles down the snack.

When was the last time she ate, Damon wonders. “The blue ones are better,” he mutters. 

Bonnie frowns before she says something. This is uncharted territory for her. “Purple is the superior flavor.”

Damon was surprised that she actually responded. Damon smirks and glances at her. “How?”

Bonnie shrugs. “It’s spicy and sweet—best of both worlds.”

Damon laughs as he peers down at her eating the last of the crumbs. Just like her. 

After a fifteen minute break, Damon and Bonnie are wondering the streets again. This time they spot Elena’s house. They glance at each other, confusion hanging in the air between them. 

“Pretty sure Elena burnt this down a year ago,” Damon observes. That’s when Damon notices a newspaper laying on the grass. Picking it up, Damon’s eyes widen as he realizes the date. One of the worst days of his life which is saying something. “Look at this.” He shows Bonnie the newspaper, putting his finger on the date. 

Bonnie squints her eyes and leans closer to read the words on the page. “Solar eclipse expected to be seen across…”

Damon rolls his eyes. “The date.”

“May 4th, 1994…” she trails off. “That’s impossible.” Damon has a weird look in his eyes. Bonnie picks up on it. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he dismisses quickly and walks away. 

Knowing Bonnie, she won’t let this go. She follows him all the way to the boarding house. “I know that face! We must have been sent here for a reason! This date must mean something to you so tell me because then I might be able to find us a way out of here!”

“Just leave it alone!”

“Damon—”

“Or maybe it’s just a random day and your grams got her timetables crossed.”

“Don’t you dare talk about my grams. She’s the reason we’re not dead.”

Damon chuckles bitterly. He gestures around them. “Have you looked around lately? There’s nothing and nobody here. Your grams didn’t save us! She just stalled the inevitable. We’re dead—get used to it and grab a drink.” He regrets it the moment he said it for the pain that flashes across her eyes. A pain that she usually keeps locked away from the world. He sits on the sofa. “Might as well make yourself comfortable. Looks like we’ll be here for an eternity.”

As soon as he said it, he might as well have punched her in the throat. If that were true, that means her grams sacrificed herself once again for nothing and Bonnie can’t and won’t accept that. She won’t let anyone, especially not Damon, take her hope away from her. He’s taken too much from her already. But, for once she’s not in pain every 5 seconds, doubled down over in pain. She’s free. Who knows if she’ll go back to being the anchor when they get out of here? 

“If it weren’t for my grams, you would have been loving a fictional tale for the rest of your life. If we hadn’t opened that tomb, you would have never known that she played you for a fool." Bonnie crosses her arms across her chest as her lips turn up into a sly snarl. She tilts her head to the side as she glares down at him. "I guess us Bennetts are good for something afterall, huh?”

“Why would I want to share anything with you, huh?” Damon yells. 

Bonnie throws the newspaper at him so he can catch it. “Because as much as you hate it, I’m the best shot you have at getting back home. You want that, don’t you?”

“Of course I do!”

Bonnie knocks his bourbon out of his hand, crashing to the floor. “Then stop acting like an ass and help me. Please.” When he doesn’t say anything, Bonnie fumes. “I never realized how much of a coward you are!”

“Come again.”

“You heard me. The Damon I know and hate is too stubborn to give up. Come find me when you decide to stop throwing yourself a pity party.” Bonnie huffs as she walks away. So much for peace, huh?

After a couple of minutes in silence, Bonnie leaves him at the Boarding house and goes to sit on Elena’s porch. Damon follows. 

“This was where I told Elena I loved her for the first time,” Damon says softly as if he’s talking to himself. 

Bonnie fights not to roll her eyes. That was Katherine but she’ll let him have his moment if he means he can act like a team player for more than five minutes. 

“I don’t even remember why I told her that. I think I just wanted to mess with Stefan’s new perfect life he had built. Without me. And I hated it.”

