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saudade

Summary:

sau-da-de (souˈdädə)

a deep emotional state of nostalgic or profound melancholic longing for something or someone that one cares for and/or loves.

*

It’s been a year since Lumine’s confession came unanswered. She has made a fresh new start abroad in New York, leaving the past behind her. But when a small getaway trip leads her to stumble upon Xiao, the man she had sworn to forget, complications arise as her past feelings catch up to her

Notes:

well this is the continuation to the first part of this fic (i highly recc to read—its less than 1k words dw—to understand some stuff i say here). overall, hope you enjoy :)

Chapter 1

Notes:

italics - past
normal text - present

So, Xiao may be a little ooc in this fic. He's less quiet, and may seem to talk more, however, this attitude is seen mostly around Lumine and his close friends. He is like this because of how he had grown up with Lumine, who made him grow out of that shell a long time ago. Overall, he is still a quiet kind of person.

His relationship with Lumine is also highly inspired by kdrama's best friend dynamic, where they are kinda aggressive around each other. If you know, you know.

These are just some things i'd like to clear up, I hope you enjoy!

Chapter Text

Water splashed beneath Lumine’s soaked shoes as she ran. She was using her bag as cover, a last minute resort to when she saw rain incoming. Just behind her heels is Xiao, who also came to use the same tactic. 

 

Eventually, they found shelter beneath a large maple tree, its branches stretching above them. With the rain, the sweet scent of maple and earth was intensified. 

 

“Fuck,” Xiao cursed as they panted for air, his hand looming over the trunk of the tree. 

 

“It just had to be today,” Lumine said in return. 

 

“Maybe if you didn’t take your sweet ass time eating breakfast, we’d be at school by now,” Xiao grumbled.

 

Lumine kicked him by his leg, causing him to lose his balance and almost trip on the muddy platform beneath them. “As if you weren’t munching like a starving man right beside me.”

 

Xiao ignored her.

 

Silence passed by the duo as they waited for the rain to stop. They were most certainly late by now, and since it was their first day of highschool, Lumine was annoyed at what she was missing out on. In the midst of her thoughts she felt something wrap around her shoulders. She turned to see Xiao putting on his school jacket over her. “Hey-”

 

“You’re chittering like a chicken, it’s annoying.”

 

At this angle, Lumine could see his features clearly. Xiao’s hair was wet and dishevelled, with black and teal strands sticking to his skin. His eyes were focused, concentrated on his task of covering Lumine. She felt as if time stopped at that exact moment. The wind blew cold, skewering her bangs in a messy state. Xiao momentarily fixed it in place, his fingers touching her face. The smell of mint was prominent with their distance, she inhaled unconsciously, wanting more. Lumine held her breath, her eyes on Xiao, her heart beating so fast she swore Xiao could hear it from their close proximity. 

 

Then, Xiao met her gaze. His golden eyes were like the morning sun, it was captivating and beautiful. 

 

Lumine suddenly felt pain from her forehead, snapping her out of her trance. She comes to Xiao’s fingers hovering above her. He had flicked her forehead. “The fuck you looking at?” He moved himself away from her, and rested his back on the tree, his hands crossed beneath his nape.

 

Annoyed and angered, Lumine hated that he looked like a model from the pose he was making. She twisted her lip in a snarl and responded, “your ugly face.” 

 

When the rain stopped, and the two made it to school, they rushed to class as soon as they could. The two made a spectacle that day with their entrance when they burst the door open to their first class, spouting apologies with a messy state of wet clothing and tangled hair. 

 

On that day, people came to know about the duo that was Lumine and Xiao.



***

 

“Miss?” 

 

Lumine snapped out of her trance at the voice, she looked away at the window that rested the view of a rainy night, with cars passing under the busy street lights of New York. The barista was hovering over her table and it looked as if she had been trying to get her attention for a while now. “Yes?” She was still in a daze, just like fog in a summer morning that hadn’t quite dissipated just yet. 

 

“We’ll be closing now in just about 5 minutes, so it would be great if you can start packing your things in advance.” 

 

Lumine gave an awkward laugh. “I apologise, I don’t know where the time went. Thank you for the reminder.” Looking around, she noticed she was the only person left in the cafe, and began packing her papers and laptop. 

 

“Have a great rest of your night,” the same barista called out.

 

Lumine responded in kind, turning back to her shoulder to say, “you too.” It was only when she stepped out of the door that she realised she had no way of getting back home in this weather. “Fuck,” she cursed silently under her breath. 

 

Lumine thinks about who to call. Yoimiya was out working tonight and Ayaka was currently out of town. That only meant… “Fuck,” she said again. She couldn’t believe she forgot to bring an umbrella at the very least. It was pouring and there was no way Lumine was going to walk home. 

 

Heaving a breath of courage, she picked up the phone and dialled a number that was once so familiar to her. It took only one ring before the line picked up.

 

“Lumine?”

 

She hadn’t heard them call her by that name in a long time. With her heart beating at her ears, she responded, “hi.” She doesn’t notice it when a car wheezed past her, splashing a puddle to her shoes. All she could concentrate on was the silence from her phone.

 

“It’s raining,” the voice breaks the silence. 

 

Lumine’s heart falls at the line. “I- I don’t mean it like this. I’m-”

 

“Are you okay?”

 

She was closing her eyes as she inhaled a breath in an attempt to calm down. She cut to the chase, “can you pick me up?” She exhaled, and opened her eyes to the rain that was still pouring. “Please?”

 

Lumine heard a hitch of breath. “Okay. Text me the address.” Then the line disconnected.

 

She promptly texted her location. She waited under the roof of the cafe, watching the continuous line of cars passing by the road. It took less than 10 minutes for a familiar black vehicle to come by her sight.

 

 Lumine went inside, her heart in her throat. The car smelled exactly just as she remembered. “Thank you.”

 

There was a short silence before a “you’re welcome” was said. 

 

After a moment, she decided to strike up a conversation, in a feeble attempt at regaining a friendship back. “How have you been?”

 

“Fine,” Kazuha says. His voice sounded foreign to her. Distant.

 

“Okay.” Lumine’s voice was a silent surrender. It wasn’t Kazuha’s fault that he didn’t want to talk. She couldn’t blame him. Yet-

 

“How have your classes been?” She didn’t know where this bravery all of a sudden came from. Perhaps it was the opportunity that presented itself in front of her. 

 

The car came to a stop. A train was coming. 

 

This would take a while.

 

“Lumine.”

 

“Yes?” 

 

She heard an intake of breath before he replied. “I’d prefer it if we don’t… talk now.”

 

“I miss you,” Lumine blurted out.

 

“You can’t-” another inhale, “you can’t just say shit like that Lu.”

 

Lumine smiled. “You didn’t call me Lumine this time.”

 

“That’s not the point.” 

 

It was endearing in a way, to hear him near snapping. She also found it a little funny that his presence here after months of not hearing from him, was bringing down her previous nervousness. “We haven’t talked like this in a while.” 

 

When she thought he would leave the conversation without responding, she heard another sigh from him a moment later. His response broke her heart. 

 

“I wonder why.”

 

Lumine couldn’t respond. Didn’t feel like she deserved to. She understood. It was only fair when she was the one that broke his heart in the first place.

 

When Lumine laid in bed that night, her eyes stagnant on the dark ceiling, she thought about the meaning she held in the universe, her purpose, her goal, her reasoning for all she’s done. She reflected and came to a decision. 

 

She needed a break.