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“what the hell is love supposed to feel like?”

Summary:

This was technically not the first time the two of them met. That was a painful day Janus couldn’t forget if they wanted. A day Roman apparently did. Maybe they both needed the fresh start.

(Gym Rat AU. One-shot. To be clear, this makes allusions to the ending of "i started thinking about human nature...".)

Notes:

Song Reference: salem ilese's "Mad At Disney"

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

It happened in a coffee shop of all places. If they didn’t know any better, they’d think they were in a godforsaken fanfic.

Not that they would know anything about that. Definitely not.

There was a shop within walking distance of the gym, one of those prime locations that got a lot of business. Janus appreciated swinging by there before they had to go see some of their clients at the gym. The coffee place knew their regular order.

Pizza bagel, toasted to a slight char, with extra cream cheese. Large blended iced coffee, triple espresso shot, a pump each of chocolate and raspberry syrups, no whipped cream. Janus made the mistake once to get to work without their caffeine. Once. Let’s just say, no one had a good time, that day.

Janus slept like the dead, necessitating it, and especially after last night. They had a pretty bad psoriatic flare-up making it hard to sleep without taking some Benedryl. Helped the itch and aches a bit, on top of knocking them out.

Unfortunately, that made them wake up feeling particularly foggy the next day. They were fully prepared to key someone if they didn’t get that ignition in the morning. Remus would say it was a sight to behold – while giving them a wide berth. He would somehow have popcorn on hand, and Janus wouldn’t even question it.

They were standing behind a taller guy in red jacket, who was rather loud and obnoxiously chatting away on his phone. Clearly so engrossed in whatever it was to not realize the barista calling out to him, “Sir. Sir. Sir!”

He shook his head, covering his phone mic to acknowledge, “O-oh, sorry about that.”

He then talked into the phone before clumsily tapping off, “Talk to ya later, Padre!”

It would have been endearing how he rushed up to order, if Janus wasn’t busy staring daggers into his back. Janus rolled their eyes, tapped their foot, and glanced at their watch.

Janus zoned out until they heard a dreadful exchange between the barista and that fool.

“I’m sorry we’re out of everything bagels, would you like something else?”

“Hmm… how about one of those pizza bagels? It’s been awhile since I’ve had one.”

“Yeah, I think we still have some ready to go, let me check…”

After a few moments in the back, the barista held the bagel in a paper bag, “It’s your lucky day, this is the last one we had in stock! You wanted that heated up, right?”

Janus thought as they heard him, “Did, did this asshole just squeal with joy?”

“Whatever,” they continued internally, “Be the adult in this situation. Be the adult in this situation. Don’t be petty.”

-

Roman was modestly disappointed they ran out of the everything bagels, but he was even happier about the alternative. It’s all about the small pleasures, in life.

Granted, he was going to have pizza later with Padre, Vi, and his brother later for a get together. It’s pizza’s fault for being positively divine. Never mind the blasphemy of toppings Remus was bound to order for himself. Pineapple and anchovies were an unholy matrimony, as far as Roman was concerned.

He didn’t realize he was spacing out, thinking about all of that, when the barista called, “Roman! Order’s ready!”

Roman swore he heard somebody groan behind him, but he went to grab his stuff instead of checking.

He had the time that morning to sit in and eat the bagel and coffee. He liked his coffee iced, nauseatingly sweet, and as caffeinated as legally possible. He was one of the few people that were able to persuade the staff to let him have five espresso shots put in his drink. Roman likened it to feeling like a zombie, his lack of ability to function otherwise.

Roman sat there munching on the bagel with one hand and texting Remus with the other. Remus was raving about some recent customers at him. The usual stuff, earned a few chuckles, despite all the obscenities. He eventually had to stop to leave for work at those mind-numbing, soul-crushing, heart-rendingly tragic cubicles. He had an alarm set on his phone, to remind him. He had to use a lot of those...

He wasn’t aware of someone approaching him until he heard them clear their throat.

-

Janus wanted to do something to give this asshole a start. A harmless one, that’s all.

They mulled over a plan as he took a seat and helped himself to THEIR prize. While they opted for one of those paninis with the mozzarella cheese, sun-dried tomatoes, spinach and pesto instead. It was pretty good, better than what they had in mind, perhaps. But it was about the principle of the matter.

Janus eyed what was left of their drink and the guy across the dining area.

They decided a little spill wouldn’t be too out of line. It would be a sacrifice they were willing to make. Their drink was a mostly flavorless, colorless slush at that point, anyways.

To make it somewhat more fair, they did clear their throat as warning before feigning bumping into him just as he was about to leave the premises.

Janus played it up a little, “Oh shit, I’m so sorry! I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going and-”

He was clearly confused and upset, but trying to pretend otherwise, “It’s-It’s okay. N-nothing napkins can’t fix.”

Janus wasn’t completely heartless, having stuffed a few into their own pocket beforehand. They handed over a couple and watched him pat himself dry, grumbling about how much this would stain.

Getting a closer look into this man’s stupidly attractive face struck as familiar to Janus. “Wait. Do I know you?”

-

“Great,” Roman thought, “I better not be getting the third degree from my boss for this.”

He responded to the stranger’s question with, “Huh?”

“Roman, was it?”

He grew nervous, “A-and who’s asking?”

“… I caught it when you ordered.”

“O-oh. Riiight.”

There was an awkward silence before Roman broke it, “And who are you?”