“And this is also where Stefan told me he loved me. I cut him off before he could actually say it because I felt so damn guilty. How could he still love me after everything I’ve done to him? I was too prideful to tell him that. I couldn’t remember the last time I told my little brother that I loved him. Do you think he knew that before we went kaboom?” Bonnie doesn’t say anything. He risked everything to save his little brother and he doesn't get to see him again...he wasted so much time with Stefan. Guess what they say it right: no do-overs in life. “I guess it doesn’t matter now. We’re never going to see them again.”

(Play "heal" song by Tom Odell)

“Why don’t you even want to try?” Her voice is quiet, all the anger has seeped away. “It’s like you’ve just given up.”

“I’m facing reality. This is it. You should be used to this for part by now,” Damon says. “You’ve died a million times--”

“For someone who loves Stefan and Elena, you sure are quick to give up on them. Why is that? Is that because you realize how bad you are for them?”

“No—“

“Then what is it?”

"There's nothing here."

Bonnie shuts her eyes, counting the seconds as they tick by. What is she even waiting for--for Damon Salvatore to give way and actually try to save himself for once? Ha--she'd be waiting for a long time before that ever happens. All his life, he's waited on other people to save him--if it wasn't his brother, then it was Elena. Well, she sure as hell won't be that for him. She barely has enough energy to save herself.

Does he truly not understand how much it hurts her to hear him say that? That her heart shrinks just a bit more each time he lets his hope flicker away. “If you really believe that, there’s nothing left to say.” Bonnie dusts off her jeans and leaves him there. Her feet lead her back to her grams house. As soon as she enters grams' home, she spots a family photo that she hadn't seen in forever. It's of Bonnie riding on top of her father's shoulders and Abby caught mid-laugh with grams smiling. Bonnie stares at the photo a bit closer--it was a video. She smiles as she picks up the frame. Grams must've used magic to make it a motion picture. Maybe that was why she didn't see the photo at her dad's. He wanted to erase any part of magic, but in doing so, he erased bits of Bonnie without even knowing it. He thought forgetting about magic would protect her, but it did the exact opposite. Her finger traces her father's face. 

As she goes upstairs, Bonnie opens up her room and spots a bear she hadn't seen in so long. Ms.Cuddles. A gift from her mom; Bonnie would always hug that bear, believing if she just closed her eyes, her mother would appear and she could have her family back. A laugh sounds out around the room as Bonnie picks up the bear and spins around the room like she was a kid again. She falls back against the bed. Slowly, her smile slips away and she's left with a crushing weight on her heart. How much of it would she have left? 

Bonnie rolls over and off the bed. She heads towards her grams' room and picks up the landline. She dials the house number and it may be a long-shot but..."You've reached Shelia Bennett! If you're a telemarketer, forget my number because I'm not buying what you're selling. If you're my lovely granddaughter playing around with the phone lines again, well, I love you too, baby! And if you're my stick-in-the mud son-in-law, then tell him to bring my grandbaby around more often. My place could use a bit of life--is this too long for a voicemail?"

Bonnie chokes down a sob and a laugh. She cradles the telephone closer to her ear, begging her grams to keep talking. It had only been a few hours since the Other Side fell apart, but she had been afraid she'd forget grams' voice that calmed her wave of panic. Grams' liked to say that magic had always been inside of Bonnie's heart. Truth be it that grams' love was all the magic she'd ever need.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers. “I just had to get stuck with a grumpy ancient vampire, huh? Any chance I could trade him in for Caroline? Nope…that’s what I thought...I wish I could've been stuck here with you," she admits. "We would've had so much fun." That was all the peace she'd ever need. "Maybe we could've figured out a way for us all to be together again. Think about: you, me, Abby, and dad. It would be p-p-perfect and we..." Bonnie's lip wobbles, "I'd be happy again." Guess some things were too perfect to ever exist outside her fantasy. 

“Pancakes for breakfast again?” Damon remarks, smiling slightly at the mini fangs protruding out on the sides of the pancakes. “Excuse me, vampcakes.”

