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It was game night at Kara’s place and Alex was having a hard time enjoying herself. It was not as relaxing as it used to be. Tonight in particular was especially hard. She was stressed and frustrated and on the verge of tears. The reason? She had fallen hopelessly in love with Lena Luthor, who was sitting across from her and next to James on the couch. She would have been able to push her feelings for the woman away or shove them deep down until she was safely home. Only then would she have let them out, but no, she wasn’t that lucky.... She had to watch James flirt with Lena like there was no tomorrow, and watch Lena either blush at his compliments or flirt back shamelessly. Not that she could blame them. Objectively speaking, they would make a good couple, and it wasn’t like this was a new development. In fact, it had been going on for quite a while. Alex even began to wonder why it was taking them so long to take the next step. Subjectively, she was jealous as hell of James, and it hurt to see them like that.
“Alex ... Alex?”, Kara waved her hand in front of her face, “It’s your turn. Is everything okay with you? You seem distracted.”
With a sigh, Alex turned to Kara. “Yeah, I’m fine”, she began, but saw in her peripheral vision how James leaned closer to Lena, placing a hand on her knee, and no, she wasn’t fine.... Not at all. “Well, no, not really. I’ve got a lot going through my mind and I can’t really concentrate right now. So maybe I should go. I don’t want to spoil your fun.”
“You’re not spoiling our fun, Alex”, Lena interjected. “We all have these kind of days from time to time and we totally understand. How about you just drop out of the game, but stay, so you’re not alone.”
I don’t want to be alone, Alex’s thoughts and feelings screamed inside of her. I want to be with you, but unfortunately that’s not possible, at least not in the way I want it to be. What she did say, however, was: “Thank you Lena. I appreciate it, but I think I will go home, hoping that the fresh air will help me clear my mind.” She didn’t wait for an answer and got up to get her jacket from the wardrobe. When she turned around, she saw that Kara had followed her with a worried expression on her face.
“Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help?” Kara wanted to know.
That put a little smile on Alex’s lips. Kara was just the best sister anyone could ask for. “I will be, don’t worry”, she said, hugging her tightly before waving goodbye to the rest of the group and heading out into the hallway.
On her way to the stairwell, she let the tears fall. It was just her luck that she thought she had found the woman of her life in Maggie and had the perfect relationship with her, only to learn that Maggie didn’t want children. Of course, as soon as this wound had healed, she had to recognize what an amazing woman Lena is and fall in love with her. What a cruel irony of fate. A heterosexual woman, for crying out loud! Great, Danvers, that’s just great, she thought desperately, sobbing quietly. When she got to the bottom of the stairs, she went down the hall and pushed the door to the street open, maybe a little too hard. After the door slammed shut again, she paused, thinking that it was actually a good idea to punch something to blow off some steam. She could go to the DEO gym and pound the punching bag until she was too exhausted to do anything else but fall asleep in one of the bunks reserved for agents. Yes, that’s exactly what she would do. She had barely begun to walk down the street when she heard the door open behind her and someone came out in a breathless hurry.
“Alex!” she heard Lena call after her, which made her freeze on the spot. She heard Lena’s footsteps coming closer and had no choice but to turn around and face the woman.
“Good, I’ve caught up with you. I know you said you wanted to be alone, and I understand if that’s what you really want. In that case, I’m going to turn around and go back upstairs, but I thought I’d check in on you in case you want to talk about what’s bothering you or just have someone to walk with you in silence.”
Could she be any more perfect, Alex wondered, unable to answer. She just stood there staring at Lena, who by now was barely a meter away from her.
“You’ve been crying, Alex”, Lena stated with a soft expression on her face, and before Alex could say anything back, she found herself in Lena’s arms. That made the tears flow again. Here she was, in the arms of the woman she loved, crying about not being able to have a romantic relationship with her. “Is this about Maggie?”
Alex snorted and broke away from the embrace. “No, it’s not about Maggie”, she replied, and because she was so emotionally upset at that moment, she spoke out what was bothering her. It probably wasn’t the wisest decision, considering that she said it to the woman for whom she currently felt such great affection. “I have fallen for a straight girl, and it just hurts. Tonight, it was all a little too much, and I just.... I couldn’t breathe up there anymore. I had to get out.” Remembering James, she voiced that thought as well. “As much as I would love to have your company, Lena, I don’t want to keep you away from James. You’d better go back upstairs and get the guy, even if I can’t get the girl. I’ll be all right. Don’t worry.”
“James?”, Lena asked with a confused expression on her face.
“Uh yeah, the one you’ve been flirting with all night. The one who seems to make you happy. You deserve to be happy Lena and if James is the one who makes you happy, then you should let him.” As much as it pained Alex to say those words, she meant them. She may not have been able to be with Lena in the way she wanted to, but that didn’t mean that she didn’t want her to be loved and cherished as the wonderful person she was, even if Alex herself wasn’t the one to make that happen.
Lena’s confused look turned into a determined one. “Yes, I was flirting with James, but...”, she blushed and paused.
“But?” Alex asked, not sure she even wanted to know.