This person had a lanyard holding their ID card – and they brought it up to his face, “Janus. With a U-S.”

Roman thought, “Sheesh, kill the librarian joke before I could even say it.”

“So, uh. That says you work with the clinic nearby.”

Roman hated small talk, but it didn’t feel right to give this guy a “hi” and “bye.” His... family got on his case about being rude a lot as a kid. He winced a little thinking about it, hoping it wasn’t obvious.

“Yeah. I have a few rehabs to go do at the gym over there. Probably shouldn’t give you any more info. HIPAA and all that.”

“Padre talked a lot about that hippo stuff… so you’re like. A doctor?”

They just gave a wavering gesture in response.

“You know what? Ug… nevermind.”

-

“What?”

Roman scratched the back of his head, “My memory… isn’t the best. But I think I remember someone I met in high school talked about being a physical therapist. I think.”

Then, it clicked for Janus, “Wait. You’re Remus’s brother?”

“What’s it to you?”

“I guess you could say I knew him from back then.”

“Wait-wait-wait… wait. I think I heard about you actually!”

Janus had no idea why they felt this weird hopeful feeling rise in them at that point. It was disgusting. “Is that so?”

Roman’s brows furrowed, “… only, I don’t think we’ve met before. I think, anyways.”

Janus didn’t know how they felt about that. They felt angry, remembering that night Remus brought him to their doorstep. The two looked so broken. Janus was especially outraged once they noticed Roman moved to massage that shoulder, fidgeting awkwardly.

Janus thought, “Fuck. Now I feel bad about spilling that on him.”

“It’s- it’s okay. I heard a lot of stuff about you from Remus.”

Roman rolled his eyes and chuckled, “Oh, I’m sure he did... Did he put in a good word?”

Roman winked at them. He winked at them. This was one of those days Janus was happy the rash on their face obfuscated the blush they knew was developing all over it.

Janus totally wasn’t panicking inside.

-

Roman wasn’t much better off. He wasn’t sure what to do with this information or how to go forward.

There was just something about this Janus person that inspired weird feelings in him, that he didn’t really understand.

His thoughts were a whirlwind, “Okay, what did Disney teach me about whatever this is? I feel like this jacket is suddenly too hot and I’m going to die-”

He gnawed on his lip, still thinking, “Of course. Remus probably told them everything embarrassing he had on me. They probably think I’m a joke...”

“Fuck. What if they don’t? Uh. Uh. Do the Prince Charming bit? Yeah. Let’s go with that.”

Janus stood there blinking at him.

Roman thought, “Oh. Oh, right I need to actually DO something.”

Roman cleared his throat, “My dear sibling has certainly did as much with you. Uh, say nice things, that is. I-I think we both know he can be a bit… uncouth about it.”

Janus responded all too smoothly to that, “Yes, well. I’d rather get a primary source on that one.”

“That’s it. I’m going to keel over from a heart attack,” Roman thought, “goodbye, cruel cruel world!”

-

Janus was internally screaming, “What in the FUCK are you doing!? Why is he acting different now? The caffeine hasn’t hit me enough to handle this.”

Roman was getting beet red on them. It only made him cuter to Janus at that moment.

“HEY! Can you two do whatever the hell this is somewhere else?”

Before Janus could knee-jerk reaction to that, they realized they were blocking the entrance to the shop this entire time. And that was the manager of the establishment.

Roman stammered, unthinkingly grabbing Janus’s hand to move them a few steps away from the entrance, “A-apologies.”

Janus asked rhetorically, trying really hard to play off the sudden contact, “That reminds me, what time is it?”

Roman realized what he did and dropped Janus’s hand. He immediately looked at his phone and squinted, frantic, “Oh shhhh-oot. I should’ve been at the office… awhile ago.”

Janus played it smooth, only not to escalate, “Yes, well. I do have a few appointments to keep, myself. Maybe I’ll catch you later at the gym?”

Roman eagerly nodded, “Sounds like a lovely affa- da- arrangement!”

“Oh, and I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to help you with that shoulder, later. On the house.”

Roman opened his mouth and closed it like a fish, raising a finger like he wanted to say something about that. Before shaking his head, “A-alright. But I’m afraid I must bid you adios.”

Roman took a surprisingly graceful bow before skipping away.

Janus wound up staring at him for sometime before their senses returned enough to say, “Ciao to you... I guess?!”

He turned, they waved at each other, and the two parted ways.

Janus cursed under their breath, “Good fucking luck focusing on busted knees now…”

-

Roman was still utterly confused about how to feel about that.

He kind of needed the out because he was suddenly quite aware of his pants.

He’d since entered the building his call center was at. He muttered to himself, trying and failing to not to call attention to himself, “That totally wasn’t embarrassing, Roman. They said ‘I guess’. The heck is that supposed to mean? I must’ve screwed up somewhere-”

“Sir, this is the service elevator.”

Roman was mortified, backing away from the custodian, “Yes, I totally meant to do that. ‘Just inspecting the fine work in this establishment. You’re doing a great job, by the way! Anyways, I gotta go, byyye.”

Roman reversed into a wall, casually sidling it, before he awkwardly mall-walked away.

Notes:

Goes without saying, but I take no credit for the original works of which this has been derived. Much thanks to Blood for being a great sounding board with this one and for giving it a once-over. I also decided not to use an outline, like the other fics in this AU.

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Tumblr post: https://soysaucevictim.tumblr.com/post/677384756391018496/what-the-hell-is-love-supposed-to-feel-like

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