Gail smiles giddily as she digs in. “It’s in honor of Zach. He has these adorable little fangs on his teeth. Seems like it runs in the family. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say he’s a vampire.”

Damon raises his eyebrows. A little too on the nose, but hey, whatever keeps her from finding out the truth.“I blame it all on my cravings.”

“Keep that up and the baby might just became a pancake addict.”

Gail smiles. “I know this might not be my place to say, but Stefan is really happy to have you back. So is Zach.”

Damon widens his eyes. “I couldn’t tell with all the pitchforks aimed in my direction.”

Gail chuckles. “No matter what you’ve done in the past, family is important.”

Damon’s eyes grow sad with guilt and shame. You don’t know what I’ve done. “So…do you think it’s a girl or boy?” Damon asks Gail, quickly changing the subject. 

Gail shrugs as she plunges another sparkled cupcake into her mouth. “We want it to be a surprise but…we think it’s a girl.”

“Got any good names for my cousin-niece?”

“Sarah. Sarah Salvatore. Hopefully, you’ll stick around long enough to meet her.”

Since he’s been here, the first thing to make him genuinely crack a smile was hearing the baby kick. 

Hopefully, Damon won’t screw it up by that time. For a snippet of time, it was almost enough to turn his humanity back on. There was hope for the Salvatores with a small bun in the oven. 

They don’t talk for a couple of days. Damon makes the first move by using a pager. “Do I even want to know why you have a teddy bear with you?” Damon asks, casually glancing up at the former witch as she walks through the front door. He’s sitting against the wall and he swallows the last of his mug of warm o-neg blood mixed with a little bourbon. An oldie CD is playing in the background. He eyes the stuffed animal in her arms. “I wasn’t aware they had build-a-bear in 1994.”

Bonnie ignores his question about her bear. All she does is clutch it closer to her chest. “You paged me,” she says tiredly, not in the mood for Damon’s latest shenanigans. Looks like he's been uh...productive...

It’s Thursday. At least she thinks it is. Yesterday, she explored Mystic Falls and everything in 1994 was still here. Including her grams' grimoire which she's been studying and trying to relearn magic. Funnily enough, she didn't remember magic being this hard. Grams always said raw magical energy was about wanting something bad enough. She did want to go home, didn't she? She wasn't too sure if she really wanted to know the answer to that.  All she knew was that she'd give up all the magic in the world if it meant grams had passed through her and was waiting with open arms for her. Then, maybe she'd really want to go home. 

“I’m surprised you know how to work one.”

“I didn’t but it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out it could only be you. We’re the only two people here.”

Damon gives her a look as he gets up from his sitting position. He heads into the kitchen and calls over his shoulder, “Have you eaten breakfast yet?”

Well…that wasn’t what she was expecting. Usually, they skip the pleasantries and go straight to business which is fine by her. She has no interest in being around Damon any longer than need be. At least until they get back home. Despite keeping her guard up, she follows him into the kitchen. “No…”

“Good thing I made you pancakes.”

His smile unsettles her. She stares down at the plate of pancakes on the table. Cautiously, she pokes the pancakes as if she’s inspecting them, earning an eye roll from Damon. “Why are you being so nice? Did you poison these?”

“I’d be pretty stupid to poison my one ticket out of this Twilight Zone. Are your useful witchy mojo powers back yet?”

“No.” She ignores his groan. “We’re reliving the same day—”

“Is there a theory somewhere in there?” He interrupts impatiently. 

Bonnie grits her teeth and takes a huge sigh. This is what she gets for trying to be cordial with him. It's only been a few days of not seeing him--not that she was complaining--but now he shows up and is singing a different tune? A completely new person. What was with him? “I’m working on it.”

“Take your time. It’s not like I’m away from the love of my life and my baby brother or anything,” he mutters. 

