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Sirius Black desperately wanted to get high. He felt thirst on his lips, clouding his brain; and the darkness of the night was pulling him more in the direction of the hallway to the right of the common room where a one Remus Lupin spent his nights.
He had been lying in bed, his two roommates on his sides. Peter and James were lying in their beds respectively, having some conversation Sirius wasn't really paying attention to about each other's names. He couldn't be bothered to care. He had more important things on his mind.
Like getting high.
A couple years ago had been the first time Sirius had smoked. It was a cigarette Narcissa had smuggled for him, and he and Regulus and her smoked outside a pureblood party, each of them too bored and tired of the pureblood shit. Narcissa was leaving Hogwarts soon, and getting married to her boyfriend, Malfoy. It felt like the last time they'd really get to spend time together before she descended into pureblood hell. She'd even died her hair blonde to match her future husband's.
"Promise me you won't get addicted to these foul things, boys," Cissy had told them as they leaned against the grey brick wall.
"I promise, Narcissa," good boy Regulus had said immediately. He was, what, thirteen then? Too young to think any different.
Sirius chuckled. "Can't make any promises. I'll try."
"That Potter kid certainly won't have any. And neither will Pettigrew, I imagine," Narcissa had said.
Sirius glared at her. "What do you know about my friends?"
"I know that they're good kids, and their parents are stuck up blood traitors with a moral high ground," Narcissa scowled. "They'd cough at the sight of smoke."
Sirius didn't say anything to that. Narcissa wasn't always wrong, and back then, he was more inclined to believe her than he was now. He barely talked to her, if only a short meeting over the holidays, and, well... he'd spent his last summer break running away to the Potters. That was the end of his relationship with his younger brother and second favorite cousin.
Sirius smoked as much as he could after that. It was a release. It gave him the memory of that sweet evening with his family members he could actually stand, and the smoke made him cough in a good way, a nostalgic way. It felt like they could actually be there.
Sure, he could steal the map from whoever had it and seek out Regulus and invite him to have a good smoke with him, but he was certain his brother hadn't done it since then, and it was a weird thing to ask the boy you'd left in your abusive household to smoke with you when you haven't talked in ages. That wouldn't be the best way to rekindle their brotherhood, not that Sirius particularly wanted to anyway. They'd chosen their paths, and Sirius was fine with that. Even if it kept him up at night. Like now.
Sirius cleared his throat, and the shadowed figure leaned against the wall, breathing out smoke, the stench of pot on him jumped. "Who's there?"
"Black," Sirius replied bluntly. The other Gryffindor boy turned. "You've got any fags?"
Lupin coughed lightly, removing the blunt from his lips with two fingers. "When do I not?"
Sirius took the outstretched cigarette from Lupin's other hand, and used his wand to light it, muttering a short incantation that warranted a light flame on the end of the cigarette.
He stuck the front in his mouth and breathed, letting the smoke fill his brain. He relished in that escape, that oh so good feeling he was so often desperate for.
He breathed out, slow and ragged, and glanced over at the Lupin kid, who was watching him intently. "What are you looking at?"
"You amaze me every time, posh boy," Lupin replied, taking a hit of his own blunt.
"I'm not quite sure what you mean," Sirius said, painfully aware of his posh accent, proving Lupin's point. He talked so posh it was embarrassing around people like this drug dealer. He wasn't like the rest of the Blacks, that could just flaunt their heritage without any self awareness.
"Pay up, Black."
Sirius frowned. "Oh! Sorry," he murmured, digging in his pockets for money. He pulled out a galleon. "It's all I have."
"Well," Lupin said with a chuckle of disbelief, "this'll do for sure. Next one can be for free."
"Thanks."
"That's not what amazed me, though," Lupin admitted hastily. "You not paying. You rich people do like to exploit the working class whenever you can, even if you have enough
money to get by without it... anyway. I'm getting off topic."
"What's the topic?" Sirius asked, a bit confused himself. He wasn't high yet, which meant if Lupin was talking nonsensical bullshit, it was still nonsensical bullshit to him, and not sensical conversation yet.
Lupin cleared his throat. "You being amazing. Or something like that."
"You think I'm amazing, Lupin?" Sirius let a grin sprawl across his face.
"No," the boy replied, laughing a little. An awkward, sweet laugh. It warmed Sirius' heart. "Call me Remus by the way."
"Remus?"
"My first name, you know. I think we've talked enough to be at a first name basis."
"All we've ever talked about is fags," Sirius said, the grin fully encompassing him now. This was more entertaining than it should be.
"I think we should change that," Lupin said plainly.
"Fine then, Remus," Sirius said, liking the way the boy's first name sounded on his tongue, "tell me why I'm so amazing."
"It's always you slutty posh boys that come to me for this shit. But not Potter and Pettigrew's kind of posh; they're not that sort."
"The wrong sort?"
"Erm," Remus chuckled again, "I suppose so. The sort that gets in trouble. The wrong kind of trouble, might I add. Not the harmless pranking you and your little band do."