Lena squared her shoulders before continuing. “But I don’t want him to make me happy. Not in the sense of a relationship. I haven’t been with anyone since Jack died, and James is very attractive and...”, she took a deep breath, “and I’ve been looking for someone who can satisfy my need for physical closeness. James is such an attentive and caring man, which led me to believe that there was a very high chance of him bringing those qualities to the bedroom as well. However, I’m not sure if sex is all he wants from me, and I don’t want to hurt his feelings. If he wants me as his girlfriend, then I can’t live up to that, because I don’t feel that way about him.”
“Okay”, was all Alex could get out in response. She didn’t know if that statement made her feel better or worse. She also knew it wasn’t a wise decision to accept Lena’s offer to accompany her, but she did it anyway. It was both bliss and agony to be so close to Lena physically and yet so far away from her in terms of Alex’s true desire.
After walking in companionable silence for a couple of minutes, Lena asked: “Are you sure the woman you like is straight? I mean, have you asked her or do you assume she is? Sorry, obviously you don’t have to answer that, but maybe you have a chance with her and you just don’t know it.”
“I’ve known her for a few years now and in that time she’s never said anything about past romantic or sexual relationships with women. She’s only told me stories about past experiences with men, so I’m pretty sure she’s straight.”
“I’ve also only told you about my past experiences with men and…”, Lena began, but Alex interrupted her.
“There. See, that proves my point.”
“No, it doesn’t.”
Alex looked up from the ground and directly at Lena. “What do you mean it doesn’t? You’re straight.” Seeing that Lena was looking at her with an amused expression and a perfectly raised eyebrow, she was only able to croak out: “Or not?”
“As I was saying, before I was so rudely interrupted Ms. Danvers”, Lena began with mischief in her eyes, “I’ve also only told you about my past experiences with men and that doesn’t mean I’m straight. I'm bisexual, and as it happens, the subject of my experiences with women has never come up, but I’ve had them and between you and me… they were good”, she finished the sentence with a wink in Alex's direction. “So maybe you shouldn’t just assume people have a certain sexuality, and who knows, if you let the woman you like know how you feel about her, she might surprise you by feeling the same way about you.”
Could it be possible that Lena was talking about herself and that she actually reciprocated Alex’s feelings? Should she take the plunge and tell Lena how she felt about her? What was the worst that could happen if she was mistaken in this assumption? Sure, it would be weird between them for a while, but they would eventually get over the awkwardness, her feelings would fade away in time and then everything would be back to normal. The best outcome would be of course that Alex was right and Lena did feel the same way about her, in which case… Alex couldn’t even begin to think about how overjoyed she would be then.
She was still deep in thought, turning the possible outcomes around in her head, when Lena asked tentatively: “Will you tell me about her?”
“She is so, so pretty. Of course, beauty lies always in the eye of the beholder, so I guess it would be more appropriate to say I think that she is extremely beautiful. And her eyes, don't even get me started on her eyes.... Everything that makes her tick and what she feels is reflected in her eyes, if you pay close attention and know her better. She’s also crazy rich, not that I care about that. I only mention it, because she always uses the money, she earns to help so many disadvantaged people. That makes her a wonderful person. She also never uses her power to harm anyone. She is basically everything that her sociopathic criminal of a brother isn’t.” She paused, when she realized what she had just said. How could she make those words sound less harsh? Afterall Lena was Lex's sister and the last thing she wanted right now, was to hurt the woman next to her. “I’m sorry Lena. I shouldn’t have said that last part.”
When she finally looked at Lena again after her rant, she noticed that the woman had tilted her head to the side and was apparently contemplating something. Whatever it had been, she seemed to have come to a decision and stepped closer to Alex.
“Why not? If it is the truth than you have every right to say that about her brother.” After a brief pause Lena asked: “Can I share something with you, too? Something I haven’t told anyone yet?”
“Of course.”
“As I mentioned earlier, I am sexually attracted to James, but he isn’t the one that I have feelings for. I haven’t acted on those feelings before, because I thought the person I had them for was unavailable. I thought she was still in love with her ex-fiancée and hadn’t gotten over her yet. Now I’m not so sure about that anymore.” She finished, smiling brightly at Alex.
Okay, holy shit! Was this really happening? Was Lena saying, what she thought she was saying? There was no way she was talking about anyone else but herself. That would have been way too much of a coincidence, right? Should she simply try and kiss Lena? Consequences be damned. She was still contemplating that option when Lena spoke up again.
“I have fallen for my best friend’s sister.”
And okay, there was nothing to misunderstand about that statement. It was crystal clear and erased any doubts Alex had had. She leaned forward and pressed her lips to Lena’s. Her kiss was hungry and urgent, reflecting her pent-up frustration, the relief that followed, lust, passion, and a million other things she felt for Lena. She slid her tongue into Lena’s mouth, who had obviously been waiting for it, and immediately connected her tongue with Alex’s. For the next few minutes, they explored each other’s mouths and gradually the passion gave way to a slower and more deliberate way of kissing. Finally, breathing heavily, they broke apart.
“That is so not how I thought this night would end.” Alex whispered.
“Who says that the night is over already. I have so many more plans with you once we are at your place”, Lena replied with a twinkle in her eye.
“Oh, is that right?” Alex chuckled. “I’m looking forward to it, but now I want to kiss you again”, she said and did just that.
The end