"You changed up your tune real-quick." She narrows her eyes suspiciously at the vampire. "Why?"

"Well, being stuck with you has made me reconsider," he smirks. 

Bonnie storms over to the radio and shuts it off. “Hey!” Damon says, defensively. 

“You," she pokes him in the chest, "don't get to make demands! I've been trying my best with no help from you!" Bonnie steps away from him and leans against the counter across from him. She closes her eyes, taking a moment to catch her breath. "Do you honestly believe I want to be stuck here with you anymore than I have to?" She asks him evenly, leveling her steely gaze on his. 

Damon has an offended look on his face and his hand reaches for his undead heart. “Afraid that you’ll fall hopelessly in love with me?”

Bonnie huffs and runs a hand through her afro. “As if that could ever happen.”

“Anything is an improvement from baby Gilbert.”

Bonnie narrows her eyes and anger flashes across them. “You of all people don’t ever get to say a bad word about Jeremy.”

“What’s wrong with me? Last time I checked, you were inviting me to your not-so little back from the dead party.

Bonnie rolls her eyes. “You honestly don’t remember our last encounter before we went kaboom?” His blank look in his eyes hurts more than she thought it would. Why does it hurt so much that she means so little to him? 

After she was resurrected, her friends expected her to go back to normal. As if she was never really gone or that they hadn’t noticed her absence until they needed a hero. As if she hadn’t just watched her father’s throat get slit. She smiled when they glanced at her, but she still felt dead inside. She wanted to scream but never got a moment of reprieve. Now, she’s stuck here with her least favorite person on the planet. She can’t talk to him because he won’t listen. Why would he? Her friends don’t even bother to. She was just as invisible to them as she was when she was a ghost. 

Bonnie swallows the large knot in her throat and bites her lip in an attempt to stall the scream wanting to escape. She sighs and mutters something about getting work done somewhere else. She just needs to focus on putting her energy towards getting them out of here. Maybe she can fix that than spend time looking at why she wants to stay gone. 

“I’m not a mind-reader, Bonnie!” He shouts at her retreating form. What the hell is she talking about? “And you forgot your pancakes!”

For the past 3 hours, he can’t figure out why he even cares why she’s angry at him. It’s just a typical day for them. If she was so mad at him, why did she grab his hand when she thought they were going to die? What could he have possibly done to warrant such a dislike for him? Well…he can think of a couple of things but that doesn’t matter right now. He goes over it in his head. He found out she was dead from baby bird. Then, he helped resurrect her. His brilliant plan obviously. The others helped. Minimally. Anyway, that should’ve gotten him 10 points. Then he remembers her yelling at him after he turned her mother. 

“No good deed goes unpunished with you, does it?”

“Doesn’t undo the bad.”

“We didn’t have a choice!”

“There’s always a choice. Whenever you make one, me or someone I love suffers. When is it going to be your turn to lay down and make the sacrifices, huh?”

Damon goes through all her family members. Long ago, Damon made a promise to a good friend, Emily Bennett. To protect her lineage. He failed. He may be a bad person, but he always prided himself on being a good friend through his loyalty. What if it was too late? Beauty of being stuck in a freaky dimension was having a chance to do things over. Literally since the damn days kept repeating. 

Last time he checked, Lucy was still alive. Abby is semi-alive. Shelia Bennett…Damon’s dead heart grows heavy with shame. He failed on protecting Shelia in the midst of trying to rescue Katherine. Contrary to popular belief, he did care about the people he hurt. He just wasn’t a fan of advertising it to the whole damn world. What was the point? He didn’t need them expecting him to be a good person all the time. How exhausting would that be? He’d just end up like Bonnie over here. People coming to you like you have all the answers. Regrettably, he was one of those people. 