"We'd like to say our pranking is rather dangerous and not something to mess with, excuse me."
"Hah."
"You know what kind of sort I think I must be?" Sirius said, his face blank now, though he posed a question. "The fucked up sort."
"What could have you fucked up?"
"My shit family, for starters. The fact that I'll only ever be reduced to a name, one that I am slowly starting to fear. The fact that I've got no real home and I don't know if I can stay in the Potters for long, and I feel guilty that I invaded on their family like how I did. And I'm addicted to these bloody things," Sirius gestured to the cigarette, "and sometimes I think I'm a real shit friend. I'm always brooding and pissed off and I fuck too many girls and I fuck them over and I play with their feelings and when I try I'm a shit boyfriend too."
"You don't make a lot of sense, you know," Remus said, as if it were simple. As if he made any more sense.
Sirius frowned. "And you do?"
"No," Remus admitted. "I'm a bloody werewolf."
"What?"
"Oh fuck," Remus said. "Shit. Merlin, I shouldn't have said that. You aren't supposed to know that."
"You're a werewolf?" Sirius asked, letting curiosity get the best of him. "Is that where all those damn scars come from?"
"Yeah. You won't tell anyone, will you?" Remus asked, his voice timid now.
Sirius didn't think he'd actually be scared of anyone finding out. If he were a werewolf, he'd tell people. Sirius thought it was actually bloody cool. Maybe that was high him talking, though. "No, I won't. I feel like I should tell you a dangerous secret now to make up for that."
"Have you got one?" Remus asked nonchalantly.
Sirius pondered that. He had plenty of secrets. He had a lot of deep, dark things hiding in him that not even James knew. That nobody knew but him. And soon enough, maybe Remus Lupin.
Then it came to him. "I'm a fucking dog."
"What?" Remus asked, beginning to laugh. "You're an animal too?"
Sirius laughed now. "Erm, yeah. I'm an Animagus, you know, like McGonagall?"
"That's bloody awesome!"
"You think?" Sirius asked. Remus nodded enthusiastically, which earned a satisfied smile out of Sirius. "Yeah, it is pretty awesome. James had the idea, not me. We're all animals, him and Pettigrew and I. Pete's a rat, James is a deer, I'm a dog. A big black one, too. Do you wanna see? I'll turn right now."
"Fuck yes!"
And so Sirius did. He became a dog right in front of Remus, which was very fun for him. He walked up to the tall, amber-eyed boy, and let himself get pet and adored. Then he turned back, and he and Remus were insanely close, so close he could feel Remus' breath.
"Heh. That was cool," Remus said.
Sirius chuckled, stepping back. His heart was beating really fast, but it was probably from just having been a dog. Yes, that was it. "Thanks." It was a bit quiet between them. Sirius didn't quite know what to say that was right, but he was high, and when he high, he'd say just about anything. "When'd you become a werewolf?"
"I was five years old," Remus began. Sirius inched closer, and let himself fall to the floor. Remus followed him down. The other boy began lighting another cigarette as he talked. "My dad worked for the ministry, the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. The one that deals with werewolves, you know," Remus handed the cigarette to Sirius. "He said some bullshit about Fenrir Greyback, a dangerous werewolf that targeted little kids. He was very intent on catching Greyback, since Greyback had been on the loose and was harming lots of people, magic and muggle. So naturally, Greyback was pissed off, and attacked his family instead. He got me and my mum. He bit me, I became a werewolf then. He only got a few scratches on my mum. Luckily my dad was there to help us.
"It hasn't been great for me. Before then, my dad hated werewolves. He thought they were monsters, scum on Earth. He'd do anything to kill every last one of them, until his son became one. It wasn't like he could stop hating them instantly, since he'd spent years prejudiced, but he couldn't hate them the same anymore. I still feel strange about it. Like, does he secretly hate me too? Does he just suffer through it for my mum?" Remus paused for a few moments, breathing in deeply. "I think my mum is going to die soon. She's sick, but it's not that bad. It's getting worse though."
Remus didn't speak after that, and Sirius took that as him being done. "That's fucked. I'm sorry."
"Hah, it's alright."
"No, it's not," Sirius sighed. "Does anyone else know?"
"That I'm a werewolf?"
"Everything."
"No," Remus said. "You should tell me something nobody else knows."
Sirius gulped. There was plenty of that. "Well. Let's see." There was the obvious one. The burning memory of last summer in his mind, and the pain he felt afterwards, and the silence that overcame him. The way he told no one, not in fear, but in inability. It had been begging to come out of him, but he had been unable to. "My mum... Crucioed me."
"Oh."
"Yeah."
"That..."