Now that he thinks about, Bonnie is the last Bennett witch. Oh wait…Bonnie’s dad. Wow. He really was an asshole. He remembered the day he got the call from the Sheriff about Bonnie’s father. No one had gotten in touch with her all day. Only Jeremy. That’s when he should’ve pressed harder for more information about Bonnie’s whereabouts. It was unlike her to make everyone worry and practically be a ghost. Little did he know, she was a ghost. Watching them all and truly believing that her death shouldn’t even be a blip on anyone’s radar. 

When he learned of Bonnie’s sacrifice, he felt bad. Some part of him wanted to uphold his promise to Emily and somewhere along the way, he came to regard Bonnie Bennett as a force to be reckoned with. Someone he would be proud to call his ally, dare he say friend. But he had been a terrible one to her, hadn’t he? Maybe this was his chance to make things right. 

But that still doesn’t bring him any closer to figuring out why she’s so pissed at him. 

Damon knocks on her front door. He doesn’t care at all. He’s just here because he’s bored. And he has got no one else to talk to besides an annoying former witch. Finally, Bonnie opens the door, one hand on her waist. “You are a hard woman to find. You have like 20 different houses you’re in.”

Bonnie rolls her eyes. Only Damon Salvatore can complain about running when he has super speed. “Why are you here?” She asks tiredly, already feeling an oncoming headache. She rubs the sides of her temples. An action that doesn’t go unnoticed by Damon. He heard her stomach growling. When was the last time she ate? 

“Disclaimer: I’m not here because I care. I’m only here because I’m a direct person and I want to know why you’re acting like I’m the worst person in the world. Why were so pissed when I mentioned baby bird?”

“I died while bringing Jeremy back to life and you tried to kill him. How did you think that made me feel?”

Damon scoffs. “Come on, Bonnie! You’re still mad about that? In case you haven’t noticed, we’re dead!” He says through gritted teeth. 

Bonnie scoffs. “Do you really think that just erases everything you did?"

At the same time that Damon opens his mouth to say "I mean--yeah, blank slate and all," she says, "you know what--don't even answer that!" Bonnie just shakes her head, silently wishing that she still had her powers so she could make his vessels go pop. "No, I didn’t forget and of course I’m still upset.”

“I wasn’t really going to let Enzo kill him!”

“Oh, because that makes it so much better! Thank you for that!" She slowly claps her hands. "Thank you for making me believe that another person I loved could be taken away from me and again, I couldn’t do a damn thing about it.”

“Again? What are you talking about—

“Wow. My dad, asshole! I was there! I watched as Silas slit his throat! And I couldn’t save him because I was just a ghost. I watched him bleed out until Sheriff Forbes arrived.” Bonnie screams, her cheeks flushing furiously pink. 

For the first time, Damon is stumped because he never knew Bonnie had watched the whole thing. She never said anything. No one ever asked. To him, she always seemed so strong. As if sensing his thoughts, Bonnie slams down his assumptions. Her throat closes up but not so much that she whispers, "I'm not strong, okay? That's just what you all expected from me." No one ever made her feel safe enough to break down. Her worst fear was that even if she did break, they wouldn't care. 

Her nose scrunches up and her fists are balled into tight fists. “You are so self absorbed that you can’t even remember anyone else’s losses but your own. Yet you come here, demanding things from me and summoning me like I’m some damn genie. I know that you don’t give a damn about me but would it kill you to give me some common decency? Why should I expect that my sacrifices should mean anything to you? I don’t even know why I’m so mad at you. We’re not even friends.”

The strange thing for her is that this isn’t the first time she’s dead. She’d been feeling that way for a while now. This only made it more permanent. The only difference this time being that she didn’t die alone. There’s no body to bury. But she might as well have died alone because Damon’s company and his pain makes her feel the loneliest she’s ever felt. 

“My biggest mistake was grabbing your hand. I would have been better off alone!” She slams the door in his face. She hurries up her staircase, closing the door to her room and sinking to the floor. She buries her face into the soft fabric of Ms.Cuddles, her tears dripping onto the bear. Shortly after, Bonnie goes to the bathroom and turns on the shower to smother her sobs.

Only Damon doesn't leave the porch until he hears her sobs subside before slinking back to the Boarding House, feeling like more of a jerk than he already thought he was. 

***

The next day, Damon finds Bonnie at the library taking out the bodyguard film. 

Damon rests his back against one of the bookshelves. “We have that movie back at the boarding house.”

“Yeah well I didn’t want to bother you.” Or see you for that matter, Bonnie thinks to herself. She looked all over grams and dad's house but couldn't find the film anywhere. “Didn’t know you liked those kinds of movies.”

Damon smirks. “I don’t but my Aunt-in-law—is that a thing?” Bonnie just shrugs. “Anyway, she loved the Bodyguard.”

“What was her name?” 

“Gail.”

Bonnie assumes that Gail died. She remembers Stefan mentioning it to her in passing. Zach died shortly after from a broken heart. He didn’t even know that his daughter, Sarah Salvatore, survived. Stefan gave her away to a really great family. “What happened to her?” Bonnie asks out-loud. She didn’t realize it until Damon starts talking. 

“I did something stupid and reckless. Shocker. Gail got caught in the crossfire. Actually, it was better that Sarah didn’t stick around for the dumpster fire. It was better that we didn’t ruin her too.”

Bonnie shakes her head. “I can’t believe I’m about to say this but I don’t think that would’ve happened.”

Damon frowns and looks at her questioningly. “Is this a trick?”

Rolling her eyes, she crosses her arms over her chest. “I admire your dedication to the people you care about. You get it wrong a lot times, but you get it right a couple of times too. I doubt that Sarah would’ve been ruined. I think she could’ve had a chance.”

She hates to admit it but she was jealous of Elena at times. She had parents who were around a lot and she never had to question if they loved her. Not to mention the fact that she was loved beyond comparison. Elena knew that people wanted her around because they genuinely loved her, not because she was the only witch within a 10 mile radius that wouldn’t kill them on site. She always wondered if her friends really liked her or if she was just useful to them. She always wanted to be loved in that type of way. Now that she’s stuck here, she might never get that chance. 

Jeremy loved her and he always took the time to make sure she was okay. He knew her weaknesses and stood by her while she was on the Other Side. So much so that she wanted to make him happy. But how can she make him happy when she’s miserable all the time? 

“Why are you here?” Bonnie asks him. That’s the one thing she can’t figure out about him: why hasn’t he ditched her yet? Why does he still keep coming back. “Why does my opinion matter so much to you?”

Damon laughs. “That’s the million dollar question.” Damon sobers and his smirk falls away. “I don’t know. I guess…we’re the only two people here. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather not divide the planet in half and I stay on my side.”

“This isn’t about me—it’s about you and your inability to be alone,” Bonnie mutters harshly. 

“I figured that we might as well start to like each other. If we want to get back that is.”

Bonnie’s eyes light up. “I thought I was the optimistic one around here.”

Damon’s smirk returns. “Thought I’d give you a break.”

"How charitable!" Bonnie mocks, though her heart does skip a beat. Maybe she wouldn't have to do this alone. 

On Sunday morning, Bonnie forces herself out of bed and climbs down the stairs. When she opens the front door, she’s surprised at what’s sitting out there. A note is left on top of a freshly baked pancake. The whip cream fangs were nearly melted away. She glances outside to her left and right, but Damon had already left. She picks up the note and it says “Dinner at 7:30pm. P.s. I’m sorry for being a dick.” Despite herself, her lips curl up into a half-smile. 

She glances around the room. Bonnie's only plans involved exploring Mystic Falls again for what--she's not sure--and watching the Bodyguard. Eating popcorn and sobbing on her bed. Could joining Damon for dinner really be worse than what she has planned for the day? Bonnie picks up the plate of pancakes and heats them up in the microwave. The first bite she takes, she nearly chokes and jugs down some water. If his pancakes were this bad, how much worse would his soup be? 