"She and I were really fighting. Last summer, actually. She cursed me before then, but with less... intense ones. I have scars all over me too, but in places you wouldn't really be able to see. Like my torso, and back, and thighs. She used spells to harm me. And sometimes she Imperioed me, also, when I wasn't behaving like the Most Ancient and Noble House of Black heir should. But, anyway, she Crucioed me. It was easy for her. She did it simply because I spoke out of turn, I presented my own opinion. I spoke against... I shouldn't even say. The 'Dark Lord', I suppose," Sirius explained, though he hardly believed Remus knew who the 'Dark Lord' was. "It was the most painful thing I'd ever experienced. It's not just pain, it's torture. It drains your happiness. It brings back the most painful memories. I saw all the times she'd hurt me before in those few minutes that felt like forever. I saw losing my closest friends, I saw losing my brother. Losing myself. And Regulus stood there and watched, and he couldn't do anything. He just watched. And I saw him cry, but he wiped his tears and when my mother turned around he straightened his back and went upstairs like she told him to. Like the good little boy he was."
"And then you left?" Remus questioned.
"The next day, I couldn't move. That hag had gotten the house elf to move me to my bed. She was probably planning on coaxing me into being her good little heir again, and if not I'd get Crucios. But I knew I couldn't do that anymore. When I was well enough, I escaped. Regulus watched me go. We even fought before I left. I begged him to come with me, but he said no. And he had the gall to be angry with me for leaving," Sirius scoffed. "That little bastard..."
"Where'd you go?"
"The Potters. They took me in. They fixed me up. They asked me what happened but I couldn't tell them. It was all too much. James doesn't ask. So you're the only person I've told."
"I'm sorry."
"S'alright. We all have our demons."
"Most of ours are inside us, but yours are your family."
Sirius chuckled. "Yours happens to be a child-obsessed werewolf."
"I think it happens to be the monster inside of me, actually."
Sirius turned to face Remus, and they were close again. He stamped out his cigarette. "You're hardly a monster."
"No, I am."
"You're not. Maybe for what, twelve nights a year. But the other three hundred and fifty three, you're a damn beauty."
Remus laughed at that. "If you say so, Black."
"First name basis, remember?"
"Right. Sirius," Remus said, exaggerating the formality of it. It sounded silly on his tongue.
"I speak perfect French, you know. And I can play the piano. And I have the whole solar system memorized. I know every constellation."
"Merlin, why?"
"We're named after stars, galaxies, that sort of thing. My cousin is Andromeda, my father is Orion. Bellatrix, Narcissa, Walburga. Sirius."
"Interesting. Rich people can be oh so interesting."
"And evil."
"Yes, don't forget the evil."
Sirius smiled. "I like talking to you, Remus."
"I like talking to you too, Sirius."
Sirius couldn't help himself. He leaned in. Suddenly Remus' lips were brushing his, and he felt his body turn to jelly. He leaned in more, and they were firmly pressed against one another, and Sirius' hands snaked up Remus' back and into his hair, and Remus' hands did the same to Sirius. It was magical. It was bloody perfection.
Until they pushed themselves apart.
"Fuck," Remus muttered. "Didn't mean to do that."
"Sorry, it's my fault," Sirius admitted sheepishly.
Remus shook his head. "S'fine. Did you... want to stop?" Sirius breathed in. "I didn't."
"Me neither." Sirius reached towards Remus again, and let himself be drowned in kisses. His lip was bit, hard, and he groaned a little, letting his mouth be entered by the other boy's tongue. They grew closer, and Sirius grew more impatient. This was more fun he'd had than with any other girl. It was exhilarating, and dangerous, and nerve-inciting. Not boring or predictable.
They broke apart for a few moments as Sirius removed his tie, tossing it to the cold stone floor. Remus cleared his throat. "Are you-"
Sirius didn't let him finish that. "Don't know, honestly. Are you?"
"Yeah," Remus breathed out.
Sirius snorted. "Didn't add that to the list of things nobody else knows."
"That's because, for starters, some people do know that, and also it's not the sort of thing you tell random people," Remus scoffed.
"Ah, but you do tell random people you're a werewolf?" Sirius grinned.
"Don't question my life choices, ok?" Remus growled, attacking Sirius' lips again. Merlin, this boy would be the death of Sirius.
"This isn't weird to you, is it?" Remus asked, his voice barely above a whisper. It sent shivers down Sirius' spine, and made him want Remus even more.
Sirius shook his head wildly. "No, course not. Don't stop this."
"I don't want to," Remus admitted, and his lips met Sirius' neck, warranting another deep moan from the shorter boy. "But don't you think this is the wrong place and time for this?"
"I fear we won't get another chance for this if we stop now," Sirius said, sadly.
"Meet me in the Room of Requirement tomorrow, then. Unless you've changed your mind by then."
"What time?"
"Erm, same time as now."
"So, midnight?"
"Sure."
"Great. I'll... see you then."
"See you, Black."
Sirius chuckled. "First name basis, Remus."
"See you, Sirius," Remus corrected.
Sirius returned to his dorm feeling extremely high, sporting a hard on, and his lips stinging in such a good way. He was grinning like an idiot, and he fell into bed with the memory of Remus' lips on his neck replaying in his mind. Not to mention, he was still high as fuck.