Damon watches the clock and he’s about to go grab a bottle of bourbon when he hears her heartbeat before she can even knock on the door. Even as he opens the door, he can't help but be shocked she actually showed up...with a bear under one arm. “Am I late?” She asks. When he doesn’t answer, she smirks and bypasses him to get into the house. “Didn’t think I'd come, huh?”

“Can you blame me?”

She just shrugs as she makes her way to the kitchen. "Smells good," she mumbles. “Why did you want me to come?” She tosses over her shoulder only to find that Damon has already zipped past her. She huffs--oh how she hates it when he does that. 

Damon is hovering over the pot of soup. He has two bowls on the counter, taking each one to plop some gooey soup into it. “Elena and Stefan would never forgive me if I let anything happen to a hair on your not so witchy hair.”

“Good to know.”

“Also…I have a selfish reason: I’m bored and I want to know the story behind that bear.”

“As if that’s ever going to happen.” 

“Hmph! So predictable.”

Bonnie watches as Damon plops down a bowl of soup in front of her. “Didn’t know you cooked,” she says absently. 

“I don’t but I know you don’t.”

Bonnie frowns. “How did you—”

“Believe it or not, I actually do pay attention to some things.” Bonnie graces him with a tiny smile. Of course, he ruins the moment by saying, “Wouldn’t want you to starve in that big ole house of yours.”

Bonnie scrunches up her face in a teasing manner. “How sweet!” She gushes. 

Damon rolls his eyes. “Eat your soup!” He grumbles. Damon sighs and says something to start conversation. Did he mention how much he hated silence? “Well, I hate this house.”

Bonnie’s eyes widen. “Then why do you stay here? You can pick any place in Mystic falls yet you stay. Why?”

(Play “hard sometimes" song by Ruel)

“Stefan.” Damon’s eyes tear up and Bonnie recognizes that maybe Damon is a bit human after all. There’s hope for him. If he can love the two best people she knows, he has a heart albeit it has been broken quite a hundred times. A century’s worth. 

“I miss them too, you know,” she says quietly. 

Her last moment with her friends was them caring about everyone else but her. But she shoves that memory down. If she doesn’t, she’ll wonder why the hell she’s fighting so hard to save people who wouldn’t try so hard to save her. She’ll wonder why the hell she even wants to go home. What does she have left? Her grams is dead and so is her father. The latter being a death that she hasn’t completely processed yet. And an absentee mother who flaked on a lifetime to make up for being a crappy parent. A boyfriend who she can’t stomach to look at because she convinced herself that she owed her body to Jeremy. If she takes a single second to think about how messed up that is or herself, she’ll find she has no more energy to fight. 

If Damon got whiff of her hesitance, he would blame her. Maybe just maybe, she has to have faith for the both of them but that’s getting harder and harder as more time goes by. 

For the first time since they’ve been here, Damon graces her with an actual tight lipped smile that reaches his eyes. The ice in his eyes slowly melt away. Who would’ve thought they’d eat dinner together? All he ever wanted since he could remember was a family. First, he thought it was Katherine until it wasn't. Then he thought it was Elena but it turned out that it was always just Stefan. He just never put the pieces together until it was too late. 

“Remember when Stefan flirted with you when he went through his Jason Bourne phase?”

Bonnie raises an eyebrow. “His what phase?”

“Geez, memory loss. You need to watch more movies.”

Bonnie’s eyes light up and Damon realizes that he hasn’t seen that light in her eyes for a while. It’s…nice. 

Bonnie’s cheeks redden. Her head falls onto the table. “It was so embarrassing.”

Damon smirks. “You’re just not used to guys hitting on you.” Even though he’s hit on her a thousand times and she never even noticed. 

“Yeah well, I’ve been in a relationship with the same guy since high school or in between fighting egotistical vampires and you. Haven’t really worked on flirting.”

“It was at that moment that I saw him break. His villain origin story,” Damon teases. 

“Once his memories came back, he found me at the Mystic Grille with Caroline and Elena. He wrapped me in the biggest bear hug and apologized for his flirting. His face was as red as a tomato. I’ve never seen him like that before.”

“Should’ve taken a picture. Blackmailing purposes, you know?”

Bonnie scoffs. “Your mind would go there, wouldn’t it?”

Damon sobers up. “What do you think they’re doing over there? Do they think we’re dead? Are they trying to save us?”

Bonnie’s throat clogs up and she hates the bitter taste in her mouth. They’re trying to save him. She shoves that memory back down. Who is left that gives a damn about her? Her MIA mother? What about her cousin who never calls?

“Stefan and Elena are probably back together by now,” Damon comments offhandedly. In that moment, Bonnie actually feels sorry for him. Does he really think that he’s that expandable that Elena would do that to him?

“No,” Bonnie shakes her head. “Elena wouldn’t do that to you and neither would Stefan.” 

Damon shrugs and laughs humorlessly. “Why not? I did.” Maybe that’s why he’s in such a hurry to get back home. To stop what it feels destiny has already blessed. Stefan and Elena finding their way back together. “I was laying on the ground right beside Stefan. And Elena…my beautiful Elena comes through the door and all she sees is Stefan.”

For a moment, Bonnie’s heart caves in on herself. Hearing Damon talk about how he feels like he’s in second place. She knows all too well how that feels. From her friends to her parents and to her dating life. She’s never felt like she was anyone’s first choice. For once, she wanted that for herself and she found herself wondering if she’d ever get to experience something like that. Knowing with absolute certainty that someone would always choose you. What if she’s not enough for someone to love her? 

“If it makes you feel any better, I saw Elena at her happiest during the summer.”

“Are you sure it has nothing to do with her having her baby brother back?”

Bonnie offers him a small, easy-going smile. “I’m sure you had a part in that too.”

Damon sobers up for a moment. “I don’t know if I ever told you this, but thank you. For what you did for Jeremy. She wouldn’t have been as happy without him. I wouldn’t have been enough for her.” For a moment, Bonnie is stunned. When she accepted his dinner invitation, this was not what she expected. Usually, she hated surprises but this one would do. He’s still not enough for Elena—he’s not Stefan. 

Before she can respond, he pushes ahead. “I’m sorry that I tried to kill Jeremy. I never intended to cause you anymore pain. I know I didn’t always act like it, but you were an ally. At best.”

“For the record, this doesn’t mean I forgive you but I’m sorry for ripping on you earlier. I don’t hate you nearly as much as I used to. You helped bring me back to life. That has to count for something. I’m just glad I could repay the favor. That’s why I grabbed your hand…Also, I would be pretty scared if I was in here alone.” Time will only tell if it was a terrible mistake. “I guess you aren’t the worst company.”

“You’ve saved mine and everyone in that town’s ass nearly once a week. Figured I could return the favor.” Bonnie smiles at him. “Truce?”

“Let’s see if we can survive 3 weeks without killing each other.”

“I’ll drink to that,” Damon says with a cheap grin. “How does one get back in your good graces?”

Bonnie’s eyes flash with despair for a moment and Damon catches it right before it vanishes. “Just make sure at least one of us gets out of here alive. And don’t give up. I’m trying my best to get us back.” 

Damon nods. “I know you are, Bonnie.”

“This soup isn’t half bad,” Bonnie comments. “Thank you,” she offers him a small smile. 

Damon smirks. “Was that a compliment? Is someone warming up to me?” He wiggles his eyebrows at her. 

“Eat your soup,” she parrots back to him all the while knowing he didn’t need to eat human food. He was only keeping her company. 

After a moment or two, Bonnie says, “Ms.Cuddles." She wiggles the bear in front of her face before settling it back on her lap. "Once upon a time, Caroline and I got into a fight. I’ve always suspected that she stole my bear to get back at me…”